Lines of Symmetry [GxB/BxG][Slice of Life]
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- Harrison Barton
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Lines of Symmetry [GxB/BxG][Slice of Life]
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Last edited by Harrison Barton on Wed Nov 13, 2019 8:34 pm, edited 4 times in total.
I'm a game(???) developer(???)
- Mad Harlequin
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Re: Lines of Symmetry [GxB/BxG][Slice of Life]
I've been waiting for this one! I'll have feedback for you as soon as possible.
I'm an aspiring writer and voice talent with a passion for literature and an unhealthy attachment to video games. I am also a seasoned typo-sniper. Inquiries are encouraged. Friendly chats are welcome.
"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."
— Mark Twain
— Mark Twain
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Re: Lines of Symmetry [GxB/BxG][Slice of Life]
Why do I feel like I've played this before...? Haha. Have you released a demo of this in the past?
Anyway, congratulations on the release!
Anyway, congratulations on the release!
♡ Feel free to check out my game development blog~
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♡ Once Upon A Hallow's Eve is a GxB Halloween otome.
♡ The Thing With Mistletoes is a GxB Christmas otome.
♡ Random VN reviews? Click me! You know you want to~
- Mad Harlequin
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Re: Lines of Symmetry [GxB/BxG][Slice of Life]
Yes, there was a demo released. I found and played it not too long ago, which is why I remember this project!
I'm an aspiring writer and voice talent with a passion for literature and an unhealthy attachment to video games. I am also a seasoned typo-sniper. Inquiries are encouraged. Friendly chats are welcome.
"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."
— Mark Twain
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Re: Lines of Symmetry [GxB/BxG][Slice of Life]
I'd really like to play this game, but for some reason it's not working when I download. I think it's the site. Is there anyway you could have another source of download? If not, it's okay.
Black Lotus(A work in progress)- (BxB,Horror,Thriller,Fantasy) Tells the story of a boy who must save his home and friends from dangerous creatures known as the Tainted. http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewto ... 43&t=28588
Catching the Sun(A work in progress)- (GxG,Slice of Life,Friendship,Drama)
http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewto ... 43&t=29404
Catching the Sun(A work in progress)- (GxG,Slice of Life,Friendship,Drama)
http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewto ... 43&t=29404
- Harrison Barton
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Re: Lines of Symmetry [GxB/BxG][Slice of Life]
Sorry to hear that! There's another mirror available on gamejolt for both Mac & PC versions:pocoscon wrote:I'd really like to play this game, but for some reason it's not working when I download. I think it's the site. Is there anyway you could have another source of download? If not, it's okay.
http://gamejolt.com/games/strategy-sim/ ... try/32414/
Let me know if it still doesn't go through, and I can send the the game to you directly.
I'm a game(???) developer(???)
- pocoscon
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Re: Lines of Symmetry [GxB/BxG][Slice of Life]
Thank you so much. it worked . I'll play it as soon as I can ^^Harrison Barton wrote:Sorry to hear that! There's another mirror available on gamejolt for both Mac & PC versions:pocoscon wrote:I'd really like to play this game, but for some reason it's not working when I download. I think it's the site. Is there anyway you could have another source of download? If not, it's okay.
http://gamejolt.com/games/strategy-sim/ ... try/32414/
Let me know if it still doesn't go through, and I can send the the game to you directly.
Black Lotus(A work in progress)- (BxB,Horror,Thriller,Fantasy) Tells the story of a boy who must save his home and friends from dangerous creatures known as the Tainted. http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewto ... 43&t=28588
Catching the Sun(A work in progress)- (GxG,Slice of Life,Friendship,Drama)
http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewto ... 43&t=29404
Catching the Sun(A work in progress)- (GxG,Slice of Life,Friendship,Drama)
http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewto ... 43&t=29404
Re: Lines of Symmetry [GxB/BxG][Slice of Life]
No Linux version available?Harrison Barton wrote:pocoscon wrote:There's another mirror available on gamejolt for both Mac & PC versions
- Harrison Barton
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Re: Lines of Symmetry [GxB/BxG][Slice of Life]
I spaced on that completely, here it is:Karl_C wrote:No Linux version available?Harrison Barton wrote:pocoscon wrote:There's another mirror available on gamejolt for both Mac & PC versions
http://www.mediafire.com/download/q7mbe ... 86.tar.bz2
I'm a game(???) developer(???)
- Harrison Barton
- Newbie
- Posts: 13
- Joined: Wed Jul 17, 2013 4:20 am
- Completed: Lines of Symmetry
- Contact:
Re: Lines of Symmetry [GxB/BxG][Slice of Life]
Forgot to mention this, but if you'd like to leave personal feedback outside of the comments section, feel free to email me at:
spyrosmithy@gmail.com
spyrosmithy@gmail.com
I'm a game(???) developer(???)
Re: Lines of Symmetry [GxB/BxG][Slice of Life]
Thank you!Harrison Barton wrote:
I spaced on that completely, here it is:
http://www.mediafire.com/download/q7mbe ... 86.tar.bz2
I hope I'll find some time to play it this weekend.
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Re: Lines of Symmetry [GxB/BxG][Slice of Life]
Well, I gave this a read/play. It's decent, though to be honest, the POV-switching makes the story much more interesting to me than it probably would have been otherwise. I feel the writing could use a good polishing. Teenage colloquialisms aside, I noticed quite a few errors in mechanics.
Also, Jayne's tag is too bright a green. And during the introduction to the trip, I think I saw Isaac accidentally describe himself when he meant Maya. (Or vice versa. I forget which.)
Also, Jayne's tag is too bright a green. And during the introduction to the trip, I think I saw Isaac accidentally describe himself when he meant Maya. (Or vice versa. I forget which.)
1. Why did Violet just disappear? I felt that she should have had more of a presence, but she never did.
2. Vivi's characterization seems a bit flat. It's almost as if she existed only as a foil to Maya, and so Laird could have a girlfriend before coming out.
3. I wasn't sold on Jayne's suicide at all. I get that he had a problematic relationship with his father, but it wasn't reinforced enough prior to the ending for it to be believable.
2. Vivi's characterization seems a bit flat. It's almost as if she existed only as a foil to Maya, and so Laird could have a girlfriend before coming out.
3. I wasn't sold on Jayne's suicide at all. I get that he had a problematic relationship with his father, but it wasn't reinforced enough prior to the ending for it to be believable.
I'm an aspiring writer and voice talent with a passion for literature and an unhealthy attachment to video games. I am also a seasoned typo-sniper. Inquiries are encouraged. Friendly chats are welcome.
"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."
— Mark Twain
— Mark Twain
- Harrison Barton
- Newbie
- Posts: 13
- Joined: Wed Jul 17, 2013 4:20 am
- Completed: Lines of Symmetry
- Contact:
Re: Lines of Symmetry [GxB/BxG][Slice of Life]
Thanks for the honest feedback, I really do appreciate it.Mad Harlequin wrote:Well, I gave this a read/play. It's decent, though to be honest, the POV-switching makes the story much more interesting to me than it probably would have been otherwise. I feel the writing could use a good polishing. Teenage colloquialisms aside, I noticed quite a few errors in mechanics.
Also, Jayne's tag is too bright a green. And during the introduction to the trip, I think I saw Isaac accidentally describe himself when he meant Maya. (Or vice versa. I forget which.)
1. Why did Violet just disappear? I felt that she should have had more of a presence, but she never did.
2. Vivi's characterization seems a bit flat. It's almost as if she existed only as a foil to Maya, and so Laird could have a girlfriend before coming out.
3. I wasn't sold on Jayne's suicide at all. I get that he had a problematic relationship with his father, but it wasn't reinforced enough prior to the ending for it to be believable.
I'll respond directly under the spoiler tags below.
Man, that POV switching thing really could get hairy at times under the hood, I should have guessed there were pronoun errors I missed. I actually wrote and programmed each chapter at the same time, I'd typically write Maya's section first, then do Isaac. It made me cross eyed, especially nearing the end. x.X
1. Yeah, I think originally she was going to be a more prominent character, but a lot of her scenes ended up getting cut from the final product. She was supposed to show up and become plot relevant near the end of the game (as was Jayne's dad actually) but it ended up being not worth it to spend an extra month concepting their characters. She ended up being just sort of an ear for Isaac's insecurities...which wasn't bad , but wasn't really that good either. Given more time I would've liked to have had her in the story more.
2. Yeah I agree, she really didn't have much of a character arc, or really solid development. I ended up focusing more on the relationship between Maya, Isaac and Jayne then the other characters, which you probably noticed. I regret that actually, she's a cool character
, and probably one of the more fun to write of the lot. It didn't end up being her story for whatever reason. I might come back to her character in the future in some form or another, she has an interesting story I'd still like to tell.
3. This was the part of the story I felt the least strong about. It'd been roughly 8 or so months in the making, and I really wanted to finish the fucking thing. I knew the end well ahead of time, but I had a hard time with the build to the end. Depending on what path you play, I think it can and cannot be better or worse. All the Paths which have Chapter 7 end with Jayne crying in the park kind of set up the scene for his eventual not-so-happy ending, but if you get some of the other paths it becomes a bit less alluded to. (Especially the funnier ones, including the Noir-Scene with Maya and the bad movie scene with Laird). I think the car crash was meant as half-intent, half-accident, but it wasn't strongly communicated that way. I wasn't super happy with it, but I knew that had to be how it ended.
I hope to do better on my next VN. You seem like a cool enough guy, If you ever wanted to help with editing on any future projects, that would be awesome. (I fucking DETEST self editing.)1. Yeah, I think originally she was going to be a more prominent character, but a lot of her scenes ended up getting cut from the final product. She was supposed to show up and become plot relevant near the end of the game (as was Jayne's dad actually) but it ended up being not worth it to spend an extra month concepting their characters. She ended up being just sort of an ear for Isaac's insecurities...which wasn't bad , but wasn't really that good either. Given more time I would've liked to have had her in the story more.
2. Yeah I agree, she really didn't have much of a character arc, or really solid development. I ended up focusing more on the relationship between Maya, Isaac and Jayne then the other characters, which you probably noticed. I regret that actually, she's a cool character
, and probably one of the more fun to write of the lot. It didn't end up being her story for whatever reason. I might come back to her character in the future in some form or another, she has an interesting story I'd still like to tell.
3. This was the part of the story I felt the least strong about. It'd been roughly 8 or so months in the making, and I really wanted to finish the fucking thing. I knew the end well ahead of time, but I had a hard time with the build to the end. Depending on what path you play, I think it can and cannot be better or worse. All the Paths which have Chapter 7 end with Jayne crying in the park kind of set up the scene for his eventual not-so-happy ending, but if you get some of the other paths it becomes a bit less alluded to. (Especially the funnier ones, including the Noir-Scene with Maya and the bad movie scene with Laird). I think the car crash was meant as half-intent, half-accident, but it wasn't strongly communicated that way. I wasn't super happy with it, but I knew that had to be how it ended.
But yeah, thanks again.
Last edited by Harrison Barton on Wed Nov 13, 2019 8:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I'm a game(???) developer(???)
- Mad Harlequin
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Re: Lines of Symmetry [GxB/BxG][Slice of Life]
No problem! If you ever need a second pair of eyes to look over future work, feel free to PM me.Harrison Barton wrote:I hope to do better on my next VN. You seem like a cool enough guy, If you ever wanted to help with editing on any future projects, that would be awesome. (I fucking DETEST self editing.)
But yeah, thanks again.
I'm an aspiring writer and voice talent with a passion for literature and an unhealthy attachment to video games. I am also a seasoned typo-sniper. Inquiries are encouraged. Friendly chats are welcome.
"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."
— Mark Twain
— Mark Twain
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