Rising Angels: Reborn

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AxemRed
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Re: Rising Angels: Reborn

#46 Post by AxemRed » Thu Jan 02, 2014 6:05 pm

I think he would consider the risk reasonable on two beliefs. One: That it is the word of a security officer who has lost rank in the past and a murderer with no evidence versus the word of several reasonable people. Two: He's banking on Natalie listening to her partner and running with the crystal or smashing it. With only people in the conspiracy to tell the story (Faye being the only person not biased, but not knowing anything that happened and dying), it doesn't matter what he says because the only story that command will hear involves Natalie being a traitor and trying to kill dedicated officers.
One: It'd still lead to an investigation. Stan would need to be certain no proof would be discovered even if he's officially investigated.
Two: He starts acting suspicious long before they even obtain the crystal.

The only thing Natalie ever does is make her declarations and revoke Rasoona's access. They then turn the ship back on and have a party. Everything else, such as Natalie giving herself command authority or making Sol the official shipmaster is never done. They're too busy celebrating their survival.
1: No one is that stupid.
2: Even if she was (and Sol and Zuri and Kika), you can't have the POV character perform unexpected actions in secret.

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Re: Rising Angels: Reborn

#47 Post by Didules » Sun Jan 05, 2014 9:19 am

So, I finally played it (couldn't wait for the voices ver. :lol: ), and I have to say.... WOW!
I really loved this game! (I hope there are no spoilers in this....)

The plot was really good, it really takes you into the story in no time, and the interactions between characters help too! (Although somehow, you have to play the first RA gale to understand fully everything (and not everything is said, we lack tons of informations about what happen between the first RA game and this spin-off! But that was good :) )) (Oh, maybe it was less intense than the first Rising Angels games sometimes. There was less tension?)
At first, I wasn't too happy about Sol being in the game (although I kinda liked him), but here, he's really an interesting character, seeing him being all friendly with Nat' was really great, because we learned to dislike him in the first RA game, but here, he was a wonderful character! A precious friend and ally! I wish to learn more about him now.... ( :lol: he now have at least one fangirl! (Okay, probably many more!!)
Zuri was a good character as well (sometimes too much of a simpleton, but that was nice as well, enough of complicated characters :lol: ), seeing Kika and Faye again was just great!
Natalie was different from what I expected, but it was all good. She was an interesting character, having her doubts, her beliefs. Her warrior-Spirit was good too, she's right, nowadays a warrior doesn't have to fight :) It was an wonderful experience to follow her along on this Adventure!
The whole universel feels really coherent, the plot was well done!

The GUI is great too (the main menu, the gallery, everything was intuitive (although the little "close" button on the Windows was sometimes a but hard to find (to remember where it was in fact).
The sprites are awesome, the fact that there was several poses is great, since it makes us look more at the screen and less at the text, to appeciate them both. There were beautiful, and the expressions are amazing!! :)
The backgrounds are really impressive (totally different than the first RA game, and that's better ^^)!
The CGs on the other hand were sometimes a bit...flabby? They didn't have as much impact as they could have, although there were really well done (the last two CGs (true end and the last "bad end" (which isn't really bad, is it?))are wonderful). The lines felt a bit...uneven. But still, there were good, just a little but behind ^^'

And then comes the last part... :)
Who is the genius who made the soundtrack? [oh, well, the one who chose the musics is a genius as well, let's be honest!]
The musics are wonderful, I've never liked the soundtrack of a visual Novel more than this one! The musics were always good, they felt right at each scenes, it's amazing!!

(Oh, right, may I ask what the main menu music is? ^^)

So thank you for making such a wonderful game!!!
Good luck for the next part!! (Because that was a bad surprise at the end, the usual [to be continued] :lol: And because....in the next part, we'll have more adventure, right?) In the end, the game may have been a bit too short to fully develop everything, that's the only real bad point I'd say. But the game still is really entertaining and have a replay value! :)

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Re: Rising Angels: Reborn

#48 Post by Kharnival » Wed Jan 22, 2014 8:16 pm

I actually started up an account to reply to this thread! I really enjoyed it, and also have a few questions.

The Rising Angels download billed as a 'demo' on your site, is that The Red Rose? The one that ends
with Faye finding out Lenna and Sol are together?
Is there any other content after/between that demo and Reborn? I'm sorry if this is really obvious; I've looked around to see if I can clear it up and can't!

When I played before, I didn't think it would be my cup of tea as I normally like involvement over straight VNs. I also wished Faye wouldn't focus so much on Lenna! I love Lenna a lot, but I could see the difficulties there, and Faye just didn't notice. It makes it realistic, of course. Just sad, and I wish she could have felt the same way about Yoi.

BUT, it was amazing, and I loved the characters, the universe, and the story. To the point where when I noticed this the other day, I pretty much put everything on hold to play it. Thoughts below!
I KNEW Alphonse was shifty! Stan was just way too obvious. He was definitely up to no good, but I had a bad vibe about Al. Especially when he was just praying and not prepared to support any attempts at solving the problem...until suddenly he was, as if he'd suddenly just realised how to spin it to his advantage. I had a big suspicion about him, so it's cool to see it confirmed!

I loved Zuri so much. I think my problem with Lenna in the first game was while I loved her, she wasn't as active or interesting as some of the others, who I would have loved to see more of. Kind of like I only got one slice of delicious cake when I could have had two! My favourites were actually Kika and Faye, so what a joy to see them back in Reborn!

I loved Sol's development; he's a guy I hate to love, but I really do. If you ever made a Sol romance game, I'd pretty much pay any asking price! Having said that, the almost/not quite romance in Reborn was amazing. I love the relationships between the characters so much. Kylie did annoy me, but sort of, in the way I think she was meant to? I was mad at her, not bored with her character. Stan was a great antagonist, too. Even though it led to a bad ending, I still enjoyed shooting him in the face.

Like I said, I loved Zuri. She's complex and lovely. I don't want Kika to be a bad guy though! I went from finding her frustrating in Red Rose to amazing, and that continued into this. I was also sad we didn't see more of Faye, because she's awesome, but I hope we'll see more of her in the sequel!
This might not be as thorough a critique as some other comments here but I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed it! Keeping an eye on updates on your site and definitely looking forward to the next part. I've played a lot of games from this site and this is the first one that I've felt compelled to sign up and comment on. Excellent work from everyone involved, can't wait for more!

Oh, and I agree with 'more CGs' even though there weren't supposed to be any at all - more art from this series can only be a good thing!!

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Re: Rising Angels: Reborn

#49 Post by KomiTsuku » Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:07 am

Didules wrote:So, I finally played it (couldn't wait for the voices ver. :lol: ), and I have to say.... WOW!
I really loved this game! (I hope there are no spoilers in this....)

The plot was really good, it really takes you into the story in no time, and the interactions between characters help too! (Although somehow, you have to play the first RA gale to understand fully everything (and not everything is said, we lack tons of informations about what happen between the first RA game and this spin-off! But that was good :) )) (Oh, maybe it was less intense than the first Rising Angels games sometimes. There was less tension?)
At first, I wasn't too happy about Sol being in the game (although I kinda liked him), but here, he's really an interesting character, seeing him being all friendly with Nat' was really great, because we learned to dislike him in the first RA game, but here, he was a wonderful character! A precious friend and ally! I wish to learn more about him now.... ( :lol: he now have at least one fangirl! (Okay, probably many more!!)
Zuri was a good character as well (sometimes too much of a simpleton, but that was nice as well, enough of complicated characters :lol: ), seeing Kika and Faye again was just great!
Natalie was different from what I expected, but it was all good. She was an interesting character, having her doubts, her beliefs. Her warrior-Spirit was good too, she's right, nowadays a warrior doesn't have to fight :) It was an wonderful experience to follow her along on this Adventure!
The whole universel feels really coherent, the plot was well done!

The GUI is great too (the main menu, the gallery, everything was intuitive (although the little "close" button on the Windows was sometimes a but hard to find (to remember where it was in fact).
The sprites are awesome, the fact that there was several poses is great, since it makes us look more at the screen and less at the text, to appeciate them both. There were beautiful, and the expressions are amazing!! :)
The backgrounds are really impressive (totally different than the first RA game, and that's better ^^)!
The CGs on the other hand were sometimes a bit...flabby? They didn't have as much impact as they could have, although there were really well done (the last two CGs (true end and the last "bad end" (which isn't really bad, is it?))are wonderful). The lines felt a bit...uneven. But still, there were good, just a little but behind ^^'

And then comes the last part... :)
Who is the genius who made the soundtrack? [oh, well, the one who chose the musics is a genius as well, let's be honest!]
The musics are wonderful, I've never liked the soundtrack of a visual Novel more than this one! The musics were always good, they felt right at each scenes, it's amazing!!

(Oh, right, may I ask what the main menu music is? ^^)

So thank you for making such a wonderful game!!!
Good luck for the next part!! (Because that was a bad surprise at the end, the usual [to be continued] :lol: And because....in the next part, we'll have more adventure, right?) In the end, the game may have been a bit too short to fully develop everything, that's the only real bad point I'd say. But the game still is really entertaining and have a replay value! :)
I'm really glad you liked it. ^_^ Thank you so much!

I'm rather surprised at how Natalie turned out as well. I went into this with the intent to make her a very strict tsundere girl, but she ended up evolving beyond what I could imagine for her.

The backgrounds to the first RA game were stock images I purchased from somewhere, which is why they had no sci-fi feel. The spaceship backgrounds for this one were a bit more plain, but I wanted to make sure we got that low-grade, somewhat industrial feel to it.

The soundtrack was variety of music licensed by the studio. The title song is Broken Compass by Lights Out Dancing. There was supposed to be an opening animation that went with it, but I am very, very, very slowly learning ATL and deadlines were tight. Now that you mention it, I think I forgot to add the music credits to the credits document.

The next part will have considerably more action and adventure. The start of Rising Angels: Fates starts off with a gunfight and a high speed chase. There were more parts to the story, but an imposed deadline made me have to rush on certain things. Managing to make the VN in 3 ½ months while still working 50-60hrs a week is a miracle I'm still proud of. The next one will be considerably longer, especially since a certain 2nd protagonist and team will be joining the enemies of Natalie.
Kharnival wrote:I actually started up an account to reply to this thread! I really enjoyed it, and also have a few questions.

The Rising Angels download billed as a 'demo' on your site, is that The Red Rose? The one that ends
with Faye finding out Lenna and Sol are together?
Is there any other content after/between that demo and Reborn? I'm sorry if this is really obvious; I've looked around to see if I can clear it up and can't!

When I played before, I didn't think it would be my cup of tea as I normally like involvement over straight VNs. I also wished Faye wouldn't focus so much on Lenna! I love Lenna a lot, but I could see the difficulties there, and Faye just didn't notice. It makes it realistic, of course. Just sad, and I wish she could have felt the same way about Yoi.

BUT, it was amazing, and I loved the characters, the universe, and the story. To the point where when I noticed this the other day, I pretty much put everything on hold to play it. Thoughts below!
I KNEW Alphonse was shifty! Stan was just way too obvious. He was definitely up to no good, but I had a bad vibe about Al. Especially when he was just praying and not prepared to support any attempts at solving the problem...until suddenly he was, as if he'd suddenly just realised how to spin it to his advantage. I had a big suspicion about him, so it's cool to see it confirmed!

I loved Zuri so much. I think my problem with Lenna in the first game was while I loved her, she wasn't as active or interesting as some of the others, who I would have loved to see more of. Kind of like I only got one slice of delicious cake when I could have had two! My favourites were actually Kika and Faye, so what a joy to see them back in Reborn!

I loved Sol's development; he's a guy I hate to love, but I really do. If you ever made a Sol romance game, I'd pretty much pay any asking price! Having said that, the almost/not quite romance in Reborn was amazing. I love the relationships between the characters so much. Kylie did annoy me, but sort of, in the way I think she was meant to? I was mad at her, not bored with her character. Stan was a great antagonist, too. Even though it led to a bad ending, I still enjoyed shooting him in the face.

Like I said, I loved Zuri. She's complex and lovely. I don't want Kika to be a bad guy though! I went from finding her frustrating in Red Rose to amazing, and that continued into this. I was also sad we didn't see more of Faye, because she's awesome, but I hope we'll see more of her in the sequel!
This might not be as thorough a critique as some other comments here but I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed it! Keeping an eye on updates on your site and definitely looking forward to the next part. I've played a lot of games from this site and this is the first one that I've felt compelled to sign up and comment on. Excellent work from everyone involved, can't wait for more!

Oh, and I agree with 'more CGs' even though there weren't supposed to be any at all - more art from this series can only be a good thing!!
I'm honored that you joined just so you could tell me your thoughts. ^_^ Thank you!

There was a demo for RA: The Red Rose, but it was fully released. Based on your response, you played the full version of it. There was a second part of the story. Yoi tried to kill a few people and learned the universe doesn't revolve around her happiness, Sol began to accept Faye, and Hunters of the White Tail rode again. But based upon how bad the original development went and the... less than stellar response of the audience, I decided to remake the series. The remake was RA: Reborn, which takes place roughly three years after the events of RA: TRR and falls in line roughly a few months before when Anton's Vacation (which is also getting remade into RA: Fates).

I liked playing Faye's naive crush in The Red Rose. I don't think it would ever work with Lenna, but I also don't think it was going to work with Yoi at that point either. Yoi was a very self-centered character who really didn't think about the feelings of others. Yoi and Faye's friendship was about to go through some rocky parts as Yoi tried to exploit a wounded Faye's heart. However, three years apart and a world of adventures may have tempered each woman. I'm looking forward to them meeting again in the next part of the story.
Since she was first written back in 2005, Lenna has never been a stellar main character. She just isn't forceful enough or clear thinking enough to be effective. Lenna held the most hated character award for the longest time. Is she going to return in the remake series...? Not planned at this time.

I've got two pieces of good news regarding Sol. I'm working right now on finishing Sol's version of the story. It's considerably more romantic than Zuri's. They make a good pair together, even though they have some really cute, awkward moments since neither of them are exactly suave. The other part of the good news is that it is going to be free since I promised this at the start. I'm not giving a deadline on this, since I'm working on a few things at the moment, but it should be a few months from now at most.

Kika isn't going to be an evil bad guy, she's too proud for something like that. I'm not saying anything more. Her story route in the next game might be the most heart-wrenching thing I've ever had to write.

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Re: Rising Angels: Reborn

#50 Post by narutochats » Wed Jan 29, 2014 9:33 am

I'm sorry if this question has already been asked, and I know the game isn't centered around romance, but is there not a Sol path to follow anymore? Is it strictly just Zuri?

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Re: Rising Angels: Reborn

#51 Post by KomiTsuku » Wed Jan 29, 2014 10:15 am

narutochats wrote:I'm sorry if this question has already been asked, and I know the game isn't centered around romance, but is there not a Sol path to follow anymore? Is it strictly just Zuri?
As of right now, there isn't a Sol romance.
1. I wanted to make the novel about the story going on, not about which character the reader wanted to woo.
2. I ran out of time. There was a really tight deadline on this, so I had to throw all of my eggs into one basket and go with Zuri.

However, I'm also not deaf. I got a lot of requests about the Sol route. Where as very, very few people were happy that they got the yuri route with Zuri, my digital eardrums got blown out with people being upset that Natalie didn't get together with Sol. I'll be honest, I never saw that coming. I wanted to see that route completed myself, so I'm going back and writing a Sol version of the script. I have no estimated deadline on this. Good or bad, there are a lot of scene rewrites and extra content that I'm gonna have to add.

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Re: Rising Angels: Reborn

#52 Post by Mad Harlequin » Thu Feb 20, 2014 9:03 pm

Okay. I've finally gotten around to playing through this, and I wrote down my comments and questions. I'll try to supplement them so you understand what I mean.

But first I want to respond generally. I enjoyed this for what it was, having played the first game, but I feel that there was much missed potential for growth here. You have a very large cast. Unfortunately, I think some of the characters got the short end of the stick. Kylie was just kind of there until she suddenly showed up as the doctor's sidekick later. She just served as a cute mascot for the team. Speaking of Stan, I knew almost immediately that he was up to something, but he wasn't particularly interesting. Sure, he's a shameless flirt and a jerk, but I saw few hints that he was in fact a spy until close to the end. It just sort of happened like this: "Oh, hey, he's the spy! Let's kill him!" And then I was forced not to kill him to obtain the good ending. Morality is never going to be cut-and-dried---especially not in wartime. I would have had an easier time finding his character believable if the story had actually spent some time with him. Am I correct in assuming that more about him will be revealed in future entries? I know he's secretive, but I certainly hope his character is deepened.

Al . . . well, he was just kind of there to back Sol up and be the resident Mr. Nice Guy.

Kika and Faye were, well, Kika and Faye. Their roles were relatively small compared to some of the other characters, so I can't say much. They seem to have matured somewhat, though.

Resoona or whatever her name is was a cardboard standee promoting xenophobia. She didn't get any visible development. Is she another one for future development?

I liked the relationship between Zuri and Natalie, but I felt that the alternate "paths" were misleading and created an illusion of choice from among friends/companions when there was only one. It would have been better just to create options for the choices that actually matter, especially because your primary focus is the adventure itself and not interpersonal relationships between characters.

Writing feedback:

When Faye talks about the plants, if I remember correctly, she uses the word "fauna." But that word refers to animals and not plants. It should be "flora."

"Court-marshal" should be "court-martial."

Kitsune is the Japanese word for fox, not cat, so why does Sol compare Kika to felines?

Hobbin/hobban: I saw it spelled both ways, and that ought to be corrected. And is it based on "hobbit"? I have to ask.

Somewhere along the line Sol says, "Myself is pulling for you." I know that there's going to be casual grammar for some characters because that's just most how people are when they talk, but . . . that's immersion-breaking.

"Lay down" should be "lie down." I forget who says this or where.

“You wish to ignore the advice of a decorated technician whom I have heard you complement so many times in place of your friends and a woman who is barely literate.” ---- Fun with homophones! It should be "compliment."

I saw plenty of other typos and awkward sentences, but in the interest of keeping the thread clutter-free, I'll send you my notes in a private message. Would that be all right?
I'm an aspiring writer and voice talent with a passion for literature and an unhealthy attachment to video games. I am also a seasoned typo-sniper. Inquiries are encouraged. Friendly chats are welcome.
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Re: Rising Angels: Reborn

#53 Post by snowflakes » Sat Feb 22, 2014 5:32 pm

I'm amazed. I'm right now playing the game, and I haven't got words to describe it ! The artwork is stunning, the plot of the story is very interesting and it takes you into the story faster that i could imagine ! I would like to explain myself better, but I'm not very good with english... But, by now, I'm very impressed! I only have to say that you have done a great job, congratulations !!

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Re: Rising Angels: Reborn

#54 Post by Chu~ » Sun Feb 23, 2014 1:15 pm

I loooove the art! *-*

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Re: Rising Angels: Reborn

#55 Post by hafuhafu » Fri Apr 18, 2014 1:29 pm

been a fan of yours since first RA..and sol's hater

REALLY love the rising angel.. I love it 'coz it's not all the romance story, but the plot and twist is interesting...

I love the un-flawless character'
got all the ending..but the true ending is the best (biased lol)

faye is adorable..


good job :D

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Re: Rising Angels: Reborn

#56 Post by nekohime » Wed Apr 23, 2014 6:10 pm

Hello, I just finished playing both RA games and wanted to let the developers know that I really enjoyed them. I'm not really a fan of VN's, I've tried a few but never really got into them. I read the review of the Android version of RA: Reborn on indiestatik (which is weird because I had never been on that site before and I don't pay much attention to VN's) and decided to give it a go.

I've got to say straight away that playing a VN on a tablet was much more pleasant than trying to play one on my desktop or laptop. If I'm going to be reading something for a few hours, being able to get comfortable is important. Using a tablet made that a lot easier, so thank you for porting it to Android and I hope you do the same for RA: Fates. That said, I noticed some things about the UI that might need to be fixed. The keyboard controls in the "Help" tab don't fit inside the dialog box. It looks like there are two lines skipped at the top, and the last two lines ("Alt+F4 - Quit" and "F1 - Toggle help") are outside the box at the bottom. None of the controls matter to me though because my tablet doesn't have a keyboard, but they may be applicable to some users. The touch screen controls work well and are pretty intuitive, but I can't find a way to use the save file slots. The in-game save icon only quick-saves, which has limited slots and doesn't let me choose which one to overwrite. Also I have a hard time getting back to the main menu once I'm playing the game. What I think is supposed to be the return button gives me an alert that I will lose unsaved progress, and then takes me back to the point where I started playing, not to the menu. I have to finish the game to get back to the menu. None of this is game-breaking by any means, but it does diminish what otherwise seems very polished for a free game.

Wall of Text ahead. TLDR: I liked it, hurry up with the next one!
As for the game itself the art and music were both pleasant and fit the setting quite well. The characters were kind of hit and miss for me. I didn't like Sol at all, the few moments when he expresses concern for the crew don't come close to making up for the way he treats them. Kika was a little bit better, most of the time she's an annoying brat but at least she's mean to everyone equally. The death of her parents lead to some great development for her, though, and she had some good things to say/do by the end of it. Stan was kind of obvious, though I was a little surprised that nobody said anything about him manipulating Kylie. That is assuming that Kylie was being manipulated. I got the impression that she was mostly trying to be helpful and ended up helping the wrong people, but I could be wrong since I didn't pay much attention to her. Aside from first meeting her, the scene where they try to bribe Natalie, and dealing with the crystal and mutiny at the end I don't remember a single conversation she was in. Faye and Alphonse didn't seem to do much, although that may just be the path I took. Faye felt like her only reason to be there was to get injured halfway through, casting suspicion on Stan and (ineffectively) showing that Sol isn't a complete jerk. Alphonse was just kind of there, except when he wasn't (and yes I know that's important), and just about all he was shown doing was getting Resoona involved when they were arguing about using the crystal to power the ship and save everyone's lives. Resoona really surprised me at the end. She struck me as the most level-headed character in the story. Even having personal problems with the SITO organization she seemed to prioritize the safety of her crew and the completion of her mission over everything else. When Alphonse showed up with her in the engine room I fully expected her to silence Stan and proceed with the only viable option to save everyone, figuring that if something went wrong they were far enough out in space that it probably would not affect anyone else. Totally misread that one, and given her complete unwillingness to listen to reason I'm guessing that she was either in on it, or was the one behind it all to begin with.

I really liked the main character, Natalie, and empathizing with the main character is critical when the audience is supposed to assume the role of protagonist. In most cases where there was something specific I wanted her to do or say, she either did it herself or gave me the option to. There are only a couple of time I can remember really not liking what she did.

First when her datapad got destroyed and everyone jumped on Zuri as the culprit. I see why most of the crew would blame her: whoever framed her is obviously going to say she did it, Sol had already been established as looking for any opportunity to make her look bad (regardless of whether she actually did anything wrong or not), Kika doesn't want anyone but herself to look good, and everyone else was just willing to accept that Zuri had screwed up again. Natalie on the other hand, as a trained SITO officer should have realized that there was no actual evidence linking Zuri to the incident. There were no witnesses that could place Zuri near the lab at the time, the size of the talon and boot mark that destroyed the datapad were on records that multiple crew members could have accessed and faked, the previous accusation of Zuri damaging items at the research site was never confirmed, it was pointed out that the angle the datapad was struck from would have made it difficult for Zuri to have done it in the cramped room (with her training she may have been able to if she tried hard enough) making it highly unlikely that it was destroyed by accident, Zuri had no motive to intentionally destroy her friend's work, and Zuri was not the only one who had no alibi. Zuri said she was innocent, and between the lack of substantial evidence, knowing that most of the crew didn't like her anyway, and being her friend Natalie should have been defending Zuri (or at least looked for more evidence) from the start instead of blowing up at her. I eventually got the option of saying I trust Zuri, but it would have been nice to get that option before the blow-up, not after.

Second, when Stan tried to bribe Natalie with steak and said that if she didn't keep her mouth shut that Sol would go to prison I really wanted to option to turn them in anyway. I didn't like Sol and felt that even though they knew each other Natalie had not seen this side of him because she is human and therefore worthy of being treated like an actual person. Seeing how he treats non-humans, especially his own crew on a military ship where teamwork is paramount (seriously, that crap should have been beaten out of him at the academy) pretty much ruined any goodwill between them. So yeah, I'm reporting this and sending Stan, his accomplice, and the jerk to prison because all three of them are jeopardizing the safety of the entire crew with their behavior.

Overall the story was very engaging. I know a lot of people have commented about the slow start but I though it worked quite well. By the time things started to escalate I felt I had a pretty good grasp on the characters and setting, without being dragged through a ton of exposition. I focused heavily on Zuri, at first because Sol hated her and then because I'm a sucker for yuri (I didn't realize at the time that it wasn't optional) so I may have missed some of the other character development. I only got three of the five endings and I'm missing one CG but I'm not sure if or when I'll play through it again as I liked the way it turned out and I don't know that I want to change anything.

I did want more though, especially with that "to be continued" at the end. I found The Red Rose on the IDHAS website and downloaded it too. Between not being able to play it on my tablet, the high-school style setting, and wondering if the writing would be as good (being an older game) I almost didn't play it. Seeing that it had some of the same characters, plus a few that were mentioned briefly I played it anyway.

It was nice to see that Faye, who had very little development in Reborn, was much more fleshed out here since she's the main character. I also liked Kika much more this time, still the bratty princess but she was a lot less spastic this time and was one of the most helpful and sane characters in it. Sol obviously did not get that crap beaten out of him at the academy. He's a little bit more mature in Reborn, but he still has a long way to go if he wants to redeem himself. My favorite part of his character (in both games) is when Yoi revealed that she was persecuted by her own people for having a human parent and Sol is suddenly speechless. Yoi, by the way, came off a bit too forceful. I liked Faye being her friend, but I did not want her as a love interest. I did like Lenna as the love interest and I thought that worked really well, even when it didn't. Iotor was one of the best characters in the story, his background fit well and his actions were important throughout. Everyone else felt like extras with too much development and not enough payoff.

By the way, remember how in Red Rose Kika took it on herself to head up an investigation to find out who was threatening Faye? Why didn't she do that in Reborn when Zuri was framed for breaking Natalie's datapad? I'm sure she would have loved the glory of finding the real culprit.

At first I was surprised that Lenna ended up with Sol instead of Faye, but then I remembered that at no point did Lenna ever express romantic interest in Faye. Yoi put that thought in Faye's head by thinking she had to compete with Lenna for Faye's heart. I am glad that at the end Faye was ok with it all, although I think Lenna could have done much better than Sol. As for the hint in Reborn that their mutual relationships with Lenna somehow makes Faye ok with Sol's racial insults, I call BS. If anything, Faye should be the one non-human that Sol is actually civil with. After all, Faye did get Lenna to open up enough for Sol to have a chance.

The ending of Red Rose came very suddenly. I felt there were a lot of loose strings and missing character arcs at the end, especially after playing Reborn and knowing that something happens to Lenna, Blade, and someone else I think Kika mentioned when her parent's died. Was it cancelled? Anyway, while Red Rose was pretty good Reborn was great. I am definitely looking forward to Fates and will keep an eye out for it. I know I mentioned this before but I really hope you release Fates on Android.

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Re: Rising Angels: Reborn

#57 Post by KomiTsuku » Sun Apr 27, 2014 10:25 pm

Crikey, I need to stop forgetting this thread exists. I'm sorry to everyone for the delays in responding.
Mad Harlequin wrote:Okay. I've finally gotten around to playing through this, and I wrote down my comments and questions. I'll try to supplement them so you understand what I mean.

But first I want to respond generally. I enjoyed this for what it was, having played the first game, but I feel that there was much missed potential for growth here. You have a very large cast. Unfortunately, I think some of the characters got the short end of the stick. Kylie was just kind of there until she suddenly showed up as the doctor's sidekick later. She just served as a cute mascot for the team. Speaking of Stan, I knew almost immediately that he was up to something, but he wasn't particularly interesting. Sure, he's a shameless flirt and a jerk, but I saw few hints that he was in fact a spy until close to the end. It just sort of happened like this: "Oh, hey, he's the spy! Let's kill him!" And then I was forced not to kill him to obtain the good ending. Morality is never going to be cut-and-dried---especially not in wartime. I would have had an easier time finding his character believable if the story had actually spent some time with him. Am I correct in assuming that more about him will be revealed in future entries? I know he's secretive, but I certainly hope his character is deepened.

Al . . . well, he was just kind of there to back Sol up and be the resident Mr. Nice Guy.

Kika and Faye were, well, Kika and Faye. Their roles were relatively small compared to some of the other characters, so I can't say much. They seem to have matured somewhat, though.

Resoona or whatever her name is was a cardboard standee promoting xenophobia. She didn't get any visible development. Is she another one for future development?

I liked the relationship between Zuri and Natalie, but I felt that the alternate "paths" were misleading and created an illusion of choice from among friends/companions when there was only one. It would have been better just to create options for the choices that actually matter, especially because your primary focus is the adventure itself and not interpersonal relationships between characters.
I always find it odd when people note the minor characters being just that. To me, a universe without people inhabiting it is strange. Could I have wrote Faye, Kylie, Al, and Rasoona out of the script? Sure. Look at any anime or TV show. You could write out 90% of the cast. While some of the characters will get more development as the next part of the story develops, others were nothing more than fill-ins for the scenes where they interacted with the story. That being said...

Some of those options were just there for interaction with the cast, others were for routes that weren't added. There were alternate paths, but reality was a cruel mistress. With funds running short and deadlines approaching, I had to trim out some of those routes. The final Stan scene is a good example. It was meant to open up into Sol's true end, but without Sol's end, it ended up being a random tangent that didn't get the build it needed. Some of the characters there were supposed to get more screentime (Stan and Kika specifically) had to lose out. That being said, there is a plan being developed to add all of the extra content that was cut. There just isn't enough money in the pot right now to get things done.
Writing feedback:

When Faye talks about the plants, if I remember correctly, she uses the word "fauna." But that word refers to animals and not plants. It should be "flora."

"Court-marshal" should be "court-martial."

Kitsune is the Japanese word for fox, not cat, so why does Sol compare Kika to felines?

Hobbin/hobban: I saw it spelled both ways, and that ought to be corrected. And is it based on "hobbit"? I have to ask.

Somewhere along the line Sol says, "Myself is pulling for you." I know that there's going to be casual grammar for some characters because that's just most how people are when they talk, but . . . that's immersion-breaking.

"Lay down" should be "lie down." I forget who says this or where.

“You wish to ignore the advice of a decorated technician whom I have heard you complement so many times in place of your friends and a woman who is barely literate.” ---- Fun with homophones! It should be "compliment."

I saw plenty of other typos and awkward sentences, but in the interest of keeping the thread clutter-free, I'll send you my notes in a private message. Would that be all right?
I was reading those notes on the script and I was confused there for a moment. Then I realized when you posted and remembered that was right before the red pen corrections were applied to the PC version. The android version got a corrected version in January, but I didn't get around to applying it to the PC version until a couple weeks ago.

And Sol calls Kika a housecat as a nickname. Kitsune is a nickname itself for a sub-species of Lupide.
snowflakes wrote:I'm amazed. I'm right now playing the game, and I haven't got words to describe it ! The artwork is stunning, the plot of the story is very interesting and it takes you into the story faster that i could imagine ! I would like to explain myself better, but I'm not very good with english... But, by now, I'm very impressed! I only have to say that you have done a great job, congratulations !!
Thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Chu~ wrote:I loooove the art! *-*
Nuge needs to hear that more. She keeps doubting herself. ^_^
hafuhafu wrote:been a fan of yours since first RA..and sol's hater

REALLY love the rising angel.. I love it 'coz it's not all the romance story, but the plot and twist is interesting...

I love the un-flawless character'
got all the ending..but the true ending is the best (biased lol)

faye is adorable..


good job :D
I still think Faye is cuter in the original RA, but it was fun to see older Faye. ^_^ Glad you liked it.
nekohime wrote:Hello, I just finished playing both RA games and wanted to let the developers know that I really enjoyed them. I'm not really a fan of VN's, I've tried a few but never really got into them. I read the review of the Android version of RA: Reborn on indiestatik (which is weird because I had never been on that site before and I don't pay much attention to VN's) and decided to give it a go.
I'm glad you enjoyed it! I'm rather surprised to see it up on indiestatik. Most of what I do rarely leaves the local community and even then it is very quiet.
I've got to say straight away that playing a VN on a tablet was much more pleasant than trying to play one on my desktop or laptop. If I'm going to be reading something for a few hours, being able to get comfortable is important. Using a tablet made that a lot easier, so thank you for porting it to Android and I hope you do the same for RA: Fates. That said, I noticed some things about the UI that might need to be fixed. The keyboard controls in the "Help" tab don't fit inside the dialog box. It looks like there are two lines skipped at the top, and the last two lines ("Alt+F4 - Quit" and "F1 - Toggle help") are outside the box at the bottom. None of the controls matter to me though because my tablet doesn't have a keyboard, but they may be applicable to some users. The touch screen controls work well and are pretty intuitive, but I can't find a way to use the save file slots. The in-game save icon only quick-saves, which has limited slots and doesn't let me choose which one to overwrite. Also I have a hard time getting back to the main menu once I'm playing the game. What I think is supposed to be the return button gives me an alert that I will lose unsaved progress, and then takes me back to the point where I started playing, not to the menu. I have to finish the game to get back to the menu. None of this is game-breaking by any means, but it does diminish what otherwise seems very polished for a free game.
I was not as smooth as I needed to be in porting the PC version to the android version. When we do Fates, there is going to be a separate GUI for that version. Being unable to get to the in-game menu is one of the biggest problem that plagues the game and one I've been working on and failing at to correct. Trying to make a button that pulls up that menu should be easy, but it creates a series of nasty problems that have prevented me from adding it to the game. My intent is to have that corrected by the time Fates releases.
As for the game itself the art and music were both pleasant and fit the setting quite well. The characters were kind of hit and miss for me. I didn't like Sol at all, the few moments when he expresses concern for the crew don't come close to making up for the way he treats them. Kika was a little bit better, most of the time she's an annoying brat but at least she's mean to everyone equally. The death of her parents lead to some great development for her, though, and she had some good things to say/do by the end of it. Stan was kind of obvious, though I was a little surprised that nobody said anything about him manipulating Kylie. That is assuming that Kylie was being manipulated. I got the impression that she was mostly trying to be helpful and ended up helping the wrong people, but I could be wrong since I didn't pay much attention to her. Aside from first meeting her, the scene where they try to bribe Natalie, and dealing with the crystal and mutiny at the end I don't remember a single conversation she was in. Faye and Alphonse didn't seem to do much, although that may just be the path I took. Faye felt like her only reason to be there was to get injured halfway through, casting suspicion on Stan and (ineffectively) showing that Sol isn't a complete jerk. Alphonse was just kind of there, except when he wasn't (and yes I know that's important), and just about all he was shown doing was getting Resoona involved when they were arguing about using the crystal to power the ship and save everyone's lives. Resoona really surprised me at the end. She struck me as the most level-headed character in the story. Even having personal problems with the SITO organization she seemed to prioritize the safety of her crew and the completion of her mission over everything else. When Alphonse showed up with her in the engine room I fully expected her to silence Stan and proceed with the only viable option to save everyone, figuring that if something went wrong they were far enough out in space that it probably would not affect anyone else. Totally misread that one, and given her complete unwillingness to listen to reason I'm guessing that she was either in on it, or was the one behind it all to begin with.

I really liked the main character, Natalie, and empathizing with the main character is critical when the audience is supposed to assume the role of protagonist. In most cases where there was something specific I wanted her to do or say, she either did it herself or gave me the option to. There are only a couple of time I can remember really not liking what she did.

First when her datapad got destroyed and everyone jumped on Zuri as the culprit. I see why most of the crew would blame her: whoever framed her is obviously going to say she did it, Sol had already been established as looking for any opportunity to make her look bad (regardless of whether she actually did anything wrong or not), Kika doesn't want anyone but herself to look good, and everyone else was just willing to accept that Zuri had screwed up again. Natalie on the other hand, as a trained SITO officer should have realized that there was no actual evidence linking Zuri to the incident. There were no witnesses that could place Zuri near the lab at the time, the size of the talon and boot mark that destroyed the datapad were on records that multiple crew members could have accessed and faked, the previous accusation of Zuri damaging items at the research site was never confirmed, it was pointed out that the angle the datapad was struck from would have made it difficult for Zuri to have done it in the cramped room (with her training she may have been able to if she tried hard enough) making it highly unlikely that it was destroyed by accident, Zuri had no motive to intentionally destroy her friend's work, and Zuri was not the only one who had no alibi. Zuri said she was innocent, and between the lack of substantial evidence, knowing that most of the crew didn't like her anyway, and being her friend Natalie should have been defending Zuri (or at least looked for more evidence) from the start instead of blowing up at her. I eventually got the option of saying I trust Zuri, but it would have been nice to get that option before the blow-up, not after.

Second, when Stan tried to bribe Natalie with steak and said that if she didn't keep her mouth shut that Sol would go to prison I really wanted to option to turn them in anyway. I didn't like Sol and felt that even though they knew each other Natalie had not seen this side of him because she is human and therefore worthy of being treated like an actual person. Seeing how he treats non-humans, especially his own crew on a military ship where teamwork is paramount (seriously, that crap should have been beaten out of him at the academy) pretty much ruined any goodwill between them. So yeah, I'm reporting this and sending Stan, his accomplice, and the jerk to prison because all three of them are jeopardizing the safety of the entire crew with their behavior.

Overall the story was very engaging. I know a lot of people have commented about the slow start but I though it worked quite well. By the time things started to escalate I felt I had a pretty good grasp on the characters and setting, without being dragged through a ton of exposition. I focused heavily on Zuri, at first because Sol hated her and then because I'm a sucker for yuri (I didn't realize at the time that it wasn't optional) so I may have missed some of the other character development. I only got three of the five endings and I'm missing one CG but I'm not sure if or when I'll play through it again as I liked the way it turned out and I don't know that I want to change anything.

I did want more though, especially with that "to be continued" at the end. I found The Red Rose on the IDHAS website and downloaded it too. Between not being able to play it on my tablet, the high-school style setting, and wondering if the writing would be as good (being an older game) I almost didn't play it. Seeing that it had some of the same characters, plus a few that were mentioned briefly I played it anyway.

It was nice to see that Faye, who had very little development in Reborn, was much more fleshed out here since she's the main character. I also liked Kika much more this time, still the bratty princess but she was a lot less spastic this time and was one of the most helpful and sane characters in it. Sol obviously did not get that crap beaten out of him at the academy. He's a little bit more mature in Reborn, but he still has a long way to go if he wants to redeem himself. My favorite part of his character (in both games) is when Yoi revealed that she was persecuted by her own people for having a human parent and Sol is suddenly speechless. Yoi, by the way, came off a bit too forceful. I liked Faye being her friend, but I did not want her as a love interest. I did like Lenna as the love interest and I thought that worked really well, even when it didn't. Iotor was one of the best characters in the story, his background fit well and his actions were important throughout. Everyone else felt like extras with too much development and not enough payoff.

By the way, remember how in Red Rose Kika took it on herself to head up an investigation to find out who was threatening Faye? Why didn't she do that in Reborn when Zuri was framed for breaking Natalie's datapad? I'm sure she would have loved the glory of finding the real culprit.

At first I was surprised that Lenna ended up with Sol instead of Faye, but then I remembered that at no point did Lenna ever express romantic interest in Faye. Yoi put that thought in Faye's head by thinking she had to compete with Lenna for Faye's heart. I am glad that at the end Faye was ok with it all, although I think Lenna could have done much better than Sol. As for the hint in Reborn that their mutual relationships with Lenna somehow makes Faye ok with Sol's racial insults, I call BS. If anything, Faye should be the one non-human that Sol is actually civil with. After all, Faye did get Lenna to open up enough for Sol to have a chance.

The ending of Red Rose came very suddenly. I felt there were a lot of loose strings and missing character arcs at the end, especially after playing Reborn and knowing that something happens to Lenna, Blade, and someone else I think Kika mentioned when her parent's died. Was it cancelled? Anyway, while Red Rose was pretty good Reborn was great. I am definitely looking forward to Fates and will keep an eye out for it. I know I mentioned this before but I really hope you release Fates on Android.
Natalie's overreaction to the Zuri accusation is one of my biggest slip-ups in the story. The original Natalie was a lot more over-the-top and focused on her professional career. Then, as I was writing, I got a better feel for her and a lot of that worked itself out. Unfortunately, I forgot to tone down her reactions in this scene and she takes a lot longer to calm down than I meant for her.

Like I mentioned to MadHarlequin, there were other routes to take but had to get cut to meet the deadline. This was one of them. You were going to have the option of rebuking Stan's threat, which would lead to Stan being a lot more aggressive and things going downhill fast.

There was some Kika development you may have missed, as some of her original route remained hidden in some of the options. The other ends are all options starting with the choice to go home and continuing forward. There's not much branching in the story, and none of the other ends are positive.

Kika didn't participate in proving Zuri innocent because she believed that Zuri was guilty and was much more focused on ways to steal... I mean, discover what Natalie was doing and knew. Saving the galaxy by stopping a potential rogue agent or saving the universe is a lot more thrilling and important than proving one very likely guilty lieutenant innocent.

Sol has his moments, but they are far and few. There's nothing worse than writing a scene with him, starting to enjoy having him, and then realizing that his reaction is going to ruin the moment I was building. Still, I hope to have him keep maturing as the series goes on. Yoi coming off as too forceful is a complaint I've heard since her introduction to the series back in 2005. She's very forceful, very dynamic, and very quick to blow off the handle. Writing a romance route for her has always been a challenge since she's a social butterfly and wouldn't get too attached to anyone. If I had to make an official pairing for Faye, I don't think it would be with Yoi... at least at this point in the series. Yoi's reappearance in Fates is going to be interesting... Very few people have ever told me they liked Lenna. Iotor, on the other hand, seems to be a favorite for everyone. I think I want to write a few extra scenes for him.

The hints in Reborn are indicating an event that has yet to happen in the academy story. There's a very defining moment in their relationship. I'm not going to say more at this time, but Sol has his reasons.

Red Rose was two years of things falling apart and bad decisions by me. There are a lot of loose ends and stories that only began. The major failings of Red Rose are actually the reason that Reborn was made. Reborn was made specifically because Red Rose flopped so hard. It was canceled and efforts were then shifted to making Reborn. However...
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Time for my big announcement. As we wait for our artist to finish up her project, The Lemon Project, I've decided to go back and do some expansions for Red Rose and Reborn. Red Rose will be getting a new GUI, new backgrounds, CG, revised scenes, and a ton of new adventures. Reborn will be getting Sol's route and a bunch more scenes relating to the mystery. The overall content is going to be roughly 40% more for each game. The issue is that there just isn't enough funding to make this happen. We are running through our options so we can polish up Red Rose and give everyone a lot more adventure for Reborn. We may be doing a variety of fundraisers with prizes to help things out. If there is anything anyone is interested in, let me know!

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Re: Rising Angels: Reborn

#58 Post by Mad Harlequin » Mon Apr 28, 2014 1:20 am

I always find it odd when people note the minor characters being just that. To me, a universe without people inhabiting it is strange. Could I have wrote Faye, Kylie, Al, and Rasoona out of the script? Sure. Look at any anime or TV show. You could write out 90% of the cast. While some of the characters will get more development as the next part of the story develops, others were nothing more than fill-ins for the scenes where they interacted with the story. That being said . . .
I wasn't implying that they should be written out. But so-called minor characters have at least some development. The characters in question, as used here, didn't do much to advance the plot or the development of other characters, meaning they're actually more like stock characters. When I was playing this, it was frustrating because I wanted to see these characters become more than the cardboard cutouts they were meant to be for the purposes of this game (and if that's all they were intended for, there's a problem, IMHO). A VN isn't like an RPG or an anime. In both of those, depending on genre, there's usually time made for scenes involving one-off characters. And in well-executed examples of RPGs and anime, even the one-off characters are developed enough so that they aren't bland.

In visual novels, there isn't nearly as much time to spare for characters that don't make a meaningful contribution to the work as a whole. The best books make every character count.
Some of the characters there were supposed to get more screentime (Stan and Kika specifically) had to lose out. That being said, there is a plan being developed to add all of the extra content that was cut. There just isn't enough money in the pot right now to get things done.
I understand about the money situation. I only want you to know that I'm not being honest with you just to be mean. There's still potential for an improved story, and I would like to see it.
I was reading those notes on the script and I was confused there for a moment. Then I realized when you posted and remembered that was right before the red pen corrections were applied to the PC version. The android version got a corrected version in January, but I didn't get around to applying it to the PC version until a couple weeks ago.
I'll have to replay, then. I still have my notes if you're at all interested.
And Sol calls Kika a housecat as a nickname. Kitsune is a nickname itself for a sub-species of Lupide.
Yes, I realize it's his nickname for Kika. But it doesn't make sense to me that "kitsune" is a subspecies of Lupide---am I right in thinking the word Lupide comes from lupus? Lupus is Latin for wolf. So unless there was some kind of mistaken classification going on (it happens all the time in science), I doubt anybody would actually classify kitsune and lupide as related species. But you could get away with this by explaining that it's a yet-to-be-rectified error in classification. It could even be another sore topic for Kika, proud as she is.

Best wishes.
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Re: Rising Angels: Reborn

#59 Post by KomiTsuku » Mon Apr 28, 2014 9:04 am

Mad Harlequin wrote: I wasn't implying that they should be written out. But so-called minor characters have at least some development. The characters in question, as used here, didn't do much to advance the plot or the development of other characters, meaning they're actually more like stock characters. When I was playing this, it was frustrating because I wanted to see these characters become more than the cardboard cutouts they were meant to be for the purposes of this game (and if that's all they were intended for, there's a problem, IMHO). A VN isn't like an RPG or an anime. In both of those, depending on genre, there's usually time made for scenes involving one-off characters. And in well-executed examples of RPGs and anime, even the one-off characters are developed enough so that they aren't bland.

In visual novels, there isn't nearly as much time to spare for characters that don't make a meaningful contribution to the work as a whole. The best books make every character count.
Some of the characters there were supposed to get more screentime (Stan and Kika specifically) had to lose out. That being said, there is a plan being developed to add all of the extra content that was cut. There just isn't enough money in the pot right now to get things done.
I understand about the money situation. I only want you to know that I'm not being honest with you just to be mean. There's still potential for an improved story, and I would like to see it.
I think this is where our philosophies split off and cause the misunderstanding. To me, visual novels are more digital plays than books. One-off characters are a lot more common and disposable. Like I've said from the start in the WIP thread, Rasoona was a character whose sole purpose in life was because someone had to sit in the shipmaster's chair and I didn't want it to be any of the main characters. I have plans for Faye and Alphonse, but not quite yet. Their time hasn't came yet, so they unfortunately look like they aren't doing much. Stan and Kylie, however, suffered from the lack of time and money issue.

Don't worry about it, I know you are. I'm sorry if I seem aggressive, it is just aspects of my day job slipping through. I know there is potential for an improved story. The original outline is still sitting on my desk. The will is strong, but the body is weak.
I was reading those notes on the script and I was confused there for a moment. Then I realized when you posted and remembered that was right before the red pen corrections were applied to the PC version. The android version got a corrected version in January, but I didn't get around to applying it to the PC version until a couple weeks ago.
I'll have to replay, then. I still have my notes if you're at all interested.
Always glad for another set of eyes. I may have missed something.
And Sol calls Kika a housecat as a nickname. Kitsune is a nickname itself for a sub-species of Lupide.
Yes, I realize it's his nickname for Kika. But it doesn't make sense to me that "kitsune" is a subspecies of Lupide---am I right in thinking the word Lupide comes from lupus? Lupus is Latin for wolf. So unless there was some kind of mistaken classification going on (it happens all the time in science), I doubt anybody would actually classify kitsune and lupide as related species. But you could get away with this by explaining that it's a yet-to-be-rectified error in classification. It could even be another sore topic for Kika, proud as she is.

Best wishes.
...alright, I'll be frank. I'm just trying to cover up the fact Kitsune came from the young days when the original "series" was just a bunch of kids RPing. I've slowly been trying to working it out of canon; most of the kitsune character have already been phased out of the storyline. Kika is the last one and her lineage is something that will come up in the next work.

Lupide does come from lupis (points to you!) All of the "alien" species trace their origins back to humans anyway. The few true alien species might not even appear in the RA series (I don't think Nuge is up for it).

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Mad Harlequin
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Re: Rising Angels: Reborn

#60 Post by Mad Harlequin » Mon Apr 28, 2014 9:53 am

KomiTsuku wrote:I think this is where our philosophies split off and cause the misunderstanding . . .
All right. I can see where you're coming from, even if I still disagree with you (plays are performance art!). :wink:
Don't worry about it, I know you are. I'm sorry if I seem aggressive, it is just aspects of my day job slipping through. I know there is potential for an improved story. The original outline is still sitting on my desk. The will is strong, but the body is weak.
Oh, no need to apologize. I'm a writer too, and aside from having a backlog of ideas, I sometimes find it difficult to come up with the energy to sit there and work.
...alright, I'll be frank. I'm just trying to cover up the fact Kitsune came from the young days when the original "series" was just a bunch of kids RPing. I've slowly been trying to working it out of canon; most of the kitsune character have already been phased out of the storyline. Kika is the last one and her lineage is something that will come up in the next work.
Ah, now I understand. No wonder you were willing to stick to the flawed classification. I still think you could have Kika react to it---it could be a bit of a nod to the silliness of your youth that also provides her with some more depth.

Before I send you my notes, I'll play through the updated version. There's no sense in talking about errors that have been addressed already, after all.
I'm an aspiring writer and voice talent with a passion for literature and an unhealthy attachment to video games. I am also a seasoned typo-sniper. Inquiries are encouraged. Friendly chats are welcome.
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