The One in LOVE [NaNoRenO 2014 – All Computers + Android]

[Donmai]

In a distant or not so distant future, an unemployed teacher decides to venture into space to make enough money to save the life of his wife. While he's on a mission to extract minerals from a distant asteroid, the central computer of the spaceship alerts our spaceman that the three gynoid robots on board may have a malfunction and that they can enter at any time in what is called a state of "loss of vital extensions", or LOVE, for short. Of course you know that on stories of this kind things are never what they seemed to be.

This is a short (19 days work, about an hour playing time) graphic (visual) novel telling the story of Rashad, and why he is a man like no other in the whole universe.

Version 1.1 for all desktop platforms, with improved user interface:[attachment=0]The_One_in_LOVE-all.zip[/attachment]

Link to original version 1.0:[attachment=1]The_One_in_LOVE-all.zip[/attachment]Online HTML5 version (Thanks to Nine Square Zone):
http://sandbox-adventure.com/the-one-in-love.html

Android Version (Thanks to Godline):
https://play.google.com/store/apps/deta ... onmai.toil

[Hazel-Bun]

Ohh I saw this and was wondering of you'd finish. Congrats! Will download when I'm less overwhelmed

[cosmo]

Haha!

I loved it!
One of my very favourite VN out there!
(sorry: no critic here - just enjoyed it )

… Congrats!

Edit:
Excuse me, I feel bad just to write 'one of my very favourite Visual Novels' – and not to say why! ;D

OK. I try:
First of all – I think that you have a great story. The characters are unique and I find it easy to identify myself with the main character.

You actually give a lot of hints for the turning in the story. So it is nice to go through your story more than once – and discover them!

Actually I had the feeling to 'watch a movie' while playing… One reason is probably that you made a kinetic novel with an uninterrupted storyline that just flows… without stopping and asking the user to take over. But you also did well in choosing different views and 'camera positions'. Which leads to to the visuals: Congrats on them! I find them just convincing! While they do not using manga-style at all I think that your approach is well executed. Both: Background images and characters fit and are pleasing.
Also the sound is very well done… (I believe generated sound, right?) and the GUI also. Just: very nice!

I also liked the background story in most parts! Well executed imho: the dramatic scene

where the wife begs for not going on her knees.

.

That you have been able to do this in just 19 days is wonderful!

I think I have may have a slight favour for good scifi-stories ^^ – But all in all you did a remarkable Visual Novel in my eyes.
The only thing that I wonder about is, that the title is a bit trivial for the whole scifi-story. I think it fits… but you actually made a much more interesting story than just 'about someone who loves'. I connect your story with films like 2001: A Space Odyssey or Solaris…

I wish you good luck for your further projects!

[Donmai]

(sorry: no critic here - just enjoyed it )

… Congrats!

I don't have that green button in my signature, but criticism is welcome. Well, all I tried to do was to tell a story. If you enjoyed it, that makes me happy. Thank you.

[Coreyrn]

I really really enjoyed this piece of art, thank you for creating it. And did I spot a Blade Runner reference there when refering to the test?

First the positive points:
-I really like that the protagonist is so different from the generic protagonists of most VNs, makes him much more memorable.
-The Story was really intriguing and I enjoyed the subtle world building that you strew in while illustrating the protagonists memories and current situation, very good writing there.

-And I didn't expect that twist, came kinda out of nowhere but it fits the story very well.

-The accompanying pictures look good to me and are very numerous, so many different shots and expressions, takes the Illustration of the story to an enjoyably vivid level.
-The protagonist and robots look very good, too. And are a welcome change to the standard anime characters of most VN. (Not that I have any problems with anime characters....otherwise I would be kind of wrong here in a VN forum)

Negative points:
-The text is hard to read sometimes because of the color that sometimes blends right into the background colors, especially the text of the main computer.
-There were some minor errors like a forgotten character or an arkwardly sounding sentence but nothign that would stop the reading flow.

Really good piece of work here, I definitely want to see more of your work.

[Donmai]

Thank you for the criticism. I agree that the text was sometimes difficult to read not only because of the color scheme, but also because the background was sometimes too detailed and distracting. The short deadline is no escuse, really.
The ocasional "awkwardly sounding" sentences come from the fact that I'm not an English speaker, so sometimes I'm writing in English while thinking in another language. On the NaNoRenO section thread Gekiganwing suggested that I should write the story in my language, but this story in particular had to be written in English, as it's based on several acronyms and word plays. If I had to translate my own story to Portuguese (my native language) I will have serious trouble to keep it intelligible. I'm glad that, despite my limitations, the "reading flow" was preserved and the overall writing was considered acceptable.

Edit: Oh, are you referring to the Voight-Kampff-Deckard test? . Yes, the Voight-Kampff test was a creation of Phillip K. Dick on his novel "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?". As they say, Bladerunner was based on that novel, so I've added the "Deckard" to the list of names. There are other references: Lady Lovelace refers to Countess Ada Lovelace, the woman who is considered the creator of the first algorithm intended to be carried out by a machine (and she did it in 1842).
R.U.R, or "Rossum's Universal Robots" is the title of the theatre play written by Karel Čapek in 1920, where the word "robot" (meaning "worker") was introduced to the world of science fiction. And of course the computer "Lady Lovelace" is a "feminine" version of "HAL 9000". I believe these small details are a big part of the fun of writing.

[Lesleigh63]

Congratulations on finishing. Downloading now. I've currently got Toire No Hanako on my computer but haven't played it yet (so many games I want to play and new ones coming all the time - only problem is if I spend too much time playing, I'll never get my own finished).

[Donmai]

Thank you.

so many games I want to play and new ones coming all the time - only problem is if I spend too much time playing, I'll never get my own finished.

Same problem here. It's a nice problem to have, but it's a problem.

[philip]

Just found this, downloaded and played it through. Very well done, as are all your projects! Now get busy on Slumberland, I am anxious to see it completed!

philip

[Donmai]

Thank you philip. Okay, going back to Slumberland.

[cosmo]

I updated my first post and added a small (and very positive) review from my point of view.

Next to it I would like to know if you already tried to make an Android version… ?

[Donmai]

Thank you.
Solaris? That's really curious. Although I'm aware of their existence, I've never watched Andrei Tarkovski's movie and I've never read Stanisław Lem's novel. Another reason for me to try to know them.

I've never messed with that RAPT thing. Maybe I will give it a try now. Thanks for the suggestion.

[fioricca]

Huffs I've played Toire no Hanako and Lil Red and there's no way I'm going to miss playing this one as well, I'm such a huge fan of your games. Just wanted to say congrats for finishing on time and I'll be back again when I've played the game properly!

[Donmai]

Thank you. Looking at all those great games listed under your avatar I can only feel honored by your words, fioricca.

[fioricca]

omg. omg. WHAT SILLY THINGS ARE YOU SAYING omg my mind is blown each time I play one of your games, you get better and better each time! This was MIND-BOGGLINGLY cinematic and it was such a lovely story. There's something deeply romantic about the setting, the atmosphere, and nfgshdfghd everything just came together like a beautiful movie. I can't even call this a visual novel or a kinetic novel or any of those terms anymore WHEN I RECOMMEND THIS GAME TO OTHERS IT'LL BE

"PLAY THE ONE IN LOVE, IT'S AN EXPERIENCE."

I'm really hyped up and incoherent right now, but words cannot express how impressed I am by everything. I'm absolutely convinced now that you practice some kind of witchcraft or black magic. Just... well done, so very well done.