Lemma Soft Forums

So, after a long while... I decided to just spit out my only completed game... KN... Short story I wrote when I was nine... whatever.

The sprite was a free asset by euphorics.
The backgrounds were badly drawn by my half-asleep mouse hand...

Basic overview:
There are no grand adventures or romantic subplots to explore here. It's simply a short series of events based off of a short story I wrote for homework and my mother liked.
You play as a young woman/girl who's recently moved out of her parents' house and has next to no contact with her old life.

I might make a more filled-out version if people like what little is in here...

Ah, this was really cute! I actually really prefer in this case that the choices didn't really change much. I don't know, I can't really explain it, but it worked well. Also, Congrats on releasing your first game!

I liked this more than I thought I would. And I think it's because of the way you introduced your story. Give it more love!

victorita9 wrote:I liked this more than I thought I would. And I think it's because of the way you introduced your story. Give it more love!

But, then you wouldn't like it as much.

MasterPuppeteer wrote:Ah, this was really cute! I actually really prefer in this case that the choices didn't really change much. I don't know, I can't really explain it, but it worked well. Also,

Leon is a delightfully obnoxious cutie.

Congrats on releasing your first game!

Thank you~

I hope to not disappoint with whatever I produce next.

Looking back I wish I made the sprite cleaner arghhhh, but it's so exciting to see it being used!! *___* Played through a few times, I think it's a really nice introduction -- from here, the story could go off in so many different directions. Would definitely be interested in a longer version, please continue!!

euphorics wrote:Looking back I wish I made the sprite cleaner arghhhh, but it's so exciting to see it being used!! *___* Played through a few times, I think it's a really nice introduction -- from here, the story could go off in so many different directions. Would definitely be interested in a longer version, please continue!!

Yay~
I'll see what I can do~

I might make my own assets for the extended version so he won't be as epically awesome

Hey there! I just played through the game (a few times, to see the changes in endings). Mind if I leave a critique?

Norbez wrote:Hey there! I just played through the game (a few times, to see the changes in endings). Mind if I leave a critique?

Go right ahead.
Although, it was mostly created with the intent of getting something out there. I expect that it's not 100% great... not even 1% actually... But, I digress. Go ahead.

Okay then . . . here goes. (deep breath)

First off, it was great of you to create something and get it out there. But I do feel the experience could have been better.

My main problem is the pacing. From the writing, it seems you wanted to create an emotional story. But you have large text-blurbs, each with many emotions, on a single page. I think it should have spread out to 3-4 more pages, to slow down the experience, and give those emotions more impact.

As for a writing itself, it wasn't bad . . . but it wasn't exactly novel. It feels sparce; I barely got to know this character that I just spent ~15 minutes with. The moments that do let me get to know him/her feel misplaced.
(btw, I'm pretty sure that the MC's a girl, but I'm not honestly sure. . .)

Like your art, especially the title screen. And while we're talking about that, I really like your title! I felt there could have been more art, though, I understand if tackling more art would've been a lot, though; I know how much work it can be. (Also, that Leon sprite made me think, "Okay, is the MC in high school? Because I thought he/she was an adult . . . And it the MC's an adult, why's he/she friends with a high schooler. . . ?)

So, yeah! What other projects have you done? I look forward to whatever you make in the future!

Norbez wrote:Okay then . . . here goes. (deep breath)

No need to be so ready. XD
I don't mind critique.

First off, it was great of you to create something and get it out there. But I do feel the experience could have been better.

My main problem is the pacing. From the writing, it seems you wanted to create an emotional story. But you have large text-blurbs, each with many emotions, on a single page. I think it should have spread out to 3-4 more pages, to slow down the experience, and give those emotions more impact.

As for a writing itself, it wasn't bad . . . but it wasn't exactly novel. It feels sparce; I barely got to know this character that I just spent ~15 minutes with. The moments that do let me get to know him/her feel misplaced.

For example, I didn't really know what the necklace means to the MC, so choosing whether to wear it or not meant nothing to me at that choice moment. And at the end, I only have a very slight idea of what the necklace means, and it still only a small emotional impact. Loneliness is a powerful thing, but I don't know why it's affecting this character, and I feel I need to know more to symphathize with him/her, or at the very least to understand them better.

(btw, I'm pretty sure that the MC's a girl, but I'm not honestly sure. . .)

Yes, the MC is a girl. XD
I think I might do better getting a reader more emotionally invested with more space to work with. But, I will try to work on my pacing.

Like your art, especially the title screen. And while we're talking about that, I really like your title! I felt there could have been more art, though,

especially for those moments at the end.

I understand if tackling more art would've been a lot, though; I know how much work it can be.

The art was very cobbled-together. I understand that that is no excuse. But, since it was just a quick one-off, I didn't feel the need to make too much.

(Also, that Leon sprite made me think, "Okay, is the MC in high school? Because I thought he/she was an adult . . . And it the MC's an adult, why's he/she friends with a high schooler. . . ?)

This seems like something I should expand upon in the requested next game. Rest assured that I will most certainly try to explain the situation in depth then. OuOb