The Spirit Of Disaster (Competition 2012)

[CheeryMoya]

Third place! I'm pretty happy with that. I'm glad so many of you liked Anniversaries, Adversity, and Pepper. I'd still love feedback on the game though, even though the competition is over.

Whoa, that was your entry? After all this time it was the one story that didn't end up blending in with the vast majority of other entries I played, so I guess you did succeed in writing something memorable. Granted, I only played the bare minimum of 10 >_>

I'm surprised 4Dimensional didn't get up in the top 3, considering there was loads of talk about it. Was 4D just confusing? I wish I had more time to play all the entries and participate more, but this contest was interesting nonetheless.

[Anarchy]

Third place! I'm pretty happy with that. I'm glad so many of you liked Anniversaries, Adversity, and Pepper. I'd still love feedback on the game though, even though the competition is over.

Whoa, that was your entry? After all this time it was the one story that didn't end up blending in with the vast majority of other entries I played, so I guess you did succeed in writing something memorable. Granted, I only played the bare minimum of 10 >_>

I'm surprised 4Dimensional didn't get up in the top 3, considering there was loads of talk about it. Was 4D just confusing? I wish I had more time to play all the entries and participate more, but this contest was interesting nonetheless.

For me, Anniversaries actually pretty much blended in with most of the other entries (I played them all, by the way). I recognized that it was competently written and constructed, more so than many other entries, but it just didn't have that 'wow' factor for me. It pretty much followed the prompt to its logical conclusion, which is fine, but when you get a whole bunch of entries that do roughly the same thing, it just... didn't do much for me, personally.

My top three, on the other hand, all had something special to them that made them stand apart from the other entries.

It's All Your Fault was my top pick, and I'm disappointed that nobody else voted for it. If this contest was being judged solely on the quality of the writing, this entry should have won hands down, with For Stellie as a close second. I think it's the best written work from the LSF community, except maybe for That Cheap and Sacred Thing, and definitely the most vibrant character study. And it tackles an issue that's incredibly relevant to all of us today in a society that generally thinks it's moved past sexism. THE most original handling of the prompt, completely redefining the concept of "disaster" that really drives the characterization home... I am really, really sad that this didn't get more votes, even though pretty much everybody agreed that the writing was excellent. :<

Outlook of Spirit Commission was my second pick, and I am MIFFED (no offense, Funnyguts) that it got bumped out of third place by Anniversaries. When I first started playing the entries, I loved it but I didn't think I'd put it in my top three because you know, it's "just" a parody... but after I finished I realized that this was actually one of the funniest, wittiest, cleverest entries in the bunch. I've written a long ass review about it so I won't go into more detail here.

And of course, For Stellie was my third pick. Everybody's pretty much said all I want to about it. I looooved the professor. The writing is stellar (haha), vibrant, and full of personality. It had a strong, stylized, almost farcical quality to it (to all the people who complained about realism issues - that's exactly why this entry works so well! It's a heightened, more awesome version of reality!) There was a humour, light-heartedness, and warmth to everything that was so infectious and charming. The plotline, in of itself, wasn't all that groundbreaking... but the sheer strength of the writer's voice and the characterization just sold the entry completely. Every word from beginning to end was perfectly placed (all right, the spirit was laying it on a bit thick towards the end, but still). And those last two words *swoon*. I am just a sucker for title drops, especially when they're done well, like this one is.

@CheeryMoya: 4Dimensional is too flawed to be considered for a top three, even though it's written in a way that provides awesome fodder for discussion. It has great potential though, and I'd really like to see the creator take it and tighten it up, maybe figure out what they really want to convey with the story. I almost feel like without the shackles of the prompt and the sprite, the creator could expand the basic sci-fi elements into a world and a story that's truly compelling. By the way, if the creator wants to identify themselves and come and talk to us a little about what they intended with this piece, that would be really, really awesome. Just saying.

In any case, congratulations to all the winners and everybody who participated! I had tons of fun discussing the entries and trying to figure out what's considered "good writing" in the VN format. Thank you again, papillon, for organizing this, and I certainly hope to see more events like this in the future!

Also, thank you so much to everybody who voted for and/or reviewed Fairy Tales! I'm happy that so many of you enjoyed it, and I'm really grateful for the critiques. I will be releasing a revised standalone version of it at some point, with all new art by the godly and fabulous Carassaurat, so if you have more criticisms or suggestions for this piece, please go ahead and tell us.

[Mink]

Congrats on the winners!

Also, I'll say which on is mine if you can guess it correctly. 83 Though I do appreciate the ones who read it, and agree with what was said.

[KimiYoriBaka]

no more anonymity? I guess I'll respond to the comments on my entry now. I was the one who wrote "Lonely Spirit," and I'll say it upfront: I hated the romance too.

see, if you look back at the original thread for this, I posted exactly when I found out about this contest honestly (4 days before the deadline). As such, I came up with ideas pretty quickly, but not ones I could actually write in such a short time. My attempt here was to write a story that wouldn't be taken too seriously and would simply be entertaining. If it at all felt like a shounen manga, that was intentional. Looking back, I should have changed my direction half-way through when I realized that the mystery and horror elements were working so much better than the romantic elements (which were supposed to be the main point). I actually don't like writing shallow and quickly progressing love stories anyway, so the whole time I desperately trying to think of ways to extend it while still keeping within the word limit.

as for why the serial killer thing ended up being a cop out, I got to the part where I was going to start seriously developing that, and realized I didn't have enough time to both write it all out and sleep for the night. this is also why I only used two-third of the allowable length.


anyway, congrats to the winners. I'm glad to see "For Stellie" on the list, as that was my first pick. If there is another contest like this, I hope it'll have an equally amusing prompt and handicap.

[Anarchy]

Congrats on the winners!

Also, I'll say which on is mine if you can guess it correctly. 83 Though I do appreciate the ones who read it, and agree with what was said.

Bwahaha! This one's easy. You wrote...



...Outlook of Spirit Commission!

(Am I wrong? I'm horribly wrong, aren't I? -sob-)

@KimiYoriBaka: I really liked the horror elements, just so you know.

As for me, I also started writing my entry (no, not My Entry) about three days before the deadline, even though I had known about the contest for quite a while before then (procrastination is going to kill me one of these days). Given the limited amount of time, I planned on writing something really short that would just barely meet the minimum word count (1000 words). Ended up being closer to... 3000, I think? But yeah, that's partly why the endings are so short and abrupt, I was just trying my best to finish the VN properly so I could turn it in before the deadline. ;__;

[Mink]

WRONG! Hint: the name is a pun. Probably a rather vague one, since no one noticed the title in relation to something in the story.

And you started three days before? Dang. >_> On that note, my story was meant to be waaay longer, but I started hitting 7k words and realized that that wasn't going to happen.

[papillon]

If there is another contest like this, I hope it'll have an equally amusing prompt and handicap.

I am tempted to use one of those website generators for a "They fight crime!" prompt but hopefully will have gotten over this impulse before any such thing happens again.

[Anarchy]

WRONG! Hint: the name is a pun. Probably a rather vague one, since no one noticed the title in relation to something in the story.

A pun...? Could it possibly be... Balancing Act? If that's not the case, my next guess is Lady Misfortune.

[Carassaurat]

@Mink: Beforehand, I thought your entry would be easy to guess, since Cheerful Polymorph was practically Mink author-insert self fanfiction starring Mink, but I have no idea what your entry ought to be here.

@Papillon: If I had had the time, I would've written another entry, viewed from the perspective of the Spirit of Disaster, in which the Spirit can only wreak disasters upon the protagonist, such as turning him into a robed cat girl. Then, they'd use this power to fight crime! She could, for example, cause an earthquake that would break his leg, but it would at the same time be useful for stopping a bank robbery or she could set a gang hideout on fire if he were in it. It'd explore the idea of self-destructive glory. You're all lucky I didn't get the time to write it, it would've been pretty silly.

--

My picks were as follows:

1. Outlook of Spirit Commission. Anarchy pretty much lifted the opinion she writes above straight from my opinion on it in our PM conversation; didn't think to place it at first because it's 'just' comedy, but upon closer inspection it does actually try to make a point. That a lot of amateur VNs do things wrong isn't the most poignant of points, but this is an entry that actually has a message, and I'm struggling to think of others that do. It's also far funnier than all other funny entries.

2. Balancing Act. I doubt this one go many votes at all, if it did get more than just mine, but I stumbled through an optimal order of choices, which made it work pretty well. I also kept finding new things as I replayed the game a couple of times. It tries to do some things with choice that I hadn't seen or thought of before, and I like it when entries try to do new things and find their own ways. It's not perfect, it may be one of the more flawed entries and its writing is light hearted and serviceable more than anything to write home about, but it's an entry that I'll keep in mind when I'll write a choice-based VN in the future. It's the entry I've learned most from.

3. For Stellie. There's not much to say about it that I haven't already in my review, since that had plenty of praise. Craftsmanship and charm elevate it above a host of entries that it shares a bit of a generic interpretation of the prompt with.

My fourth would have been Anniversaries, Adversity and Pepper. Stellie, as said, was better than a number of generic entries because of its craftsmanship and charm, and I think Anniversaries has the craftsmanship, but not the charm. It's well done, and I noticed that more and more as I analysed it deeper for my review, but... it's not very imaginitive.

--

My entry, well, I had two. One I'll keep secret for just a little while longer, but the first is It's All Your Fault. It was written in the shamefully long time of two weeks of daily writing; not the best, but probably the most polished and looked over 3700 words in the competition. I am rather curious as to your considerations; I was surprised at how positive the reviews were on its writing and the risks it took, but only Anarchy seems to have voted for it. Not that I'm bitter — far from — but I am terribly curious.

[madmarten]

In fourth place...

Outlook Of Spirit Commission

I made this and what the hell is it doing in top 4.

I didn't play half of the entries so I didn't vote, but the funniest was "My Entry" and my favorite was "Anniversaries, Adversity, and Pepper".

[Anarchy]

@Mink: Beforehand, I thought your entry would be easy to guess, since Cheerful Polymorph was practically Mink author-insert self fanfiction starring Mink, but I have no idea what your entry ought to be here.

...w-wait a minute... does this mean... Mink wrote MY ENTRY?! (No, not my entry, My Entry.)

@Papillon: If I had had the time, I would've written another entry, viewed from the perspective of the Spirit of Disaster, in which the Spirit can only wreak disasters upon the protagonist, such as turning him into a robed cat girl. Then, they'd use this power to fight crime! She could, for example, cause an earthquake that would break his leg, but it would at the same time be useful for stopping a bank robbery or she could set a gang hideout on fire if he were in it. It'd explore the idea of self-destructive glory. You're all lucky I didn't get the time to write it, it would've been pretty silly.

Goddamnit. That would've been pretty amazing. Come to think of it, every single entry uses the sprite as the spirit, eh? (Except for My Entry.)

the most polished and looked over 3700 words in the competition

It shows, my friend. It shows.

@madmarten: OH LOOK THE CREATOR OF OUTLOOK LET ME HUGGLE YOU *jumps on* *huggles*

[Mink]

since Cheerful Polymorph was practically Mink author-insert self fanfiction starring Mink

...Wait, how? :?

WRONG! Hint: the name is a pun. Probably a rather vague one, since no one noticed the title in relation to something in the story.

A pun...? Could it possibly be... Balancing Act? If that's not the case, my next guess is Lady Misfortune.

It's the latter. 8D Though you or someone else referred to Alex as 'he', even though to my knowledge (and I was trying not to, unless I had a brain fart re-reading the same thing over and over) I never said whether or not Alex was a man or a woman, since his/her gender is irrelevant to the plot. Kind of like the first time they go to the restaurant, Mallory say 'I'll have what my friend is having' rather than 'what he/she is having'.

[Anarchy]

It's the latter. 8D Though you or someone else referred to Alex as 'he', even though to my knowledge (and I was trying not to, unless I had a brain fart re-reading the same thing over and over) I never said whether or not Alex was a man or a woman, since his/her gender is irrelevant to the plot. Kind of like the first time they go to the restaurant, Mallory say 'I'll have what my friend is having' rather than 'what he/she is having'.

Finally I guessed something right! Ah, it was probably me. I usually think of Alex as a guy's name, so I assumed it was a guy, but yeah, you're right, it could be short for Alexis or Alexandra or whatever.

[Sapphi]

And of course, For Stellie was my third pick. Everybody's pretty much said all I want to about it. I looooved the professor. The writing is stellar (haha), vibrant, and full of personality. It had a strong, stylized, almost farcical quality to it (to all the people who complained about realism issues - that's exactly why this entry works so well! It's a heightened, more awesome version of reality!) There was a humour, light-heartedness, and warmth to everything that was so infectious and charming. The plotline, in of itself, wasn't all that groundbreaking... but the sheer strength of the writer's voice and the characterization just sold the entry completely. Every word from beginning to end was perfectly placed (all right, the spirit was laying it on a bit thick towards the end, but still). And those last two words *swoon*. I am just a sucker for title drops, especially when they're done well, like this one is.

Good grief, you're making me blush over here...

I'm really honored to have won second place and glad Stellie seemed to go over well. (I was a little embarrassed at it and told myself I might not reveal it was mine if I didn't place...) When I have a little more time, I'm going to answer some of the points raised in the discussion about it, because I think the criticisms were valid and it would help my writing if they were discussed...

[Carassaurat]

since Cheerful Polymorph was practically Mink author-insert self fanfiction starring Mink

...Wait, how?

Derek regularly complaining about being judged cute for being short doesn't strike you as, err... you? Not as a criticism, because I rather liked that VN, but it felt like you took more than a few notes from your own life.

On Lady Misfortune, I did interpret Alex as a he (as I also did with nameless protagonists in other entries), though I think I noted the unisex name. Whether that's because protagonists are male so often, or if it's because I'm a guy, or if it's because I subconsciously think it's only fair if the spirit is a girl, who knows?

I made this and what the hell is it doing in top 4.

I couldn't guess who wrote Outlook because I played a good deal of NaNoRenO entries and all of the Worst VN/KN entries and couldn't think of anyone on this forum who would be funny enough to have written Outlook of Spirit Commission. And it's true!

I'm really honored to have won second place and glad Stellie seemed to go over well.

Oh, I would've guessed this one correctly! I noticed I was reading Stellie in the voice you did for Windy in Volky McLupinstein, probably because of the repeated use of "sir," and consequently couldn't shake the idea that the author might be the same. I've tried to see if I could find hints of British or American spelling in For Stellie, but couldn't find any conflict words so quickly. Is that a conscious decision or a happy accident, or did I overlook something?