~ After Guardian Angel ~

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zhaie
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~ After Guardian Angel ~

#1 Post by zhaie » Fri Dec 06, 2013 9:57 am

Update:
This is the first VN I completed using renpy.
And it's been 2 years since I posted this but I'm having thoughts of fixing the coding. Anyway, the old link for this game is posted.
Or you may refer to this one: HERE

Some reminders.
🌸 There's an error with the extra menu. You might get trapped in the game if you play it for another round, after opening reading the extras.
🌸 There are typos and grammar errors. I replayed this, after 2 years :lol:
🌸 I'm bothered since I didn't do a good job crediting my sources for this game.

Thank you very much!

-----


It took a while for me to fix this KN since I was busy but at least it's all good now.
~

Leh Wild VN appears~!

Howdy~
It's been a while and I kept on lurking here. X'D
I made a VN~~
A Kinetic One though.

It's not that much and the art sucks because it's my first time doing digital art (if that's what they call it) and using Renpy.

Hopefully, I did well for my first time. I only made this one in a week

and I guess I rushed a little bit.

Please go easy on meeeee.

Plot:

Ren is a death god. He was assigned to take the life of a dying human named, Ai. Will he be able to send her properly to the afterlife or...?

Screenshots:
AGA.JPG
a.PNG
Download Links:
http://zishcreationsworkshop.blogspot.c ... fixed.html

Comments, Suggestions and violent reactions Opinions are well appreciated. :)
Last edited by zhaie on Mon Dec 26, 2016 12:27 pm, edited 9 times in total.

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OmegasOblivion
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Re: ~ After Guardian Angel ~

#2 Post by OmegasOblivion » Fri Dec 06, 2013 4:49 pm

Well...downloading it! Let's see how it's like :D seems pretty good tough... :D

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pleasethinkofme
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Re: ~ After Guardian Angel ~

#3 Post by pleasethinkofme » Fri Dec 06, 2013 11:28 pm

Sounds like full moon o sagashite - one of my favorite animes ^.^ If I ever get the time I'll make sure to download this!

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zhaie
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Re: ~ After Guardian Angel ~

#4 Post by zhaie » Sun Dec 08, 2013 2:07 am

*rolls*

For OmegasOblivion: Oh I would like to hear from you after you're done with it =')

For pleasethinkofme: oh but the story is an original concept =')
Now, that I think of it, it does has the resemblance X'D
Hopefully, you'll have time to DL it and share your thoughts X'DDD

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Re: ~ After Guardian Angel ~

#5 Post by Sheridan » Sun Dec 08, 2013 11:23 pm

The font is cool, but the text is definitely hard to read with all that outlining. It probably would have worked fine as just plain white text.

Also I wish people would stop doing the whole "backgrounds from Google images, too lazy to credit lol!" thing. There's really no excuse for it, especially when you're just using filtered photographs and it's so easy to do a Flickr search for Creative Commons licensed photos of empty rooms that you can play with. If you make another VN, then for the sake of other artists who make your work possible, and for the sake of the OELVN community as a whole, please, please credit your sources properly.

Sorry, but I just had to get that off my chest.

I did enjoy your story (it just needs a little proofreading to polish up some grammar problems), and your character art is cute. Overall, not a bad first effort. You just hit one of my major pet peeves.

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zhaie
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Re: ~ After Guardian Angel ~

#6 Post by zhaie » Mon Dec 09, 2013 4:20 am

For Sheridan: About the font, yeah when I checked it after building the distribution I saw that it was harder to read than I thought.

About the backgrounds... ="))
Sorry, I think I was too lazy to get the links on where I took the pictures I used so I just said that I took it from google.
I'll try to remember that the next time I make something again.

And thank you very much for you comment.
Very well appreciated.

I'll do my best to improve >w<)/

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Re: ~ After Guardian Angel ~

#7 Post by OmegasOblivion » Tue Dec 10, 2013 7:50 am

Ok first of all...sorry for the late reply but I've just got time to sit and write this review (I ended the novel like 2 days ago) and well..I must say that I loved it...actually I recommended this to a few friends of mine and they loved it too... also, I cried a lot ok? I'm sorry :( I tend to be like that but It's because of the story that is so beautiful and touching!!...I dunno I just liked it a lot even when i'm more the kind of regular visual novel type. But well....there are some exceptions and this is one of them.
Keep on doing things like this, you'll get even better. I'm pretty sure of it.
Love and great job for a first time effort.
Snow.
PS: I really loved Ren, he's so cool (:

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zhaie
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Re: ~ After Guardian Angel ~ [fixed]

#8 Post by zhaie » Thu Jan 30, 2014 2:38 pm

Fixed.


Sorry late response, busy times.
@OmegasOblivion, thank you very much you liked it and for recommending it hehe.
And thank you for loving Ren ;A;
I'll do my best on the next one. ="D

*rolls*

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Re: ~ After Guardian Angel ~ [fixed]

#9 Post by DarkClaymore » Fri Jan 31, 2014 6:11 pm

A very nice combination of cuteness and sadness within a single short story; great work on that front :wink:

The interactions between the characters was good and made both Ai and Ren likable for me. All in all, the emotion inserted into the game through the dialog, art and music - did their magic well.

My favorite parts were:
Ren asking "Are you sad?" a few times in a row, and the two of them flying together. The first because it was tragic, and the second because it was very cute :mrgreen:
A thing that left me hanging:
How was she ultimately saved? What did Ren do?

Nice work on the menus BTW. The tile menu with Usa on the screen simply shouted "You shall play this!" at me. Also liked what you did with the "Quit Game" text, the "Ciao?" and the "Taking a break?". They sound very innocent, fitting the game's theme.


Some criticism:
  • The "Options" menu, when entered from the title screen, is... A TRAP! I couldn't find a way to exit that screen, other than closing the whole game. The "Main Menu" button seem to be nonfunctional (it doesn't even have a hover image effect), and the "Return" button simple refuses to do its job.
  • Something was off about Ren's invisibility. At first he's surprised that Ai can see him, but then it appears as if anybody can see him... (Ex: Ai's mother).
  • A bit more proofread wouldn't hurt. I also think you better let somebody else go over the script in addition, because I suspect that you might be missing your own mistakes. I have noticed two patterns that repeated themselves:
    • You often write "Did + [verb in past tense]" (Ex: "Did you saw it?"). After "did", you use the verb in its present form (Ex: "Did you see it?").
    • While not a mistake per se, some of your sentences are VERY long and have zero punctuation. It really happened only a few times, but sadly at very important moments (Ex: Explaining what's sad about Little Mermaid). I think it's a thing you have with "explaining" stuff, which can easily be categorized differently from simply "writing a story". Pay attention! :P

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zhaie
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Re: ~ After Guardian Angel ~ [fixed]

#10 Post by zhaie » Sat Feb 01, 2014 6:16 am

@DarkClaymore: Thank you very much for leh response >w<

For the story:
- Ren has the power that can make himself visible to humans if he wants to.
- When Ai asked Ren if he feels anything, Ren said that he won't be able to feel anything because he is a death god. So in the end when Ren had cried because Ai died, he finally felt something. And feeling something death gods aren't capable of. So yeah something cheesy like because of 'love' Ai lived and Ren became an angel in the end.
About the script:
-Sorry about that, I am still confused about this since I'm a total beginner and about the grammar, I admit I didn't paid much attention to it.

I'm very glad about your feedback. Thankies much.

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Re: ~ After Guardian Angel ~ [fixed]

#11 Post by DarkClaymore » Sat Feb 01, 2014 6:56 am

zhaie wrote:I admit I didn't paid much attention to it..
You did it again!!! :lol:

I'm guessing that English isn't your first language?

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Re: ~ After Guardian Angel ~ [fixed]

#12 Post by zhaie » Sat Feb 01, 2014 9:50 pm

@DarkClaymore: Yes, sorry about that ='))

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Re: ~ After Guardian Angel ~ [fixed]

#13 Post by Seraphic » Thu Aug 13, 2015 6:22 pm

Does anyone have a copy of this game or a DL link? I'm creating a personal archive and it'd be great if I could find this one.

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Re: ~ After Guardian Angel ~ [fixed]

#14 Post by MimirollCookie » Fri Dec 18, 2015 4:11 am

EDIT: NO LONGER RELEVANT >.<

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Re: ~ After Guardian Angel ~ [fixed]

#15 Post by MimirollCookie » Wed Feb 10, 2016 11:48 am

Wanted to download it,
but it seems like the the blog was removed :(
How about posting another link? :?: :?:

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