I think my head is Darkness - (Dystopia, Psychological)

Finished games are posted here, once they've been tested and are ready for wide release.
Message
Author
tinytim12
Newbie
Posts: 18
Joined: Sun Jan 20, 2013 3:06 am
Contact:

I think my head is Darkness - (Dystopia, Psychological)

#1 Post by tinytim12 » Sat Feb 07, 2015 10:25 pm

Well, everyone has a first time, don't they? This is mine. My first visual novel. It's honestly pretty simple, even so I'd love it if people took the time to read it and give feedback :D

Synopsis:

War has broken out all across the world, and for the hapless residents of a small American town, they don't have a clue what's going on. Bombs are raining down everyday, their town is sealed off, communications aren't working, and all they can wait for is a confusing and merciless death. Until one day, two strangers arrive on a motorbike, offering a chance not only for escape, but for salvation.

Twenty year old Rachel, however, has other problems to worry about.

She doesn't think she's right in the head. Sometimes she thinks there's another person living inside of her. Sometimes she thinks she's insane.

Sometimes, she thinks her head is darkness.


Link - https://www.mediafire.com/?b5dfv0kays8r24z

- Dystopian Psychological Story
- Approx 20min length
- 3 Different Endings

I hope you enjoy :D

EDIT: Updated the link.
Attachments
title.jpg
Last edited by tinytim12 on Sat Jun 06, 2015 10:55 am, edited 2 times in total.

User avatar
lilyrose
Regular
Posts: 104
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2012 7:33 pm
Location: Texas
Contact:

Re: I think my head is Darkness - (Dystopia, Psychological)

#2 Post by lilyrose » Sun Feb 08, 2015 8:56 pm

It looks interesting :) Downloading now. I'll give some feedback after I get done playing :)
~ You know I used to be able to leap tall buildings using a jetpack? Then I got shot in the leg with an arrow T.T ~

tinytim12
Newbie
Posts: 18
Joined: Sun Jan 20, 2013 3:06 am
Contact:

Re: I think my head is Darkness - (Dystopia, Psychological)

#3 Post by tinytim12 » Tue Feb 10, 2015 11:21 pm

lilyrose wrote:It looks interesting :) Downloading now. I'll give some feedback after I get done playing :)
Thanks! Do let me know if there are any bugs or the like. Thanks again and hope you enjoy playing!

User avatar
lilyrose
Regular
Posts: 104
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2012 7:33 pm
Location: Texas
Contact:

Re: I think my head is Darkness - (Dystopia, Psychological)

#4 Post by lilyrose » Wed Feb 11, 2015 4:06 am

Well I played it. :) I found it quiet enjoyable!!!! :) though there is a bug ^.^" the application to actually run the game is not in the folder download. I was able to play it by going into Ren'Py and clicking launch project but I'm don't think everyone will do that ^.^" So that's one thing to fix lols but overall I found it slightly depressing (which you aimed for and hit perfectly!!) but I also found it a bit repetitive ^.^"
And I also kinda wondered a bit. A crazy person isn't supposed to know their crazy, right? Though I found that using the player as the mc's "voice of reason" was brilliant! And I liked the fact you threw in past scenes of the characters life before the war too though some seem a little ill timed? But that may just be me. ^.^"
Overall, for you're first game I think you did awesome!!!! You're writing style was very intriguing and fun to read. The repetitiveness isn't very attractive though. (Don't worry, I have a problem with it too. ^.^") And I hope to see more works from you :)
~ You know I used to be able to leap tall buildings using a jetpack? Then I got shot in the leg with an arrow T.T ~

User avatar
DarkSin
Regular
Posts: 109
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 1:57 pm
Completed: Sweetest Monster (BxG), My Magical Divorce Bureau!!
Projects: Innate Imperfections (GxG)
Organization: SinSystem, Red Lattice Studio
itch: darksin
Contact:

Re: I think my head is Darkness - (Dystopia, Psychological)

#5 Post by DarkSin » Wed Feb 11, 2015 5:43 am

Okay now I'm intrigued. Downloaded, will play soon. Oh and props for the catchy title! ;)

EDIT: I played through it, and I liked it.
I like dark stories and I suppose that's why the depressing atmosphere and narrative didn't bother me.
And I also loved how you gave the player control by making us a part of her mind. A part that she refers to when in need of advice.
There were a few typos and minor grammatical mistakes, but nothing major.
Overall I liked it.
There was feeling in it, it was dark, I liked the descriptions, especially when describing Edith and her mannerisms, and the music. The music added to the atmosphere and... gave this haunting effect at times.
You kept it simple, the visuals and other things, but the story was good.
I got the good end.
Good job :)
Oh and I like that title image.
Notes: There is no .exe to launch the game. I had to open it using Ren'Py. Also some of the content in the flashbacks is a little repetitive.
Image

tinytim12
Newbie
Posts: 18
Joined: Sun Jan 20, 2013 3:06 am
Contact:

Re: I think my head is Darkness - (Dystopia, Psychological)

#6 Post by tinytim12 » Fri Feb 13, 2015 10:36 pm

Thanks guys for the positive feedback!

It surprises me that you thought the flashbacks were repetitive, but then again it's an angle I never thought of. I'll keep this in mind for future writings.

Anyway, I just figured out how to build distributions and now I uploaded the exe file. Should be good to go now.

Thanks again for taking the time to play this simple visual novel!

User avatar
GreyWolfXx
Regular
Posts: 68
Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2015 1:00 am
IRC Nick: Grey
Skype: GreyWolfXxII
Contact:

Re: I think my head is Darkness - (Dystopia, Psychological)

#7 Post by GreyWolfXx » Fri Jun 05, 2015 1:11 am

This game was really enjoyable! The music was very fitting and made the game so much more...deep.
The game did have some repetitiveness in it but because of how much I enjoyed the story and the writing style I overlooked it. I was intrigued, but I have to wonder how you can get the third ending? I tried nearly every choice and I just couldn't find a way to get it.

tinytim12
Newbie
Posts: 18
Joined: Sun Jan 20, 2013 3:06 am
Contact:

Re: I think my head is Darkness - (Dystopia, Psychological)

#8 Post by tinytim12 » Fri Jun 05, 2015 6:21 am

Oh dear, is there a bug in my game?
The Bad End happens when you choose not to go with Tom and Edith, when they come on the motorcycle.
The Good End happens when you choose "Don't press the Button" at the end. Depending on the choices you made earlier, this particular choice may not show up.
True End occurs when you choose to "Press the button"

User avatar
Catlip Candy
Regular
Posts: 147
Joined: Tue Nov 25, 2014 5:03 am
Completed: Raven // Encanto
Projects: My Twisted Love Story (title susceptible to change)
Organization: Catlip Candy
Tumblr: catlipcandy
Deviantart: CatlipCandy
Soundcloud: Catlip Candy
itch: catlipcandy
Location: Philippines
Contact:

Re: I think my head is Darkness - (Dystopia, Psychological)

#9 Post by Catlip Candy » Sat Jun 06, 2015 6:23 am

tinytim12 wrote:Oh dear, is there a bug in my game?
The Bad End happens when you choose not to go with Tom and Edith, when they come on the motorcycle.
The Good End happens when you choose "Don't press the Button" at the end. Depending on the choices you made earlier, this particular choice may not show up.
True End occurs when you choose to "Press the button"
No matter what, I still get the Good End 2/3 even though I pressed the button. I already got Endings 1 and 2 but the third never shows up :|
All I ask from the readers is to give feedback on what they think I should improve more.
Even the harshest comments are welcomed and greatly appreciated, as long as it is your truthful opinion!
Please help me become a better visual novel creator!

Image
~~~~~~ Catlip Candy ~~~~~~~



tinytim12
Newbie
Posts: 18
Joined: Sun Jan 20, 2013 3:06 am
Contact:

Re: I think my head is Darkness - (Dystopia, Psychological)

#10 Post by tinytim12 » Sat Jun 06, 2015 10:56 am

Fake Existence wrote:
tinytim12 wrote:Oh dear, is there a bug in my game?
The Bad End happens when you choose not to go with Tom and Edith, when they come on the motorcycle.
The Good End happens when you choose "Don't press the Button" at the end. Depending on the choices you made earlier, this particular choice may not show up.
True End occurs when you choose to "Press the button"
No matter what, I still get the Good End 2/3 even though I pressed the button. I already got Endings 1 and 2 but the third never shows up :|
Thanks for pointing that out, I've gone ahead and fixed it. Hope you enjoyed my visual novel!

User avatar
GreyWolfXx
Regular
Posts: 68
Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2015 1:00 am
IRC Nick: Grey
Skype: GreyWolfXxII
Contact:

Re: I think my head is Darkness - (Dystopia, Psychological)

#11 Post by GreyWolfXx » Sun Jun 07, 2015 12:11 am

Oh my god! What a horrible bug to have in a game! I just played the de-bugged version and that ending is just great. I'm so glad I made an account just to ask you about it. Completely worth my while

"We have been to the moon, we have charted the depths of the ocean and the heart of the atom,
but we have a fear of looking inward to ourselves because we sense that is where
all the contradictions flow together." -- Terrence Mckenna

tinytim12
Newbie
Posts: 18
Joined: Sun Jan 20, 2013 3:06 am
Contact:

Re: I think my head is Darkness - (Dystopia, Psychological)

#12 Post by tinytim12 » Tue Jun 09, 2015 11:33 am

GreyWolfXx wrote:Oh my god! What a horrible bug to have in a game! I just played the de-bugged version and that ending is just great. I'm so glad I made an account just to ask you about it. Completely worth my while
I know right. Literally a game-breaking bug, really glad you pointed it out!

sunaro
Newbie
Posts: 16
Joined: Sat Mar 03, 2012 10:09 am
Contact:

Re: I think my head is Darkness - (Dystopia, Psychological)

#13 Post by sunaro » Sat Jul 16, 2016 12:57 pm

amazingly done. i only discovered this vn and i really enjoyed it. great writing and story, the 2 soundtracks didn't feel repeatable, too. i didn't care much for other characters besides rachel and edith though.
but i felt bad for goffman

User avatar
SeaOtter
Newbie
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2014 12:30 am
Contact:

Re: I think my head is Darkness - (Dystopia, Psychological)

#14 Post by SeaOtter » Sun Jul 17, 2016 5:17 pm

Hey there.

I just finished one ending of your game. It was extremely satisfying. Your writing was quite on point. The relationship between the player and the narrator (Rachel, I believe?) is interesting. I think it would have been very easy to paint Rachel as some sort of mentally unstable, morbid fellow. But the fact that we become something of a character in the story--always in the background--blurs that. Its mysterious. Dark. I especially liked your comparison of the player to a shadow. Not necessarily a word with negative connotation but ... it can become that.

Other details like the shears, the motorcycle helmet, Tom's personality. They conveyed so much feelings and emotion without having to be explicit about them. Good symbolism and tone all around.

May I ask how long this work took you? I could see something like this with better art, transitions, UI, color schemes, etc. becoming very popular, if you have time to devote to that. I am eager to see future projects like this.

Thank you for the game

PS. I loaded up a save and am on the choice right now that only says "PReSS THe BuTToN". Still hoping it is timed. You can guess what ending I'm on right now.

User avatar
SeaOtter
Newbie
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2014 12:30 am
Contact:

Re: I think my head is Darkness - (Dystopia, Psychological)

#15 Post by SeaOtter » Sun Jul 17, 2016 5:28 pm

Just to add on to my previous post. I just reread the last line of the ending I got and still, even now, have a sense of ambiguity. Is it I, as the player, or the protagonist, Rachel, that is doing that final action? At first, I thought it was the protagonist but now as I look at it more, it could also have been written as the player having done so. The writing seems intentionally unclear at that moment and that makes it all the more mysterious.

Just wanted to throw that out. I am a fan.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users