Sunrise | A Dieselpunk Fairy Tale (GxB, Fantasy)[NaNoRenO15]

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ketskari
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Sunrise | A Dieselpunk Fairy Tale (GxB, Fantasy)[NaNoRenO15]

#1 Post by ketskari » Wed Apr 01, 2015 12:27 am

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Lucky Sun Scribes presents Sunrise:
Lady Sofia has just broken things off with her former love in favor of his kinder brother,
but when things take a turn for the worse, will her new relationship survive?
...And more importantly, perhaps, will she survive?
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Download through Itch.io
Trigger Warning
Some scenes contain sexual aggression directed toward the protagonist.
Hazel-Bun's Post-Mortem | Spring Thing Festival 2015! | DeathbySwoon's Let's Play: Act I, Act II Part 1
screenshot0111.png
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Once upon a time, in a world that is much like our own, there lies a relic of ancient Europe in the middle of a desert in the Wild Wild West.

There, kings and queens still rule the land, and in one such kingdom the sovereign lord has recently died.

Two brothers, princes, remain. One is drawn by the old ways and the other is swept up in the winds of change.

Abel, the eldest, is set to inherit the throne.

The younger, Shiye, plans to marry their childhood friend... Sofia.

All fairy tales are supposed to have a happy ending...

"This is not that kind of story.

A NaNoRenO2015 Release
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Lucky • Sun • Scribes
Writer, Character Concept Art, Setting & Testing by Hazel-Bun
Art, Design, Original Story Concept, Animation, Additional Coding & Editing by ketskari
GUI Programming & Testing by saguaro
CC Music (see in-game credits)

I would describe the art as a retro, cut-out collage and mixed media style. There is also some animated background art. Sprites are digitally painted from scratch.
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Some last minute changes were made to the Extras. There were going to be different extras but we encountered a problem at the last minute, so I added an endings gallery to make up for it.
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Last edited by ketskari on Tue Apr 21, 2015 10:04 pm, edited 7 times in total.

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Re: Sunrise | A Dieselpunk Fairy Tale (GxB, Fantasy)[NaNoRen

#2 Post by Mad Harlequin » Wed Apr 01, 2015 12:32 am

Congratulations on completing your project! I'm downloading it right now. :) (My Downloads folder is full of VNs now. Whee!)
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Re: Sunrise | A Dieselpunk Fairy Tale (GxB, Fantasy)[NaNoRen

#3 Post by MaiMai » Wed Apr 01, 2015 1:14 am

Whoo, congrats on the release! Everything looks great!
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Re: Sunrise | A Dieselpunk Fairy Tale (GxB, Fantasy)[NaNoRen

#4 Post by Kay » Wed Apr 01, 2015 5:20 pm

Insta-download!! I can't wait to play this. I'm so glad you made a game for NaNoReno : )
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Re: Sunrise | A Dieselpunk Fairy Tale (GxB, Fantasy)[NaNoRen

#5 Post by Godline » Wed Apr 01, 2015 5:23 pm

Both of you did an amazing job! Can't wait to play it!

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Re: Sunrise | A Dieselpunk Fairy Tale (GxB, Fantasy)[NaNoRen

#6 Post by AntiquedFae » Wed Apr 01, 2015 8:34 pm

I'm always happy to see you create something; your work is so high quality and amazing. Also insta-download!
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Re: Sunrise | A Dieselpunk Fairy Tale (GxB, Fantasy)[NaNoRen

#7 Post by ketskari » Thu Apr 02, 2015 2:39 am

Added a trailer.

Oh, wow, thank you, everyone! :) Looking forward to hearing what you think.
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Re: Sunrise | A Dieselpunk Fairy Tale (GxB, Fantasy)[NaNoRen

#8 Post by MaiMai » Sat Apr 04, 2015 1:08 pm

I finished playing this the other day and I have to say, I'm very impressed by the presentation and the simplicity of the story that's still able to convey complex emotions and personalities. Seriously, great job guys! I like the mish mash of elements such as a kingdom in the Wild Wild West, planes, the 1900s style flourishes, etc.

I think my only mild critique is the music it was well made, but some of it sounded too sinister for certain scenes
(ex. when Shiye talks to "Athena" about his future dreams of democracy for the people
or certain characters kind of just being there
(ex. Calista felt kind of like a non-entity even though her presence and character was there to explain/imply the world building/kingdom/familial relationships)
but otherwise this was a very solid NaNo entry and I'm happy to have played through it.
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Re: Sunrise | A Dieselpunk Fairy Tale (GxB, Fantasy)[NaNoRen

#9 Post by Green Glasses Girl » Sat Apr 04, 2015 3:48 pm

Downloading now. Can't wait!
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Re: Sunrise | A Dieselpunk Fairy Tale (GxB, Fantasy)[NaNoRen

#10 Post by Hazel-Bun » Sat Apr 04, 2015 9:46 pm

Thanks for your thoughts, comments, and concerns so far :) we'll do our best to address them soon. I wrote a post mortem about the writing process, if anyone was interested!

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Re: Sunrise | A Dieselpunk Fairy Tale (GxB, Fantasy)[NaNoRen

#11 Post by ketskari » Sun Apr 05, 2015 2:30 pm

@ Green Glasses Girl - Nice! Looking forward to hearing what you think. :)

@ MaiMai - Thanks so much!
MaiMai wrote:
(ex. when Shiye talks to "Athena" about his future dreams of democracy for the people
(ex. Calista felt kind of like a non-entity even though her presence and character was there to explain/imply the world building/kingdom/familial relationships)
I'll look at that scene again and see if I want to substitute another track. After a point I was definitely tuning out the music as I coded.

I would think a ghost would be a very literal definition of a non-entity! Although every characters' purpose is to be part of the world, Ending II could not happen without Calista, so I am wondering if this was somehow unclear?
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And in other news, Sunrise is at the Spring Thing 2015 Festival!
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Re: Sunrise | A Dieselpunk Fairy Tale (GxB, Fantasy)[NaNoRen

#12 Post by MaiMai » Sun Apr 05, 2015 3:27 pm

ketskari wrote:
I would think a ghost would be a very literal definition of a non-entity! Although every characters' purpose is to be part of the world, Ending II could not happen without Calista, so I am wondering if this was somehow unclear?
You know what, I think I'll play through to get that ending again because it's most likely that I read really quickly that it didn't register at first. Thank you for your explanation though! :)
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Re: Sunrise | A Dieselpunk Fairy Tale (GxB, Fantasy)[NaNoRen

#13 Post by Haze » Mon Apr 06, 2015 8:41 am

Finally got around to playing this! Here are my thoughts, written down as I played:
When I tried to take screenshots, there was no notification that the screenshot was taken, and I thought screenshots were disabled for whatever reason. However, when I checked Sunrise's folder a bit later, I noticed the screenshots had been taken. Is there any particular reason the notification was taken away, or was that a mistake?

The first song in the game had some extraordinarily soft humming that reminded me of my father's voice. I really thought he was in the room with me.(Yes, this has nothing to do with the game itself. Sorry; moving on.)

The first choice, about loving Shiye, took me for a loop, mainly because it's such a big decision, but also because I didn't know enough about these characters to really make such a huge choice yet. Yes, Sofia seems to love Shiye, but what if she's lying to herself? Or would saying "No", make it so she is lying to herself, thus changing her character completely? Hmmm...

After saying yes in that section, there's a part where Sofia says "Coming back to my senses, I shove him hard." I take it that's supposed to be narration, not said aloud? :D

Near the end of the same scene, Sofia says aloud "Curtsying as swiftly as my stiff body would allow, I quickly pull myself away and turn to leave--" Again, I don't think this was meant to be said aloud. I have a feeling this'll happen more than once in the game, and if it does, I'll just record the quotes below, along with the scene they're in.

Sofia seems to be able to speak for way too long after being drugged(?) by Abel, but that's just my opinion.

When Sofia appears before Calista, she says something about being ashamed to appear before the queen covered in feathers. This is mentioned a bit too late; you probably should've mentioned this at the start of the scene.

Calista saying the magic "tastes strange" made me smirk. Probably not the intended effect?

"Do not reveal who you really are." That quote shocked me, and I thought "Now things are really going to get interesting!" Then, I discovered Sofia is...an owl? "Alright let's see how this is going to work..."

Abel knows the owl is Sofia, doesn't he? It seems obvious from his dialogue. If he knows, then hasn't Sofia technically already "revealed who she really is"? Or does Abel not count since he already knows?

Let me guess-- the cloak she's wearing as an owl, which Abel gave her earlier, is either part of the key of THE key to breaking the curse. Someone probably has to take it off for her for the curse to be broken, and she can't take it off by herself. I hope I'm not calling this key plot point from a mile away. Also, Sofia is going to see the man Shiye really is while she's an owl, and will not be able to choose Abel or Shiye because she now knows them both to be evil men. Again, I hope I'm not calling this key plot point from a mile away. As long as it's written well, it might be fine, though. EDIT: Now that I finished the game, it seems that I was wrong about both of these predictions. That's good!

Woah, Shiye has a plane in his room? Can he fly it? Will there be a scene where he flies with "Athena" beside him? That would be cute...

"Here's my chance to do something so it can show him that it's me!" and then one of the choices right afterwards is "Pretend to be an owl"? Why? You just implied with the "Here's my chance" bit that "Show that I'm a person" is the correct choice! Sure, Calista said not to reveal who you are, but the implications of "Here's my chance" overwrite that since, I, as the player, am practically being told "Choose the choice that let's you take that chance!", and that acting human is the right decision! And if it's not, well, I'm sorry, but that's just bad choice design.

Democracy...that would mean no queen, wouldn't it? So, Sofia may never become queen... I don't think she's the type of person who'd mind, though-- she's marrying Shiye out of love, not to become a ruler. Although maybe if you said "No" in the beginning, something would change...

James' sprite has a very prominent outline. Was that on purpose?

Who is this James guy? And who is this witch character? The person who gave Abel the means to transform Sofia? I'm intrigued, I must admit.

"The uninitiated"? Does Abel want to become a witch...? Because that is interesting, to say the least. Does he desire that much power over his enemies? Well, he does seem like the guy who wants power over others-- as shown by his scene with Sofia earlier.

"What I've become"? You mean, an idiot? XD No seriously, has he been transformed somehow? This has gotten a lot more interesting, I'll admit. But how does no one except Shiye know Abel's full name? Wouldn't Sofia know it, since they dated? Or does he consider her out of the picture...?

Just realized something: how does a witch come into the castle without being noticed. Granted, she's a witch, but wouldn't someone notice her? A servant, perhaps? I mean, there haven't been any servants shown yet, but this is a castle.

I have to say, I'm with Abel on the Sunrise song thing. It's a song about how much the lower class dislike the rich, and Shiye is obviously not a member of the lower class! Even if he wants a democracy, the lower class doesn't know that! No, Sofia, Abel's not being too harsh on Shiye; even if Abel is a jerk-- and the main antagonist-- he has a point!

Ok, the scene with Sofia and James has made James my favorite character. Plus, the Order of the Stars and Stripes...I wonder what happened to him. Maybe they're a group that wants democracy, because they've seen democracy in America?

How can Abel understand Sofia as an owl?! That makes no sense! If Shiye can't understand her, why should Abel?! Arrrgh, it seems like convenient "able to understand her" ex machina. If there's not an explanation for this...

..and there doesn't seem to be one. I am dissatisfied.

Shiye...you would kill your own brother. You...you're worse than Abel! Or at least, you're just as bad as him! He's your own brother! Your own brother...

And Sofia think he did the right thing. Crying a bit now, and feeling a mix of anger, frustration, and confusion.

I once had a dream, a horrible dream where my sister and I were fighting, and I, too close to the stairs, pushed her down them. I woke up as soon as she hit the ground, and I felt horrible. We hadn't been fighting before I had that dream, and I still have no idea why I had it, but I do know this: Shiye will regret this. He will regret this for the rest of his life, and his democracy will feel empty.

If Sofia had better senses as an owl, why wasn't this mentioned or part of the plot at all?

I am angry. I am so angry. This is not a happy ending! THIS IS NOT A HAPPY ENDING! I know you said this isn't the type of story with a happy ending, but THE GAME IS ACTING LIKE IT'S A HAPPY ENDING! WHY?! Yes, there's a democracy, and Sofia becomes normal again, but at the cost of Abel's life. Why is there happy music in the background?! Why in the world is there HAPPY MUSIC in the background?! SHIYE KILLED HIS OWN BROTHER! Why is the ending called Sunrise?! THIS IS NOT A "SUNRISE" AT ALL! If anything, this is a sunrise that occurs during a storm of lighting and thunder!

Other instances of Sofia speaking instead of narration(in order of appearance):

Scene with Calista: "I can feel her anger like a gust of wind in this dream world. It batters my spirit and I struggle to fight it off."
Scene with Shiye is his room after Sofia has become an owl: "It's kind of strange to refer to your Father as his Majesty." This one is especially prominent because, as an owl, she can't talk!
Same scene: "A human one trapped in an owl's body by some sort of hex." Although in this one, Sofia's side sprite has her beak open, so I'm not sure. Wanted to mention it just in case, though.
Same scene: "I will not be eating a rodent, thank you very much!" In this one, her beak is closed again, like the first one I mentioned in this scene.
Same scene: "YES! Please let me out! I have to warn you somehow about your brother." Beak's open.
Same scene(I chose "Show that I'm a person"): "It's me Shiye! Your fiance! Sofia! I'm Sofia!" Beak's open.
Same scene: "YAH!" Beak's open.
Same scene: "I jab him on the side of his ear with my beak and dig the talons on my feet into his shoulder." Beak's closed.
Same scene: "Hmp. If I broke something it would be your fault, bricks-for-brains." Beak's closed.
Same scene: "Us?" Beak's closed.
Same scene: "I'm still listening, Shiye." Beak's closed.
At night it Shiye's room: "GAH! This is hopeless!" Beak's closed.
Same scene: "Maybe I can find Abel, find out exactly what he has planned, and stop him." Beak's closed.

Ok, I'm going to stop recording the owl ones now. There are a lot, I'm not sure which ones are on purpose and which ones aren't, and it's taking WAY too much time to write down each one. I'm sorry, but I can't do it anymore. Gotta play the actual game! XD

Scene after Sofia's been turned back, and is talking to Shiye(I choose to not destroy the letter): "I close my eyes and try not to listen as Abel's tainted name comes tumbling, starting slow as molasses, from Shiye's cracking throat."
Scene after Abel's ghost(s?) disappears: "He presses his chin into my shoulder, breathing me in. I ignore the shaking in his voice, knowing his mind is still on Abel's betrayal."
Line right after the one above.
Hazel, I really enjoyed reading your post-mortem. It was quite interesting.

This ended up being really long...really, really, really, really long. I hope that's alright.
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Re: Sunrise | A Dieselpunk Fairy Tale (GxB, Fantasy)[NaNoRen

#14 Post by ketskari » Tue Apr 07, 2015 12:36 am

Thank you for all the detailed feedback. I will not respond to everything, but touch on points, particularly those relevant to my work on this project. However, know that I did read everything and that we may fix things I didn't respond to in future updates of Sunrise.
I noticed that it was slow to take screenshots while I was testing, but I didn't do anything to the notification. I would be interested to know, if you waited for a moment after clicking, whether or not the notification was simply delayed in appearing.

Choices: I had to re-write choices to agree with the text. Some of this was last minute, so I will go over them again.

Sofia has two narrators and two speakers. Unfortunately, these could not be copy/pasted from the script but had to be manually designated while I was coding in the text. It appears I missed many. Thank you for noting at least some of them.

However, Athena's mouth being open or closed could be either part of her expression or part of her speech. If this is confusing, I'll consider switching it so that she only speaks with her beak open/doesn't speak with her beak closed.

On Calista and feathers, noted. I re-worked some of Calista's dialogue at the last minute.

I suppose we should say, "do not reveal who you are to Shiye."

Haha, the cloak.

Jame's outline: He was the second sprite I coded in, and so I was still experimenting with the outlines. Maybe he's special, or maybe I was just lazy, but it probably the latter.

Full name here refers also to secret or special nicknames of which not all others may be aware; this is also mentioned later.

Abel and the Sunrise song. Yeah, I agree with Abel, too.

Sibling death - I'm a bit puzzled here. At this point Abel is a danger that could potentially come back, and sibling infighting and murder is rather a hallmark of (real, historical) royal and ruling families. Nevertheless, I am sorry that it affected you so unpleasantly. I've had nightmares about members of my family dying, too.

Owl Sofia's senses: Mentioned several times. Her light sensitivity, silent flight ("perks of being an owl," or somesuch), and keen hearing I believe are all mentioned.

I consider the music hopeful rather than happy.
Thanks again for the detailed feedback; it's very much appreciated.
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Re: Sunrise | A Dieselpunk Fairy Tale (GxB, Fantasy)[NaNoRen

#15 Post by Haze » Tue Apr 07, 2015 8:45 am

@ketskari
Thank you very much; I really appreciate that you took some time to read everything. I realize that I may have come off as someone who didn't like the game at all, because most of my feedback was negative, but I really did enjoy reading through it(though I didn't like the ending, as you already know). All of you did a very nice job: the art was quite nice, especially Athena's sprite(it's so detailed! The side sprite was a joy to look at!); everything was coded in nicely, with the plane scene right at the beginning a great way to use ATL and introduce the game; the writing was pleasant and, for the most part, the plot felt cohesive(I already told Hazel this, but reading Sunrise showed me how much she's grown as a writer :D)

I rechecked the screenshot thing, and the notification does display; it just takes about 5-10 seconds to do so. That's why I didn't notice it!
I don't know; maybe the ending affected me so negatively and made me so upset because it's such a deep contrast with my relationship with my own sister. We had A LOT of physical fights when we were younger, but our relationship evolved for the better into a deep sisterly love that I wouldn't trade for anything. I would die for her if I had to. In this game, the exact opposite happens.

Yeah, I agree with you; it would be less confusing if you could make it so Athena only speaks when her beak is open. And maybe someone should comment when she talks a lot(this happens sometimes, but not often enough, which is why I was so confused).

"Do not reveal who you are to Shiye"...yes, that would make a lot more sense, but it could also mean she can reveal herself to anyone else-- like James. Perhaps you can have Calista say something like "Only my eldest son has knowledge about your current form. Do not reveal who you are to anyone else."

As for the full name and Sofia's heightened senses, I guess I must have missed those parts. Sorry about that!
My first completed visual novel, which is at 1.3, it's final version(woo hoo!): Monster Uses CPU 2
Finally at version 1.0: White Fog
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I make one song every week, all for free download! This weeks song: Synthis- The Mirror(Eliana Remix)[Preview]

You might ask yourself: If I could only save one paragraph of the work I'm writing, which one would I save?
Which one would I let go first?

-from Understanding Rhetoric: A Graphic Guide to Writing by Elizabeth Losh, Johnathan Alexander, Kevin Cannon, and Zander Cannon

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