Flower Garden [GxG]

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ebi-hime
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Flower Garden [GxG]

#1 Post by ebi-hime » Thu Feb 27, 2014 10:40 am

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When Kobayashi Chiaki, a short and serious young girl, gets a scholarship to attend St. Marie’s Academy for girls, she decides this will be the turning point in her life. She’ll bloom into a fair and elegant lady, and leave behind her old, shabby lifestyle!
However, becoming a true ‘lady’ proves to be quite difficult… especially when she gets a crush on the school idol, Chizuru, who is hiding a dark secret…

A light and fluffy shoujo ai visual novel, suitable for all ages, with lots of cute girls doing cute things, and having cute crushes on eachother!

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download for mac, windows & linux here
and my tumblr for my developing vns is here!!!
I have a lot of free & commercial VNs available on Steam and itchio.io if you want to check them out! ☆

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Fenrir34
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Re: Flower Garden [GxG]

#2 Post by Fenrir34 » Thu Feb 27, 2014 2:45 pm

Looks like a cool game. Downloading now :)

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silverpikachu99
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Re: Flower Garden [GxG]

#3 Post by silverpikachu99 » Thu Feb 27, 2014 2:47 pm

Ohh another yuri game <3 Can't wait to play it!
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Re: Flower Garden [GxG]

#4 Post by ShippoK » Thu Feb 27, 2014 11:24 pm

Wait... ...Dark skin, shy personality, long fluffy messy hair... ♥I think I'm in love~♥
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...
...
...
Finally! Took me all day to finish this; More bad reviewing time!

Nickpick:
-I was never a big fan of these sorts of descriptions; "I fell Graciously, like a bowling ball"- It is always weird for me to read the main character say these random objects or things when a certain event occurs. Maybe if she said something that involve swimming- (Sense she said she was a swimmer before)- it would make more sense for her to say this. But, that's just a big nickpick for me.

Good:
-This is very descriptive, well typed out and quite a joy to read. I haven't read a EVN with so much describing for the longest time.
--The transitions are very nice and make each scene feel quite episodic.
---The relationship between Chizuru and Chiaki is handled very well. I just love the Hilariously hijinks the two of them get into.

Bad:
-Some of the sprites have some edging issues that bothered me, especially Chiaki's.
--The story and character's are quite generic, it really dulls the VN a lot.
---A lot of the characters are overshadowed by the main couple and are quite unimportant for the story.
(Sawako's existence felt very meaningless sense she brought nothing to the story.)
----The end feels really rushed and leaves a lot of plot still hanging.
It's a nice little game, but it really doesn't show off as anything new or interesting and it can get quite boring after a while.
Yuri lovers will enjoy this if they like very anime-que style story and characters.
Much Appreciated for those who took the Survey!

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Re: Flower Garden [GxG]

#5 Post by philip » Fri Feb 28, 2014 12:58 am

A very nice, and interesting story - I was afraid that the two of them would never get around to confessing their true feelings for each other! Nicely done.
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ebi-hime
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Re: Flower Garden [GxG]

#6 Post by ebi-hime » Fri Feb 28, 2014 10:36 am

ShippoK wrote:Wait... ...Dark skin, shy personality, long fluffy messy hair... ♥I think I'm in love~♥
Image
Waaah that is so cute!!! >ww<
Thank you!!!
Bad:
-Some of the sprites have some edging issues that bothered me, especially Chiaki's.
--The story and character's are quite generic, it really dulls the VN a lot.
---A lot of the characters are overshadowed by the main couple and are quite unimportant for the story.
(Sawako's existence felt very meaningless sense she brought nothing to the story.)
----The end feels really rushed and leaves a lot of plot still hanging.
I know about the edging issues, it really bugged me as well (especially when the characters are on darker backgrounds) but I had no idea how to fix it .__.
Yes the story is super generic, I wanted to write a really typical and clichéd yuri story like the Sono Hanabira VNs... So the story is very very light and without much weight to it. I had fun writing all this pointless fluff but when I edited it later I realised there isn't much there at all... I guess it's something that will appeal to people who like slow slice of life type shows where nothing happens, but it's definitely not a story with an interesting, original or well-structured plot (there is no conflict at all.....)
Actually in the first draft the classmates were just faceless characters with no sprites called 'classmate #1, classmate #2', but I decide to expand them into full characters... but I'm not sure if that was such a good idea, since it just adds pointless length to the story ahaha... I guess I just had too much fun writing it, without thinking about whether it would be fun to read.
I find writing endings hard, too... I think they should have been cuter and more romantic from the beginning, it might have felt less rushed.

Thank you for your comments ^_^'
I have a lot of free & commercial VNs available on Steam and itchio.io if you want to check them out! ☆

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Re: Flower Garden [GxG]

#7 Post by sunTARIA » Tue Dec 29, 2015 8:49 pm

ebi-hime wrote:
ShippoK wrote:Wait... ...Dark skin, shy personality, long fluffy messy hair... ♥I think I'm in love~♥
Image
Waaah that is so cute!!! >ww<
Thank you!!!
Bad:
-Some of the sprites have some edging issues that bothered me, especially Chiaki's.
--The story and character's are quite generic, it really dulls the VN a lot.
---A lot of the characters are overshadowed by the main couple and are quite unimportant for the story.
(Sawako's existence felt very meaningless sense she brought nothing to the story.)
----The end feels really rushed and leaves a lot of plot still hanging.
I know about the edging issues, it really bugged me as well (especially when the characters are on darker backgrounds) but I had no idea how to fix it .__.
Yes the story is super generic, I wanted to write a really typical and clichéd yuri story like the Sono Hanabira VNs... So the story is very very light and without much weight to it. I had fun writing all this pointless fluff but when I edited it later I realised there isn't much there at all... I guess it's something that will appeal to people who like slow slice of life type shows where nothing happens, but it's definitely not a story with an interesting, original or well-structured plot (there is no conflict at all.....)
Actually in the first draft the classmates were just faceless characters with no sprites called 'classmate #1, classmate #2', but I decide to expand them into full characters... but I'm not sure if that was such a good idea, since it just adds pointless length to the story ahaha... I guess I just had too much fun writing it, without thinking about whether it would be fun to read.
I find writing endings hard, too... I think they should have been cuter and more romantic from the beginning, it might have felt less rushed.

Thank you for your comments ^_^'
Sorry if I sound like a no life brat with no talent, but may I ask how you made this game?
For NaNaRenO month, I'll be making 4 games as a parody of 4 games I liked/found unique compared to other Renpy games, and yours seemed like a interesting one.
If you find me as a annoying teen girl with no originality, I understand, but please tell me so I can make my parody more accurate? I wanna make a parody of yuri games, and your game plus that yuri 'kissed petals" game you made yours based off of will be a good genre to have satire on.
Plz?
Nostalgic Memories are always used as a way to poison and torture others.
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build.classify('game/**.png', 'archive')
build.classify('game/**.jpg', 'archive')
build.classify('game/**.rpy', 'archive')
build.classify('game/**.rpyc', 'archive')
build.classify('game/**.mp3', 'archive')
build.classify('game/**.ttf', 'archive')
build.classify('game/**.ogg', 'archive')
build.classify('game/**.ogv', 'archive')
build.classify('game/**.rpy', None)

-----
it'll help you when you need to hide files! :D

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Seigetsu
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Re: Flower Garden [GxG]

#8 Post by Seigetsu » Wed Jan 13, 2016 5:50 pm

Just finished playing this game yesterday. Thanks very much for sharing! (By the way, I also played "The Sad Story of Emmeline Burns" and really liked that as well)

So, with "Flower Garden", I really liked Chiaki's voice. The simple writing style also made it an easier read compared to some of your other works (with "Emmeline Burns", I found the narration a little droning at the beginning and it took me a while to get into the VN. With this one though, the narration came more naturally, especially given the characters' age). A lot of it was way over the top, but it was funny that way, which was another plus point for me personally. I think it gave Chiaki character. There were a number of little grammatical/spelling errors throughout the text (sorry, I didn't jot it down), which you might want to take a look at again if you were ever planning on revising this VN. Overall, though, these errors didn't interfere with the understanding of the story, so it wasn't much of a big deal either way.

The story really did remind me of "Sono Hanabira", but I actually liked this one more (because "Sono Hanabira" always felt very rushed to me...) I liked the buildup you've written and the involvement of Sawako, Tomoyo, and Aya in the storyline, but the end came rather abruptly, leaving me wondering "So what's going to happen to Chiaki? Will she get murdered by Chizuru's fan club? Or will she get murdered by a jealous Sawako?" I think it'd be nice if you could tie up some of those loose ends, maybe give the side characters clearer roles. Otherwise, just focus completely on Chiaki/Chizuru, and include less information on the side characters, because otherwise, we grow in love with the side characters, but they seemed completely forgotten at the end, which to me was quite disappointing.

Art-wise, I'm not a huge fan of 3D as it looks rather jarring on top of the photographic background. It took a while to get used to, but after a couple of scenes, it didn't bother me so much anymore. I did find the strands of Chiaki's hair that pointed out of the screen to look rather strange (like little horns). Some of the poses in the CGs were also a bit weird, like the scene with Chizuru feeding Chiaki with a strawberry, and she held the fork in a way that looked like she wanted to stab Chiaki with it. I'm not sure if it's intentional or not, but it looked quite out-of-place. Also, some of the backgrounds didn't seem to match the mood that was expressed in the text. For instance, the size of Chizuru's house - when Chiaki was supposedly awed by its size, her sprite almost filled the doorway, which made the house look very small, actually. The scene of them eating at the table also looked strange, as the sprites were superimposed onto the table without showing the table edge, so it looked like the table extended towards the viewer but the upper body of the sprites were just sitting there on top of the table (rather than the sprites standing by the table). Another thing was the choice of green for your textbox. It looked somewhat jarring to me considering the tone of the story. Maybe a soft pink or soft blue would be better? All of these are just little nitpicks - they're not a big deal, but I just thought I'd let you know.

Overall, I loved this VN. It was fun while it lasted, and Chiaki/Chizuru's interactions were really funny to read. Both characters developed beyond their cookie-cutter personality described in the beginning (especially Chizuru. I really enjoyed reading the sly side of her). Definitely inspired to draw some fanart, haha. I'll see if I have time to draw something this weekend. Once again, a huge thanks for making this! Looking forward to seeing more from you in the future.

Best of luck!

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Re: Flower Garden [GxG]

#9 Post by ebi-hime » Thu Jan 14, 2016 11:26 am

@ Seigetsu
Ah, I think my writing used to be simpler back when I wrote this... I think writing Asphyxia made my writing more flowery, since that has a really deliberate pseudo 18th century feel to it. It kind of carried on into Emmy because it suited the story.

Yup, it was very inspired by SonoHana (but without H scenes haha).

I only used 3D art cause... I wrote this back when I was too shy/awkward to commission people for art haha u_u Well, that, and using 3D models is cheaper than commissioning art, especially for free projects. I don't think I'll ever use MMD sprites again though, it doesn't look very good.

Thank you, I'm glad you liked it! Even if it's really oooold and I don't think it's very good XD;
I have a lot of free & commercial VNs available on Steam and itchio.io if you want to check them out! ☆

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