shoot me for taking so long to post my thoughts
I really enjoyed this game. The writing was pretty decent, there were no mistakes or errors that I noticed. You managed to convey the feelings and what was happening properly, although I was surprised at the second person POV. I actually enjoyed using the chat system to "talk" with the dolls, and it managed to help me project myself into the VN and feel like I was really experiencing it.
One thing that I found awkard was the fact that there was a bit too much reader-feeder, and that sometimes the dialogue felt unnecessary. Melissa and Gil, despite acting as if they had known the person for a long time, would often point out things that should've been already known. You tried to disguise it, but it was still quite obvious. For example, in the beginning, Melissa pointed out that "we don't have dolls for sale here" "doll rituals are held at the temple". I thought that the person you were playing as would've known that already, being a knight and all with a puppeteer friend.
The dialogue was also a bit unrealistic, like the woman that MDoll stopped to ask what was happening. In a life-threatening situation, I highly doubt that people would stand around and discuss what's happening to a random person. If it were someone clearly trying to help, such as a policeman, they would do so, but if not, it looks like they would just scream, "See for yourself!" and run away. Considering that there was a gigantic monster wreaking havoc, I don't think the woman would've even bothered to talk to MDoll.
Melissa giving a monologue after killing the man was also a bit unrealistic. It felt very forced and unnatural, and I'm not sure what her words were intended for.
That being said, I still enjoyed the writing. It wasn't obtrusive, and didn't use any superfluous or needless words. It told the player exactly what they needed to hear, and was pleasantly concise. It's pretty decent, however, and it's definitely not obviously amateur.
It shocked me when your character suddenly spoke out that he/she would never give the doll up, though. I was quite surprised and taken off-guard when they spoke.
I found the ending to be a bit odd. Your doll dies after a long monologue of saying he likes you, and then poof? he's alive and mature??? It felt a bit tacked on just to give the reader a happy ending. There were so many questions raised.
Your art was definitely a good part of your game. I loved the way you shaded, and the different expressions you gave each character. The character designs were also pleasantly new and interesting, and your art style was really good on the eyes. I actually liked your messy and sketchy backgrounds, as they were out of focus as compared to the sprites, allowing me to focus on them. Perhaps it was a bit too much of a contrast, though. Your manga style scenes were definitely effective, and managed to convey a lot of things. The only annoying part was there was no rollback or anything, and you couldn't control the changing of each panel. I missed a few words occasionally, and had to reload a save to read it properly again.
The chibi art was also adorable, and it was used well.
I really, really liked the different expressions. Compared to other sprites, with little variation, except for the eyebrows and mouth, your character's entire face would change, and it was quite fun to see. Melissa's disgusted/annoyed/"Gil-can-you-not-you-brat" face and MDoll's shocked look were my favourite expressions.
The CG at the end of MDoll's route was also quite beautiful.
...But one thing I'm confused about is MDoll and FDoll losing their eyes at the part where you can choose to give them up. Their sprite, hunched over, eyeless... evoked a laugh out of me. ;_; I'm sorry. The emotional impact of that scene was lost on me because I laughed at their lack of eyes.
I liked your simple GUI, but I feel like a soft grey pattern on the textbox could've made it nicer to look at. The fadeout at the bottom of the textbox was good, but the top was a bit hard, and it looked like it just... appeared. The sliding up and down didn't really faze me, since I slowly thought out my words before I typed. It wasn't jarring at all.
I especially liked the configuration section and the title screen. Your selection of fonts was really well-done, it looked really classy everywhere.
The music wasn't to my liking, unfortunately. It felt a bit electronic, and I prefer hearing all my orchestra instruments in high-quality. It wasn't obtrusive, however, and did help to build up the mood. I felt like a better selection could be chosen, though. It was CC-music, so I do understand that it's hard to find good music.
All in all, it was a really excellent game for a first shot. I did find myself growing to like the characters by the end of the first playthrough. It had a lot of interaction, and I laughed at the bonus scene with MDoll wanting to have stronger arms.
His actions were undeniably cute, and both him and Gil were quite attractive and pleasing to the eyes.
I really liked the interactivity of this game. I played through to find all the bonus scenes, like what would happen if you said "yes" or "no" when helping MDoll and FDoll practice fighting, what would happen if you looked through some books, if you decided to abandon your doll. Despite having only one ending, and being a kinetic novel, it was quite fun to play.
I liked how pretty the priest was, and the concept and idea of dolls was really interesting. You executed it well, too. You didn't infodump about dolls, but did so through the library, and even then it was still a fun way to learn about them.
...Now that I think about it, you're scarily smart. A kinetic novel is perfect for a first-timer making a game, since they wouldn't fall into the trap of not making each route/end/path have a satisfying story and conclusion. A kinetic novel would be a turn off to people due to its lack of interactivity, but you patched that up nicely by having the chat system. But a chat system would be complex to make, so you just made it entering of key words and synonyms. And you also managed to have the story have a good conclusion no matter what because it only has one ending.
What annoyed me the most was that it was hard replaying. I would have to type in each word again, just to see the scenes all over. In the end, I resorted to saving before scenes I liked, just so I could load them without going through all the typing. Perhaps a kinetic version could be unlocked after one playthrough? I also felt that having a CG gallery and a Music Room or an Extras section might be a nice touch.
ಠ_ಠ You patched up your would-be flaws pretty amazingly. You're so smart and nice, it's almost scary.[/size]
All in all, it was an amazing game. It was also your first shot, so congratulations on making such a fun game.