Ordog wrote:I finished playing the demo !
The first thing I have to point is that Hyun Su looks alot like Gu Yong ha from sungkyunkwan scandal x) I was glad to see that, since I really liked the secondary characters in this drama !!
Though what bothered me is that both (Hyun Su and Suk Chul) look a lot alike. I hope there will be some CGs without their hats later in the game.
I don't watch that much historical drama, but aren't they supposed to be wearing a white hangok only when someone dies ? (Like a widow wears black nowdays, at the time they'd wear white) actually it was also like that in occidental culture... So it bothered me a bit to see Suk Chul in white. But may be it has something to do with the plot ?
I also think you should read the scrpit once more because there were some mistakes like: "too" instead of "to" or something like "saved her" when Joo Eun was talking about herself being saved, etc... (There were also some verb tense mistakes
But English isn't my first language so I can't really juge xD (My teacher always points my grammar mistakes anyway ><)
But the grammar wasn't what bothered me the most.
I think it has something to do with the writting pace ? You know sometimes the story seems rushed when it should be slow and vice versa.
For example, I liked the passage when she's about to fall in the stairs but Suk Chul grabs her. But when she was about to fall and Hyun Suk catches her by the waist was a bit too long (Like she has her eyes closed, wonders what saved her, open her eyes and realise it's Hyun suk) It would be better if it was as fast as Suk Chul's moment.
The moment during the night when someone tries to kill her: I know she's supposed to be sleeping and then she wouldn't notice, but it's weird to have her describing what she can't see. And then the next morning she doesn't even care about it. May be you can try descrinbing this passage at the 3rd person ? With something like changing the letters color in the game. Plus it seems it will happen often.
(I can't really help you though, I can't only write in my language so may be some things I said are weird^^")
Maybe you can add more clues about the mystery of whome she looks like ? That way the reader will want to know (because now, I don't feel like it's that important)
Is Hyun Suk supposed to be the womanizer ?
And Suk chul ? He's the... tsundere kind ?
Are they both already in love with her ? (Lucky her xD)
Anyway, I'll be waiting for the full version !! The demo ends when it gets interesting !!
I really prefer Suk chul >< So can't he have more... cheesy lines ? xD (I want to see him with a tokimeki face !!)
Wow, I'm so happy at seeing such a wall of text~!
You have included such wonderful feedback which definitely will help us improve the game! Thanks soooo much for doing that! <3333
Haha, the fact that Hyun-Su looks similar to Gu Yong-ha in Sungkyunkwan Scandal is purely coincidental xD But, you're so right! I can see a bit of a resemblance~!
But I have to disagree with you about the white Hanbok thing. Only in Japanese culture does wearing white symbolize death although you're right about the fact it is worn during funerals but the same thing does not apply in Korean culture. In ancient times, commoners mainly wore white Hanbok and those with bright vibrant colors were only worn by top class people. Back then commoners were required by law to only wear white, pale pink, light green, gray or charcoal colored Hanbok. I don't know if you watched any historical Korean dramas but they also wore white sleeping robes when they are going to bed.
In Korea the color of one’s Hanbok symbolizes something. White for example symbolizes a modest and pure spirit or innocence.
The artist based Suk-Chul's Hanbok from this picture here
(she said her intention was to make it a very pale blue that almost appeared white).
She also told me that because of the manga style in general it can be very restricting when you are trying to vary characters faces. Some artists she says have a great skill for varying their characters face shapes but because she is still improving she can't exactly do that very well yet. She said she is also better at drawing girls and guys definitely are not her strong suit. She will try to keep what you said in mind though.
Thanks for pointing out the various grammar mistakes! ^^ I don't usually show my writing to other people so I never knew how inconsistent I was with verb tenses
I really appreciate all the nice people on this forum (including you) for bringing that to my attention~! I'm going to get a proof reader to look over the script before the final game is released (:
The reason the writing pace may seem kind of fast is because I felt kind of rushed while I was working on it because of the fact this was made as a Nano project. I also agree with you that it feels "rushed" when I'm reading through it. I'll try to fix those bits seeing that I don't have a time restriction now =D
Also... about the scene at night: I did consider writing it in third person but I wasn't sure if switching point of views (from first person to third would be okay) but I'll re-look over that part in my script and try to fix that? When I wrote it, I thought writing it in a "narrative" kind of way might work (kind of like what you see in Lemony Snicket's book "A Series of Unfortunate Events" not sure if you saw that book though... >u< if you never did just ignore what I said xD) The reason why she didn't remember the scene at night was because she was sleeping and I did not want the main character to know what happened at night during the time she was asleep. I only wanted the "readers" to know. I hope that makes sense
I'm never sure if I'm any good at explaining things xD
Thanks for mentioning that I should include more clues regarding the "mystery" of whom the main character resembles. I intended it to be only found out during Hyun-Su's route or while you are going through "his path" so that's why you only get a little "hint" of it during the beginning of the game if you choose options that involve Hyun-Su.
To answer your questions:
Is Hyun Suk supposed to be the womanizer?:
Yes xD I intended him to be, but he wasn't originally. All I'm going to say is that it has something to do with his past... I don't want to spoil anything though so I'm not going to say anything more (:
And Suk chul? He's the... tsundere kind?
Omigosh, how did you guess? Actually, I didn't want it to be obvious but seeing that you already guessed that... I'll say that you are correct in assuming that he is a tsundere (but he may seem like just a kuudere at first...)
Are they both already in love with her? (Lucky her xD)
: I wouldn't technically call it "love" but Hyun-Su definitely likes her because of her personality and because she reminds him of a certain "someone"(A-Ahhh I'm saying way too much about this already...! I'm hoping it's not becoming obvious of who this "mystery someone is"
) but they will begin to actually "love" her when you're on one of their routes.
Haha, it's really nice to see another Tokimeki Memorial fan
During Suk-Chul's route when you get to know him a little more, you will experience some "aww" worthy scenes so don't be afraid of Hyun-Su out shining him in the romance department xD Hyun-Su is just more straight-forward so he is more prone to sound "cheesy" lol xD
I'm glad you're excited for the full release~! I'm hoping it will be just as enjoyable for everyone who liked the demo! =D
Also, sorry for the wall of text >u< When I start typing it's hard for me to stop lol. If you met me in person you would find that I do the same while talking xD