Clarity, A Misery High KN

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khfan12
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Clarity, A Misery High KN

#1 Post by khfan12 » Fri May 24, 2013 9:02 pm

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Title: Clarity
Description: Erin Cruxley decided to return home from her boarding school one weekend. What's waiting for her when she gets there however, is something, or someone, that she was NOT expecting to see.

About 10-20 Minutes of reading, 989 words.

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Characters: (To know more about them, go here.)

Erin Xandra Cruxley
Age 15
Personality: Is very blunt when you first meet her. As she gets to know you, she softens up a little bit and she starts to be able to open up a little more. She is deeply scarred by her past, so she doesn’t allow people to get too close to her because she has a fear of people hurting her. She's also sarcastic about 50% of the time.
-Her hair is choppy because when she was 12, she was set on fire and its growing back.
-She has more than 25 scars on her body.
-Has heterochromia
-Best/good friends with April and Sora, set them up.

Sora Amano
Age 15
Personality: Sora is shy and quiet when you first meet him, but after that he tends to be a real sweetheart. He likes listen to others and try to help them out. Very determined and willing to work hard for the goals he's set. He's distant and it takes a while for him to beablt to trust others.
-Ashlynn Amano's younger brother.
-Is dating April Evans

April Evans
Age 14
Personality: April is bubbly and she loves to help others the best that she can, which is sometimes bad because they may end up using her, she’s a sweetheart and some associate her with bright, pink and yellow type colors and sweets, but sometimes April seems like she has a spilt personality…
-Matt Evans' younger sister.
-Is dating Sora Amano.
-Slightly bi-polar.

Trevor Williams
Age: ???
-It's been almost three years since Erin has seen him. Was with her while they were stuck with the two human traffickers.

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Kinetic/Visual Novels:
Complete:
Clarity - MH KN- Solo Project
Projects:
With You (working title) - Lead Writer/Concept/ETC
Truculence- Concept Artist, Proofreader

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Haze
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Re: Clarity, A Misery High KN

#2 Post by Haze » Sat May 25, 2013 10:01 pm

Congrats on your first VN!

It wasn't too bad, but it felt a bit rushed, especially the ending. I saw the ending and I was like "wait, that's it?" I feel like a least that part should have been a little longer.

Also, small side note: there was a character named Ashlynn who was mentioned a little in story, but it wasn't really mentioned who she is. I saw that she's Sora's older sister from the character descriptions up there, but if there weren't character descriptions, I would be a bit confused. This isn't that big of a deal, though, since she's only mentioned once anyway.
My first completed visual novel, which is at 1.3, it's final version(woo hoo!): Monster Uses CPU 2
Finally at version 1.0: White Fog
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khfan12
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Posts: 137
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Completed: Clarity, a MH KN
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Re: Clarity, A Misery High KN

#3 Post by khfan12 » Mon May 27, 2013 8:34 pm

@Haze thanks! :)
Well, I tried to think of a better way to end it, but that was the best way without it dragging on and me possibly getting writers' block. It also sort of set him up as a new RP character.
Yeah, I was going to add some more information about Ashlynn, but since she was only mentioned, I figured it would be fine.
Image <<My DeviantArt

Kinetic/Visual Novels:
Complete:
Clarity - MH KN- Solo Project
Projects:
With You (working title) - Lead Writer/Concept/ETC
Truculence- Concept Artist, Proofreader

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merdeamour
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Re: Clarity, A Misery High KN

#4 Post by merdeamour » Mon May 27, 2013 9:48 pm

I agree that it was kind of rushed, because I was thinking it would be a little more drawn out since it was a KN. And I didn't read the character descriptions (shame on me!), but since Ashlynn was mentioned just once, it didn't really bother me xD I just facedesked when I saw that there were chara descriptions. Anyway, great job with finishing this!
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khfan12
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Posts: 137
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2013 10:41 pm
Completed: Clarity, a MH KN
Projects: "With You", Truculence
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Re: Clarity, A Misery High KN

#5 Post by khfan12 » Tue Jun 11, 2013 8:37 pm

@merdeamour: Yeah...like I said, it was meant to be a quick, short little story. Their story will be expanded on in the roleplays that I use them for, and so I might make another one later.

And the character descriptions? I put them there just in case. I guess they helped a little bit after all xD
Image <<My DeviantArt

Kinetic/Visual Novels:
Complete:
Clarity - MH KN- Solo Project
Projects:
With You (working title) - Lead Writer/Concept/ETC
Truculence- Concept Artist, Proofreader

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