CheeryMoya wrote:I just finished reading this. It was short and there was a lot that could be expanded on, and it's almost as if you're setting up for a sequel.
NVL mode was appropriate since most of it was narration, though the amount of text with the font used (I thought Li was Ili) made it hard to read so much. It seems that this was a story taken from
KomiTsuku's writing thread so that may explain the brief nature of the story as well as the abrupt scene transitions. Instead of taking the text straight from thread, a bit of editing and addition would have helped as well. The ending was open and can easily be used for a sequel if there will be one.
Thank you for the in-depth critique! Yes, this was built from that request thread, which is why it's such a short story. The NVL mode was definitely an experiment.
I also had a bit of trouble with the text. What I learned from that is to either make the UI darker or lighter; as it is now, it is sort of a middle gray in darkness, and because of that, any text that is not black or white is hard to read. Due to the NVL mode I was not able to assign a color And an outline to the speech text without assigning an outline to the story text at the same time.
I certainly agree that it feels like there could be a sequel to the story.
The art is actually what made me curious about the game, since I saw it before but didn't know what it was for. It was very beautiful and vibrant, giving off a very exotic feel. My only qualm about the art was that poses were very static, especially during the climax. Even a change in pose for Li would have made it less strange to read about how Li was attacking.
I agree with this as well. I thought about adding a CG scene for the ending, too, but as this was primarily an experimental story, I didn't want to spend a huge amount of time on the art. I may consider making an action pose for Li for the scenes where she is attacking.
Music was alright, the only track that felt out of place was the one that played during the fight scene. I guess it was the mix of instruments used? IDK :/ I also see that you used this for programming practice. You should take a look at the options.rpy and set a text speed to something other than 0 (look for config.default_text_cps near the bottom of it). The dialogue was hard to read too since it was colored, so I suggest some colors that aren't as bright.
I can understand that; a bit too modern in relation to the style of the rest of the music. I will definitely take your comments into consideration, if not for this story then certainly for the next!
One of the reasons I didn't mess with the text speed is because I am new to coding, and I figured that people set their own text speed in preferences? Even so, when I tried to edit it just now using your suggestions, it still took my preferential text speed over the text speed that I defined in the code.
It was a pleasant read overall, congrats on the release!
Thanks for taking the time to read it! :3
@logogriph
logogriph wrote:i just finished playing and i have to say it was very lovely. the art was beautiful and vibrant, the story was touching, and the music was wonderful (i especially liked the scene with the chanting). my only complaints would be that the font used was hard to read at times and the blue colored text was too bright. other than that, though, i really enjoyed the game and the story
congrats on releasing and thanks for sharing!
Thank you! I enjoyed the Tiger Temple scene as well
Komi Tsuku chose some very nice music for the story. I will definitely try to think of a way to fix the text.
