Stillwater Creek [School Life] [Drama] [Romance] [BxG]

[Baldarhion]

Nice work ! I had pleasure to read your VN

Thus said, there are some things that I did not enjoy too much (Spoilers ahead :p)

- Some lines of dialog lack of "sentiments" in my opinion... What I mean is that too many times, I feel really frustrated by the way the characters are talking about their feelings. Not enough deepthoughts, and too many superficials talkings.

- Jack case : Oy... Many things to say here :p First the way you depict Jack does not fit at all with Asperger Syndrom. Yes, peoples who are suffering this syndrom can act strange but not in saying oddities. They may have another vision of our world, but it's always a very logical driven vision. For example, I know a children who suffers from a heavy Asperger Syndrom (But heh, with nowdays therapy there are spectacular progress). One day he tried to explain me how he was doing arithmetical operations. He said that he did not see the numbers as I do, but he saw colors associated to them and it helps him to do multiplication, addition, etc... (and believe me he beats everyday in mental calculation :p).
At least you are fully correct when you describe the fact that too many times they are left aside because of their absence of reaction to many stimulations.
In a word, I would have prefered a Jack more detailed and more realist to emphase his love story with Victor

- I think you did too fast in love feelings progression : you should write more lines about the way feelings are increasing in each route... Just because I really enjoy your characters

- I saw the inspiration of "Don't take it personnaly babe, it ain't just your story"... And you should analyse how Love manage to play with the reader feelings all along the story, how she managed to make the feelings of her characters getting strong line after line.

Final word : I really like your VN (even if I get some frustrations while reading :p) and i'm impatient to see what you will create in the future. You have a fan

[HalYac17]

ClockworkIblis - That's a perspective I can appreciate as I study ALL the maths Yeah, as I said, they're fine once they're done, it's just motivating yourself to do the work is the problem You mean people who'd be interstested in joining HK when I get it back up and running? If they're artsits or whatever send me some of their stuff and I'll give it a look Hey, I stand by my opinion of

killing off Jack mkaing sense at the time!

Well your art is really good, I'd be pretty silly not to consider you Haha I'm glad you understand Most likely, but I'm having fun talking to you so I guess it doesn't matter

Baldarhion - Thanks for taking the time to read Stillwater Creek! In respone to your comments...

The writing - While I tried my very best with this VN, this is still my first VN, and as someone who is more scientifically minded than creatively minded, I may not get the dialouge exactly how I want. As I write more VNs though I'm hoping my writing will improve and my characters thoughts will become less superfical

Jack - Jack's illogical mind was based on someone I once knew who had, what I believed to be, Aspergers. I do agree however that I didn't do as much background research as I perhaps should have (especially considering that disability is a pretty touchy subject). Honestly, Jack's relationship with Victor was meant to be more of a thing which happened in the background which the reader is aware of, but not in great detail. It was more or less set up to add an extra element of drama to when Jack killed himself. However, if there is sufficcent demand into more detail about Victor and Jack I guess I could always through together a spin off KN (though right now, I have no idea how I'd even approach it)

Falling in love too fast - this is a regular comment, particuarly with Alison and Jennifer's routes. I'm hoping to add more content in an updated version which should make the pace of my charaters falling in love a bit more reasonable

And yes, Christine Love was a big influence in the creation of this game. While I have read dont take it personally mutiple times, I have never read it in a critical sense. Perhaps doing so would help my writing develop

But yeah, thanks for taking the time to read my story and share your comments! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[Baldarhion]

Hey, you write well It's just as a fan I want more

being scientific does not imply less skill than litteracy followers Many scientific people did great jobs in litteracy. So have no complex !

[HalYac17]

Well more shall be coming your way eventually! And thanks for the words of encouragement!

[ClockworkIblis]

I love math. My favorite subject, then science, but those two tend to go hand-in-hand. Doing all that work must require a lot of motivation! I'm not sure how people can take those tests, and I don't know how people can sit there and make tests like those. The amount of time it would take to make such a long and complicated piece, and then end up doing the work yourself to get the answers. You would really have to enjoy your job in order to do that. The other people are artists like me, and I'm not wholly sure if they would join, but they would make art for you nonetheless. They are good, and they like to draw. I will tell them about it when I see them again today. If they have a place to put there work, then I will tell you their information, but if they don't then I will add it to my account on Deviant Art, but I will say in the description who drew the piece. I know you stand by your decision, but it is so sad. Oh well. Why, thank you! I'm glad that you think that my art is good. I know how things are, so you don't need to pay; I'm just glad to be able to help! I'm having fun talking with you, too, and the odd person that decides to write something with us!

[HalYac17]

Another math nerd! Woooooo! That is very true I guess, but you get used to it after a while You'll see for yourself when you go to uni that the lecturers are insane (in a good way! ) and absolutely love their subjects. Then you'll realise that making these tests is nothing to them Well I'm definitely interested in having a look at least, keep me updated as to where all the work is posted Well that's great, thanks for being so understanding! That's very true, the random interjections definitely add to the conversation

[ClockworkIblis]

Math is the best! They could just be in it for the money, or at least over here in America. The amount it costs is ridiculous, just to get in. But most of the money goes to the sports section, so never mind. I guess that after a while they get used to making the tests, but it just seems like a lot of work. OH NO! I forgot to ask them! I will try to do that today. I hope I remember. Your welcome. I'm glad that people jump in, and share their thoughts. It really helps, and I'm glad to see the other people's opinions and thoughts, and I'm sure that you are, too!

[Baldarhion]

I agree with both of you :p Maths are full of surprise, mathematicians can sense and see the world in another manner (yeah, mathematician Ph.D are among the biggest dreamers (in a good way heh !) that I know...

(It reminds me when a long time ago I said to one of my teacher : "there is love in differential calculus" (maybe because she was a very beautiful and talented professor... Awww i miss so much university time :p)

[HalYac17]

Awwww yeah more math people! Math is indeed the best I completely agree with you Baldarhion, the maths Ph.Ds at my university are really imaginative (even if they can appear crazy sometimes) Haha I know I'll miss university too when I get out the other side... This is what you have to look forward to Iblis! Oh, Scottish lecturers get paid buttons, so they're defintiely in it for the love of the subject only. I guess its good in the sense that it weeds out the people that are only in it for the money, but I think the good lecturers deserve more... And don't worry about pestering your freinds to draw, hiatus mode will be go for the forseeable future so there's no rush I'm definitely glad that lovely people (like you guys) jump in and offer their thoughts

[ClockworkIblis]

I am hoping to get the other people's drawings up on my Deviant art account by the end of the day, but I keep getting into something else. I will get it today, I hope. I'm looking forward for my university time. It sounds great! I'm not sure what it is like in Scotland, but in America the cost to get into Colleges or Universities is ridiculous just because most of the money is going to the athletics department to pay for the players. It is nice and all, but the price is just too much. The lectures sound like they are pretty good, and I don't understand the reason for all the moaning and groaning when something like a Chemistry teacher explaining what a plasma is, and how a gas becomes one. My friends draw as pastimes, they have tons just lying around, and the time to waste. They don't mind being given some direction, and seeing their work in something even larger. I'll be on the standby for whenever you are ready. Your welcome, but it isn't any trouble! I enjoy writing to everyone while I wait for everyone to finish the things that they are doing!

[HalYac17]

Cool, I'll check it out later, but as I said, no rush Yeah, Scottish universities are a lot less sports focused. Even if they weren't government funded, the emphasis on sports would be no where near as large as in America. It's hard for me to judge what way is better though considering I've never been to an American university though... *makes hand over head motion* I haven't studied Chemistry in about 4 years now (god, that's depressing ) That's great, I'll keep you posted then

[Baldarhion]

Clockworkiblis, if you manage a little the French language, you should try France here University costs are ridiculous in front of many countries, and believe me sports team are really not the priority (Sport can be a good thing when money is not implied thus said :p)

[ClockworkIblis]

I'm on my last year of school, and I'm already being suggested to go to different countries. Brings a tear to the eye! I'm not all that good with my sports, so I tend to stay away from that area, but it still haunts all schools in America as the greatest thing there is. No rush, no rush! Ich weiss! You don't want to go to an American University, well maybe you do, but I can't think of any major differences other than the emphasis on sports. Chemistry is all good, but they don't teach enough about plasma. I wish we would do more things with, or about plasma. I'll try to get the people who finish the game to get online here and message you. That way you can feel the love!

[HalYac17]

Yeah, Scottish universities sound rather similar to the French ones, in the sense that sports are no where near as big as deal as they are in America But Iblis, if you're sure you want to specialise in plasma chemistry in later years and arent satisfied with the amount of plasma material covered in American universities, you should definitely look into universities outwith the states! I have no idea where the world Chemistry hotspots are, never mind the plasma ones, but you may find a university who offers courses closer to what you want to study (which will definitely help with finding a job closer to what you want to do) Wooo! Love all round!

[Chelly]

I've edited more onto this post after additional exploration. This is included at the end - I won't be altering my initial reactions.

Hello.
I just finished Stillwater Creek (1.2 version). It was a very enjoyable game, much better than many of the others I've played that are available for free on renpy.org. My biggest problem with the game was not having the choices available to do what I wanted. The story was very interesting,

and I commend you for being willing to address homosexuality and suicide. Most people I know wouldn't put serious issues out there.

Honestly, the story was probably my favorite part of it. That's probably why it was upsetting to not be able to explore it in the ways I wanted.

For starters, I decided to play the nice-guy teacher who's friends with his students. Also perhaps a little too divulgent with his personal troubles. I ate lunch in the homeroom because it seemed sensible. Later, Louisa comes in and says I'm free to join them for lunch sometime. So I made a mental note to do just that. And well.... it just didn't happen. It didn't have to be the next day even; I enjoyed having a "usual" lunch spot established in the game. But to tease me with an option I wasn't being given at all was pretty annoying. It was nice getting to know Hannah but I kept looking for opportunities to jump ship and seriously get to know Louisa. I broke the nice-guy routine when Jack locked himself on the roof - I mean, after that silence I was seriously worried he had already jumped. I was civil with Jennifer but I never had any intention of letting her back. So of course I end up with Jennifer's Bad End. I was pretty shocked. Hannah had already started calling my by first name - the only person I let do it - and I would have been okay with being railroaded toward her. For some reason though, the game thought I was giving Jennifer a chance since I didn't slam the door in her face. Apparently I'm okay with letting Jennifer stay over at my place -- an option to say no would have been great.

Some perhaps more specific occasions - Carla is busy spreading hate about Victor / Jack and Emma starts coming to the homeroom for lunch because of it. This honestly begged the question - where's Louisa? I was looking for excuses to become involved with Louisa and believe me, that would have been a great time to take her up on the lunch offer. For all I know at that point she's having to spend her time alone. I'm sure if I had picked differently for the usual eating spot, things maybe would have made more sense, but I didn't and I hated not having that option.

I think the dream sequences could benefit from some improvement, as well. When each girl shows up, if I was given an opportunity to affirm how I really felt about them, the game might have a better time figuring out what I'm doing.

I feel like Jack's death was way too railroaded. Well, killing him off is not exactly my complaint. Everything from then until the funeral, I hardly interacted with the students anymore. Lunches kept getting skipped and this is honestly the part I'm interested in seeing after a character death. Students should get visibly depressed, but by then I was seeing nobody but Jennifer anymore. I don't know, maybe I would have gotten more of that if the game didn't think Jennifer mattered to me. The aforementioned Jennifer stays over comes to mind. It would be great if I could say no. But there were just not enough choices to make in the last two chapters.

There might be one or two other things I wanted to say that I forgot about. But don't take any of that the wrong way. It was an excellent game. I only hope it can be improved upon to become even better. I'm looking forward to more of your work in the future.

Edit - second play
I took some time to analyze where things started to break down in my first playthrough experience. Here are my findings.

Chapter 5 - There are three choices you get to make that specifically interact with Jennifer. The first is before you get to hear her out. The second is her argument with Alison. Having already established that Paul is not sleeping well and doesn't have a whole lot of free time, I cannot justify firing the office staff and taking on a ton of more work. Erring on the side of rationality means siding with Jennifer. The third choice is between Jennifer and Louisa, and I picked Louisa.
Chapter 6 - There were literally no choices to make in Chapter 6. As the climax, this is fine, but by this point the storyflow of Chapter 7 is already determined.
Chapter 7 - Because the entirety of Chapter 7 is dependent on previous choices, it's too late to change direction. There is only one trivial choice at the end.

This basically means that the path of the story is decided by the end of Chapter 5, which happens to be the same chapter Jennifer is reintroduced. There shouldn't be quite nearly as much weight on your initial reaction to her arrival as there is. You hardly get a chance to know her before your path is decided, and everything seems to ride on just these three questions.

I think another 2-3 chapters would fix this problem. You'd have enough time to get your choices involving Jennifer to average out to where they more accurately represent what the uninformed player wants. Another thing that bugged me was going straight from what I can assume to be midterm exams during Jack's plot almost immediately to the end of the term. A final exam was even talked about during Jack's tutoring, so I can imagine that might be something relevant to bring up later. So there is definitely space following the funeral for at least an additional chapter, even if it is some hybrid of existing Chapter 7 material.

I considered Chapter 5 to be like "Jennifer's Chapter" much as Victor got a chapter and Carla got a chapter. I think it would be nice if we had a definitively Alison Chapter and Louisa Chapter. So far I have only viewed things from the lens of eating at the homeroom, so those are my thoughts. Even being able to successfully make the shift over to Louisa on my second run, I felt like I hardly knew her at all. I almost wish the swimming event came before the "special tutoring session."

I hope that helps.