The Spirit Of Disaster (Competition 2012)

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Re: The Spirit Of Disaster (Competition 2012)

#31 Post by papillon » Fri Oct 12, 2012 3:49 am

AshenhartKrie wrote:The Day I Died
The script was well written, but knowing who was speaking to the MC when it isn't the girl would be helpful. I kinda assumed that it was his mum, but I wasn't sure. I found it interesting and it drew me in. I wanted to know how he/she was going to die, and I liked the ending, even if the MC did get a bit hysterical, IMO.
Can you give any more detail about how it drew you in? What techniques did the writer use to make you curious?

(Yes, I'm going to be constantly prompting everyone to provide more detail. Don't worry, it's nothing personal. :) These questions are fun to ask!)
Ariana
Once again, beautifully written (I swear that by the end of this the only feedback I gave would be 'well written' gah!). I loved how Clara and Ariana interacted, although I felt that the romance between the two was rushed, and it kinda didn't feel 'right' for me. If it were to be a proper romantic game, I would feel like it would need longer to get the romance flowing.
Can you give any examples of how things moved too quickly? That's a hard one to pin down into specifics because it has to do with overall flow, but for the same reason it's a tricky thing to get right and good to talk about.
Dhumaketu
I'm not going to say it was well written even though it was XD But the way the person who wrote this understood disaster is refreshing. So many people I find these days believe that death and end and change are bad, but the author understood that sometimes changes are needed to bring about something better. I like that about this VN. And the world it's set in, the stiff rigidity of it, almost as if they are controlled.
How does the author communicate that the world is rigid and controlled?

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Re: The Spirit Of Disaster (Competition 2012)

#32 Post by junna » Fri Oct 12, 2012 3:52 am

Papillon wants details...I shall give details. Wall of text ahead

The Final Test

Synopsis: You play Trent who 'for better or worse' is the world's champion that the Spirit, Analyse, is testing to determine whether the world needs saving or not. The person who made this made sure that the readers/players are capable of understanding what's going on with the point gains even though they might choose to not read everything. There are 6 endings... umm, I found only one...even after I tried different combinations of high, med and low stats.

How well is the story fleshed out? Do you have a clear sense of the setting and characters? How was that accomplished? (Specifics are good here!)
The story? I felt like there was not much of a story going on aside from the day to day choice. The intro, if they did not make it a choice for me to skip...was a very good attention grabber. As the days go on, the tests and mishaps (I laughed at Analyse's attempts to break into Trent's apartment(?)) were the only thing I looked forward to.
The sense of setting and characters was pretty general but I liked how bad Analyse was messing with Trent's head in the tests and the ending I found (yep, test of courage! and I shall burrnnn you)

What sticks in your mind? What affects your emotions? Why and how?
Personally...I hate stat raisers mainly because I have no patience ^^;; unless the stat raising is accompanied by added stories. I liked how Analyse was fairly funny and a good foil to a slightly umm, normal but pretty courageous (in the end) Trent.
Not the most memorable yet.

Characters: Trent - an ordinary kid tasked to make sure the that the end of the world does not happen.
Analyse - A troll spirited Spirit of D.

Technical presentations: A stat raiser which got pretty tedious pretty. It was presented with sparing use of transitions and no music. lol. I had to check my earphones were working.

Limitations: It did not hold my attention too long. I skipped through many texts and I only read the parts where the writer had Trent be tested by Analyse (Her name, in my theory sounds like 'a-na-lees'. I can't compute because that's how I normally write analyze...analyse, no matter how many time spellcheck enforces analyze on me)

How well does the author make use of the limitations they were presented with in this competition - the prompt, the limited resources, etc?
The writer managed to write out a pretty decent game. It wasn't a story for me. It really felt more like a game. And the resources were a bit under utilized for instance I would have used the 'Little Swing' for the day to day stat raising challenge. And then change to a more dramatic music when in the following visit after Analyse melted Trent's lock. More music dramatization for the ending. etc

Themes: Save the world or die trying

Uniqueness: A stat raiser. Pretty unique there.

Overall: Bravo. it could be improved. And I think the test parts were 'padding' and not an actual story sequence (sorry luv) to a pretty short story. but I knew it had to be a pretty valiant effort to do a 'day-planner' style with the limitations
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Re: The Spirit Of Disaster (Competition 2012)

#33 Post by jw2pfd » Fri Oct 12, 2012 4:08 am

My Entry

In regards to my previous post about "My Entry", I may have chosen a weird portion to quote from the previous comments about the story. I wasn't trying to imply that it should be skipped. I do believe that the story succeeded in the way of making the reader laugh if this was indeed the author's goal. I gave some specific examples in my previous post. I am a little slow I guess because I just realized that talking about "My Entry" might lead some people to think that I am talking about my actual entry. Well done author!

Fairytale for Innocent Children

How well is the story fleshed out? Do you have a clear sense of the setting and characters? How was that accomplished?
Early on in the story, I got a very clear sense of that Dani was an 'innocent child'. This was accomplished early on from Dani speaking to the sky and things her Dad said about it being a "lie". The title also helped. As the story progressed, I understood Dani's choice in actions and willingness to believe certain things that she was told by the girl in the forest.

What sticks in your mind? What affects your emotions? Why and how?
I have read other entries, but so far, this has the harshest/profane language used by the "spirit". It does make sense in the context of her character and what you ultimately learn about her.

How does the technical presentation (code, music, transition effects, layout, so on) affect your experience of the story? How well does the author make use of the limitations they were presented with in this competition?
Minimal backgrounds were used. In addition to the solid black, I believe that only two other backgrounds were used; however, this is not a negative comment at all. I think that each setting was appropriate and additional backgrounds weren't being forcefully used. I think the author made the most of the limited settings and used music appropriately throughout as well.
KimiYoriBaka wrote:about Fairytale for Innocent Children, were those sprites supposed to be blinking? Cause that broke any and all immersion the story could have had.
I personally don't recall having any issues with sprites or graphics at all. I think I would remember if there was something on the level of 'immersion-breaking'
KimiYoriBaka wrote:Lastly, it felt like the consequences of the choice at the end were really arbitrary. I couldn't help but think "Now why would that have mattered at all?"
There was only one choice near the end and I played both of them out to see the difference. The idea is that the girl was already in the forest with the intention to hang herself. She talked about some very traumatic experiences. She and her girlfriend were the victim of some attack where she luckily got away with her life, but her girlfriend was not so lucky. The "epilogue" was that more tragedy struck that resulted in death of her mother and grandmother. That is why she was out in the forest feeling like she had nothing left and about to hang herself. The choice for Dani boils down to 'believe the lie' or 'accept reality'. The choice of accepting reality sends the main character Dani into an emotional state that I am sure the nameless "spirit" girl is familiar with having lost her own mom. Maybe seeing Dani like that helps change the girl's mind as she chooses to console Dani and walk her out of the forest. The believe the lie option results in a stubborn Dani insisting that her mom will come back and she leaves the forest with the "spirit" still at the tree. This doesn't give the "spirit" any reason to change her mind as she already had her mind made up before Dani even came into the forest.

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Re: The Spirit Of Disaster (Competition 2012)

#34 Post by AshenhartKrie » Fri Oct 12, 2012 4:20 am

papillon wrote:
AshenhartKrie wrote:The Day I Died
The script was well written, but knowing who was speaking to the MC when it isn't the girl would be helpful. I kinda assumed that it was his mum, but I wasn't sure. I found it interesting and it drew me in. I wanted to know how he/she was going to die, and I liked the ending, even if the MC did get a bit hysterical, IMO.
Can you give any more detail about how it drew you in? What techniques did the writer use to make you curious?

(Yes, I'm going to be constantly prompting everyone to provide more detail. Don't worry, it's nothing personal. :) These questions are fun to ask!)
Ariana
Once again, beautifully written (I swear that by the end of this the only feedback I gave would be 'well written' gah!). I loved how Clara and Ariana interacted, although I felt that the romance between the two was rushed, and it kinda didn't feel 'right' for me. If it were to be a proper romantic game, I would feel like it would need longer to get the romance flowing.
Can you give any examples of how things moved too quickly? That's a hard one to pin down into specifics because it has to do with overall flow, but for the same reason it's a tricky thing to get right and good to talk about.
Dhumaketu
I'm not going to say it was well written even though it was XD But the way the person who wrote this understood disaster is refreshing. So many people I find these days believe that death and end and change are bad, but the author understood that sometimes changes are needed to bring about something better. I like that about this VN. And the world it's set in, the stiff rigidity of it, almost as if they are controlled.
How does the author communicate that the world is rigid and controlled?
How did it draw me in hrmm?
Well...The way it was written, for one, and the fact that there wasn't much information about the main character, made me want to know more (and I didn't get any more information TT^TT).
I don't really know how to describe it, I've been good at explaining WHY I like things, but I'm almost impeccable at explaining why I DON'T.
How it moved too quickly.
For me, romance doesn't happen in something like 2 days. It happens over a period of time where you learn more about the person and get closer to him/her. I felt that this didn't happen. It wasn't TOTALLY random, I saw it coming at the mention of the date, but it all just felt sudden. Like if I walked up to the guy I am interested in tomorrow and said "I love you, date me." It would seem kinda weird, and that's what I felt happened here, when IMO they had only just gotten to know each other.

How the author indicates that the world is rigid and controlled.
Well, everyone is assigned numbers, for one, and Sarah mentions it to Ket. No one is called by their names, and PEOPLE ARE PUT IN ZOOS. XD I was surprised when I read that the wild man had escaped from the zoo.

Geez... I feel like I'm back in year 7 english class. lol. I think it's good that you prompt us though, it makes us think more.

With 'My Entry' I started playing it... and then stopped, mainly becuase my writer's brain was systematically commiting suicide and I couldn't bear it. A lot of people assumed it was a crach entry, but there are a few people on here who don't have english as their native tongue... so just keep that in mind when you review that one.

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Re: The Spirit Of Disaster (Competition 2012)

#35 Post by junna » Fri Oct 12, 2012 6:42 am

Again, wall of text ahead...contains huge spoilers. YOU WERE WARNED. and no. I'm not gonna spoiler tag it.

Who Are You?





Synopsis: You play Bethany, Arnold, Arnie and Eris. Henceforth, I shall call her Eris as the name she chose last. The story revolves around Eris trying to come to grips with something that has happened to her about 2 weeks ago. She is also visited by the being called 'Eris' too who in one explanation is a goddess of destruction (yes, I know my mythology, I am aware Eris is the goddess of chaos). It's the story of how she changes(?) throughout the story.

How well is the story fleshed out? Do you have a clear sense of the setting and characters? How was that accomplished? (Specifics are good here!)
The story felt like this <--click me for illustration.
The story had a very good premise and the story (although jarring) made me feel like I want to know what the heck is going on? The author's idea of a person finding herself while suffering through a schizo symptom and multiple personality is certainly intriguing.
However,
the story is not really well planned because of things that bothered me like if a person was T-boned in a car crash, they would have been the very lucky few to walk away unscathed and by that I mean bleeding, broken and in pain. Two weeks? is a very short healing time. Secondly, if 'Eris' is a manifestation of Eris's mind, she would not be able to affect the world around Eris...that said, the author did not really make it as if it was Eris not 'Eris' who affected the world. So even after the resolution...I was feeling like it doesn't make sense. Thirdly, the reason that Professor stopped Eris from studying is rather ridiculous. If he wanted to stop someone from coming he would have a far more concrete reason.
In retrospect, if I went through the story again knowing that Eris is psychologically handicapped... I understand the things that happen to her has a reason.
But then again, the gaping holes and unexplained things just left a bad taste in my mouth.
And finally, the ending was fairly rushed when things could have been told better.


What sticks in your mind? What affects your emotions? Why and how?
Schizo + multiple disorder came to mind. My emotions? were mixed. I wanted to sympathize with Eris but I could not for some reason. I was disconnected and just thought...

Characters: Dad was an a*****e. The co worker and classmates were strange, unless they're more figments of Eris's imagination. Eris was multiple characters in one.

Technical presentations: Good use of backgrounds.

Limitations: I'll edit this later.

How well does the author make use of the limitations they were presented with in this competition - the prompt, the limited resources, etc?
The writer in spite of the resources, used it beautifully to tell her story. I believed the prompt was lost totally. There's nothing unexceptional about Eris (though htat's a matter of opinion) but the 'falling star' part was...nowhere to be found. Because the rest of the entries I've read...no matter how bad or good. still had an unexceptional MC and a falling star somewhere.

Themes: Psychological disorder. No, it ain't a thriller. It read like a fictionalised psychology case report.

Uniqueness: Psychology.

Overall: It could be vastly improved. but the holes in the story just made this story feel. Disjointed.
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Re: The Spirit Of Disaster (Competition 2012)

#36 Post by AshenhartKrie » Fri Oct 12, 2012 7:07 am

junna wrote:Again, wall of text ahead...contains huge spoilers. YOU WERE WARNED. and no. I'm not gonna spoiler tag it.

Who Are You?





Synopsis: You play Bethany, Arnold, Arnie and Eris. Henceforth, I shall call her Eris as the name she chose last. The story revolves around Eris trying to come to grips with something that has happened to her about 2 weeks ago. She is also visited by the being called 'Eris' too who in one explanation is a goddess of destruction (yes, I know my mythology, I am aware Eris is the goddess of chaos). It's the story of how she changes(?) throughout the story.

How well is the story fleshed out? Do you have a clear sense of the setting and characters? How was that accomplished? (Specifics are good here!)
The story felt like this <--click me for illustration.
The story had a very good premise and the story (although jarring) made me feel like I want to know what the heck is going on? The author's idea of a person finding herself while suffering through a schizo symptom and multiple personality is certainly intriguing.
However,
the story is not really well planned because of things that bothered me like if a person was T-boned in a car crash, they would have been the very lucky few to walk away unscathed and by that I mean bleeding, broken and in pain. Two weeks? is a very short healing time. Secondly, if 'Eris' is a manifestation of Eris's mind, she would not be able to affect the world around Eris...that said, the author did not really make it as if it was Eris not 'Eris' who affected the world. So even after the resolution...I was feeling like it doesn't make sense. Thirdly, the reason that Professor stopped Eris from studying is rather ridiculous. If he wanted to stop someone from coming he would have a far more concrete reason.
In retrospect, if I went through the story again knowing that Eris is psychologically handicapped... I understand the things that happen to her has a reason.
But then again, the gaping holes and unexplained things just left a bad taste in my mouth.
And finally, the ending was fairly rushed when things could have been told better.


What sticks in your mind? What affects your emotions? Why and how?
Schizo + multiple disorder came to mind. My emotions? were mixed. I wanted to sympathize with Eris but I could not for some reason. I was disconnected and just thought...

Characters: Dad was an a*****e. The co worker and classmates were strange, unless they're more figments of Eris's imagination. Eris was multiple characters in one.

Technical presentations: Good use of backgrounds.

Limitations: I'll edit this later.

How well does the author make use of the limitations they were presented with in this competition - the prompt, the limited resources, etc?
The writer in spite of the resources, used it beautifully to tell her story. I believed the prompt was lost totally. There's nothing unexceptional about Eris (though htat's a matter of opinion) but the 'falling star' part was...nowhere to be found. Because the rest of the entries I've read...no matter how bad or good. still had an unexceptional MC and a falling star somewhere.

Themes: Psychological disorder. No, it ain't a thriller. It read like a fictionalised psychology case report.

Uniqueness: Psychology.

Overall: It could be vastly improved. but the holes in the story just made this story feel. Disjointed.
This has nothing to do with anything, but I just had the biggest Dejavu while reading this about reading this....

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Re: The Spirit Of Disaster (Competition 2012)

#37 Post by Coren » Fri Oct 12, 2012 9:09 am

Alright, so I'm cranking up my computer and the first entry I'm going to review is:

"My Entry":

Hmm... This entry is slightly difficult for me to review, mostly because I'll have to review it from two completely different perspective - one as a serious game made by a serious game maker who wishes to promote his work, and one as a happy-go-lucky troll who wants to get a laugh out of people (if it's the latter, then boy I applaud you - you just made my day(s).)

As a serious piece:
Spelling and grammatical mistakes aside, since if English is not the writer's main language it'll be hard pressed after all for him to find a proofreader willing to help him since it's a competition, the plot itself is pretty... strange. I mean, sure, Ponna/Ponnna is going to save the world (or rather the spriteless bishonen around her who want to be saved from her Abhorrent Admirer tendencies) from evillllll. And so she and the spriteless bishonen go to save the day. Although I have to give it credit for how well it follows the prompt - by the bare minimum requirement. At some point, there is a falling star... who turns out to be a young MAN instead of a young WOMAN! Legasp! And at the end, it turns out that guy was the evil villain all along, which fits the Spirit of Disaster label. Yep. But still.

As a hilarious piece:
Gosh, this was honestly hilarious. I am really just going to write in point form what made me LOL in this game.

- Junkyard background as the school
- Office background as classroom
- Happy music playing when Ponna is being chased
- Evil guy: "MWAHAHAHA I BET YOU NEVER GUESS THIS PLOT TWISTER" (I spewed my apple juice)
- Choosing the option wanting to marry the other guys gets a single line "I told you no other boys" and immediately goes back to the title screen, which is funnily random.
- The TITLE. Oh gosh that's such a troll - I bet it was meant so that people commenting on it will end up saying "My Entry" which implies that entry is theirs, right. Unless I'm wrong.

Overall, this is definitely not meant to be the best entry, but it was so hilarious I had to give it credit for being so overwhelmingly funny in a ridiculous way. (Is it just me or do I sense some references to a certain Quest Prince Twilight thing...)

Alright, on to the next game!

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Re: The Spirit Of Disaster (Competition 2012)

#38 Post by Coren » Fri Oct 12, 2012 9:32 am

"Sepia":

The moment I began playing it, what first struck me was how awfully slow the text was - it really detracted from the gameplay. I suppose it's part of the style, but it's just too tedious to click through and drove up a great deal of impatience. It would have been a better idea to leave it as what it used to be.

The premise isn't that unique, with a world-weary cynical man being guided through his memories and mistakes in life by the spirit Aluweius, but the story itself was an enjoyable read all the same, as all people need to reflect at some point in their lives. With a bit more polishing it can make pretty good chicken soup for the soul. The reiteration of "seeing the world in sepia because of cynicism and lack of hope" feels a bit repetitive, as it is quite frequently used after all, and the storyline can be rather predictable. There are many points in the game where there was absolutely no music, and it can get quite jarring too.

I feel as if the MC quite clearly has a case of Asperger's Syndrome, and it's can be quite painful, for sure. But to see him being made to try harder - oh wait, I just reached the part where Wynn said that he's autistic, so it's good to see that the writer had written this with that awareness in mind. He shouldn't be faulted for his condition, surely, but it is touching to see him try.

All in all, there is room for improvement, but I liked to read a story about an autistic person. It is often a neglected topic. However, the appearance of both spirits feel kind of jarring in this piece, seemingly trying to balance out fantasy and modern psychology at the same time but failing to do either. Wynn felt like a deus ex machina, and the whole embracing thing felt awkward, so it might need a bit of reconsideration.

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Re: The Spirit Of Disaster (Competition 2012)

#39 Post by Coren » Fri Oct 12, 2012 9:59 am

"Fairytale for Innocent Children"

I'm going to write this review as I play, so I hope it doesn't feel too disjointed. I like the innocence that the story began with - the main character is clearly a child, and her clueless and adorable personality really makes me feel "dawww". As for the Spirit of Disaster, it was kind of surprising to have a Spirit of Disaster moe girl with a mouth that swears all the time as compared to the hyper spirit of disaster I tend to picture. She can really be quite cruel in terms of words to a child like Dani though, and I'm pretty sure this will be elaborated on later, so I look forward to it. It was just a little amusing to see such a cute moe face with a mouth that spouts such cynical, foul and cruel words.

Okay, now I'm at the part where Dani tells the Spirit about her mom's experiences. It feels sad, seeing a child's innocent delusions like that. And of course, I suspect the Spirit will just crush them like juicy GMO tomatoes. Yeah, she does. And Dani is unwilling to accept what she has said, which - ouch - really is heartbreaking. The caterpillar example she used was surprising too, seeing as how an innocent child like her can use such a gory example, as well as to throw the word "die" so easily when demanding that someone else die. And of course, Miss Spirit is as cold as always. "Bye bye mommy, hello morgue-y." Brr. Ouch, Spirit, ouch. You're an ass, you know that? But oh, creepy old stalkers do exist- and I suppose they do.

I chose to believe in Dani's mom, because I played too much Umineko once and thought that maybe escapism may lead to a more magical and less bloody ending. But of course, Dani can always just be eaten by wolves or something. Brr. Anyway, so Spirit-sama went and hung herself. ... That poor girl. Even though she was so cruel to Dani, there certainly is a crumpled heart and forsaken mind in her that has lost all her beliefs, and in my opinion she's an interesting character with lots of potential. I hope the other endings will shed light on her, though. The quote by Jane Howard at the end fit perfectly.

So I reloaded my game and went the "Truth" route (I'm calling it that because I played too much Umineko). It was just as short as the first one, but I'm glad to have been able to save that girl from her otherwise eventual suicide by accepting the truth, but living with it. Contrary to what Umineko may say, escapism isn't the answer.

All in all, I liked the story. Though it did leave a gaping hole in my heart due to the many questions I still have regarding everything, especially the spirit's past, and everything that happened to drove her to suicide. If the author wants to make an expansion, I'd love to play it.

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Re: The Spirit Of Disaster (Competition 2012)

#40 Post by Auro-Cyanide » Fri Oct 12, 2012 10:51 am

I'll probably play these in groups of three or four so I don't get tired and lazy with my feedback with them. I'm just going to play them in the order they showed up in the game. I'm going to mostly comment on writing since this was a writing competition. Things like transitions and that, while I find them really important to VNs, don't really fall under 'writing' for me.

Sacrifice

This game wasn't horrible and it wasn't good. I was feeling an urge to keep reading it, but maybe not in the way the author intended.

Technically the writing wasn't bad, but the dialogue was quite dry and clinical. I wasn't really getting a feel from any of the characters, they all sounded the same. I would advise that the author try reading the words out loud to help figure out where they need more life and giving characters distinct voices. There were a couple beginner writer's mistakes as well. For example the boss says 'you are aware' and then explains the situation to the character that was apparently not really aware, or the situation where he says 'roughly half an hour to prepare and make your 40-minute commute to work' which is oddly specific considering that you are telling this information to someone who already knows. This is when the author is trying to pass information to the reader through the characters, but it's unnatural and blunt way to do it. It's better to either not use dialogue and instead structure it in monologue, or be more creative about how you insert it. There was one instance where a repetition was used but it didn't really add to the story (He shakes his head). It needed to have more emphasis, such as 'He... just shook his head'.

The main character was a bit of a jerk. Well, more than a bit. I gather that this was the point in the way, and it is what kept me reading since I was hoping for a choice to pop up where I could sacrifice him. I was particularly angry over his lack of grief and remorse considering who his wish killed. You think he would have leapt at the chance at redemption and I was a bit annoyed I didn't get that choice. So I wasn't sympathetic with him at all, which made his struggle a bit wishy washy for me. I also found his friend's reaction near the end to be a bit unbelievable. Where was the rage? Instead he apologises. At that point I'm not sure if Matthew deserved it from him.

Overall I was in the middle with this. It was readable, but other stories have done this type of thing better. The strongest example I can bring to mind is 9 Pounds as there are similar themes present.

Balancing Act

I'm going to guess I'm going to get a lot of 'wish' stories. I won't hold is against any one game though. This is another one that sat in the middle for me, but there are a couple aspects that set it above 'Sacrifice'.

I felt this was better technically written. The dialogue flowed a bit better, especially the second part of the game. The beginning was a bit confusing in some places as there was a bit of a mish mash of thoughts that was a little hard to follow. I can kind of forgive that since thoughts can be like that, but it did give me the impression that the character was a scatterbrain. I liked the way the first bit was set up though with the use of the VA dialogue and the text box, it was interesting to have that contrast between the two, it made me keep clicking to find out what was going on. The dialogue between the two characters had a fair bit of bounce to it and it was interesting enough to read. I still struggled a bit to find distinct characters in there, but it had life to it.

The main character, hmmm. I didn't mind him, but I felt he was inconsistent. He mentions that he doesn't interact with people and hates looking people in the face, and yet can give a dog eared girl who fell from the sky and grants wishes sass. I'm thinking this will be a problem with a number of games, but I'll mention it here anyway. The reaction to the weird things that happen can be a hard thing to balance, but I felt the character bought into it too calmly. I understand that you need the main character to agree to the setting for the story to move on, but it would have been nice to see a bit more of a struggle to grasp the situation, whether internally or externally. The lack of it can make the character ring a bit hallow.

As for the story, I'm torn. I first got a number of endings that basically amounted to 'be careful what you wish for', a popular moral. But then I hit on one ending that confused me followed by another ending that clarified it and it was exciting. The logic didn't completely follow through (and given the logic we were working with that is easier said than done) since I'm not sure how a certain person can be in the story all the time, even with different choices (and frankly this could be just how I perceive dimensional space). However, it was very, very interesting. I wished the endings tied into this main theme instead of the 'be careful what you wish for' theme. It could have been amazing, but it fell short. I would recommend checking out the final ending of Hatoful Boyfriend of an example of tying multiple pieces together to create a more evolved whole.

4Dimensional

I... um... what? I just...

Hang on, let me start again. I didn't get this one. I don't know if I'm missing a crucial piece of the puzzle to get the story, I have no idea what is going on.

I had pretty high hopes for the game because of the way it started, which was very interesting. It wasn't a normal start which makes me question what is going on. That's a great way to start a story, you want to hook the reader with 'why' so that they keep reading. However, you actually have to answer those whys or lead the reader to answer it themselves, otherwise it's just confusing and frustrating. I thought the dialogue was pretty good until it... just dissolved into gibberish. I know that there are some bits that the reader isn't meant to understand, but like I mention, you do have to set it up in a way so that the reader has context. Confusion can be used as a useful device, but not when it basically eclipses your story and message. Was the typos intentionally? All of them? I don't even know anymore.

I *kind of* get what the message was, but so very little was explained, like what the beginning was all about. I did dislike how the game kind of lead your answers and slapped you on the wrist when you choose particular choices. It felt like it was trying to lecture me on a particular moral choice in a way. I might have felt differently if it was phrased better and each response simply prompted a question that could be contemplated on by the player. I'm a fan when games make you question what you believe a' la 'The Geth Question' but I don't think it's the place of the game to tell me what I should believe on something like morals. It's not going to get the best reaction from players after all. Honey over Vinegar and all that.

Overall I think it could have been something, but it just didn't make it there for me. I think even if I am missing something there should have been some kind of closure in the other endings so I was left feeling completely lost and questioning what happened. I'm going to be interested to see if someone gets this one and can explain it for me.

-To be continued I guess-
Last edited by Auro-Cyanide on Fri Oct 12, 2012 11:57 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: The Spirit Of Disaster (Competition 2012)

#41 Post by Funnyguts » Fri Oct 12, 2012 11:14 am

For 4Dimensional, note that there's two endings, one of which I'm not quite sure how to get. I think you may have to choose to not investigate, then say no, which causes the game to restart, and then replay the game all the way through. I actually got the 'harder to get' ending first, which made a good lead into the 'normal' ending, which actually explained stuff. So if you were confused by the ending, try playing it again and seeing if you get a different ending, you may have gotten the weird, broken ending without meaning to and not realized that there's more to the game than that.
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Re: The Spirit Of Disaster (Competition 2012)

#42 Post by Coren » Fri Oct 12, 2012 11:22 am

My reviews are not so much reviews as they are random ramblings I make through the story, so I hope you don't mind.

"4Dimensional"

I'm not much of a numbers person when it comes to story or game titles (especially titles that stick numbers with alphabets, since it reminds me of shortened forms like "4ever", and so this title didn't really lure me in that much). I gave it a try though, and the beginning hook is pretty interesting. I like the dry sarcasm and the dialogues, and the premise seems interesting. I wondered why the MC was named after a series of numbers and had all of those tech jargon - a robot, maybe? Immediately it gave off the theme of a sci-fi story.

The first ending I got suddenly threw me into a grammatically incorrect and messy "My Entry"-style fan-fiction which made me go omgwtfwasitrolled

And then the music suddenly disappears. Ah well.

... -REDACTED- Centre? Do I spot an SCP reference? DO I SPOT AN SCP REFERENCE THERE DUDE

And I don't get the ending I got. Ah well, lemme try another one.

~ 5 minutes later ~

Chose "Yes" for the euthanasia option instead. Seki's explanation seems like she's Kyubey from Madoka Magica. Brr.

... This is even more confusing. I DO NOT GET THIS I'M LOGGING OUT NOW

... was I trolled? Was I?
Last edited by Coren on Sat Apr 06, 2013 11:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: The Spirit Of Disaster (Competition 2012)

#43 Post by Auro-Cyanide » Fri Oct 12, 2012 11:24 am

Funnyguts wrote:For 4Dimensional, note that there's two endings, one of which I'm not quite sure how to get. I think you may have to choose to not investigate, then say no, which causes the game to restart, and then replay the game all the way through. I actually got the 'harder to get' ending first, which made a good lead into the 'normal' ending, which actually explained stuff. So if you were confused by the ending, try playing it again and seeing if you get a different ending, you may have gotten the weird, broken ending without meaning to and not realized that there's more to the game than that.
I've got... 4 endings I think. One shot me straight back to the menu, one restarted me, one was a bizarre one with lots of typos (Aur, lened etc) that lead into something else and the God ending. Is there something else I'm missing?

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Re: The Spirit Of Disaster (Competition 2012)

#44 Post by Funnyguts » Fri Oct 12, 2012 11:27 am

Not that I can tell, those were the endings I found too.

Some of the typos were intentional, as it represented corruption in the video you were watching. I don't know what happened with the crazy 'I don't feel like finding out' ends, though.
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Re: The Spirit Of Disaster (Competition 2012)

#45 Post by Yamijean » Fri Oct 12, 2012 11:40 am

Hello this thread...It has many things but nobody talk about mine yet... ah well ^.^

Uh I play this game first... How do I start?

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