Raindrops (V1.2) [VN, Slice of Life, Drama, BxG]

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Antheia
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Raindrops (V1.2) [VN, Slice of Life, Drama, BxG]

#1 Post by Antheia » Mon Nov 12, 2012 12:13 pm

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Hi... so, um... this is the first visual novel I made with Ren'Py...
It was completed in less than a week~
Um... the artwork isn't that good, since I'm just a beginner at making artworks like those via Paint... >.>
I was more focused on the making the story and script than on the artwork >.<
So, um... constructive criticism, please? :3



Story
"Raindrops. That is where it all began... That is where our story began."

Raindrops is short visual novel about how someone's life changed forever, upon meeting a certain girl.
Tristan (the main character) retells his tale of ten years ago: of how he got to meet the girl that changed his view of the world, his way of living, until of how they parted... You will be the one to determine how to story will end--- whether they would get to meet again, or not would be by the choice/s you make...



Endings:
It has seven endings: the true ending, the bad ending, the good ending, middle ending, and three other endings~
Name of the Endings:
>Happily Ever After, Despite Life's Challenges
>Selfishness
>Hopes Behind the Regrets
>Forgetfulness
>Forever Hoping
>Everything's Ruined
>Forgotten

(EDIT:)
Statistics:
The game contains 644 screens of dialogue.
These screens contain a total of 7,693 words,
for an average of 11.9 words per screen.
The game contains 21 menus.



Download Link: (Raindrops 1.1 for all platforms)
http://www.mediafire.com/?m625al58mdpzshc

Update: Raindrops 1.2:
http://www.mediafire.com/?ox5uboooczeilhp
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Last edited by Antheia on Wed Nov 21, 2012 7:00 am, edited 6 times in total.

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Re: Raindrops [VN] [BxG] [Slice of Life] [Drama]

#2 Post by Reikun » Thu Nov 15, 2012 6:17 am

Hi! I downloaded your game and started playing it. I do not think I will be able to finish playing it because the text is very hard to read for me. I have a few comments that you might want to consider for either an updated version or your future releases.
- Auto-forwarding the text in the beginning made it hard to follow your story. I want to read at my own pace and I'm sure others do as well. Use this with caution.
- White text on the school background made it almost completely unreadable. You may want to consider using outlines on your text to make sure it's readable no matter what the background is.
- Blinding orange textbox + white font does not lend well to readability. Use an outline around your text or darken the textbox (or both).

I think I also noticed a few typos. In the future (or for an updated release) you may want to try to get a proofreader or beta tester to help you look things over before release. If you choose to make an updated version, I'll definitely try to play this again.
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Re: Raindrops [VN] [BxG] [Slice of Life] [Drama]

#3 Post by Antheia » Thu Nov 15, 2012 8:13 am

sorry about that >.<

I'll be fixing those now~


thanks~!! :3

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Re: Raindrops [VN] [Slice of Life] [Drama] [BxG]

#4 Post by Antheia » Thu Nov 15, 2012 10:05 am

Update:

New Download Link was put~ Raindrops 1.1

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Re: Raindrops [VN] [Slice of Life] [Drama] [BxG]

#5 Post by Reikun » Fri Nov 16, 2012 4:07 am

Thanks for the update :) I re-downloaded it and read the story. I got four endings (listed in the spoiler).
1. You leave with Amaya and work as an editor and she is a writer. You get married and find out that you mistook seven days for seven years.
2. You run away with Amaya and she gets hit by a car and dies.
3. You let her leave, but then she finds you later and you both confess to each other.
4. You let her leave you after attempting to run away. Your dad dies and you are jobless and never see her again.
Is that all of them?
The story was a bit predictable, but it was fairly good for your first VN. I didn't really like the story overall (just not my taste), but I did like
the ending where Amaya gets hit by the car. It was was the most dramatic and satisfying ending, IMO.
There were some mistakes in the English, but nothing that can't easily be fixed by a proofreader or editor. There were a few graphical hiccups too. Sometimes the centered text didn't disappear and the new text would overlap with it (happens once when
Tristan says 'it isn't fair' when he realizes he's being selfish by making Amaya run away with him.
There was one other time too. I think it was during a different ending.) There was also a part when Amaya's sprite did not appear correctly.
I'm very thankful for the visual update you made with the text and textbox. It made the story MUCH MUCH easier to read. The part in the beginning with the school was still a bit hard to read though (lack of contrast of b&w text on a grey background). You can try to improve the readability by overlaying a color, like a dark blue, over the school. This particular text bg also made it difficult to read the text, but I managed. You may want to darken that bg a bit to help improve the contrast with the text.

I don't know how to code in an extras menu, so I can't give you any advice for that except that if you search the forum you'll probably find a thread with the answer (and if searching doesn't work, you can always ask for help). I was a bit disappointed to find a lot of the extras stuff (ending info, character info) was still incomplete. Are you planning on completing those parts and releasing another update? It's also a shame that your first Amaya drawing didn't come out as you wanted >__< But practice makes perfect, as they say. Very good job for a first VN.
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Re: Raindrops [VN] [Slice of Life] [Drama] [BxG]

#6 Post by Antheia » Fri Nov 16, 2012 7:03 am

you're welcome... and yup :)

oh, I see... I'm planning to add a few more endings on my next update, so I'll make the other endings not that much predictable, then :3

Ok, I'll be fixing those... sorry >.<

Yup, by this month, I'm planning to update other versions, having new endings, then the extras complete, and the text more readable... thanks :3
Last edited by Antheia on Tue Nov 20, 2012 10:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Raindrops [VN] [Slice of Life] [Drama] [BxG]

#7 Post by LittleSnuggles » Fri Nov 16, 2012 10:52 pm

Nice job on this!
I really liked the story, though it was very simple.
You did well on this for your first game. ^^
Keep up the great work~

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Antheia
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Re: Raindrops [VN] [Slice of Life] [Drama] [BxG]

#8 Post by Antheia » Fri Nov 16, 2012 11:05 pm

thanks~!! :3

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Re: Raindrops (V1.2) [VN, Slice of Life, Drama, BxG]

#9 Post by Antheia » Wed Nov 21, 2012 7:02 am

Update:

Version 1.2 Download Link posted~ three new endings added, extras done, and text outline edited :3

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Re: Raindrops (V1.2) [VN, Slice of Life, Drama, BxG]

#10 Post by BlueRaindrops » Sat Nov 24, 2012 12:04 am

Man...why does your game sound so muchh like my own project and why does it even have a similar name?
My project is Raindrops on a Ferris Wheel.

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Re: Raindrops (V1.2) [VN, Slice of Life, Drama, BxG]

#11 Post by Antheia » Sat Nov 24, 2012 4:30 am

really? :shock: Must be a coincidence, then. So your project is something very similar to my completed game?
Welllll, my game and your project are still different :3 since yours is about raindrops on a ferris wheel, while mine is just about raindrops, and the realization/s that the characters on my story had.
Oh, when did your project start? :3

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Re: Raindrops (V1.2) [VN, Slice of Life, Drama, BxG]

#12 Post by BlueRaindrops » Sun Nov 25, 2012 2:04 am

Mine started at maybe, october or september but i dropped it halfway since i didnt find an artist for two CGs. Its still incomplete without two CGs. Else, everything is ready...-_-''...

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Re: Raindrops (V1.2) [VN, Slice of Life, Drama, BxG]

#13 Post by Antheia » Sun Nov 25, 2012 7:11 am

I see... I wasn't able to find any artist for mine, too, that's why the drawings are like that >.>

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