Black Nirvana [Psychological/Metaphysical] [Short]

[unknown5]

sounds cool. gonna dl.

[DarkClaymore]

sounds cool. gonna dl.

Hope you like it
Make sure to drop by some comments once you are done, so that I know what improve in my next project

[unknown5]

enjoyed the game! clever ideas. liked the characters.
for me, the thing that stood out the most was your use of language. very interesting.

- are you a native speaker? some of the phrasings and expressions were perhaps unconventional, but for me, it worked in a unique, romantic way because i assumed that you weren't a native speaker. kinda interesting idea to explore.
- i tend to rush through stories. my bad, but luckily, i read that you mentioned timed menus, so i waited for the option to pop up. however, if i hadn't, i would have ended up missing the best parts of the story. perhaps there should be some kind of small hint/clue for the person to wait. unless you did have a clue and i just hurried right past it, lol.

[DarkClaymore]

- are you a native speaker? some of the phrasings and expressions were perhaps unconventional, but for me, it worked in a unique, romantic way because i assumed that you weren't a native speaker. kinda interesting idea to explore.
- i tend to rush through stories. my bad, but luckily, i read that you mentioned timed menus, so i waited for the option to pop up. however, if i hadn't, i would have ended up missing the best parts of the story. perhaps there should be some kind of small hint/clue for the person to wait. unless you did have a clue and i just hurried right past it, lol.

You are right, I'm not a native speaker. It's very likely that some of text is affected by that fact, though you are the first to actually point that out to me. You have any examples you remember? You made me curious about it

There was a hint near the end of Ending 3, where Vincent says something along the lines of "I made my decision too quickly. If I stopped and thought things through, then perhaps a better option would have presented itself.".

[unknown5]

okay, i'll try to send you a pm later next week since i'll need time, and my comments will probably ramble around too much, lol. =)

[DarkClaymore]

okay, i'll try to send you a pm later next week since i'll need time, and my comments will probably ramble around too much, lol. =)

I'd really appreciate it
I'm trying to improve with this projects, and since writing is my main craft - that's the area most important for me. I really want to see what this is all about, and whatever I need to work on fixing that.

[Tempus]

I've only done one play through as of writing this (I got the third ending, 'Hollow Nirvana').

I really liked that you had to choose to press on several times while in the flames despite it seeming hopeless.

Perhaps it is much more clear in the other endings, but I enjoyed the restraint of the storytelling -- everything wasn't spelled out nor was it laboured on too long. It's also just occurred to me that the character's gender was ambiguous (at least in my play through anyway).

I obviously missed the timed choice, though I did wait for a little while looking for a hidden choice which is something a few games I've played have done. As has already been said the timed choice was a great idea and really adds to the game IMO even though I didn't experience it -- some times people are too hasty to find answers and short change themselves which I think fits in this game.

As mentioned, the art is inconsistent in quality and in style and the menus outside of the main menu were default themes. For me that wasn't a very big deal because a.) the art conveyed environmental context and b.) the writing and music were generally quite good anyway. There were a few typos here and there, but nothing too bad nor frequent.

The biggest criticism I have is regarding the choice of music for the first time the main character places their hand in the light and it ignites.

It makes sense that the music is surprising and distressing, but it surprised me because it was a totally different style (for lack of a better word) than the other music. The music until that point (and much of it later) is sort of otherworldly / ethereal and then suddenly there's metal-ish music. As I said, it makes sense that it's sudden / distressing / dissonant, but taking into account the other music in the game, orchestral stuff / synth instrumentation would've made more sense to me.

All in all, I quite enjoyed this -- good job. I'll probably return to it to get the additional endings at some point.

[DarkClaymore]

Thanks for playing
I like it how virtually every comment on the game brings something new to my attention. From that alone, the VN was a success for me

As mentioned, the art is inconsistent in quality and in style and the menus outside of the main menu were default themes. For me that wasn't a very big deal because a.) the art conveyed environmental context and b.) the writing and music were generally quite good anyway.

Yeah, that... *smacks the meant-to-be-proper-artist*
Hopefully next time we'll be able to deliver everything properly. Heck, I'll even whip up something myself if all else fails.

There were a few typos here and there, but nothing too bad nor frequent.

*jumps from a window*
I went through this game more than I can count on two hands. I thought I proofread it to death, leaving no loopholes. Guess I was wrong

You remember any examples by chance?
It really irritates me that I missed things, after making my eyes bleed from billion rereads of this story

The biggest criticism I have is regarding the choice of music for the first time the main character places their hand in the light and it ignites.

It makes sense that the music is surprising and distressing, but it surprised me because it was a totally different style (for lack of a better word) than the other music. The music until that point (and much of it later) is sort of otherworldly / ethereal and then suddenly there's metal-ish music. As I said, it makes sense that it's sudden / distressing / dissonant, but taking into account the other music in the game, orchestral stuff / synth instrumentation would've made more sense to me.

I hear what you are saying here. Luckily it did work out for most, but it could have easily fallen on its face due to that inconsistency. I'll make sure to keep that in mind for future works.

I'll probably return to it to get the additional endings at some point.

You better do, for the endings that come afterwards are supposed to be the finer parts of the game