A Very Splendid Otome Game [PPHS Jam]

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Re: A Very Splendid Otome Game [PPHS Jam]

#16 Post by Mini_Moshi » Thu Apr 11, 2013 2:40 am

I really enjoyed this actually. Tira is just amazing. Definitely my kind of cake :D

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Re: A Very Splendid Otome Game [PPHS Jam]

#17 Post by Starwulfen » Thu Apr 11, 2013 7:05 pm

sake-bento wrote:Is Lex Luthor going to steal my new cake boyfriend when no one is looking?
I'm dying of laugther over here, seriously XD


Aaand on topic
I really enjoyed this, got the good ending and agree with others here that I'm not sure if I want to try for the others.
I love the design of the characters, especially the heroine. So much hair~
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Re: A Very Splendid Otome Game [PPHS Jam]

#18 Post by Alphonse » Thu Apr 11, 2013 9:26 pm

;_; That was such a nice game! I got the good ending and teared up a little (don't laugh!) and I think I'd cry if I saw the other endings, so I'll just leave it at that. Some of Tira's fancier dialogue was a bit weird grammatically, but for the most part, it was good and really cute.

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Re: A Very Splendid Otome Game [PPHS Jam]

#19 Post by EmTheIdiotWaffle » Fri Apr 12, 2013 12:26 am

Oh! Oh! *o* This is just adorable in so many ways!
I'm really not finished yet with the game, but I already felt like I wanted to scream because of so many fluffy stuff happening between the two~
And to be honest, Tiramisu is my favorite dessert so... xD

Also, when I first didn't see the screenshot, I thought it was just about another weird heroine who fell in love with a talking cake (that isn't in a human form). >w>;;

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Re: A Very Splendid Otome Game [PPHS Jam]

#20 Post by ixWishing » Fri Apr 12, 2013 2:06 am

This was really cute!
Except, it was really plain (as it had no bgs or cgs lol ;A;)
Otherwise, it was a nice, short and cute playthrough<3

P.S. I love Tiramisu (Him and the actual cake lol)
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Re: A Very Splendid Otome Game [PPHS Jam]

#21 Post by Anomandaris » Fri Apr 12, 2013 6:15 pm

Absolutely adorable! I've played through it once and gotten the good ending (I couldn't bring myself to be anything but nice to Tira; he was incredibly cute!). The dialogue was very well-written, and made me chuckle a few times. Some of Tira's lines were pretty saccharine, but, hey, he's a cake, right?

I liked the characterization of the heroine, as well.
Her backstory and the love declaration felt a bit rushed (I realize that the latter is supposed to really feel that way; three days is no time at all! Still, I'd have liked to have read some more events with Tira, which I suppose will be in the extension of the game?).
That's completely understandable, though, since this game was made in such an impressively short time! I'm just pointing it out because I hope you'll expand on it in your later edition (more Tira is always good!)

Overall, a very enjoyable and sweet game. Even if I don't muster up the courage to try out the other endings, I'll definitely play the extended edition whenever it comes out!

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Re: A Very Splendid Otome Game [PPHS Jam]

#22 Post by Endorphin » Fri Apr 12, 2013 10:24 pm

"So according to him, I baked a near-sighted cake. Great."
I love this so much.

And awwwww...
"It dawns on me that all the times he's been arrogant, maybe he's actually been praising me, the person who made him."

However, this was the cutest read in a long time, thank you all for it, the experience was great!
And the art was simply adorable--it was wonderful even without backgrounds.

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Re: A Very Splendid Otome Game [PPHS Jam]

#23 Post by merdeamour » Mon Apr 22, 2013 1:08 am

OMFG, I laughed and kinda teared up at this game. Amazing writing and amazing art. You didn't need BGs AT ALL because the story was so great, it drew me right into it and never let me go until the last, uh, slide.

Tira was way too funny! I loved him, and the MC, too. I mean, she wasn't a Mary Sue at all. I thought their relationship WAS kinda rushed, but I loved this all the same. Great job! Thank you so much for the game <3

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Re: A Very Splendid Otome Game [PPHS Jam]

#24 Post by eingelle » Mon Apr 22, 2013 3:23 am

I just finished playing it. I got the Good End and I must say that this made me smile through the whole story.
It was cute and fluffy. Short and sweet. ; u ; I dare not re-play for the bad endings. I like to end it on a good note.

As silly as it was, I give you a thumbs up for making this!

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Re: A Very Splendid Otome Game [PPHS Jam]

#25 Post by Fox Lee » Mon May 06, 2013 9:01 pm

Coming in late to say that I loved this. A silly premise, maybe, but execution and quality make all the difference between silly and lame. It sure would be nice to see it with some more visual polish - like backgrounds and a nicer font, and sprites for the minor characters - because the art that is there is gorgeous. Though, personally I liked MC with her head-scarf better than her loose hair - I rather thought she was short-haired when I first saw her, and was a tiiiiny bit bummed when she took it off. Anyway, adorable characters, drawn very nicely indeed, and very well designed in terms of what they were trying to evoke :p

I enjoyed your character dialogue very much - characters were distinct and interesting, and better developed in 10-15 minutes than a lot of characters are through their whole lives. Sure, they are easily recognisable archetypes, but this game shows why that doesn't have to be a bad thing; the reader can be comfortable with their basic "types" right away, but the specifics of the writing (near-sighted cake! XD) and the lovely art keep them from ever being dull. Silly premise or not, I'd say this is exactly how to write a good, short, crisp VN.

I found myself very fond of MC for ragging on silly fairytale/shoujo anime tropes, even as she was drawn into them; in many ways it was like an affectionate parody, or at least that's how I imagine fans finding it. Like, yes, it's goofy to imagine that a magical extradimensional boyfriend wouldn't have huge legal issues... but it's still hopelessly fun to watch one get dropped in MC's lap :p

By way of critique, I thought the longest text blocks from the narrator could have done with being broken up into two separate "frames". There's nothing technically wrong, but for me personally, text at that size starts to get tiresome to read in a single block, where breaking it into multiple paragraphs - even if they are well shorter than you would read in a book or article - eases that.

Finally, like some other commenters, I neglected all the endings except the "good" one. Don't care. Cake is too lovely, I couldn't let him leave. *grabby hands*
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Re: A Very Splendid Otome Game [PPHS Jam]

#26 Post by Camille » Sun May 26, 2013 1:17 am

Sorry for the lateness of my response, I've been extremely busy this month. :C But thank you so much for all the nice comments! I feel bad that pretty much all of my VN writing that's available to the public has been so rushed... XD; (with one being a school project, one being for NaNoRenO, and one being written for a weekend game jam) I'm happy that people have been enjoying my writing nonetheless. ;-;<3

It was really important to both of us that the story have a touch of realism. It's easy for a plot like this to go way over the top. ...I still think that it was rather cheesy in some parts, but I wanted to make the heroine as relatable as possible and I'm glad that seems to have gone through.

XD I'm a little sad that so many people are avoiding the bad endings, as they were really fun to write! I actually wanted to make one of them quite horrific, but I was veto'ed by the artist. :') Gosh, I really just don't do fluff!
Fox Lee wrote:By way of critique, I thought the longest text blocks from the narrator could have done with being broken up into two separate "frames". There's nothing technically wrong, but for me personally, text at that size starts to get tiresome to read in a single block, where breaking it into multiple paragraphs - even if they are well shorter than you would read in a book or article - eases that.
That's usually something I'm quite sensitive to myself, but this time around I didn't do any of the coding and I gave the writing to my friend to code in huge chunks. I'm pretty sure that because of time constraints, she just stuck all my text into the game without really checking it for length. XD; Sorry about that!
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Re: A Very Splendid Otome Game [PPHS Jam]

#27 Post by Heiden » Sun May 26, 2013 6:21 pm

I don't know why it took me this long to play your game but OMG I LOVED IT.

It was well written and funny and heart warming and just everything that makes a great story~ :D :D
Between the really hilarious and great writing and the food themes it really reminded me of a Fumi Yoshinaga manga (Which is never a bad thing!).

Also I drew some fanart aaahh http://mitsukootsuki.tumblr.com/post/51 ... is-totally *hides*
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Re: A Very Splendid Otome Game [PPHS Jam]

#28 Post by Camille » Sun May 26, 2013 8:22 pm

@Heiden: Awww thank you! And OH MY GOODNESS to be compared to Yoshinaga Fumi slkdjflskjgsdf she's one of my absolute favorite mangaka... Your praise is much too high! ;A;!!

The fanart is adorable~ ;;! I think it might be our first piece of fanart, actually? I don't remember seeing any before now. xD
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Re: A Very Splendid Otome Game [PPHS Jam]

#29 Post by noeinan » Tue Jun 04, 2013 3:12 pm

Love this! I shared the link on some of my asexuality groups and it garnered much adoration, loves, and giggles. :D
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Re: A Very Splendid Otome Game [PPHS Jam]

#30 Post by inohatake14 » Wed Jun 05, 2013 3:20 am

Oh, my goodness! SO CUTE! Ah, let's not forget hilarious and weird. xD Honestly, I'm kinda scared to bake cakes not out of a new fear that I might develop feelings for inanimate real-life cakes... This characters are well drawn, and the personalities are great too. If you ever expand on this, I think Sam could be a really strong comedy role. xD Also, I can actually picture an expansion of this being a stat raising sim...

Alas, good job! I feel a little weird just falling for a virtual man-cake (I don't think a real man-cake could ever swoon me. lol) Anyway, However sweet, I'm glad it's just a story, albeit a unique one. xD Please continue to do what you do. :D
-Needs to buy a tablet :( - Also if you specialize in backgrounds and take requests and/or want to partner up on a project, hit me up! ;)

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