The Dolls' Stories (REMOVED)

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SimonLayton
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Re: The Dolls' Stories

#16 Post by SimonLayton »

Played the fdoll route only, but hey, I love this already! :) The concept is pretty cool! Now I must go and play the mdoll route. *runs*
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Re: The Dolls' Stories

#17 Post by CheeryMoya »

Finished! I don't see how you aren't proud of this game, it's extremely polished. Like, way more polished than the average game here. And considering that it's your first game, it's really good omg

I played the MDoll's route first since FDoll's was incomplete, and I got so immersed into the game I didn't even have the chance to liveblog. The narration and dialogue doesn't assume anything about the player, which was great for the typing feature. The only bad thing about the whole typing thing was that it wouldn't recognize the keywords if you added in too many extra words. I'm not sure how it works so that tiny thing can be fixed, but it can get frustrating if you were having a perfect conversation with your doll and he suddenly goes, "Wait, can you say that again?"

The story was really great ;A; It was adorable how the doll was trying to be his best but he kept failing. I was like, "No bro you can do it, believe in me who believes in you!!!!"
I was really devastated when I got to the part where it's revealed that he was a defect because his sprite omg nooooOOO it hit me right in the feels OTL When he started getting cracks on his neck I was screaming in my head too, did I treat him badly?! AhhhhhhHHHHHHH I'm so glad he was ok after the shadow puppet fight he got so handsome ≧'◡'≦
Even though you had some timeskips, they were very well placed so the pacing was great. It's a shame it wasn't longer though :c I'd love to know more about this world and its history.

And oh man, the art. THE CUTSCENES. That was extreme ATL right there, I don't know if I could program it any better. The smaller panels conveyed a lot more action than one full screen CG, and the timing was perfect. Part of me wonders how it'd be if it was voice acted, omg The only thing I can complain about is how one click would end the whole scene and skip to the next line of dialogue. Maybe there's a way to disable clicking or make it so the panels show up when the player clicks, so that way they can view it at their own pace? I have no idea how I'd go about it OTL

But yeah, the game was totes awesome!!! The choice of music was nice and really set the atmosphere for each scene. Everything felt cohesive and well thought out, it was worth the wait. You should be proud of this game :V If there's ever the chance you're feeling masochistic and want to expand on a lot of the game's features, I'd agree with v3-kei that a stat raising sim would be cool since the idea of raising the doll is like those old Princess Maker games. You could influence their personality, what element they are, etc. That'd require a lot more writing but there's so much potential o: Whatever you choose to do, I look forward to your next projects :3

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Re: The Dolls' Stories

#18 Post by Sheridan »

Played the mdoll's route and really enjoyed it! I love what you did with the comic panel-like cutscenes. I haven't seen anything like that in other VNs. The art is beautiful and the scenes felt very dynamic.

I played the demo of this game a while ago and was excited about the dialogue system, so I was looking forward to that. It would have been nice to have more freedom to have conversations -- maybe nothing so intricate as, say, Galatea, but more involved than just typing in one line -- but even so, it made me feel more immersed in the story. As a result, the few places where the player character's dialogue was just written out, rather than giving me a prompt, felt like it was taking a choice away from me.

A minor nitpick: the characters' names before the dialogue are in capslock except the player character and the dolls' names that you input, and the inconsistency bugs me.

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Re: The Dolls' Stories

#19 Post by bippers »

Image
omg this was so much fun

It is a pity about the fdoll's route but I'm glad you kept what you had of it because she's the most adorable thing I just wanted to snuggle and buy her kittens and put them in her bed so that she would stop waking me up at bloody who-knows-what hour of the morn to go practice with the other insane fools

I did mdoll's route first, liked the way the story went (and the comic layout which would pop up occasionaly was gorgeous, reminded me of Lucky Rabbit Reflex which is most definately a complement), even if I'm waay more fond of fdoll's personality (but that's personal pref)

had a little too much fun with the textboxes i think

Image

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Re: The Dolls' Stories

#20 Post by fioricca »

asdfsdfasdf oh man haha /face in hands from embarrassment

It seems that there is an even division between those who liked the typing and those who didn't, so I'm really glad to hear that it didn't turn too many off from finishing the game. ;; I'm super flattered!
JimG wrote:First off, I only played the fdolls route but I really liked the concept. I don't normally spend time on kinetic novels so this one is the exception to the rule. I would really like to see a VN or role play game based on this, there just seems to be a million things you could do with it. The premise seems quite original and I have to confess that I kind of liked the typing. You showed really neat ideas and tons of creativity. Thank you for making this.

Best Regards
Jim
Thank you for playing and for the comment! I'm honoured that Dolls is a great exception for you. A role playing game where the dolls can indeed train properly and use their skills would be really cool!
v3-kei wrote:The epic backstory, the mdoll face who is just so cute akdhdhsksh and then handsome and Gilbert in comic panels look so awesome and Ermagerrrrd so many fanfics it could inspire hnnnggg.....Is it bad if I want full fledged, stat based game of this? I just.. I just want to see my mdoll more.... //cryforeverplz
asdfadf whenever someone gives me comments like this I don't know what to say, just -- I'm really glad you liked mdoll, and I'm flattered that you'd be interested in seeing this become a stats-raising game. :D I'll give it serious thought!
ixWishing wrote:Crying happily because at the end, the male doll was able to grow up c:
asdfghjkl<3 It's so cute, from being a weak "child" to a fine grown man :o

I kinda wish there was an after story or something, after the dolls have grown up lol.
H-haha, I would have included a more dynamic twitter-bot-like chat as an unlockable feature if my writer and programmer hadn't disappeared. T_T Thank you so much for playing!
ngareci wrote:I'm cryiiing when I've finished the male doll story..
T____T
It's so beautiful..
I love the way you make the comic event.
I do enjoy every visual aspect very much! So much win!
And the story? Like I said in the first setence, it has got me.
And the part where you have to type your own answer, made the player have a special bonds to the doll. I like it!
I'll be waiting for another "doll" story, either related to this one or not, if you'd like to make it, someday.. :D
Congratulations on the release and thank you for making such a beautiful game!~
Eee thank you so much! I'm really glad that you liked the comic events. Now I really wish I had inserted more pictures. XD I'm flattered to hear that you'll be looking forward to a second game! I'll give it serious thought!
CheeryMoya wrote:Finished! I don't see how you aren't proud of this game, it's extremely polished. Like, way more polished than the average game here. And considering that it's your first game, it's really good omg

I played the MDoll's route first since FDoll's was incomplete, and I got so immersed into the game I didn't even have the chance to liveblog. The narration and dialogue doesn't assume anything about the player, which was great for the typing feature. The only bad thing about the whole typing thing was that it wouldn't recognize the keywords if you added in too many extra words. I'm not sure how it works so that tiny thing can be fixed, but it can get frustrating if you were having a perfect conversation with your doll and he suddenly goes, "Wait, can you say that again?"

The story was really great ;A; It was adorable how the doll was trying to be his best but he kept failing. I was like, "No bro you can do it, believe in me who believes in you!!!!"
I was really devastated when I got to the part where it's revealed that he was a defect because his sprite omg nooooOOO it hit me right in the feels OTL When he started getting cracks on his neck I was screaming in my head too, did I treat him badly?! AhhhhhhHHHHHHH I'm so glad he was ok after the shadow puppet fight he got so handsome ≧'◡'≦
Even though you had some timeskips, they were very well placed so the pacing was great. It's a shame it wasn't longer though :c I'd love to know more about this world and its history.

And oh man, the art. THE CUTSCENES. That was extreme ATL right there, I don't know if I could program it any better. The smaller panels conveyed a lot more action than one full screen CG, and the timing was perfect. Part of me wonders how it'd be if it was voice acted, omg The only thing I can complain about is how one click would end the whole scene and skip to the next line of dialogue. Maybe there's a way to disable clicking or make it so the panels show up when the player clicks, so that way they can view it at their own pace? I have no idea how I'd go about it OTL

But yeah, the game was totes awesome!!! The choice of music was nice and really set the atmosphere for each scene. Everything felt cohesive and well thought out, it was worth the wait. You should be proud of this game :V If there's ever the chance you're feeling masochistic and want to expand on a lot of the game's features, I'd agree with v3-kei that a stat raising sim would be cool since the idea of raising the doll is like those old Princess Maker games. You could influence their personality, what element they are, etc. That'd require a lot more writing but there's so much potential o: Whatever you choose to do, I look forward to your next projects :3
asdfasdfh nooo I was looking forward to your liveblog

I know you're really busy with NaNo, homework and school, so thank you so much for taking the time off to play Dolls and provide such kind feedback to me. ;__; ♥ Uwaaahh. I understand -- I realise that a lot of the issues raised in this game are left not addressed. I was thinking of making a Dolls+ that focuses on Mel and Gil's backstory (more plot, no chat interaction) to prop the game up, but then I got so discouraged from losing members that I scrapped the idea. XD";; Now I've filled up my schedule with other things, there's no way that the project can start anytime soon. But thank you so much -- it makes me really happy to hear that the premise/world interests you. ♥ ♥ ♥

Ahh, sorry to hear about the panels! I'll definitely keep that in mind next time. I took the format from .hack//LINK, which had voices to pace out narration and panels. A-And oh man I might be feeling quite masochistic right now -- not nearly as masochistic that I'd go YES LET'S HAVE A FULL DOLLS GAME but you guysssss...........

Thanks again for the feedback, Moya! This is really helpful!
Sheridan wrote:Played the mdoll's route and really enjoyed it! I love what you did with the comic panel-like cutscenes. I haven't seen anything like that in other VNs. The art is beautiful and the scenes felt very dynamic.

I played the demo of this game a while ago and was excited about the dialogue system, so I was looking forward to that. It would have been nice to have more freedom to have conversations -- maybe nothing so intricate as, say, Galatea, but more involved than just typing in one line -- but even so, it made me feel more immersed in the story. As a result, the few places where the player character's dialogue was just written out, rather than giving me a prompt, felt like it was taking a choice away from me.

A minor nitpick: the characters' names before the dialogue are in capslock except the player character and the dolls' names that you input, and the inconsistency bugs me.
Eeep, thank you for testing the demo out and playing it again now! I'm flattered that you liked the art. Having more options was definitely something that I should have planned for from the beginning! Unfortunately, it wasn't possible when I lost my writer. :x But I'll definitely keep this in mind should I plan to upgrade this system further; thanks for the input. :D

As for the capslock, that was because I didn't know how to make it uniform. |D";; The original idea was to have everyone's name displayed in capslock (and not bolded, because it looks neater). I'm sorry for the inconsistency, but thank you for putting up with it and playing to the end. It means tons. :D
bippers wrote:Image
omg this was so much fun

It is a pity about the fdoll's route but I'm glad you kept what you had of it because she's the most adorable thing I just wanted to snuggle and buy her kittens and put them in her bed so that she would stop waking me up at bloody who-knows-what hour of the morn to go practice with the other insane fools

I did mdoll's route first, liked the way the story went (and the comic layout which would pop up occasionaly was gorgeous, reminded me of Lucky Rabbit Reflex which is most definately a complement), even if I'm waay more fond of fdoll's personality (but that's personal pref)

had a little too much fun with the textboxes i think

Image
asdfsdfasdf THE DEVIL IS HERE my friend named herself dicks so it was like "strengthen my bond with dicks instead ladsfkjahsdjf"

Thank you so much, both for playing and for the feedback! I'm glad that you enjoyed fdoll's route -- I'm not confident in designing female characters at all, and even now I still think that mdoll's character is perhaps more well thought-out than fdoll or something. XD I'm relieved to hear that it's not the case. And oh man when someone types out stuff like that, it makes me cry a little inside because I wish I had included responses for those. Ahhh. These caps made me smile. ♥

*

I just want to thank everyone who has provided feedback about what you liked and didn't like! The responses generated are useful, and will definitely come in handy should I decide to create an enhanced Dolls game. (I still consider Dolls a prototype because there could be so much more that can be done with the chat system, and it doesn't feel good to release an incomplete game... |D) I know I'm repeating myself, but it means a lot that some of you would play to the end! I know that the typing is a tedious chore for some of you, a friend of mine mentioned getting sick of it pretty quickly. XD";; Thanks for your patience, and keep the feedback coming. :D

Also, re: names; I suggested it to a friend once, but to those who have yet to play the game, what about using your own name as the Player's name and the name of your favourite fictional/non-fictional character as your Doll's name? ;D

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Re: The Dolls' Stories

#21 Post by Cadenza »

Dang, I can tell you have a LOT of potential when it comes to making VNs. You've gotten a lot of (well-deserved!!) praise in this thread. SO I'm going to try and focus on the more critical stuff because like I said, I think you have a lot of potential and so does this game, and I'd like to.. you know. Help to cultivate that with some critique, hopefully! I do LIKE this game. The fact that you managed to get it out despite difficulties is pretty amazing in itself, let alone how polished it is compared to some other VNs out there.

The art's lovely and the concept is very clever. I'm not sure if it's the kind of thing suited to such a short story - more worldbuilding would've been excellent. In fact I think if this game was slated for a larger sequel set in this universe, feat. more character development and plot, it would be fantastic. Obviously, though, you don't want your first VN to be too ambitious. I think it's really unfortunate that you had major problems with your team, I know that feeling. It's kind of The Worst. So, any criticisms I have that are not directly your fault and are because of said problems, please ignore!

Also, I only played the M!Doll route. Just an FYI.

GUI: It's kind of a let-down that one of the things that drew me to this game when it was a WIP has come out fairly shoddy. It's like two GUIs were thrown together. This mostly stood out to me with the differences between the title screen and the options screen - the first is green and has a chunky feel, the second is smooth and has a neutral colouring. There's thick stroke when you hover which detracts from the clean simplistic look of menus, and the beautiful textbox has been feathered out which looks far less eye-catching and original than the 100% opacity actual BOX I remember from the demo. The response box also happened a LOT smoother in the demo if I remember correctly. The constant up and down here hurts my eyes a bit. Not a fan. Also, I think having a custom cursor would be a nice touch!

ART: Ahhhh so beautiful ahhhh ahhhhhh consistently perfeito. The colouring is GORG. The expressions are GORG. The facial animations were good, and the way your doll would zoom in to you wasn't creepy like it is in some VNs where the sprites SLOWLY CREEP TOWARDS YOU.
The atmosphere in the scene where I can give up my doll was done way better than I would've expected. M!Doll's sprite change, his "..."s, the writing.. It was all incredible.
Two things, though. The backgrounds - particularly the market one - don't really match the clean style of the sprites. I can understand if this is just because, like, backgrounds aren't really the most fun thing when it comes to VN art. Because they really aren't. SO. Second thing! The comic part was REALLY COOL AND FUN AND I LIKED IT A LOT except for how it detracted from the aesthetic of the VN ... aaaagain. Can't really see the smooth simplistic look we get from the options screen + doll select screen going well with the comic's speech bubbles and etc. The comic battle was good for a flash and a bang, but it would've worked if it was several CGs just faded in over eachother.

WRITING: Coooould've been better. I feel like this game suffers from being a contained little oneshot but expecting you to connect in a short period of time. I REALLY wasn't given much reason to like my M!Doll. The pacing with the doll/player relationship wasn't the greatest, since I spent ages explaining the economy to my doll before telling him to shut up twenty times, and then we have a two-second scene with him at home.
I gave him up at the end because I'm not really a Family Gal. Or a Morals Gal. Cough cough.
Everyone was a bit too ~LOUDLY INTROSPECTIVE~ for my tastes, yet I never really got a grip on anyone's character, including my own.

Something I think that could've been rad was being able to affect your doll's personality. Man, I really really want this game to get an expanded sequel. You need a writer/programmer/flail companion? I'm here for you. Shh. Don't even think about it.

SO BASICALLY: Janky dialogue, beautiful art, mismatched aesthetic, mega-potential, suffers heavily from being so short and self-contained. There's just some narratives that aren't best friends with the idea of being short, I guess.

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Re: The Dolls' Stories

#22 Post by fioricca »

I

asdfsdfasdf

;____;

Ahh come here and let me wrap my arms around you I -- this is just such a lovely lovely comment. I mentioned to Moya just a comment ago that I still wasn't sure if the concept is worth a sequel but I DO... NOW... and I will keep both you and Moya in mind ahhh asdfsdf I don't know what else to say, I am simply overcome. But let me sort out my thoughts and address some of the points you've raised.
Cadenza wrote:The art's lovely and the concept is very clever. I'm not sure if it's the kind of thing suited to such a short story - more worldbuilding would've been excellent. In fact I think if this game was slated for a larger sequel set in this universe, feat. more character development and plot, it would be fantastic. Obviously, though, you don't want your first VN to be too ambitious. I think it's really unfortunate that you had major problems with your team, I know that feeling. It's kind of The Worst. So, any criticisms I have that are not directly your fault and are because of said problems, please ignore!
I'm really flattered that you feel that way! It's true that I tried to keep it as small as I can because I didn't have enough confidence to tackle long games. I was feeling especially discouraged when I wasn't able to keep the team together even for a short game like this XD";; But thank you so much for showing interest in the setting! I'm over the moon right now.
Cadenza wrote:GUI: It's kind of a let-down that one of the things that drew me to this game when it was a WIP has come out fairly shoddy. It's like two GUIs were thrown together. This mostly stood out to me with the differences between the title screen and the options screen - the first is green and has a chunky feel, the second is smooth and has a neutral colouring. There's thick stroke when you hover which detracts from the clean simplistic look of menus, and the beautiful textbox has been feathered out which looks far less eye-catching and original than the 100% opacity actual BOX I remember from the demo. The response box also happened a LOT smoother in the demo if I remember correctly. The constant up and down here hurts my eyes a bit. Not a fan. Also, I think having a custom cursor would be a nice touch!
Ugh, I have to agree with you that I really could have done more for the GUI. ;; Unfortunately, my programmer didn't like coding GUIs much and I couldn't have done it myself, so I contented myself with how it was, at the very least, perfectly functional. I didn't think about including a custom cursor at all, so thank you for the suggestion! Perhaps next time, I'll learn how to include a game icon as well, so you wouldn't need to click on the default Ren'py icon to start the game.
Cadenza wrote:ART: Ahhhh so beautiful ahhhh ahhhhhh consistently perfeito. The colouring is GORG. The expressions are GORG. The facial animations were good, and the way your doll would zoom in to you wasn't creepy like it is in some VNs where the sprites SLOWLY CREEP TOWARDS YOU.
The atmosphere in the scene where I can give up my doll was done way better than I would've expected. M!Doll's sprite change, his "..."s, the writing.. It was all incredible.
Two things, though. The backgrounds - particularly the market one - don't really match the clean style of the sprites. I can understand if this is just because, like, backgrounds aren't really the most fun thing when it comes to VN art. Because they really aren't. SO. Second thing! The comic part was REALLY COOL AND FUN AND I LIKED IT A LOT except for how it detracted from the aesthetic of the VN ... aaaagain. Can't really see the smooth simplistic look we get from the options screen + doll select screen going well with the comic's speech bubbles and etc. The comic battle was good for a flash and a bang, but it would've worked if it was several CGs just faded in over eachother.
Eep -- here is then where my inexperience shows! I didn't understand a thing about matching backgrounds to sprites when I first started out, so the backgrounds came out hasty and messy. D: I do not deny that I am thoroughly embarrassed by what has been done. I do agree that the comic events could have been improved upon -- I would have loved to add more graphic effects -- except I wasn't even sure how to pull off the comic things in the first place. XD";; Now that I have more experience, I think we can expect an improved version in the future. Thanks so much for the input. :D
Cadenza wrote:WRITING: Coooould've been better. I feel like this game suffers from being a contained little oneshot but expecting you to connect in a short period of time. I REALLY wasn't given much reason to like my M!Doll. The pacing with the doll/player relationship wasn't the greatest, since I spent ages explaining the economy to my doll before telling him to shut up twenty times, and then we have a two-second scene with him at home.
I gave him up at the end because I'm not really a Family Gal. Or a Morals Gal. Cough cough.
Everyone was a bit too ~LOUDLY INTROSPECTIVE~ for my tastes, yet I never really got a grip on anyone's character, including my own.

Something I think that could've been rad was being able to affect your doll's personality. Man, I really really want this game to get an expanded sequel. You need a writer/programmer/flail companion? I'm here for you. Shh. Don't even think about it.
A friend of mine did mention that the game was too short, but I was very hesitant to lengthen it if only because I didn't want to jump into a long, ambitious game with next-to-zero experience. Not to mention that if I couldn't even finish fdoll's route, thinking of a longer game is out of the question... |D";; I'm sorry to hear that you gave up in the end and missed out on all the other cutscenes of Melinda and Gilfred sob.
Cadenza wrote:SO BASICALLY: Janky dialogue, beautiful art, mismatched aesthetic, mega-potential, suffers heavily from being so short and self-contained. There's just some narratives that aren't best friends with the idea of being short, I guess.
Ugh ;___; I'm really sorry to have disappointed you in so many ways, but I have to thank you all the more for taking time off to play the game and provide such great feedback all the same. It warms my heart in ways you wouldn't know. Ahhh. ♥ I hope to be able to produce something that will answer your expectations in the future! Thank youuuuu!

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Re: The Dolls' Stories

#23 Post by jamesaguilar »

Many congratulations to you. You face many obstacles while developing the game. But finally, you have done it. You solve the problems all by yourself which is a great sign from your side. Next time you can make more better game with extra episodes in your doll’s stories.

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Re: The Dolls' Stories

#24 Post by saguaro »

fioricca, this is a tremendous first release.

I agree with Moya's suggestion about making the comic-book-style scenes clickable. I tried to back up at one point, so I could reread something, and couldn't.

The input box was interesting to me because it was used largely for static dialogue, where I had to say something rather specific, and a choice menu was presented when I seemed to have a real story choice (like whether to ditch mdoll... at least I assume I had a choice, I've only played through his route once and I chose to stick with him). The response did feel more personal when I was typing it, but only when I had leeway, rather than instances where I had to type the keyword phrase exactly to progress.

I don't think anyone's mentioned the skipping issue... Obviously you can't skip easily on multiple playthroughs when the input box keeps popping up. It might be worth the trouble of making the input box a preference option for people who just want to play it like a more standard VN. Unlockable chapter selection might be another possible solution.

One thing I wondered about was the sexual component in the doll-puppeteer relationship. Gil and Mel appear to have a completely platonic relationship, but Mdoll seems to skirt the issue (he says something about having strong arms and telling the player how he feels, I can't remember the exact line, but I honestly hadn't considered a romantic aspect until that point). So I wasn't sure if there can be a romantic aspect or if it's an agape love thing.

Very much looking forward to your future work.

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Re: The Dolls' Stories

#25 Post by sayu_k »

Ok. Finished the male doll route. I did wanted to cry but I'm too much of a brute at the moment.
I kind of liked the idea of having a doll and raising it to be my partner, but the typing was just bleh! 'Cause I just couldn't write what I wanted... I liked the fights being like those of comic books, it was a nice surprise!
Didn't get how the doll ended up growing up in ANOTHER PLACE. Ok, just weird!
I think if you made something like this but with a life simulation like Princess Maker 2 it would be much more fun! that's what I think! XD

oh! beautiful art :)
Image


"All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream."
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Re: The Dolls' Stories

#26 Post by ririruetoo »

I just finished the male dolls route *named him Apollo* and I really enjoyed the game play and story, are you planning on making similar type games in the future (where you write responses)? Or perhaps a sequel of some sort?
ImageImageImage

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Re: The Dolls' Stories

#27 Post by ROCKYIII »

Hey Nuge,

Just got through the female story. It was amazing. The artwork was some of the best I've seen. The story was engaging. Super impressive!

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Re: The Dolls' Stories

#28 Post by Nisey »

I almost completely forgot about this until I just happened to stumble onto this again! I've actually been heavily anticipating this game since the demo! The unique fill-in response system caught my eye and I'm so glad that I'll be able to play the game in its entirety now. Thank you!

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Re: The Dolls' Stories

#29 Post by Pixelen »

Gosh darnit, downloaded the game and totally forgot the female doll route wasn't finished and was disappointed when I tried to play it because I wanted to see what she grew up like. Please finish it!
I loved the mdoll route though, he was so sweet and he grew up so handsome! I wanted to see more of him as an adult though! I nearly cried when the credits came up as I thought it was the end of the story but I'm glad he survived :D Didn't really understand how he grew up because of the clay thing though or why he was cracking?
But anyway, I did love it although I agree with papillon about the text boxes, at first they were fun but then they became kind of tedious.

The art though. Man. It was BEAUTIFUL.

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Re: The Dolls' Stories

#30 Post by Blackcrown »

thank you so much!!! for sharing this beautiful VN because of it i was inspired to it such a shame its was short but totally amazing in every conversation they have i also register just to thank you and i regret nothing

^_^ i will promote you're VN now *runs*

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