[VN][30][Slow][Science Fantasy]Monochromie : Blanche

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[VN][30][Slow][Science Fantasy]Monochromie : Blanche

#1 Post by Adorya »

This is the VN version of my entry for the PenOfChaos Novel contest 2007. This year's theme was "The door".
It took me 4 month to make it, 1 month laziness included.
French and Engrish version are available.
[VN] : Visual Novel, linear story with few or no alternate paths/endings.
[30] : Total average reading time of approximatively 30 min.
[Slow] : Pacing of the VN, from average to slow.
[Science Fantasy] : Contain Sciente Fiction and Heroic Fantasy themes.
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Re: [VN][30][Slow][Science Fantasy]Monochromie : Blanche

#2 Post by GraMana »

Wow, this is really an unconventional but interesting piece of work. The overall bleakness gives it a rather avante-garde feel, but I think it's done more in good taste than not. The art style seems to vary here and there, though much of it seems to be on the minimalist side (I must comment though that there are some really neat effects that you impliment.) I also really like your use of soundscapes in this work though - it really adds to the mood and compliments the visual and textual settings. As for the story itself, it seems really... yeah... hmm, not sure what to say about it :P. I think I can pick out a semblance of a plot, but the style is a bit over my head and the briefness of the story really doesn't allow for much reaffirmation (though one's patience might be tested if this style were implimented in a full-scale novel ;)). Maybe it's in part due to the translation, but I think maybe you could've compromised with the writing style a bit more for understandability (if you've ever played ONE, that's sort of what I'm talking about - there's a distinct divide between the more stream of consciousness writing and plot narrative). But overall, I think this is quite a neat piece of work. Looking forward to more stuff from you in the future :).

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Re: [VN][30][Slow][Science Fantasy]Monochromie : Blanche

#3 Post by Adorya »

I must admit that this piece of work is very personal and has many references to non public/internet released works (that is also why I got to "before last" ranking in the contest, even french jury couldn't understand what I wrote :lol: ). My original writing style is also quite difficult to translate but I just wanted to finish this for challenge and my own fun.

Hopefully my next projects will be more understandable and classic, and will explain some bits of my previous releases.

Thank you again for trying to "read" it and to let me use your work for mine.

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Re: [VN][30][Slow][Science Fantasy]Monochromie : Blanche

#4 Post by mikey »

A question for the Ren'Ai Archive: Can we get your permission to mirror this game at http://www.renai.us?
Thanks for considering!

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Re: [VN][30][Slow][Science Fantasy]Monochromie : Blanche

#5 Post by Adorya »

Sure :)

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Re: [VN][30][Slow][Science Fantasy]Monochromie : Blanche

#6 Post by risingbamboobanana »

pour en pratiquer mes french-skills, j'ai téléchargé la version original...comme vous pouvez probablement voir, je suis anglophone... :P j'vais aussi lire la version traduite (j'ai eu de la misère à comprendre quelque phrases)

but anyway, it was realy unique, in a good way :) hafta admit i don't think i've seen anything like this. it was really neat :D
A little birdy in the sky
Dropped a poopie in my eye
I did not scream, I did not cry
But thanked the Lord that cows don't fly!

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Re: [VN][30][Slow][Science Fantasy]Monochromie : Blanche

#7 Post by farvardin »

(French reply, because I read the game in French... sorry)

C'est un peu vieux comme sujet, mais je voulais donner mon avis :

déjà, félicitations pour ce moment de poésie, même si "on ne comprend pas tout" par moment.
C'est une belle histoire, mais elle mériterait d'être un peu améliorée : déjà au niveau du texte il y a quelques coquilles (orthographe, accords...), quelques phrases lourdes ou avec des pb de formulations / relecture (ex : "Et, alors que leurs ombres ne s’éloignent au loin de cette place carrée").

Ensuite, au niveau graphismes, les dessins sont biens, mais de part le thème éthéré de cette histoire, ils gagneraient à être moins crus, par exemple en utilisant un logiciel de vectorisation pour rendre les traits plus lisses. Ou à l'inverse donner un grain plus marqué, mais là on est un peu entre les deux et cela donne une impression bizarre.

Enfin, je trouve que cela manque un peu d'interactivité, mais quoi qu'il en soit, j'ai passé un bon moment quand même sur ce jeu :)

La musique colle bien à l'ambiance.

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Re: [VN][30][Slow][Science Fantasy]Monochromie : Blanche

#8 Post by Taleweaver »

A very beautiful narrative style; not that much of a plot, but delivered with so much passion and skill that it was a very gripping thirty minutes. I'd love to see longer works from you too. The visual style absolutely convinced me, and there were enough surprises in the sounds to keep me interested. Overall, a wonderful experience.

If there was one thing I didn't like about this game, it's the "choices" it presents to the player. Both are entirely arbitrary; the four white objects do fit into the context of "blanche" yet fail to have any significance to the entire story that unfolds. (Then again, maybe it's just me; I hate these sorts of choices ever since Tokimeki Check-In and "Sweep the floor"/"Mop the floor".)
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