Serafina's Saga [Romance, Drama, Adventure] [GxB][GxG]

[ludeshka]

Yay! Thanks for sharing your game with us!
I spent a fun sunday afternoon thanks to your game.

The music was very good, I specially like the main menu theme, it's nice and soothing.
I really like fantasy, so I enjoyed your game's world.

Also, the characters were really very likeable (and some were really handsome!) (yes, I'm shallow)

I like that they're not exactly what they seem at first glance (Nikolaos not being very trustworthy even though he's the character who initially seems more eager to help you, Kallias not being the Evil Dark Lord I had envisioned at all, etc)

My first playthrough was lots of fun because you made me backpedal on my decisions!
I met Reuben and I was like "NO WAY" because I usually don't like "playboys" at all,but as the story progressed and he showed his character more, I was like "YES WAY" and did my best to romance him.

It was hilarious to see there was an option to marry

Kallias

. I didn't expect it, but I actually liked having the choice to help him out.

I know that your game is more about the story than the romances, but I must critique one aspect, for future reference: Please don't "recycle" the romantic text. I noticed you used the same description no matter which character Serafina kissed ("I kissed him / her with unwavering ferocity, etc...") and it broke the immersion very much, it was like she felt the same for every character, when you had previously written very different relationships.

Please don't take my critique as an insult, as I enjoyed your game (and I'm going to read your novel, because HELL YES I want to read Arken's backstory XD)

Once more, thanks for sharing such a cool game with us.

[storykween]

@ludeshka: Oh my goodness, you have totally made my day That drawing is fantastic, as is the comment with it; thank you so much! And I really like your art style... now I need to try out your game!

And also in reply to nancie: I can see what you mean about recycling some of the text for the final scenes. This being my first visual novel, writing so many endings was frankly wearing me out =p I also I think I underestimated the fact readers would actually play through again to get each ending, though I'm glad they want to! Hopefully now that I've exercised that muscle of ending a story so many different ways, it will be stronger next time...

I also love to view the gallery at the end of each path I would have loved to see one in yours. If it is just a matter of needing help with the gallery coding I'd be happy to lend a hand, feel free to PM me if you'd like some help.

Oh, I didn't know there was a specific gallery function for this! I will look into it, and pm you if I have any trouble. Thanks!

[Lesleigh63]

I've downloaded and started playing. It's very polished and I'm enjoying it so far.

[ark99k]

I just got done with all of the characters and forever alone.
First, this game was amazing. It was short and sweet and kept my attention until the end. I liked everyone a lot but I really liked Kallias's ending because they balanced each other out and he changed for the better. One thing I did not like is that there was no ending where Sera and Arken returned to the jungle. I know that Sera can go by herself, but it does not feel right. Also I noticed that without Sera everyone but Jezu has a pretty bad life. Those thoughts aside, the main reason I am commenting here is because I wanted to know if Serafina could become queen. In all of the endings she either goes back to the jungle, becomes head of the Elborns, or she becomes grand princess. Those are the ending I got and I want to know if she ever follows in her mother's footsteps.

[Hachiko]

Grand Princess/Prince is the name of the person of the King's wife/Queen's husband, so, essentially, she's kinda the queen I guess?

[storykween]

... I wanted to know if Serafina could become queen. In all of the endings she either goes back to the jungle, becomes head of the Elborns, or she becomes grand princess.

Correct, she only becomes a Grand Princess right away with Jezu's ending, which as Hachiko said is second-best to being Queen. She doesn't become Queen immediately with any of the endings, because I didn't feel that was realistic. However, in my plans she does become Queen later in life with Reuben's ending (he becomes Grand Prince alongside her), which I'll eventually explore in another book

Also in my mind Serafina and Arken could never return to the life they had before, which largely depended on Arken keeping Serafina in a bubble of ignorance. Arken enjoyed living in a pretend world where Serafina knew nothing of his crimes and looked up to him as a great and perfect man, and now that illusion is shattered for both of them.

I'm really glad you enjoyed it!

Oh, and a side note for those of you who wanted more Xavier: I wrote a little scene about when Xavier first met King Kallias, just for fun: http://wp.me/pUg9u-if He's also a pretty important character in the "Grand Traitor" novella which takes place long before "Serafina's Saga."

[Daggera]

There is so much I love about your Visual Novel that I fear my words could not do it justice. As someone who is looking into doing Visual Novels, flash movies, and writing myself I really look up to your work. The art is beautiful in the game and the youtube video, it just all comes to life. The lovable characters really stole the show as it should be, and the story itself felt like an adventure, a mystery waiting to be exploited.
It is will written in good detail but also to the point, just enough were I can feel everything that is going on as Serafina is expressing them. I love the voice acting in the video, I was hoping the game would also have the characters voiced since it would have really brought it all together.
The fact you did this all yourself is amazing and gives me hope in learning to make my own work. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. Do you plans to make another?

The only other thing I would like to say is I would have liked to have gotten to know the characters a bit more. In playing through it felt like I was not experiencing the core of their personalities to the fullest, or perhaps I like the characters too much it felt short lived when it ended. For example. I oddly liked Kallias Jeridar, I know there was a reason for his insanity and would have liked to investigated that a bit further, or why Nikolaos Perin is so hellbent in worshiping Lokke. Even though I did not go through Valerie's path I liked her caring crazy nature but you only get to meet her twice. You have wonderful characters flaunt them. Please do not take this as punishment of any kind, I really like what you have offered and hope to see more from you in the future.

With that said. I was wondering if you may give me pointers since I am an armature in the world of writing and never attempted making a VN before. How did you go about writing such great stories? How did you get through writer's block if you had it?

[Hachiko]

I was wondering, if there's gonna be a sequel, would it be on a 'novella' or a VN format? I've really enjoyed your game and hoped to see you grow! (As someone mentioned above, it would be cool to see different 'postures'? when the characters have their own CGs instead of having the same one and dialogue unique to their own) And I agree with Daggera as well, it would be nice to get them know deeper, especially Nikolaos' reason for worshipping Lokke and Valerie and Kallias' "cray-crayness" haha

Again, I am still very impressed you've made everything yourself. Really hope to see more of your stuff in the future!!

e: I think I'll make a DA account. Never used my old one since I've signed up and forgot my name. This pictures rocks btw *wink wink, nudge nudge*--->
http://storykween.deviantart.com/art/Ma ... -388687267

(I'm also kinda tempted on making Nikolao's clothes...should be fun cosplaying the characters (though I've had 0 experience in cosplaying haha)

[storykween]

Wow, Hachiko and Daggera, your comments make me so happy

I'm not sure yet what form the sequel will take, only that these characters are still calling to me and I will definitely return to them at some point. I can also say I'm definitely going to make another visual novel, although I've been toying with some other ideas. It's important to me as an artist to keep experimenting. So we shall see! The love I've gotten from this forum is tempting me to stick with these characters, but if they don't show up in my next visual novel, they will return in my ongoing Broken Balance series of full-length novels (probably "Sands of Hanubi: Book 2" whenever I get around to writing that). I plan for Nikolaos to live it up as "Lord Jackal" and have some interesting adventures, so his ending without Serafina is not quite as bleak as it sounds

Also, Hachiko, I can't wait to see your cosplay if you decide to give it a try!

I was wondering if you may give me pointers since I am an armature in the world of writing and never attempted making a VN before. How did you go about writing such great stories? How did you get through writer's block if you had it?

Well this is a big topic that deserves a lot of discussion, but the biggest pointer I can give is to write, write, write and never stop pushing your boundaries. Writing is my primary trade, so I've written over a dozen novels, some of which are published but many of which remain hidden in digital storage. I went to college for screenwriting which taught me a lot about writing in general (and also that Hollywood sucks *achem*... just my humble opinion). It has only been over the last few years that I've started to train really hard as a visual artist and try combining the two skills together. And as a gal born and bred near Nashville, I've dabbled with music all my life If you'd like to read more about my own writing process I have some articles on my blog about it... here's one of them: http://talesofmercia.wordpress.com/2010 ... s-the-why/ and if you want to talk more, please feel free to to email or pm me!

[ketskari]

I finished this last night, then went back to play out a few more of the endings. Must say, I loved the characters, particularly Serafina; I found her contrast of adorable wide-eyed innocence and fierceness a delight. I can't say there was a character I disliked, really, although I would have liked to learn more about Xavier. I liked the character expressions, and especially Nikolaos's various expressions made me smile, (although I decided to trust Valerie about his untrustworthiness the first time I played. xD)

Also loved the music.. it matched the mood and the story well, I thought. I'll probably play again to see the last endings I didn't get. Great work!

[Hachiko]

I am also curious about the different gods that people worship. =) Maybe that can be explained in one of the 'libraries' in the next game, hehe xP Yesterday, I was watching the animation version. Nikolaos' voice sounds exactly like in my head, but Arken's was the total opposite. I expected him to sound deeper and for some reason...uh, he sounded 'comical' in the animation? :S (I can't phrase it any better ><) Serafina's was...kinda have mixed feelings about her voice. If the voice actress didn't deliberate made her voice sound "squeaky", or kept it normal/bit low, it prolly would turn out fine.

Also I've just finished a (half-ass xD) sketch of Kallias that I'll prolly post after my nap.

[shutupalice]

I just finished my first playthrough, and wow, this was really good. Seraphina was a really fun heroine to play. I'm not sure how much it has to do with the branches I picked, but she behaved pretty reasonably the whole time while still coming across like a person with feelings. It's hard to strike that balance, but you did a good job. I also really liked that even when she wasn't sure about her goals, she still felt independent from the love interests in the story, and not in an exaggerated STRONG FEMALE CHARACTER sort of way.

Out of curiosity, do you have the option to romance

Bellatrix?

I'm much more of a fan of GxG than GxB, but the one romanceable girl I found didn't stick out to me very much.

[try10]

I played the game and I loved it. The art and the music were beautiful. Seraphina is a very enjoyable character and she can kick A$$! XD My favourite male characters are Reuben ( I Liked his ending the most) and Arken. I only have Nikolaos's. I also wished for some bad or evil endings ( except the ones that had to to with the key choice). A CG gallery would have been nice too, but since it was your first VN maybe it was difficult.

I had fun playing it. Thank you for your hard work. I'm am looking forward for more games from you.

[DamedeLotus]

I haven't played the game yet, but I watched the first episode and I was really impressed! The voices sounded great and I really like your art style. I am looking forward to seeing the rest of the episodes and to reading the visual novel once I download it.

[storykween]

Thanks again everyone

@shutupalice: A romance with

Belatrix

would have taken a lot more time to develop in order to make it believable. But it's an interesting idea.

@Hachiko: I'm so curious to see your Kallias drawing Also if you're curious about the gods, they're explored a great deal in the Broken Balance novels ( http://www.jaydenwoods.com/BrokenBalance.html ). Who they are/how their powers work is purposefully complicated and somewhat chaotic so it's not easily explained anywhere.

Everyone's feedback has been very helpful. I've already started developing ideas for my next visual novel and how to improve certain things ...