The Spirit Of Disaster (Competition 2012)

[Funnyguts]

Quibble:

First of all, Jung's theories have no scientific basis whatsoever

They were okay for their time, and it's better than referencing Freud. We still have a good 80 years of progress on Jung, though.

[Anarchy]

I'm going to agree with KimiYori on this one. References in stories outside of the context of the story (as in references to other books and literature) should be a nod and a wink at those you know them, they should not isolate everyone who hasn't. That is poor writing in my opinion. References should make people feel smart when they get them, not make everyone else for stupid because they don't get the story, or worse, think the writer is terrible at what they are doing because they are so incoherent. You are cutting off so much of your audience because you want to be cryptic, instead of being smart about how you wove it in. Why would you do that? Even Stephen Hawkings knows that you shouldn't complicate matters more than you have to and he was writing about the very fabric of space and time. A good writer has the ability of words. A writer unable to communicate their story? What is that?

I consider myself reasonably intelligent. I know what the 4D is, I got that the coding errors meant what I was viewing was not real. However, I was given so very little context that since I was lacking the references, knowledge of coding etc, I was unable to work it out. So that's why this one is a hit and miss for me. I felt there was something there, but it lacked the clarity to give it to me. Stories exist from the readers interpretation. If you aren't careful with how you communicate, and I'm a big believer in clear communication, your audience can misunderstand your intentions or, in this case, not get them at all.

I do agree with you on this one, Auro. I don't think it was a problem with the references, however (seeing as I... mostly? got them even though I'm totally technologically stupid), it was more of a problem of unclear storytelling, like you said. I do like that the author respected the reader's intelligence enough to not give us all the answers outright, but there has to be a balance between respecting the reader's intelligence and communicating a coherent, if not completely explicit and obvious storyline/message/theme/whatever. I think you were absolutely right when you mentioned "context". If this was a mystery game, or a logic puzzle, as Arowana has interpreted this piece as, I would say there aren't quite enough clues for the reader to go off on to create a totally coherent picture - or if they are, they are perhaps a little too well-hidden. I think you can still make your own interpretations of what the story means, as well as enjoy it for yourself, but I don't think the clues are presented well enough to have an "aha!" moment after a first complete playthrough of the story, or at least a "mmmm what? Was that what I think it was? Waaaait a minute" moment.I guess "unfinished" would be the best word to describe it. It's like a Question arc without an Answer arc, basically.

@Funnyguts: I... quite dislike psychoanalysis, to put it mildly, and from what I understand modern researchers in the field have mostly gotten away from Freud's bullshit, but I was thinking more of the, *cough* let's just say fantastical aspects of Jung. Meh, I haven't studied any of it in like four years, so I'm probably mis-remembering some of the details.

[CheeryMoya]

Lonely Spirit
... Whoever wrote this, just know that I really did not appreciate the subliminal red text early on. It was not funny. Kudos to you for scaring me out of my wits, I literally had to play while holding a doll in front of my face to hide any sudden red text.

How well is the story fleshed out? Do you have a clear sense of the setting and characters? How was that accomplished?
The storytelling was great in the beginning, though it was slow and a little unclear. Lila (the catgirl) fell from the sky the day before and Jin (the protagonist) ventures into the forest to no reason besides his stupid curiosity. The red text I mentioned is described as a "pressure" that grows worse until it wears out, at which point you don't get them as often. The times you do get them, they're full-blown freaking NIGHTMARES with the words "DIE" and such popping up over the screen- I am so glad I covered my face. After you learn what Lila is and why Jin is getting these nightmares, the story... starts to focus more on romance? It almost feels shoehorned in because Jin kisses Lila, despite only known her for oh... 3 or so days. That's too soon to be kissing a cute little catgirl. That's also one thing I wasn't too fond of: the sheer amount of times Jin reiterated himself on the fact that Lila "was so cute." And we mustn't forget that string of murders that was taking place on the side. Despite the explanation, I felt like it was pretty extraneous because there wasn't that much stated in the story.
Setting and characters... it seems like present day Earth, nothing out of the ordinary. There weren't any laws or rules that seemed different from today, and the author even alluded to the Rurouni Kenshin manga. A nice nod to those who read it, and those who have never read the series would be fine thinking it was just another samurai manga.

What sticks in your mind? What affects your emotions? Why and how?
That goddamn red text scared the hell out of me. I had to (and I kid you not) walk away from the computer and lie down. Granted, I'm not in the best of mental states right now but the subliminal messaging was not helping. At. All. It's pretty clear that a writer skilled in programming did this entry because they managed to make that text pop up in different sizes and even did some color effects on the sprite. But most of all, that red text makes this entry stand out to me (so far, having only played 3 of the games >_>).

How does the technical presentation (code, music, transition effects, layout, so on) affect your experience of the story? For instance, slow text at dramatic points - effective? annoying?
See above for some of that. The one thing that bothered me a lot was that the author went trigger happy with {w}, and while I'm guilty of that sometimes, this person used it on practically every screen, and because it was NVL, it made it all the slower to read. They even used it in places where it really didn't add much effect. The use of music was superb though, the tense song in the beginning heightened the mood a lot.

How well does the author make use of the limitations they were presented with in this competition - the prompt, the limited resources, etc?
Thanks to their handy dandy coding skills, they accomplished a lot more than what most of the writers would be able to do. They went above and beyond the usual storytelling, writing a story that would be effective only in a VN format. That aside, I think they were a bit too focused on putting in a semblance of romance in there for the sake of romance. Lila would probably feel pretty clingy towards Jin since he genuinely cares for her, but at the same time the only reason Jin cares about Lila is because she's cute. Something about that strikes me as a shallow reason to like someone, and having only known her for 3-ish days, Jin can't like Lila much besides for her cuteness. Sure we get the "she can't stay because she'll hurt you but you care so much that she wants to stay" thing, but... it's just too soon to be declaring eternal love.

What similarities and differences do you see between entries?
Lonely Spirit and Dhumaketu both portray the catgirl as someone cute, and that's likely to be attributed to the sprite design itself. Lila is definitely moodier than Ket, and for obvious reasons. Lila's powers bring the type of destruction that hurts people, which she can't control. Ket's powers brings the type of destruction that may or may not hurt people, but at least she has control over it (she insists on taking orders from someone else for what to destroy though). All in all, both games portray the catgirl in different lights.

I'd give this a 8/10 because there were rare instances of missing punctuation and typos, as well as a few vague details here and there. It's definitely going to be one of the entries I'll be thinking about when I decide my top 3 though.

[Anarchy]

Lonely Spirit It's definitely going to be one of the entries I'll be thinking about when I decide my top 3 though.

It's funny that you say that, because this entry is most definitely in my bottom three, and probably even the lowest of the low. Yes, even below My Entry. Why? Because at least My Entry is completely harmless. It's stupid, it knows it's stupid, and it doesn't expect anybody to take it seriously. But this?

The protagonist is an incredibly despicable, miserable, chauvinist, shallow pig of a man. Everybody who's reviewed this entry has mentioned this: He keeps harping on about how cute the spirit is. And that's basically the only goddamned reason he cares about her. Because she's cute. Oh so cute. Great. What makes this completely unbearable is the fact that this shallow, piss-weak, so-called "love" is presented as having the power to break the curse and save the girl from herself and then they both live happily together! This entry stands in stark contrast to It's All Your Fault. In both entries, the protagonist thinks that they're god's gift to women - they're nice, they're a gentleman, if they do sweet things for a girl then that girl is absolutely obligated to love them back - the whole rawr I prince I smash monster I save princess WE FUCK mentality. The thing is, It's All Your Fault presents the protagonist as the despicable person he is. He doesn't understand why he can't get girls despite being the nicest gentleman in the world, and thus spends most of his life screaming sexist obscenities at a hallucinated catgirl to vent his frustrations. Lonely Spirit's protagonist is the man It's All Your Fault's fantasizes about being. He's nice, loving to a cute girl because she's cute, doesn't have to do anything special except indulge in his weak ass lust in order to impress her and finally, ends up kissing her, and she loves him back, no questions asked. Once he's saved her, he's so confident that she loves him back that he just asserts that she does without even waiting for her to say it - because of course that's always how a girl should react whenever a guy helps her or is nice to her, right? The egotism is just sickening.

And I guess I don't need to say how unhealthy it is that the work celebrates the kind of shallow "love" that's just based on appearances.

Perhaps the whole thing would've come off a bit better if the romance was more well-developed and the interactions actually justified the kind of emotional attachment the leads are supposed to have together. As it was, it read as if the author wanted to get to the emotionally satisfying parts, like the kiss and the confession, without doing the groundwork that would make those moments actually emotionally satisfying instead of just coming across as blatant wish-fulfillment.

The subliminal messages at the beginning were really neat though! I had an incredible visceral reaction to them when they happened. Maybe they ended up being a little overused, but I thought they were the best feature of the entry. I guess I'll be ranking this above My Entry after all, just because of the amazing atmosphere they created. Author, if you're reading this, I think you have an amazing knack for horror, and you should definitely play to your strengths in the future.

[CheeryMoya]

Lonely Spirit stuff

yeesh, don't have to bite me for not reading as much so far
Yeah, I did say the romance was shallow and felt shoehorned in, but I have only played 3 of the entries :/ One of which was My Entry, the other being Dhumaketu which was shorter and a little meh. If you took out all the romantic elements out of Lonely Spirit, it would have been even better. I bet once I get a few more entries read LS will get pushed down the list, but for the time being it's the best one I've read so far.

[Anarchy]

Lonely Spirit stuff

yeesh, don't have to bite me for not reading as much so far

That was not my intention, I apologize. ;_; It felt like a good way to segue into my own review, so I just rolled with it, I guess.

[junna]

@_@ fuzzycats...all those 4D theories. I'll read that one much, much later.

so I procrastinated by reading an entry and reviewing it. Kill me. Language teaching theories is VERY technical yet anecdotal that it's annoying.

Lonely Spirit

Synopsis: You play as Jin who meets Lila and I feel like a pedo half the time because when I read in first person I take the 'I' to mean a character I control but then I wouldn't do half the things Jin did and I think his name was only mentioned near the end? If it was mentioned near the start i would have remembered and....sorry *rant*
It's the story of Jin finding Lila in a forest and he used the powers of Love to overcome the malevolent spirit inside Lila.

How well is the story fleshed out? Do you have a clear sense of the setting and characters? How was that accomplished? (Specifics are good here!)
Despite my internal ramblings above, I think the story could have been improved with...a longer time span. The story felt like it was well thought of and just lovely but I felt like I'm watching a bad romance that I want to get away from and I just thought "THIS IS GONNA END BAD!" but it didn't. It probably would have been better if the romance didn't drive the story but the horror drove the romance (err...did I just say that right?) because I LOVE a good horror since living in Asia exposes me to GOOD horror movies (eg: Ju-On, Coming Soon (thai), Long Khorn (thai), Sundel Bolong (indonesia)) that not even Paranormal Activity has been able to rival...and they had romance in it but the horrific happenings drove the romance characters together.


What sticks in your mind? What affects your emotions? Why and how?
IT WAS A DIFFERENT GENRE THAN PSYCHOLOGICAL STUFF!!. YAYYY!. Okay I guess I got tired of the almost sameness of the entries I've read and I bet I'll find another Horror genre in the future but this was a real break for me. Anyone can suggest me another genre break?
It just made me cringe because of reasons I have rambled and ranted above so...I'm sorry I couldn't give you a more honest emotion report.

Characters: I just felt that Jin is one weird as guy and Lila is a kid and I felt like a pedo for going for a kid and this is yikes for me because I'll be entering a school to teach and I don't feel like I should be playing stuff with romance for kids otherwise I feel like a complete pedo again aghh...

Technical presentations: MUSIC TRANSITIONS was the BEST so far. It had fadein and out and the volume for that "Romance" song was lowered. Writer, if you're reading this... THANK YOU!
Other than that I think clickety clicks for NVL was tiresome. Ok sorry I'm one of those people who has a fondness for Autoread.

Limitations: This story stopped being a horror halfway through.

How well does the author make use of the limitations they were presented with in this competition - the prompt, the limited resources, etc?
Quite well since s/he actually listened to how different the tracks were in volume and tried to make the transitions smoother. But it felt like the writer was limited with the need for making the spirit a HUGE disaster. Hmm...maybe if you said she was a ghost...hmm now you have just made me want to write a ghost story in the...*ehem* Asiatic style. Of sorts. LOL

Themes: Horror turns to power of LOVE (lol I keep seeing Sailor Moon in my mind's eye).

Uniqueness: it's semi-horror

Overall: I find the story a pretty fun read. Although I cringe too much.

[OokamiKasumi]

Even More 4Dimentional

The very first line we see after the title is MESSAGE RECEIVED. It's a recording, yes, but the game immediately told me these things:
-- It's a message, meaning that it's communication. It's data that somebody wanted to convey to the person playing back the recording.

The experiment interpretation, therefore, doesn't seem to hold water given this word choice - if it was merely an experimental simulation, why would it be called a "message"?

Very good points.

Who sent the message?
Why?
What effect did the sender want to have on the recipient?
Why did the recipient play back the message?

I am pondering those very questions myself.

I do agree that "YHWH file extension" implies that the recording has something to do with God, or perhaps, has the qualities of God, but does that necessarily translate to life and death? Or that it's "Man tampering in the realm of God"? These aren't beings from our dimension, after all. Given the overall theme of this work, couldn't the file extension refer to free will as well? Since from what I know of Judaism, isn't free will something gifted to humans by God?

It could also be a literal warning that God in the Machine, Deus ex Machina is going on; that all the answers are being provided by a greater power than the player/viewer.

Opening in FreeWill Media Player.

The fact that this .YHWH file is opened in FreeWill Media Player reinforces my theory that this is a file format that has to do with free will. It's a file that has to be played back in FreeWill Media Player in order to work. Like I mentioned earlier, I think the .YHWH file format is used to record the experiences of free-willed beings, whether it be sensory data, thoughts, memories, and so on.

That makes an awful lot of sense; the way sounds have to be recorded in .ogg, .wav, and .mp3 formats; formats specifically designed for sound.

However, and far more importantly, the main character does not notice that their name is a NUMBER.

How would the FWB notice their name at all? Are you implying that 676F64 can see the visual novel format, and thus their name box? It's the person who's playing back the recording who sees that the name of the FWB has temporarily been designated as and colored with 676F64.

You have a very good point there. It could even have been swapped out to protect the identity of the original owner of those memories: a FWB.

The media is a reflection of society's expectations and standards. It's a way of connecting you all to each other and providing a platform for the exchanging of values. It's what bridges the collective conscious.

...Media is NOT a reflection of society. Media is PROPAGANDA aimed at society to MAKE them WANT a platform of values (that only the ignorant and inexperienced will fall for; namely young people.)

...aren't those just your personal opinions? Seki's view on media is completely identical to mine. I think that calling her a liar just because she has different opinions than you do is a little hasty. And I'm curious - do you really think all media is propaganda? Including all the entries in this contest, for example? Seriously?

Anything that tries to convince you how to think or feel about something-- that you'll be cooler, smarter, prettier, better if you use this product/technique/behavior, or that those who use another product/technique/behavior are criminal, stupid, ugly, unacceptable --is Propaganda. This is a Fact, not an opinion. (I actually have a long essay on propaganda posted elsewhere.)

Advertising is the number one most common way to deliver propaganda, but common Media can carry it too: movies, music, fashion magazines, books, organized religion, the education system, commercials, TV programs, radio, any kind of talk-show, and yes, visual novels created by someone heavily opinionated toward extreme like, or extreme hate, for something.

All media is NOT propaganda, but far too much of it is. This is the reason I stopped getting cable TV over 10 years ago and select what movies and programs I watch carefully.

...I don't think that 676F64 is a computer program - it's just a stand in avatar for whoever that FWB was, because for some reason the data got corrupted (hacking? maybe) and the identity of the FWB was lost. It's like how Renpy automatically throws up that black and white checkered background whenever there isn't a background specified.

Oh... I can definitely see that.

Okay!
-- The first line proves that I was right in my guess that the program had been Hacked.

The ending corruption does seem like the .YHWH file was hacked. But by who? The sender? Somebody intercepting the original sender?

Now that I have seen the second ending, I suspect that the hacker may be the Original FWB from the very first test.

This implies that whoever hacked it didn't want Stein to see what the spirit really said to the FWB.

Now that I've seen the other ending, I'm going to have to agree.

Which means that in order to figure out the motivation for the hacking, we need to look at what was deliberately hidden from the recipient (Stein?), who would have to risk the following dire consequences in order to find out the true ending.

If you look at the Missing scenes present in the 2nd play through, it seems that this is a recording of an earlier experiment involving the reactions of a Free-willed being, however, there are quite obviously pieces Missing from the recording, and it may in fact be Scrambled too.

The first line suggests that the experiment has ended, but the following line suggests that experiment has just Begun: it's in Present tense; "You are taking part," not Past tense, "You have taken part..." (Of course this could simply be creator error...)

Then you get:

which reveals who is conducting the recorded experiment.

However, this suggests that the hacking/corruption/tampering may have been present from the beginning; during the very first experiment: 001.

Apparently, 4th dimensional beings believe in absolute Fate; that the future is already set in stone and cannot be changed.

This suggests the presence of demigods hidden among the human race; people with the ability to bend time, or simply extrasensory perception with the ability to view future events, and therefore change them before they happen.

And these 4th dimensional beings are Collecting them and experimenting on them.

They're apparently collecting regular humans too and putting them through the same tests; tests designed for FWB people, as controls for the experiment (to measure the FWBs' test scores against.) Unfortunately, the normal humans don't do well in these tests and tend to be mentally, and permanently, scarred by them.

It seems that normal humans can't deal with having to choose between two vitally important unnamed things, (the Buridan's Ass reference.) Things that are apparently, no longer part of the Recording.

However, while these 4th dimensional beings are not deliberately trying to hurt the normal humans, they don't particularly care that their experiments are damaging normal people.

This is an awfully quick and sharp end, which suggests to me that something is Missing between this and that last comment.

The video has ended.
Shutting down.

A very quick and sharp end.

The Warning.
-- Fatal consequences can only happen on a download if the download it being put directly into a Living Being.

Playing devil's advocate here: Does the use of the word "fatal" necessarily mean that the downloader is a living being? Couldn't "fatal" also refer to the death of a "mind"...?

According to this new intel, the experiments were practiced on living beings, demigod-like Free-Willed Beings and normal humans.

-- Independent builds of MindOS: Fancy way of saying; independently thinking minds -- which the main character clearly was.

Though apparently, Not the viewer of the recording: Stein.

-- Decay of memcom systems: Decay of memory.

...In my headcanon, memcon refers to "memory consolidation".

Not actually seeing a difference, other than one being biological and one not.

-- Decay of vital physical stabilizers; such as the heart and lungs.

By "physical stabilizers", couldn't that also mean any kind of hardware the mind is being installed on?

Possibly? But I doubt it.

-- Sabotage of any and all communications-based applications.

In this scene, this appears to be exactly what's happening.

As the scene continues, it becomes very apparent that all ability to communicate, or understand communication is Gone.

To me, the most important line in this screen is "Recipient functions with MindOSiris." Not "Recipient is currently using MindOSiris", or "Recipient is installed with MindOSiris". "Recipient functions with MindOSiris." This suggests that the recipient can not function without some kind of operating system that simulates minds, suggesting that in its natural state, the recipient does not have a mind even though it cannot function without one. To me, that suggests some kind of robot/computer that cannot take action without software to direct it...

Or, it's simply another way of differentiating a normal non-independently thinking mind from a FWB's independently thinking mind.

... if we look at the .YHWH file and what the spirit says - my theory is that 4D people themselves are naturally mindless, paralyzed by their inability to perceive cause and effect because they perceive time on a different level from 3D FWBs. But with MindOSiris, perhaps 4D people can emulate the way 3D beings see the world, and thus be able to "function" in the sense that they can influence and interact with the world around them.

Interesting theory... However it's those who DO function with MindOSiris that break down after receiving the recording.

Note that the message above states that this user does have MindOSiris, and is NOT an ideal candidate for the attachment. What do they do?
-- They download it anyway and resume playback -

Why does the recipient do this? What is so important that they have to risk their life to see it?

What if the recipient didn't do it? What if it was done to the recipient without their permission, or even knowledge, as suggested by this bit...?

Why did the hacker want to hide this from them, even if it meant killing their mind?

Perhaps the hacker wanted to hide it BECAUSE it was damaging, and in fact, corrupted the file in an attempt to destroy the damaging parts? Sections of it are clearly missing.

Turns out, it's a scene of the spirit girl explaining to the FWB that s/he's taking part in an experiment to determine the nature/motivations/etc of FWBs, followed by a scene of the same FWB 4 years later where s/he runs into the spirit girl at a testing center. But wait! If the spirit girl will indeed become Seki in the future, that doesn't quite make sense, because Seki is a 4D being in 3D guise, while this new spirit girl seems to be a regular 3D girl. Does that mean that in the future, there will be a way to convert 3D beings into 4D beings?

That's exactly what it looks like to me. It looks like in the future, 4th dimensional beings will figure out a way to literally Possess the bodies/minds of 3d beings.

I actually have another theory about this last scene that takes part after the corruption. During your second play-through, the ending changes subtly. You get more information on the nature of the experiments, and the nature of Seki and 4D people. Finally, the message is actually described as ending from the perspective of the recipient, not just through a "The End..." and blackout in the recording itself.

I did notice that.

This implies that the second time around, what we see is the real contents of the message, whereas in the first time around, what we saw was just another, more convincing hack that achieved a happy, "normal" ending for the FWB. My reasoning? The corrupted "Good Ending 000000001" had the spirit girl happily deciding to renounce her evil ways and create a better world with the protagonist, with romantic descriptions of hand holdings or whatever, whereas the "actual" ending of the first play-through had a very typical meet cute romantic ending with an optimistic, hopeful ending for the FWB, who changes majors to science.

Both of those "endings" are similar, which makes me suspect that one is obviously corrupted and the result of a failed hacking, whereas the latter is an eerily convincing ending that seems like a natural part of the recording instead of something that was hacked into the recording to cover up the information we get in the second ending. My conclusion: truefile.YWHW was also hacked.

I have come to that same conclusion.

If we assume that corruption is a result of hacking, look at what happens when the recipient, through 676F64, simulates choosing not to pursue the investigation. ... If you give in, you're routed back to the beginning of the VN, where the only way to proceed is to play the simulation in such a way that complies with the spirit.

Most chillingly, even though it seems that we see the real contents of the message during the second play-through, ... at the very end of the second play-through, you still get a The End blackout screen, but the words The End are immediately followed by two or three corrupted characters, thus implying that ... we, the players, are also being duped exactly the same way the hacker tried to dupe Stein.

I came to that exact conclusion, also.
-- However, what if this hacking was done to save the minds of normal people viewing the recordings?

In this way, the work is drawing parallels between us and the 4D world characters, with the implication that as beings from a higher dimension (3D) to the beings in the VN (2D), in the same way that 4D characters are from a higher dimension than beings from the 3D world, we don't have free will, much in the same way those 4D beings don't. The fact that the 4D protagonist (Stein?) is addressed as "you" helps to facilitate this identification with the 4D beings.

Actually, it seemed to me, that we the players, are being bracketed in with Stein -- that much we agree on, but this is on the assumption that like Stein, we are Normal people, NOT an FWB, and this game is a warning to those who are normal humans to avoid anything to do with 4th dimensional beings -- because their experiments are callously Damaging. They're not doing it on purpose, they just don't care that they're damaging people.

This leads me to think that perhaps the Recording isn't a hacked version at all, but a damage-free Pirated Copy being broadcast to serve as a warning.

But forgetting about the whole 4th-wall-breaking thing and bringing this whole speculation back to the in-universe hacking issue, why would the hacker want to corrupt the .YHWH file Stein(?) received?

What if Stein's copy wasn't corrupted? The fact that Stein's mind was indeed damaged implies this.
-- What if OUR copy is the one corrupted, and Stein's experience was added to the recording -- the recording that we the players, are currently viewing?

The ending of the second play-through has a big hint at the end - Stein says that by seeing through the FWB's eyes as they talked to the spirit girl, s/he finally realized the identity of God, which implies that the whole reason the file was hacked and corrupted was to prevent Stein from realizing that identity, and to seal his/her mouth if s/he found out.

I agree that Stein recognized God as among the people in that room, but what if that's Not the part that was corrupted, but the part that was added to our version of the recoding?

Now that Stein has realized that, s/he's now pretty much mentally dead and unable to tell anybody what s/he found out from watching the file. That's the conclusion that makes the most sense to me. If that makes any sense at all.

Stein's mental breakdown could also have been added at the end to serve as a palpable warning to people curious as to what the 4th dimensional people are up to, which implies that someone else was in Stein's mind recording what he saw.

[lordshadowisle]

Meaning

What It Is:
MC chances upon a spirit girl, invites her back home, but has little time to entertain her. Spirit girl bugs MC to take her around, MC does so but eventually gets tired/annoyed, then gives in to a random outburst about how ‘life is short and people die’. Eventually, spirit girl reveals her origins, leaving the message about the meaning of life.

What Is Good:
I liked the early characterization of the spirit girl. It seemed to have a good balance of irritating and cute, as children often are.

What Is Bad:
Storyline is implausible. The MC seems to get along pretty well with the spirit after such a short interaction! Not to mention bringing a dubious spirit home!
On a whole, the story and characterization is insufficiently fleshed out. Melissa’s outburst and strong reactions toward death don’t seem to be properly motivated, but instead seem artificial, existing only for the sake of the final plot twist.
Finally, the girl’s final reveal appears to be somewhat out of character (compared to her earlier behaviors). Generally a few entries suffer from the same problem, that is, the spirit is bipolar .

Nitpicks:
Music use can be better, in particular during scene transitions. Carefully selected fadein/fadeouts will make scene/emotion changes appear less abrupt.

Final Thoughts:
I think this story was rushed, and could have been fleshed out in greater detail.

[Carassaurat]

Lonely Spirit

It's funny that you say that, because this entry is most definitely in my bottom three, and probably even the lowest of the low. Yes, even below My Entry. Why? Because at least My Entry is completely harmless. It's stupid, it knows it's stupid, and it doesn't expect anybody to take it seriously. But this?

I know what you mean. I make a handful of notes while playing so that I can remember my first impressions when I write out my full review hours or days later or so that I don't forget them in favour of the impressions of a possible second play. My notes for Lonely Spirit simply say “nvl isn't the best choice here” and “wtf sexist bullshit”. It's not just the power of love theme, but it's also one of those boy-fixes-girl things that creep me out. Girl has no active power at all, needs boy to be of any worth at all. Replaying it, it could well be a parody; it's got enough bizarro logic to be halfway funny, e.g. “You couldn't have poisoned them, you love gore way too much!”

Edit: just thinking out loud here, but I can't help but wonder how radically different I would've experienced Lonely Spirit if it had been subtitled a comedy of manliness.

Also, it's/its.

[Anarchy]

Lonely Spirit
Edit: just thinking out loud here, but I can't help but wonder how radically different I would've experienced Lonely Spirit if it had been subtitled a comedy of manliness.

Hah! Good one. The only thing remotely comedic about Lonely Spirit is how seriously it expects us to take it. The bits and pieces of humor came off to me as more of a "oh, look, how quirky and funny protag-kun is", rather than actually mocking him/masculinity/wish fulfillment fantasies/all the chauvinist shit that It's All Your Fault so aggressively tackled. If it's indeed a parody, it's not a very good one. I think it's something about the tone that's so... earnest and self-congratulatory about the whole ugly business, that even if it was billed as a comedy, I would just be bored and confused about the tonal inconsistency. It buys into what it's saying way too much. It'd be to It's All Your Fault what My Entry is to Outlook of Spirit Commission. Not a perfect analogy, or really, a good analogy at all, but you get my point. I hope.

@Ookami Kasumi: Those are some very interesting interpretations you have there. I'm probably going to let this one sit for a while before tackling it again with your ideas in mind, just so I can look at it again with a fresh perspective.

[OokamiKasumi]

@Ookami Kasumi: Those are some very interesting interpretations you have there. I'm probably going to let this one sit for a while before tackling it again with your ideas in mind, just so I can look at it again with a fresh perspective.

It's also possible that you and I are seriously over-thinking this.
-- I'd really hate to find out that the creator just threw some junk together just to make us debate over what's going on in it.

[rasburn]

Sacrifice
First of all, I must say I enjoyed this entry. When I was trying to think about why, I couldn't really say why at first. Matthew was a well-defined
character, but nothing that was significantly better than all other entries. The story was interesting, but not super special considering the prompt.
The writing and execution was good, but other entries had this as well. So why did I like it? I came up with this.

To start off with, I like the beginning. I think it is well-written and interesting, compared to all the beginnings where a character just goes out
into the forest and finds a girl right off the bat. Instead we get to know Matthew better, as a hard working guy who has troubles with work and is
always the first to go. Matthew's character is a strong point for the story, especially the way his portrayal changed during the story. At first he seemed like a good guy, but
when more and more happened he seemed more self-centered and less like a hero. I wouldn't expect anyone to kill themselves without blinking, but Matthew
completely gave up on the idea despite the extreme circumstances (so many dead people! Even his wife!). And he seemed like he didn't even care that much.

Something that was strange was that Jonathan didn't remember that Matthew had told him about the "disease", and instead he saw it as a bad
try of Matthew to comfort him for his daughter. I mean, surely Jonathan had heard about the killer virus which claimed so many lives.
Another strange thing was the "40-minute commute" comment, which sounded a bit unnatural.

I really liked the ending, and the way it was tied back to the beginning with the theme of "sacrifices have to be made".
Of all the entries I've read so far, it has one of the strongest themes.

About the slowing of text during "...". It was good at first, or would have been if used sparingly. Now it just slowed down the story too much and was annoying.

Comparison to other entries? It is pretty similar to other entries in many ways, but the things I've listed makes it one of the more interesting ones.
I think it's refreshing to meet a spirit of disaster who is so evil (and she even seemed nice at first!).

[Carassaurat]

It'd be to It's All Your Fault what My Entry is to Outlook of Spirit Commission. Not a perfect analogy, or really, a good analogy at all, but you get my point. I hope.

Whereas now it's to It's All Your Fault what Is She A Spirit Of Disaster? is to Outlook of Spirit Commission? Look at us developing a meta language of critique here .

(Well, that's grossly unfair towards Is She, but the analysis of the moon monologues you posted was uncanny in the same way that some moments in Lonely and Fault looked uncannily alike after I was conscious of them)

[Anarchy]

It'd be to It's All Your Fault what My Entry is to Outlook of Spirit Commission. Not a perfect analogy, or really, a good analogy at all, but you get my point. I hope.

Whereas now it's to It's All Your Fault what Is She A Spirit Of Disaster? is to Outlook of Spirit Commission? Look at us developing a meta language of critique here .

(Well, that's grossly unfair towards Is She, but the analysis of the moon monologues you posted was uncanny in the same way that some moments in Lonely and Fault looked uncannily alike after I was conscious of them)

Bwahaha! That's actually... strangely appropriate. The difference, I guess, is Outlook comments on many other things than just Is She, whereas the issues Fault deal with are eerily specific to Lonely. And on another note, even though both Outlook and Fault are... well, Outlook is obviously a parody while the best you could say about Fault is that it's satiric. Anyway, both of them seem to criticize/comment on certain issues through sarcasm?wit?exaggeration?, but Outlook is mostly fucking hilarious, while with Fault... even though it's subtitled "a comedy of manliness", I didn't find it very comedic at all. Maybe I was too busy being traumatized to notice the funny bits. So I was wondering... did other people who read It's All Your Fault think it was funny?