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PostPosted: Sun Dec 16, 2012 4:12 am 
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Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 7:23 pm
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Location: Yogyakarta, Indonesia
Completed: Tour de Pharmacy, Tour de Paseban
Projects: ERASER, Last Rx
Organization: VN Project Indonesia
Deviantart: SECONDARY-TARGET
Finally ! I'm proudly release~
TOUR DE PHARMACY
Image


wut pharmacy ?!
No, you don't need any knowledge about Pharmacy to read this. Instead, I'd like to share my little knowledge about Pharmacy and I'd like you to know what kind of my faculty is. Basically this game is an educational tour with slight romance between the character :wink:

Description
Explore the Faculty of Pharmacy with Tera and Archie !

Play as Tera, an art-college student who lost her way until she bump into another faculty, apparently The Faculty of Pharmacy. She meets Archie, later, depends on your decision, who will be your freely guide tour to show you around that strange place. As you advance through your journey, depends on your decision, will you develop a good relationship with him ?

Note : I'm not going too deeply about the character's development. That is not my point for creating this game

Character
1. Tera Margaritifera
Image
The protagonist of this game. 18 years old. 2nd year on Art Faculty.
Shy,naive and indecisive girl, has a bad sense of direction, but has some good side as well.

2.Maximillian Archie
Image
Your guide tour. 18 years old. 2nd year on Pharmacy Faculty.
Despite his calm appearance, he likes to tease Tera sometimes.

Screenshot
Image
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Statistic
Code:
The game contains 1,568 screens of dialogue.
These screens contain a total of 14,715 words,
for an average of 9.4 words per screen.
The game contains 24 menus.


Behind the Scene
Scriptwriter, Programmer, Photographs, Sprites, CGs : Me (tiya_nofurita)
Proofreader: squark (He did a great and fast job ! *_*)
Music, SFX : Free resources

Status
Engine : Renpy 6.13.9
File size : about 90 MB (compressed)
Obtainable ending : 3 (Bad, Normal, Best)
Estimated playthrough : 30-40 minutes
Try to get all the endings to unlock the BONUS !

updated : 27th of May, 2013
VERSION 1.2 IS UP

DOWNLOAD LINK FOR WIN, MAC AND LINUX_FILE HOSTING

DOWNLOAD LINK FOR WIN, MAC AND LINUX_DropBox

DOWNLOAD LINK FOR WIN, MAC AND LINUX_MediaFire


(Version 1.2 with less typos and grammatical errors. If you find any bugs, please let me know)

updated : 25th of May, 2014
Android version 1.0 is up
NOW AVAILABLE ON GOOGLE PLAY FOR FREE

Another Notes
I'm so sorry for low-quality sprites, CGs and photographs >.<
The sprites and CGs is drawn directly on computer with my trembling hands, Paint and mouse (except for the last CG, it is drawn quite properly with tablet and SAI)
The photographs is taken with my low-quality VGA camera .___.
I hope I'll get better next time with my new tablet >.<

I HOPE YOU LIKE IT !
Please give me, if possible, an appropriate feedback. But generally I welcomed any critiques and suggestions ^_^
Image

_________________
Completed project :
Tour de Pharmacy | Pharmacy Quiz 1.0 |
Tour de Paseban (KKN PPM UGM 2013 JTG 12 Projects)


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PROJECT-ERASER


"All things are poison, and nothing is without poison; only the dose permits something not to be poisonous" (Paracelsus, The Father of Toxicology)

"Let us learn to DREAM, then we may perhaps find the truth" (August Kekule, the benzene structure inventor)


Last edited by tiya_nofurita on Fri Apr 25, 2014 11:15 am, edited 8 times in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 20, 2012 12:41 pm 
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Joined: Sat Dec 10, 2011 10:24 am
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Looks rather - adorable.
I'll give it a shot (goes to download)


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 20, 2012 1:50 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 7:23 pm
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Location: Yogyakarta, Indonesia
Completed: Tour de Pharmacy, Tour de Paseban
Projects: ERASER, Last Rx
Organization: VN Project Indonesia
Deviantart: SECONDARY-TARGET
MJDAlleria wrote:
Looks rather - adorable.
I'll give it a shot (goes to download)


Feel free to download it~
and please drop by some feedback :D

_________________
Completed project :
Tour de Pharmacy | Pharmacy Quiz 1.0 |
Tour de Paseban (KKN PPM UGM 2013 JTG 12 Projects)


Image

Image
PROJECT-ERASER


"All things are poison, and nothing is without poison; only the dose permits something not to be poisonous" (Paracelsus, The Father of Toxicology)

"Let us learn to DREAM, then we may perhaps find the truth" (August Kekule, the benzene structure inventor)


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 20, 2012 3:18 pm 
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Joined: Sat Dec 25, 2010 10:30 am
Posts: 703
Location: The Netherlands
Completed: Days of the Divine, Nanolife, Firefly
Projects: Locus Magici
Organization: Circle Pegasi
Congratulations on your release! I played it just now, so here are my thoughts :).

I like the main characters, since they are so adorable both in personality and design. Their personalities were believable as well and I liked the character development in general. The being honest thing was well done for example.

Although the sprites are cute too, they could use some work. At the moment they seem to be drawn in MS Paint or something and then poorly cleaned up (you can see traces of white here and there and the lines are a bit messy). This especially confuses me because the CG at the end (best end) is much cleaner. EDIT: aha, so that's why. I just read your author's notes XD. Also, I forgot to mention, but getting another proofreader would be good since there were many grammatical mistakes.

Finally, the biggest problem is that even though 70-80% of the text is basically an information dump, the reader isn't given any reason to care about that information. Because you study at this faculty this is automatically interesting for you, but for others there isn't any personal motivation to read all this info and it can easily become boring. While I know you said the romantic plot isn't the point of this, you have to keep in mind that you're still presenting this as a story, so it will be judged as a story too. The trick to making information interesting (no matter what kind of information) is making it interact with the plot. So, next time you want to teach people something through a story, think of what the plot is and how this information contributes to it or interacts with it.

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 6:58 am 
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Completed: Yandere in 100 Words
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Ahaha, that font... Ahem. Comic Sans jokes must be getting overused by now, sorry.

The sprites are pretty well-made by MSPaint standards. The characters are, well, sufficient. I liked how, on the way to the Best Ending, they become more comfortable with each other and joke around.

I agree that it could use some more checking for grammar. At the moment, there are quite a few awkward sentences that perfectly match the font- whoops, sorry again.
English isn't your first language, right?

The music is... interesting XD It's fun, but got on my nerves after a while because while there was a variety of different tracks, they all sounded rather grating, so I turned it off ^^;

I like how informative it is, though. Well, alright, so I'm the kind of person who appreciates any and all information. It's also pretty well-made as a game, even though it doesn't look that polished. :3


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 25, 2012 6:10 am 
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Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 7:23 pm
Posts: 517
Location: Yogyakarta, Indonesia
Completed: Tour de Pharmacy, Tour de Paseban
Projects: ERASER, Last Rx
Organization: VN Project Indonesia
Deviantart: SECONDARY-TARGET
I'm sorry for the late reply, whoaaaa quite a detailed feedback, thank you so much :D
Anna wrote:
Congratulations on your release! I played it just now, so here are my thoughts :).

I like the main characters, since they are so adorable both in personality and design. Their personalities were believable as well and I liked the character development in general. The being honest thing was well done for example.

Yay for Max and Tera ! Thank you for your opinion :)

Anna wrote:
Although the sprites are cute too, they could use some work. At the moment they seem to be drawn in MS Paint or something and then poorly cleaned up (you can see traces of white here and there and the lines are a bit messy). This especially confuses me because the CG at the end (best end) is much cleaner. EDIT: aha, so that's why. I just read your author's notes XD.

Yes, they are drawn on MS Paint with extra patience

Anna wrote:
Also, I forgot to mention, but getting another proofreader would be good since there were many grammatical mistakes.

Umm....can you pinpoint where is my mistake(s) ? I believe the proofreader did his best. But this is partially my fault too, because :
1. I kinda forced him to proofread on 2 days (a sudden deadline) :lol:
2. He is originally speaking British English, while I request him to proofread on American English. So this is rather contradictive, and you may encounter some weird sentences ?

Anna wrote:
Finally, the biggest problem is that even though 70-80% of the text is basically an information dump, the reader isn't given any reason to care about that information. Because you study at this faculty this is automatically interesting for you, but for others there isn't any personal motivation to read all this info and it can easily become boring. While I know you said the romantic plot isn't the point of this, you have to keep in mind that you're still presenting this as a story, so it will be judged as a story too. The trick to making information interesting (no matter what kind of information) is making it interact with the plot. So, next time you want to teach people something through a story, think of what the plot is and how this information contributes to it or interacts with it.

I admit this is my biggest weakness on making this Visual Novel. Thank you for noticing that, though. I'll keep that in mind.

_________________
Completed project :
Tour de Pharmacy | Pharmacy Quiz 1.0 |
Tour de Paseban (KKN PPM UGM 2013 JTG 12 Projects)


Image

Image
PROJECT-ERASER


"All things are poison, and nothing is without poison; only the dose permits something not to be poisonous" (Paracelsus, The Father of Toxicology)

"Let us learn to DREAM, then we may perhaps find the truth" (August Kekule, the benzene structure inventor)


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 25, 2012 6:18 am 
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Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 7:23 pm
Posts: 517
Location: Yogyakarta, Indonesia
Completed: Tour de Pharmacy, Tour de Paseban
Projects: ERASER, Last Rx
Organization: VN Project Indonesia
Deviantart: SECONDARY-TARGET
Another detailed feedback. Yay :mrgreen:
Amy wrote:
Ahaha, that font... Ahem. Comic Sans jokes must be getting overused by now, sorry.

What is the connection between Comic Sans MS and jokes ? Overused ? :?

Amy wrote:
The sprites are pretty well-made by MSPaint standards. The characters are, well, sufficient. I liked how, on the way to the Best Ending, they become more comfortable with each other and joke around.

Thank you :mrgreen:

Amy wrote:
I agree that it could use some more checking for grammar. At the moment, there are quite a few awkward sentences that perfectly match the font- whoops, sorry again.
English isn't your first language, right?

Can you pinpoint where is my mistake(s) ? (gimme an explicit example please ?). I believe the proofreader did his best. But this is partially my fault, too.

Amy wrote:
The music is... interesting XD It's fun, but got on my nerves after a while because while there was a variety of different tracks, they all sounded rather grating, so I turned it off ^^;

Umm...can you specify which soundtrack (the title) is it ? (the one you don't like, any opinion would be fine). This will be useful for my references

Amy wrote:
I like how informative it is, though. Well, alright, so I'm the kind of person who appreciates any and all information. It's also pretty well-made as a game, even though it doesn't look that polished. :3

Hahaha,I admit this part is my biggest weakness. Thank you again.

_________________
Completed project :
Tour de Pharmacy | Pharmacy Quiz 1.0 |
Tour de Paseban (KKN PPM UGM 2013 JTG 12 Projects)


Image

Image
PROJECT-ERASER


"All things are poison, and nothing is without poison; only the dose permits something not to be poisonous" (Paracelsus, The Father of Toxicology)

"Let us learn to DREAM, then we may perhaps find the truth" (August Kekule, the benzene structure inventor)


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 25, 2012 7:53 am 
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Joined: Sat Dec 25, 2010 10:30 am
Posts: 703
Location: The Netherlands
Completed: Days of the Divine, Nanolife, Firefly
Projects: Locus Magici
Organization: Circle Pegasi
Wait maybe I worded that wrong, I meant getting more than one proofreader instead of getting a different one. I'm sure squark did what he could :).

Here are some examples of mistakes I found:

1. That's right, I just wandering around and.... (grammar)
2. ...unexpectedly come to this place (weird sentence and missing period)
3. How can I forget that moment? (how could)
4. His mind is hard to guess. (weird sentence)
5. I don't know why, I feel so happy when I heard about he is as the same year as me. (many grammar problems here)
6. Maybe because I get new friend from the other faculty, eh? (again grammar)
7. and he is pretty cool guy (grammar, just add "a" between "is" and "pretty")

These were just from the first few minutes where they meet, and there were quite a lot of those in the rest of the story as well. They're mainly grammar mistakes and missing words.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 25, 2012 9:13 am 
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Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 7:23 pm
Posts: 517
Location: Yogyakarta, Indonesia
Completed: Tour de Pharmacy, Tour de Paseban
Projects: ERASER, Last Rx
Organization: VN Project Indonesia
Deviantart: SECONDARY-TARGET
Anna wrote:
Wait maybe I worded that wrong, I meant getting more than one proofreader instead of getting a different one. I'm sure squark did what he could :).

Here are some examples of mistakes I found:

1. That's right, I just wandering around and.... (grammar)
2. ...unexpectedly come to this place (weird sentence and missing period)
3. How can I forget that moment? (how could)
4. His mind is hard to guess. (weird sentence)
5. I don't know why, I feel so happy when I heard about he is as the same year as me. (many grammar problems here)
6. Maybe because I get new friend from the other faculty, eh? (again grammar)
7. and he is pretty cool guy (grammar, just add "a" between "is" and "pretty")

These were just from the first few minutes where they meet, and there were quite a lot of those in the rest of the story as well. They're mainly grammar mistakes and missing words.


Thank you for your concern :D
I have to admit...some of the sentences you mentioned above sounds weird...(I can't describe it clearly). Since the proofreader, literally, has no right to change my words/sentences entirely, he just stuck to correct the grammatical errors :mrgreen:
Maybe next time I'll hire you as proofreader :lol:

_________________
Completed project :
Tour de Pharmacy | Pharmacy Quiz 1.0 |
Tour de Paseban (KKN PPM UGM 2013 JTG 12 Projects)


Image

Image
PROJECT-ERASER


"All things are poison, and nothing is without poison; only the dose permits something not to be poisonous" (Paracelsus, The Father of Toxicology)

"Let us learn to DREAM, then we may perhaps find the truth" (August Kekule, the benzene structure inventor)


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 25, 2012 9:37 am 
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Completed: Yandere in 100 Words
Projects: Fate/otome, Carmilla
Organization: Yandere^2
^^; Comic Sans is really... hated. People complain about it being overused, yes, but also poorly designed with bad kerning and uneven weight and often placed in the wrong context...
By now, though, it's sort of become an in-joke. It's used in some communities as a sarcasm or joke indicator.

As for the music, Epinephrine, MTX and Herione are especially irritating when used for long periods of time or in succession. I think part of the problem is that the VN keeps switching from one track to another track of a similar tone? Aside from that, Valerian doesn't seem to loop properly. Oh, but the track names are fun :3

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Our high school romantic comedy 4koma with 200% more yandere: Yandere Squared!

Yandere story collection + Yandere article collection
Submissions welcome!

Yandere in 100 Words: Visual Novel edition (It's my first visual novel, so please drop by with some feedback! ^^)


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 25, 2012 10:07 am 
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Organization: VN Project Indonesia
Deviantart: SECONDARY-TARGET
Amy wrote:
^^; Comic Sans is really... hated. People complain about it being overused, yes, but also poorly designed with bad kerning and uneven weight and often placed in the wrong context...
By now, though, it's sort of become an in-joke. It's used in some communities as a sarcasm or joke indicator.

Well, thanks for the info. Maybe Comic Sans is too general, but I'm lazy to change it since it fits my character (and legible, at the most)

Amy wrote:
As for the music, Epinephrine, MTX and Herione are especially irritating when used for long periods of time or in succession. I think part of the problem is that the VN keeps switching from one track to another track of a similar tone? Aside from that, Valerian doesn't seem to loop properly.

Uh-huh, I see...(seems I have bad taste on music as well)

Amy wrote:
Oh, but the track names are fun :3

Should I explain to you one by one ? Some of the track names are just a random ideas :mrgreen:

_________________
Completed project :
Tour de Pharmacy | Pharmacy Quiz 1.0 |
Tour de Paseban (KKN PPM UGM 2013 JTG 12 Projects)


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PROJECT-ERASER


"All things are poison, and nothing is without poison; only the dose permits something not to be poisonous" (Paracelsus, The Father of Toxicology)

"Let us learn to DREAM, then we may perhaps find the truth" (August Kekule, the benzene structure inventor)


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 25, 2012 7:36 pm 
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tiya_nofurita wrote:
Amy wrote:
As for the music, Epinephrine, MTX and Herione are especially irritating when used for long periods of time or in succession. I think part of the problem is that the VN keeps switching from one track to another track of a similar tone? Aside from that, Valerian doesn't seem to loop properly.

Uh-huh, I see...(seems I have bad taste on music as well)

Amy wrote:
Oh, but the track names are fun :3

Should I explain to you one by one ? Some of the track names are just a random ideas :mrgreen:

Not necessarily :3
VN background music has to meet different criteria. I usually choose the music based on how long I can loop it for without getting annoyed by it, and if it's less than an hour, I don't use it ^^;

If you'd like to explain, then sure, I'd like to hear it :3 There are so many names I've never seen before ^^;

_________________
Our high school romantic comedy 4koma with 200% more yandere: Yandere Squared!

Yandere story collection + Yandere article collection
Submissions welcome!

Yandere in 100 Words: Visual Novel edition (It's my first visual novel, so please drop by with some feedback! ^^)


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 8:47 am 
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Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 7:23 pm
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Completed: Tour de Pharmacy, Tour de Paseban
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Organization: VN Project Indonesia
Deviantart: SECONDARY-TARGET
Amy wrote:
If you'd like to explain, then sure, I'd like to hear it :3 There are so many names I've never seen before ^^;

Campus life is so busy right now, fine, but maybe not now :p

_________________
Completed project :
Tour de Pharmacy | Pharmacy Quiz 1.0 |
Tour de Paseban (KKN PPM UGM 2013 JTG 12 Projects)


Image

Image
PROJECT-ERASER


"All things are poison, and nothing is without poison; only the dose permits something not to be poisonous" (Paracelsus, The Father of Toxicology)

"Let us learn to DREAM, then we may perhaps find the truth" (August Kekule, the benzene structure inventor)


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2013 11:56 pm 
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I like the characters style, they look so kawaii. By the way, I am playing another game meantime, here is my review http://www.dotmmo.com/campus-life-16048.html, I hope you will like it.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 21, 2013 3:54 am 
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Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 7:23 pm
Posts: 517
Location: Yogyakarta, Indonesia
Completed: Tour de Pharmacy, Tour de Paseban
Projects: ERASER, Last Rx
Organization: VN Project Indonesia
Deviantart: SECONDARY-TARGET
qwhiboxs wrote:
I like the characters style, they look so kawaii. By the way, I am playing another game meantime, here is my review http://www.dotmmo.com/campus-life-16048.html, I hope you will like it.


Thank you for the compliment.
But, what does your review has to do with my Visual Novel anyway ? Then again, I don't have an iPhone :mrgreen:

_________________
Completed project :
Tour de Pharmacy | Pharmacy Quiz 1.0 |
Tour de Paseban (KKN PPM UGM 2013 JTG 12 Projects)


Image

Image
PROJECT-ERASER


"All things are poison, and nothing is without poison; only the dose permits something not to be poisonous" (Paracelsus, The Father of Toxicology)

"Let us learn to DREAM, then we may perhaps find the truth" (August Kekule, the benzene structure inventor)


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