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PostPosted: Sun Jan 12, 2014 4:17 pm 
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Joined: Tue May 22, 2012 12:53 am
Posts: 196
Location: Indonesia
Completed: Grinning Heart: the meeting & the voyage, Nacira
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=============
STORY
=============

This is a simple short Comedy Kinetic Novel about a human-dragon and a lost traveller.
It's about how the dragon reads traveller's mind and trick her No, I won't make it like the previous one. It's about the dragon and the traveller lost in each other minds.
The story begins with a dragon who lost in a cursed woods over hundred years. He wants to get out from there and come back to his tribe so badly.
And Suddenly, a traveller with unexpected circumstance, come to his life.
The traveller true self was a famous handsome-man hunter, person who go around the world to take handsome-man's photographs. And she was also lost in there.
The traveller was trying to get his picture, and the dragon was trying to eat her, while both of them hiding their true identity for each other...



=============
CHARACTERS
=============

Image

We're back with our funny, handsome man hunter. ;)
She keep unnamed untill the end of the game. As you see, her name is Chro. She is an energetic young woman that persistent and never give up. A little bit fool, and looks defendless, but in fact, she's pretty strong character. Also, she is a hot-blooded naive woman that travel around the world to fullfill her desire: to collect handsome-man photographs as much as she can. Even she always being rejected to take their pictures, she won't give up and will do whatever it takes to do her ambition, as long as it won't hurt her pride. She was a happy-go-lucky type of person anyway.


Image

A blue dragon. He was a naive high-spirited dragon, and stuck in a cursed woods for hundred years. He belongs to north dragon tribe, and miss his home so much, and hoping a miracle coming to save him...

==============
Feature
==============
ENGLISH
The game contains 408 screens of dialogue.
These screens contain a total of 2,151 words,
for an average of 5.3 words per screen.
The game contains 0 menus.

GERMANY
The game contains 408 screens of dialogue.
These screens contain a total of 2,265 words,
for an average of 5.6 words per screen.
The game contains 0 menus.

Rating : All age
Genre : Comedy, Fantasy
Language : English, Germany
Non-Commercial
Original artworks
10-15 minutes gameplay
4 animated chibi CGs

==============
Download
==============
WEBSITE

==============
Creator's note
==============
Well, like what I said, here we go again, with prequel of Grinning Heart!~
It still the same simple KN like before, if you can't manage it play it, I'm still making this game to be enjoyable even if you haven't play the GH:TM. Don't worry.. ;)
I hope this game can entertain you guys!~

Image


Every comment will be highly apreciated :wink:

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Last edited by ngareci on Tue Feb 18, 2014 10:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 12, 2014 4:33 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 12, 2012 1:37 pm
Posts: 1245
Completed: A Foretold Affair, FI: Interview, MMDB
Projects: XOXO Droplets, Floret Bond, LoV
Organization: GB Patch Games
Twitter: @Patch_Games
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itch.io: gbpatch
Woo congrats on finishing another project :mrgreen:. I'll try this out later when I have the chance :3.

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 12, 2014 4:39 pm 
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Joined: Tue May 22, 2012 12:53 am
Posts: 196
Location: Indonesia
Completed: Grinning Heart: the meeting & the voyage, Nacira
Thanks!~
I hope you can try it soon~ XD

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 12, 2014 4:59 pm 
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Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2007 11:22 pm
Posts: 465
Projects: Magicians of Delphine, Panaderia: Ensaimada, SweetTooth!, XOXO Droplets
Twitter: @azamakesgames
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Oh, I really like these games. //// I downloaded and played the first one because didn't realize the second one was at the bottom of the page, haha. I have no regrets! These are funny and cute and I am so amused by Chro and the handsome men she goes after. I ship all of them with her, haha.

The autoforward text kept messing me up since I click faster than the pause and there were some missing punctuation sometimes. Other than that, it was fun! I love the animations you had going on.

I'm really looking forward to the next game! *_* Great job, and congratulations on your release!! \o/

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 12, 2014 6:04 pm 
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Joined: Tue May 22, 2012 12:53 am
Posts: 196
Location: Indonesia
Completed: Grinning Heart: the meeting & the voyage, Nacira
akemicchi wrote:
Oh, I really like these games. //// I downloaded and played the first one because didn't realize the second one was at the bottom of the page, haha. I have no regrets! These are funny and cute and I am so amused by Chro and the handsome men she goes after. I ship all of them with her, haha.

The autoforward text kept messing me up since I click faster than the pause and there were some missing punctuation sometimes. Other than that, it was fun! I love the animations you had going on.

I'm really looking forward to the next game! *_* Great job, and congratulations on your release!! \o/



Oh, I'm sorry, I've add the notes in the download pages so it can prevent more miss-download >_<
I gotta fix the autofoward then.. :D thanks for the notice.
And thank you for playing!~ \o/
I'm gonna work hard on the next game!~

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 12, 2014 6:37 pm 
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Completed: 30 Kilowatt Hours Left, The Only One Girl { First Quarter }
Projects: An Encounter ~In The Rain~, The Only One Girl, False Hope
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IT'S OUT!!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh, you have no idea how long I have waited for this! (Kyah, did I just hear...one of my voice clips at the beginning?!)
Soooo.....I downloaded this as fast as I could and played it. First of all, the art rocks. An obvious improvement from the previous; everything is smoother. Also, YAY IT IS LONGER!

Like the previous, I reviewed it here; http://breakingmetalwindows.blogspot.co ... oyage.html

I love Chro so much, she is one of my favorite characters of all time now! I really hope Grinning Herat will havea third installment in the future, keep up the good work~!

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The Only One Girl [WiP][Up.5/20/2017][1stQ ver. released]
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 12, 2014 7:03 pm 
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Finished it, and it was quite good! I liked how you used the same chibi face things to show thoughts as the first game; I really liked those!

Near the beginning, the dragon is called "Narl", but everywhere else he's called "Dragon". Did you mean to reveal his name so early?

The part where Chro and Narl are waiting for each other to fall asleep and the part where Narl crashes into a tree are so funny! XD

I also liked how this game explained the dragon blood from the first game. Nice touch!

The art also improved quite a bit from the first game. I really liked the chibi style drawings. So cute! I also like the logo. Have I mentioned before?

Overall, you did a great job on this. I really enjoyed it! :D

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Finally at version 1.0: White Fog
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I make one song every week, all for free download! This weeks song: Synthis- The Mirror(Eliana Remix)[Preview]

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 12, 2014 10:52 pm 
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Joined: Tue May 22, 2012 12:53 am
Posts: 196
Location: Indonesia
Completed: Grinning Heart: the meeting & the voyage, Nacira
Kokoro Hane wrote:
IT'S OUT!!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh, you have no idea how long I have waited for this! (Kyah, did I just hear...one of my voice clips at the beginning?!)
Soooo.....I downloaded this as fast as I could and played it. First of all, the art rocks. An obvious improvement from the previous; everything is smoother. Also, YAY IT IS LONGER!

Like the previous, I reviewed it here; http://breakingmetalwindows.blogspot.co ... oyage.html

I love Chro so much, she is one of my favorite characters of all time now! I really hope Grinning Herat will havea third installment in the future, keep up the good work~!


Awwww, thank you so much for the patience!!

When the first time Chro appear, I think she needs a voice clip to grab reader's attention. After I gather all voice pack I could get. Yours is truly suitable for her. Thank you for great voice pack!! XD


Thank you for the review!! I'm going to put it in the website!~
And yes, I'm going to work the third installment this year. Wish me luck!~

With the male creature is... *cough* you-know-who :))


Haze wrote:
Finished it, and it was quite good! I liked how you used the same chibi face things to show thoughts as the first game; I really liked those!

Near the beginning, the dragon is called "Narl", but everywhere else he's called "Dragon". Did you mean to reveal his name so early?

The part where Chro and Narl are waiting for each other to fall asleep and the part where Narl crashes into a tree are so funny! XD

I also liked how this game explained the dragon blood from the first game. Nice touch!

The art also improved quite a bit from the first game. I really liked the chibi style drawings. So cute! I also like the logo. Have I mentioned before?

Overall, you did a great job on this. I really enjoyed it! :D



It was really my mistake, and I just realize it few minutes after releasing. Include, I forgot to delete the save file. But I instantly update it with the new one now. I'm so sorry... >_<
And yeah, I really enjoy to create that part!~ XD


Thank you for playing and thank you for the compliment!~
I really glad you enjoy it! :D

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 6:20 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jan 14, 2010 3:45 pm
Posts: 57
Completed: Marriage Contract, Black Nirvana
Projects: God Vessel Online
Twitter: @DarkestClaymore
Played both games today, have to say that I really enjoyed them both. It's a bit sad that they are so short, but I suppose it can't be helped with the story being light and comic.

I have to say that the art was the main aspect that drew me in, and it was even better than I expected. The inner thinking was the aspect I enjoyed the most, it was both cute and funny. It did well to define the characters and their bold motives. The various "cutscenes" were also well made and enjoyable.

I'll guess that the next game gonna cover her meeting with the Elf? :P
It's a nice premise, where she pulls up a deus ex machina, that hints about another arc in her past.

BTW, is there an actual explanation as to why Narl was holding his own blood in the bag?
As it stands, it feels a tad... "forced". I'd throw a bold guess that this prequel was fully planned only AFTER the first game (that's how it often works for me when I make multi episode stories). Nevertheless, it's important to NOT make the reader suspect that, because then it loses some credit points.
If there's a convincing reason, I suggest throwing it into the story, to not make the "overthinking" readers (like me :lol: ) suspect stuff.



Some criticism and suggestions:

General
  • In the intro, the dialog window isn't centered. It has some distance from the left side of the screen, yet it reaches the right side to the very end. A little, yet distracting, dissonance for me.
  • While the writing is simplistic and fits the theme and developments, the usage of ellipsis was excessive to my taste. I suggest pausing before each and every time you intend to use it, and think "Can I avoid it? Can I replace it somehow?". I by no means suggest COMPLETELY avoiding it, but keeping track over it - should help lessening its influence over the writing..


First game
  • The music felt, at times, out of sync with the comic atmosphere. It wasn't too bad, yet it was occasionally breaking the immersion by feeling too "serious" or "mysterious". The second game, for example, handled that front much better in my opinion.


Second game
  • The Quick Menu was hardly visible. Considering you went through the effort of stylizing the dialog window for this game, I believe that the Quick Menu deserves the same treatment. It should either be made to fit the interface, or be completely hidden to not distract. It seems to be a mistake that is repeated through various VNs I happened to played; guess most don't pay much heed to this :?
  • I don't know what changed between the first game and the second, but this one is greatly lacking in proofread. Most of my criticism around here is thrown in order to point out things, which the developers might have missed. In this case, however, I will actually go out of my way, and suggest going back to the game and proofreading it as much as possible. It was really hurting the experience in my for me.

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God Vessel Online [Slice of Life/Virtual Reality]
How Do You QA Test a Tsundere Android!? [Slice of Life/Sci-fi]


My Visual Novels
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Marriage Contract [Drama/Romance]


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 10:23 am 
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Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2012 9:17 am
Posts: 555
Location: USA
Completed: Locked-In, Sunrise, The Censor
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Organization: Lucky Special Games
Tumblr: saguarofoo
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Hey, I just wanted to drop by and tell you I enjoyed the game! I actually replayed the vampire one as well and it was as funny as I remember.

I liked the chase sequences at the end. I didn't realize you were making a third, I look forward to playing it.

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 07, 2014 12:37 am 
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I really enjoyed the first game and was quite excited when this game came out, as I was looking for a few good chuckles again. As mentioned above, though, there's a huge difference in the readability between this game and the first. It's very hard to enjoy a game that is so sorely lacking in proofreading. Maybe try running through it again with a sharper eye and do some much-needed fixing and re-releasing it after that. It really needs it.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 18, 2014 10:21 pm 
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Joined: Tue May 22, 2012 12:53 am
Posts: 196
Location: Indonesia
Completed: Grinning Heart: the meeting & the voyage, Nacira
DarkClaymore wrote:
Played both games today, have to say that I really enjoyed them both. It's a bit sad that they are so short, but I suppose it can't be helped with the story being light and comic.

I have to say that the art was the main aspect that drew me in, and it was even better than I expected. The inner thinking was the aspect I enjoyed the most, it was both cute and funny. It did well to define the characters and their bold motives. The various "cutscenes" were also well made and enjoyable.

I'll guess that the next game gonna cover her meeting with the Elf? :P
It's a nice premise, where she pulls up a deus ex machina, that hints about another arc in her past.

BTW, is there an actual explanation as to why Narl was holding his own blood in the bag?
As it stands, it feels a tad... "forced". I'd throw a bold guess that this prequel was fully planned only AFTER the first game (that's how it often works for me when I make multi episode stories). Nevertheless, it's important to NOT make the reader suspect that, because then it loses some credit points.
If there's a convincing reason, I suggest throwing it into the story, to not make the "overthinking" readers (like me :lol: ) suspect stuff.



Some criticism and suggestions:

General
  • In the intro, the dialog window isn't centered. It has some distance from the left side of the screen, yet it reaches the right side to the very end. A little, yet distracting, dissonance for me.
  • While the writing is simplistic and fits the theme and developments, the usage of ellipsis was excessive to my taste. I suggest pausing before each and every time you intend to use it, and think "Can I avoid it? Can I replace it somehow?". I by no means suggest COMPLETELY avoiding it, but keeping track over it - should help lessening its influence over the writing..


First game
  • The music felt, at times, out of sync with the comic atmosphere. It wasn't too bad, yet it was occasionally breaking the immersion by feeling too "serious" or "mysterious". The second game, for example, handled that front much better in my opinion.


Second game
  • The Quick Menu was hardly visible. Considering you went through the effort of stylizing the dialog window for this game, I believe that the Quick Menu deserves the same treatment. It should either be made to fit the interface, or be completely hidden to not distract. It seems to be a mistake that is repeated through various VNs I happened to played; guess most don't pay much heed to this :?
  • I don't know what changed between the first game and the second, but this one is greatly lacking in proofread. Most of my criticism around here is thrown in order to point out things, which the developers might have missed. In this case, however, I will actually go out of my way, and suggest going back to the game and proofreading it as much as possible. It was really hurting the experience in my for me.



It was really a good critics and advices! Thank you so much!~

...and yes, an elf will be coming soon~

About the blood in the bag, actually I want to add some explanation that in the story's world, dragons have some kind of tradition to keep some of their precious blood in a bag, to give it to someone as a reward, if someone deserve it.
But, I think it will be too forceful to add that explanation in the event, so I give up, and let the readers fly with the imagination.
That was one of my minus point. Thank you for telling me that you notice that, I'll figure out something to fix it.. :D

And yes, when I make the previous series, I have no idea what I'm going to write in this series.
I'm sorry if it looks being forced. It's my lesson for the elf series. :D


[*]About the dialog window... It's lack of coding skill problem. Gotta fix it.. >_<
[*]That's a nice suggestion! Gonna do that in the next series. Thank you!
[*]About the first's game music... well, some people also feel the same. I think I'm going to find the fittest one when I remake it.
[*]This is lack of coding skill problem again. I know how to change the dialogue box, but not the quick menu. I'm going to study the coding again..
[*]I'm non-native, and I can only depends on people or natives who willing to help me proofreading it.
If anyone willing to re-proof it, I would be very happy :D


saguaro wrote:
Hey, I just wanted to drop by and tell you I enjoyed the game! I actually replayed the vampire one as well and it was as funny as I remember.

I liked the chase sequences at the end. I didn't realize you were making a third, I look forward to playing it.


Thank you!~
Wish me luck!~ ;)


Kayber wrote:
I really enjoyed the first game and was quite excited when this game came out, as I was looking for a few good chuckles again. As mentioned above, though, there's a huge difference in the readability between this game and the first. It's very hard to enjoy a game that is so sorely lacking in proofreading. Maybe try running through it again with a sharper eye and do some much-needed fixing and re-releasing it after that. It really needs it.


Thank you!~
About the proofread-stuff, the answer is the same with DarkClaymore.
If anyone willing to help me to re-proofread the script, I would be very happy to fix and re-release it~

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