Lemma Soft Forums

Supporting creators of visual novels and story-based games since 2003.

Visit our new games list, blog aggregator, IRC channel, and Discord (new).
Activation problem? Email pytom@bishoujo.us.
It is currently Fri Jun 23, 2017 9:48 pm

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 45 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3
Author Message
PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2014 9:07 am 
Regular
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 22, 2012 9:33 am
Posts: 172
Location: France
Completed: Being Beauteous, Ambre, HVNCML, Garden of Oblivion, Wounded by Words
Projects: Chronotopia, Khzi and the Cursed Stone
Organization: Träumendes Mädchen
Twitter: @TM_VN
Tumblr: TraumendesMadchen
Googaboga wrote:
I played the original version and I liked it :]. Would you mind telling me what the difference between the original and the remake is? I mean, was it strictly an appearance update or did the story change too? Thanks ^^.
As I said above, this version is more or less an appearance update, yes : new title screen, improved backgrounds, some animated bits and some new tracks :D
We didn’t change anything plotwise but we did improve the translation ^_^ ! A lot of people told us the first one was mediocre and we didn’t want that to prevent people from understanding or enjoying the story.

I hope I answered your question :oops:

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Sun Dec 14, 2014 11:41 am 
Veteran
User avatar

Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2013 8:18 pm
Posts: 346
Location: UK~
Completed: The Way We All Go, Asphyxia, Strawberry Vinegar, etc
Twitter: @ebihimes
Tumblr: ebi-hime
Oh, this was an interesting story.
It's unfortunate that I already read a review of it online first, so I already knew the twist at the end before it happened, hahaha XD I think that spoils the story somewhat. But that obviously isn't your fault XD

I loved how the sprites were drawn! The coloring book like effect, as though they had been colored with wax crayons, was really effective! It really fit the tone of the story.
The sprite for Ambre's 'true' self was really effective, too. In a lot of VNs, they will describe a character as looking creepy/unwell/too thin/too pale, etc, but then their sprite will still just be some generic attractive cute anime girl, so it was really refreshing to see a story that says a character looks sick, and then... actually makes the sprite look sick! I was happy to see that haha XD

And the art for the game menu is super, super cute :'3

The writing (I can judge based only on the English text, since I can't read French), it was good. It accomplished what it needed to do. The author is very, very good at writing complex ideas into a way that can be easily understood - and communicating a lot of information to the reader very quickly. It feels very effective... somehow minimalistic, maybe?
I wish there had been some more dialogue between characters, and less 'summarising what happened in narrative', because I love reading dialogues between characters (and it can give characters more 'depth', flesh them out more, if you have a fixed way of knowing how they talk?), but that's just my preference haha.
The English translation was a little 'off' at points - a few words used that are outdated and nobody really uses in common speech (like the phrase 'gussy up' hahaha XD Which gets used twice, in quick succession, which makes it stand out even more!).
The translation sometimes read kind of stilted, with a lot of very long, complex sentences... but I think that may have been part of the original writing style? I quite like that rather mannered, formal style of writing anyway - it makes everything sound kind of fairytale-ish and more removed from reality XD So I enjoyed it. Maybe it doesn't fit too well with the modern setting though? This kind of writing style seems more suited to historical/fantasy like stories. But then, the story itself is meant to be
fairly unsettling
, so this slightly 'off' style of writing compliments it pretty well.

I think you might have laboured too much the point about 'the advertising and fashion industry and our consumerist society results in these too high expectations for women, which can be very harmful and toxic and cause stress and depression, even mental health problems', though. I mean, it is a perfectly valid point, which I agree with, but maybe it was... too explicit? It felt, during these segments of the story, like you were writing a manifesto, rather than a story? These themes are very interesting and add depth to the story, but maybe they could have been brought up in a more 'natural' way - without the story explicitly spelling it out? But then I know some readers are probably not going to 'get' it if you make things too vague - and some readers will still not 'get it' even if you beat them over the head with these themes over and over haha XD And since it's such an important element of the story, it makes sense the author would want to try and make it as explicit as possible.


Sorry for the long wall of text o: But I think this game was really interesting, and I enjoyed it a lot! I think there are a few issues with the writing style (too much description, not enough character interaction - and a little too much blatant moralising) but overall it's pretty strong.
And impressive, since I think almost all the assets used (sprites, backgrounds, music) are original?
Good job! n_n'

_________________
I have a lot of commercial VNs available on Steam here if you wanna check! u///u
With a yandere dating sim, a moemoe moege about cute grills and food, a sad GxG story, a sad GxB story, there should be something for everyone <3

/ shameless plugging


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Thu Jan 01, 2015 3:21 pm 
Regular
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 22, 2012 9:33 am
Posts: 172
Location: France
Completed: Being Beauteous, Ambre, HVNCML, Garden of Oblivion, Wounded by Words
Projects: Chronotopia, Khzi and the Cursed Stone
Organization: Träumendes Mädchen
Twitter: @TM_VN
Tumblr: TraumendesMadchen
Too bad you got spoiled, I completely agree that the story looses much of its impact when you already know what’s going on. Hope you still enjoyed it.

Thanks! I didn’t know how Ambre’s other sprite would turn out and it wasn’t totally what I expected but I found that very interesting and stuck with it.
Some people told me the real Ambre looked frightning XD


As for the writing, well, the original text already contains very long sentences, it’s kind of my trademark X). It’s fine in French because the language works that way too but it’s a pain to translate in English (which is a language with short sentences). Since we’re no native speakers, we obviously made many mistakes, but I hope the story is still readable that way :oops:

You may be right about adding more dialogues. The issue I had when I began to write is that…I discovered the characters hadn’t that much things to say to each other. Since their relationship is fondamentaly broken, they don’t reach each other at all. And I didn’t really know how to show that =’). If you have any suggestion, I’m all ears!


ebi-hime wrote:
The writing was good. It accomplished what it needed to do. The author is very, very good at writing complex ideas into a way that can be easily understood - and communicating a lot of information to the reader very quickly. It feels very effective... somehow minimalistic, maybe?
Aww, thank you very much ;__;. I’m not used to get my writing complimented, I feel honored!

Actually, I thought that too: I told myself my point was way too obvious. I didn’t see another way to say what I wanted to say, so I went with it. To my biggest surprise, very few people did get that part X’). To the point where I got persuaded the themes weren’t explicit enough. Now I don’t know anymore, ahah.


I make walls of text too, don’t worry :lol: . I’m glad you liked Ambre in the end!

P.S: All the assets are original, yes. We’ve always worked that way :wink:

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Fri Jan 02, 2015 6:38 pm 
Regular
User avatar

Joined: Sun Sep 30, 2012 10:35 pm
Posts: 35
Location: USA
Projects: Flowers For Me(VN)
Shocking!! At first, I was thinking that the secret would be a pedophilic love grown between the two despite the initial father/daughter relationship. And that would definitely be a terrible secret.

Spoilers aside, I really liked it! The pacing was consistent and never felt too rushed and the growth of their relationship was sweet in the beginning. The twist was surprising and realistic. I never felt more depressed about the ending. And heartbroken.
The art was a nice touch to the overall experience and I especially loved the soft colouring.

Thank you so much for the experience!

_________________
Follow me~ Lucent Catty


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Fri Jan 02, 2015 7:37 pm 
Veteran
User avatar

Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2013 8:18 pm
Posts: 346
Location: UK~
Completed: The Way We All Go, Asphyxia, Strawberry Vinegar, etc
Twitter: @ebihimes
Tumblr: ebi-hime
Helianthus wrote:
Some people told me the real Ambre looked frightning XD



She kind of does look frightening, but I think it contrasts well with her child sprite, and makes the second loop of the story more shocking... and has more impact. The spritework really adds a lot to the story, I think n_n;;


Helianthus wrote:
You may be right about adding more dialogues. The issue I had when I began to write is that…I discovered the characters hadn’t that much things to say to each other. Since their relationship is fondamentaly broken, they don’t reach each other at all. And I didn’t really know how to show that =’). If you have any suggestion, I’m all ears!



Hmm... Adding lots of dialogue also has its own problems, since... I often do this when I write, where I plan out scenes based not on driving the plot forwards, but just of funny conversations I want the characters to have... But then it's really easy for stories to get stalled for ages on long and pointless asides that don't really do anything, which can end up being tedious to read if the reader isn't super invested in the characters, ahaha XD Which is also a problem!
It's interesting that you said you don't use much dialogue to represent how broken the relationship between the two characters is. I think it works well - and since the story is a nanoreno entry, it makes sense it is short, and moves from plot point to plot point fast. But if you wanted to try and 'show' the relationship through dialogue...
Maybe you could have the characters trying to converse, like, over a meal, and both of them are very awkward, keep trailing off, trying to start new conversations about trite/petty subject matters, like 'so how was your day?', 'how's the weather?', 'you watch anything good on TV?', etc, only to have these conversations die out very quickly because... they don't have anything in common anymore, or any way to communicate. This could get across a distant/broken relationship through dialogue, rather than narrative explanation, I suppose? n_n;; Although I imagine the dialogue would have a lot of ellipses, haha XD


Helianthus wrote:
Actually, I thought that too: I told myself my point was way too obvious. I didn’t see another way to say what I wanted to say, so I went with it. To my biggest surprise, very few people did get that part X’). To the point where I got persuaded the themes weren’t explicit enough. Now I don’t know anymore, ahah.


This stuff is always so hard to tell haha XD Like, how explicit should I be in my storytelling to make as many people understand it, without it being overly obvious? Um, I think, no matter how carefully you try to write something, there are always going to be people who will not understand the intended message - or get their own, incredibly bizzare, often not what you intended at all messages from it. But that can be quite interesting too XD Maybe it's just best to stick with your own first thoughts - since it might be impossible to get a certain message across to all readers?

_________________
I have a lot of commercial VNs available on Steam here if you wanna check! u///u
With a yandere dating sim, a moemoe moege about cute grills and food, a sad GxG story, a sad GxB story, there should be something for everyone <3

/ shameless plugging


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Sun Jan 04, 2015 10:47 am 
Regular
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 22, 2012 9:33 am
Posts: 172
Location: France
Completed: Being Beauteous, Ambre, HVNCML, Garden of Oblivion, Wounded by Words
Projects: Chronotopia, Khzi and the Cursed Stone
Organization: Träumendes Mädchen
Twitter: @TM_VN
Tumblr: TraumendesMadchen
@Hijitoki
I’m glad you liked the game, thank you for playing it :D
…I write way too much depressing stuff, ahah =’D.

Hijitoki wrote:
Shocking!! At first, I was thinking that the secret would be a pedophilic love grown between the two despite the initial father/daughter relationship. And that would definitely be a terrible secret.
Since the first part does give a « pedobear » vibe (can’t be helped sadly), the secret would be way too obvious XD.
I’m not pro-pedophilia anyway, I don’t really write this kind of story. (Besides it would be borderline illegal ^^’)

-------------

@ebi-hime
I’m happy if you think the art adds to the story! I was a bit afraid that the story would work better as a novel (since you can’t see what Ambre looks like).

ebi-hime wrote:
Maybe you could have the characters trying to converse, like, over a meal, and both of them are very awkward, keep trailing off, trying to start new conversations about trite/petty subject matters, like 'so how was your day?', 'how's the weather?', 'you watch anything good on TV?', etc, only to have these conversations die out very quickly because... they don't have anything in common anymore, or any way to communicate. This could get across a distant/broken relationship through dialogue, rather than narrative explanation, I suppose? n_n;;
That would indeed show the lack of real dialogue between them…but won’t it be boring to read =’D ? I don’t know, the risk is that the reader is going to believe I’m unable to write dialogue correctly instead of seeing it as a way to convey something.


ebi-hime wrote:
Maybe it's just best to stick with your own first thoughts - since it might be impossible to get a certain message across to all readers?
Maybe, yeah. Political message is always hard to write, I take comfort telling myself it wasn’t that bad for a first time XD.

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Sun Mar 05, 2017 5:31 pm 
Regular
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 22, 2012 9:33 am
Posts: 172
Location: France
Completed: Being Beauteous, Ambre, HVNCML, Garden of Oblivion, Wounded by Words
Projects: Chronotopia, Khzi and the Cursed Stone
Organization: Träumendes Mädchen
Twitter: @TM_VN
Tumblr: TraumendesMadchen
Hello everyone,
I’m proud to say that we’re going to make a Greenlight campaign for Ambre very soon in order to publish it for free on Steam!
For the occasion, we’ve revamped some assets (new art by MelowBee), we’re using a brand new GUI (made by potouto) and the script includes lots of small improvements :D .


ImageImage
ImageImage


For those of you who haven’t played this visual novel yet, it’s the perfect timing! And for the others, I hope we’ll be able to bring back good memories :lol:

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Sun Mar 05, 2017 7:56 pm 
Eileen-Class Veteran

Joined: Tue Mar 01, 2016 7:23 pm
Posts: 1412
Completed: The Dark
Projects: bookSLEEPer, Stalker & Yandere
Tumblr: evns
itch.io: Zelan
Oooh, GUI by potouto! Fantastic choice. ^_^

_________________


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Tue Mar 07, 2017 6:26 am 
Regular
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 22, 2012 9:33 am
Posts: 172
Location: France
Completed: Being Beauteous, Ambre, HVNCML, Garden of Oblivion, Wounded by Words
Projects: Chronotopia, Khzi and the Cursed Stone
Organization: Träumendes Mädchen
Twitter: @TM_VN
Tumblr: TraumendesMadchen
Zelan wrote:
Oooh, GUI by potouto! Fantastic choice. ^_^
Thank you, I'm glad you like their work :D

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Wed Mar 15, 2017 8:13 am 
Newbie

Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 3:02 pm
Posts: 13
Location: Philippines
Tumblr: hurtinghabits
Deviantart: ilyilaice
I am happy that this thread got bumped up so that I could discover this exceptional KN. I have a habit of disregarding KNs, since I much prefer their more interactive counterpart, but the summary, as well as the comments hinting at a big twist, thrilled me enough to download this. I love disturbing, dark, and twisty stories, and I was not disappointed at all. Even though I knew a twist was coming, I was STILL surprised.

The music choice is excellent and adds to the lingering overall impact of the project.

Tristan looks quite a bit older in the new art for the Greenlight campaign. Good choice if you want to make it seem even creepier. XD


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Wed Mar 15, 2017 3:08 pm 
Newbie
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jan 23, 2017 8:16 am
Posts: 22
Location: Argentina
Completed: Disencounters
Projects: A thief in the night (WIP)
Organization: Primate Dogma
Deviantart: charliesan
itch.io: primatedogma
I´ve played it last year in my tablet and I really like it very much. I didn´t expected the plot twist (even when there were clue here and there), I would love to play it again just to see the upgrades :)

_________________
ImageImage


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Fri Mar 17, 2017 4:52 pm 
Regular
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 22, 2012 9:33 am
Posts: 172
Location: France
Completed: Being Beauteous, Ambre, HVNCML, Garden of Oblivion, Wounded by Words
Projects: Chronotopia, Khzi and the Cursed Stone
Organization: Träumendes Mädchen
Twitter: @TM_VN
Tumblr: TraumendesMadchen
That’s it, folks: after some wait, Ambre is finally on Greenlight!

Please support us so that we can release the new version on Steam for free :D


ilyilaice wrote:
I am happy that this thread got bumped up so that I could discover this exceptional KN. I have a habit of disregarding KNs, since I much prefer their more interactive counterpart, but the summary, as well as the comments hinting at a big twist, thrilled me enough to download this. I love disturbing, dark, and twisty stories, and I was not disappointed at all. Even though I knew a twist was coming, I was STILL surprised.
The music choice is excellent and adds to the lingering overall impact of the project.

Tristan looks quite a bit older in the new art for the Greenlight campaign. Good choice if you want to make it seem even creepier. XD
Thanks ilyilaice, I’m very flattered you liked the game that much!
It’s true kinetic novel tend to put off people but it’s a shame because it can be a very powerful way to tell a story too if used well!
Making Tristan look older wasn’t really intentional but we found the new design to suit the character better so we went with it :lol:

charliesan763 wrote:
I´ve played it last year in my tablet and I really like it very much. I didn´t expected the plot twist (even when there were clue here and there), I would love to play it again just to see the upgrades :)
Thank you charliesan763, I hope you’ll like the new version just as much then :)

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 4:04 pm 
Regular
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 22, 2012 9:33 am
Posts: 172
Location: France
Completed: Being Beauteous, Ambre, HVNCML, Garden of Oblivion, Wounded by Words
Projects: Chronotopia, Khzi and the Cursed Stone
Organization: Träumendes Mädchen
Twitter: @TM_VN
Tumblr: TraumendesMadchen
Exactly four years after the original release, Ambre's remake has been greenlit!

Image

I feel very grateful for all the support we got so far. And thanks to your votes, we’ll be able to publish the new version on Steam very soon so stay tuned for the release date :)

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Tue Jun 06, 2017 4:23 pm 
Regular
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 22, 2012 9:33 am
Posts: 172
Location: France
Completed: Being Beauteous, Ambre, HVNCML, Garden of Oblivion, Wounded by Words
Projects: Chronotopia, Khzi and the Cursed Stone
Organization: Träumendes Mädchen
Twitter: @TM_VN
Tumblr: TraumendesMadchen
It took us long enough to get through Valve's validation process but at last, Ambre will be coming on Steam the 9th June!

Image

Don't hesitate to share the news with people who played the old version, I think they're going to like the overhaul and the achievements :D

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Mon Jun 19, 2017 12:38 am 
Regular
User avatar

Joined: Thu Feb 09, 2017 10:29 pm
Posts: 65
Tumblr: parttimestorier
Hi Helianthus! I just finished reading Ambre. It was a really interesting read, and a great opportunity to practice my French. I was wondering if you could clarify
exactly why you chose to have Ambre appear to be a child until the reveal. I understood that we were seeing her the way she saw herself rather than the way she really looked, and that maybe some of her mental issues were caused by wanting to revert to a time in her life when she was happier and felt less pressured to be the perfect woman. But of course,
like other people have commented, thinking that Ambre is a child makes the first half of the story really uncomfortable to read,
and might turn some people off the VN entirely. Did you do that because you wanted to create such an unsettling atmosphere?
Or did you think the message wouldn't have been as effective if Ambre just saw herself as a younger, more attractive woman or something?

_________________
ImageImage


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 45 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot], Yahoo [Bot]


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Protected by Anti-Spam ACP
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group