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PostPosted: Thu Mar 28, 2013 11:41 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2011 1:50 pm
Posts: 458
Location: California, USA
Completed: The Forgetful Kiwi [NanoReno 2012], Papercut [NanoReno 2013]
Projects: Words Within Our Hearts, Papercut [NanoReno 2013]
Organization: Starlight Melodies
Twitter: @cidthekitty
Tumblr: starlightmelodies
Deviantart: cidthekitty
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Papercut: A love-affair drama about a housewife, who struggles to have children with her husband. After a few years, their marriage starts to die out, and she's looking for something new in her life. Perhaps that new young paperboy could be it.

Statistics:

The game contains 488 screens of dialogue.
These screens contain a total of 9,475 words,
for an average of 19.4 words per screen.
The game contains 1 menus.

Age-Raiting: M for mature (17-18+) for sexual content. (nothing is shown. However the text is kind of explicit at times)

downloads:

download here (All/cross platform. compatible with win/mac/linux)


Screencaps:

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Last edited by Cidz on Fri Mar 29, 2013 3:50 pm, edited 6 times in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 28, 2013 11:56 pm 
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Posts: 258
Location: Indonesia
Projects: Truffle!
Deviantart: ak-itsuki
Oh, wow, the plot looks twisted. I'm downloading it now, will post the review later.

EDIT
I finished it! Well, because I already downloaded the file before you changed the link, I don't know what's the difference but it's working thou. As I thought, the story has twists and they surprised me. A LOT.

I like how you use 2nd person point of view which isn't usual (but I keep telling myself that it's not ME). I don't really understand what happens to the woman; is she hallucinating? But she knows that she hallucinates?

And the part when all of sudden she kissed the paperboy and getting more than that, I was speechless. It was so straightforward to the point where I need time to understand it. In the end, the paperboy is such a jerk. Poor husband. At first I hate him but in the end, he does care about his wife. A bit too late thou.


Overall, it's short and good--and straightforward. Added that.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 11:51 am 
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Joined: Sun Jul 24, 2011 9:33 pm
Posts: 32
Projects: Words within our Hearts (script writer)
Akitsuki wrote:
Oh, wow, the plot looks twisted. I'm downloading it now, will post the review later.

EDIT
I finished it! Well, because I already downloaded the file before you changed the link, I don't know what's the difference but it's working thou. As I thought, the story has twists and they surprised me. A LOT.

I like how you use 2nd person point of view which isn't usual (but I keep telling myself that it's not ME). I don't really understand what happens to the woman; is she hallucinating? But she knows that she hallucinates?

And the part when all of sudden she kissed the paperboy and getting more than that, I was speechless. It was so straightforward to the point where I need time to understand it. In the end, the paperboy is such a jerk. Poor husband. At first I hate him but in the end, he does care about his wife. A bit too late thou.


Overall, it's short and good--and straightforward. Added that.


spoils below
Haha, well, she's actually kinda going crazy from her mundane lifestyle to the point of having auditory hallucinations (Made obvious in the RUN AWAY ending). Her biological clock... that ain't helping things.

I'm glad you liked it though! I didn't want to waste time, so I thought her being a bit unpredictable adds to her little instability. :p

And truthfully, I felt that the Abusive husband trope is sooooooo overused. I didn't want to write a Lifetime story. Making him caring and understanding to me, was refreshing.

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As you know, I'm called Jubbz, of the CSW Anime Blog. I started it, i run it. :D

Words Within Our Hearts (GxB VN)
Progress blog on the game
Current script progress: 20%.
I'm one of the writers of the Words within Our Hearts Otome Visual Novel, working on the scripts.
Completed Chris's route, and now working on Jeremy's. I'll re-do Avu's route when we get started on the sequel.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 4:32 pm 
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Location: Glorious Nippon (A.K.A the USA)
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Was waiting for this to come out.

Surprised of explicit it was in the... 'naughty' area. All those very 'naughty' bits were unexpected, hopefully you don't get in trouble with that.
I lost it at Vanilla hills, oh my god, hahaha!

I love the hint of insanity that's happening in the woman's mind, not thinking about her choices but just doing what she finds more enjoyable to her. A lot of woman do crazy things for love... and babies, especially babies. (I watch a lot a Maury)

Loved how some of the endings went, all bittersweet in their own way, no happy end. Glad to see some of that. :wink:
To bad will never know 'WHO MY BABY DADDY' is, quite lame. I like to think it was the paperboy myself.


Quite enjoyed it, very descriptive, it's like a common drama you see on T.V.
Leaves a bad taste in your mouth in the end, but that's to be expected.

This get's one half-simile from me~ :)
Congrats on all the hard work for this Nano guys!

Quote:
Jubbz
In the end, the paperboy is such a jerk. Poor husband. At first I hate him but in the end, he does care about his wife. A bit too late thou.


I don't think the paperboy was so much a jerk but of a kid who had a misconception of love. The main heroin sure did a bad job showing him that by stealing his 'probably' first kiss and virginity. I'm actually much more happy he ends up with his childhood friend.
(They never win....)

Can't say much about the husband, he didn't flesh out to me so much. I forgot about him half of the time... Maybe that was suppose to be the point! *Gasp*

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 7:21 pm 
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Projects: Words within our Hearts (script writer)
ShippoK wrote:
To bad will never know 'WHO MY BABY DADDY' is, quite lame. I like to think it was the paperboy myself.


Oh, the whole baby thing is supposed to be left up to your interpretation. I thought leaving it ambiguous was a good idea.


ShippoK wrote:
Quite enjoyed it, very descriptive, it's like a common drama you see on T.V.
Leaves a bad taste in your mouth in the end, but that's to be expected.

This get's one half-simile from me~ :)
Congrats on all the hard work for this Nano guys!


Thanks alot for playing through it!

ShippoK wrote:
Can't say much about the husband, he didn't flesh out to me so much. I forgot about him half of the time... Maybe that was suppose to be the point! *Gasp*


You got it! it's written that way on purpose, especially in the beginning.

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As you know, I'm called Jubbz, of the CSW Anime Blog. I started it, i run it. :D

Words Within Our Hearts (GxB VN)
Progress blog on the game
Current script progress: 20%.
I'm one of the writers of the Words within Our Hearts Otome Visual Novel, working on the scripts.
Completed Chris's route, and now working on Jeremy's. I'll re-do Avu's route when we get started on the sequel.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 8:29 pm 
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I Don't what to say about this, other than that the woman was really delusional o__o.

If she wanted kids so much, why couldn't she adopt one with her husband?
Or get a pet? But heh, that ruins the whole plot of the story.

But really, hmm. I really do wonder who was the father of the baby?
Most likely the newspaper boy I assume, since the husband was hinted heavily to be infertile.


Overally, there were plot twists, which surprised me! It was an enjoyable read~

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 30, 2013 10:26 am 
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Just finished playing it.. If she wanted to get a baby that much why don't she just go to the hospital? Instead of using the young boy who really did fall in love with her.


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 30, 2013 3:10 pm 
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Location: Within the shadows of your mind...
Completed: ReSet Ep 1 & 2 (proofreader)
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Review Time~ :D (don't really know if you feel my opinion is relevant but oh well...)
CAUTION TO THOSE WHO HAVEN'T PLAYED YET - THERE ARE SPOILERS! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Wow. This was actually pretty intense, and the protag's delusion made it even better giving the story a creepy element! I have to agree that I liked that you used 2nd person to narrate the story, because it is a more uncommon form. +1 for being different lol. Although this was more kinetic novel-ly (what I usually tend to stray from because of the linear storylines - eh, what can I say? I need my choices lol) I like how you left the choice at the end; that also isn't very common in VNs either. All in all, good job on finishing early and congratulations for completing Nano 2013! Really enjoyed this!!! :)

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PostPosted: Sun Mar 31, 2013 1:09 pm 
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Normally I'd avoid this type of stories but it certainly lured me in
with its whole affair drama (n-not like I enjoy reading those!). It
was just for a change of pace. I'd have to say it was very refreshing
and different from the whole "Love will always Prevail!". The setting
was very unsettling and made me very nervous the whole time also
question marks were flying round my head on what the heck was going
on at some parts then I remember this story has a sexual theme in it.

The Husband:
I seriously thought he was the abusive or cheating husband but I was proven wrong.
Pity the man with his infertility. Also frustrated with his wife being the way she was
somehow also made open my eyes about about relationships in future for me. I hope
I don't have experience anything like this... Both endings were very sad and as for the
ending where the wife goes to a TV show to reveal the father of the baby. I realized the
husband is still very caring as he still hasn't divorced or found another woman.

But one part confused me. Was he also committing debauchery too?


The Paperboy:
These words "Naive little virgin" harsh I don't know but it is true but everyone
makes their mistakes and eventually will move on. I was happy he moved on but upset he didn't take
responsibility but I can't blame him when the wife said she was "using" him. In all endings where she
gets a baby it's pretty obvious it's the Paperboy's child. I doubt his childhood friend is very happy.


Fairly good story. Has a proper length to it too. The GUI is... I won't comment as this is a submission for
Nanoremo 2013 so it's fine. I do enjoy your sprites they're nicely made--though still could need some touch-up
and cleaning. The only thing that irked me most in this game was hearing the baby (shudders) I like kids but
it almost made me remember the babies from Silent Hill 4: The Room - almost.

Overall - Good. I enjoyed it. (smiles)


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 01, 2013 1:00 am 
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Joined: Fri Mar 28, 2008 4:54 am
Posts: 4047
Location: Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
Completed: Fantasia series (ROT and ROTA), Doppleganger: Dawn of The Inverted Soul, a2 (a due), Time Labyrinth
Projects: Re:Set, Morpheandir Tales, The Alliance, Althernis Precasted
Organization: Memento-Mori VNs, Team Sleepyhead
Please do forgive me when I thought this was an otome game where you cheat on your husband. I read a review about a game like that somewhere and thought it was the same.

I was wrong, and boy do I feel satisfied because I am.

It's very creepy and distracting, in an interesting way. I am not a fan of cheating in dramas and I thought that this definitely adds up a different point of view in a story about cheating. Usually it's always forgiving and happy, but in the end no cheating story is going to end up happily and I think it's potrayed in a good way.

The baby sounds freaked me out when I first heard it but I think it's a really nice touch up to describe her insanity. I am sure the kid is the paperboy's. I think what the protagonist wants is not really a child, but some excitement in life. I mean, if she does want a kid, she would just adopt one. But then again she might want to give birth.

Nice NaNo entry! I shall give you an applause for finishing something, in which I can't do atm.

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 01, 2013 12:11 pm 
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Huh. That was a pretty unique take on the issue of cheating - instead of showing it as something that evil people do for evil reasons, it portrayed a more realistic version of it. Sometimes breaking commitment has it's own reasons and motivations, in some cases justifiable, but, nevertheless, the consequences are never pleasant. Congratulations on completing an interesting visual novel.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 02, 2013 2:41 am 
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Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2011 1:50 pm
Posts: 458
Location: California, USA
Completed: The Forgetful Kiwi [NanoReno 2012], Papercut [NanoReno 2013]
Projects: Words Within Our Hearts, Papercut [NanoReno 2013]
Organization: Starlight Melodies
Twitter: @cidthekitty
Tumblr: starlightmelodies
Deviantart: cidthekitty
I'm so happy to see people are enjoying this game! Jubbz did a great job writing, and roundmetal did a great job on the art! I'm sorry if the GUI isn't great. I haven't learned how to do custom menus and stuff (i did learn to do custom choice menu and textbox) I got sick towards the last week of Nanoreno! So I didn't have much time left over to experiment with new things. Anyway, I will try to learn custom menus and GUIs more so next time it'll look nicer.

I thought it was really nice how Jubbz made things a little more realistic, and gave it all bittersweet endings rather then just happy and yaaay! or forgiving. Even when the husband forgave her, he still didn't trust her.

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 03, 2013 10:58 pm 
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Then I look forward to your possible upcoming VNs (nods)


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 7:57 pm 
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Projects: Words within our Hearts (script writer)
I'm feeling pretty proud of myself that you guys enjoyed my writing! It's also amusing to see so many opinions about the husband and paperboy, so It's good to know I sorta had just enough depth for peeps to specula a bit.

But i'm so glad ya'll played this game, you guys are awesome!

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As you know, I'm called Jubbz, of the CSW Anime Blog. I started it, i run it. :D

Words Within Our Hearts (GxB VN)
Progress blog on the game
Current script progress: 20%.
I'm one of the writers of the Words within Our Hearts Otome Visual Novel, working on the scripts.
Completed Chris's route, and now working on Jeremy's. I'll re-do Avu's route when we get started on the sequel.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 11:08 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2011 1:50 pm
Posts: 458
Location: California, USA
Completed: The Forgetful Kiwi [NanoReno 2012], Papercut [NanoReno 2013]
Projects: Words Within Our Hearts, Papercut [NanoReno 2013]
Organization: Starlight Melodies
Twitter: @cidthekitty
Tumblr: starlightmelodies
Deviantart: cidthekitty
Hey has anyone had any problems with this game crashing? My friend told me it keeps crashing on him, just not sure if it's his computer or what. Please let me know if any technical problems!

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