Little God

[Septimus]

Hi, the script writer for Deeplake here. An idea came to me the other day and it just wouldn't leave me alone until I got it out of my head. So here it is, a nice and short little VN in the style of Type-Moon.

As I'm a writer and not an artist, you'll find that this VN contains minimal resources. In fact, the only character picture in it is one I shamelessly stole from my project partner Sapphire Dragon. So I'm hoping this will just go to show that you can make a good VN even without much of the V.

Other than that single character picture, I have some free sound effects and backgrounds I found on the web. Also, some music that may be familiar to some of you. It's horrific quality though, I had to reduce the size of the .oggs because they were boosting the filesize a little too much...

Anyway, I'm rambling. Please give it a try!

The game contains 500 screens of dialogue.
These screens contain a total of 5867 words.
For an average of 11.7 words per screen.
The game contains 2 menus.

[Sapphire Dragon]

What I love about this if the fact that he randomly took my spanish wizard design AND randomly took the Sagrada Familia picture which just happen to both be in the same place.

[monele]

It's definitive now : I love your writing and stories XD. I could totally picture the whole thing as a big action anime or movie.

Actually, I can picture this as a 13 episodes anime... this being a nice pilot episode, followed by slower paced episodes about living with this new familiar... and then picking the pace up with new fights and more discoveries about the organization and stuff .

[Septimus]

Thanks, monele. Indeed, I'd had the very same thought; but I decided to see what feedback I got first. So far though... Well, not a lot, really... It only took me half a day to make this, so I could just write some more whenever the urge takes me. Of course, it'd be nice if I knew there was an audience for this kind of thing out there first...

Oh, well... Back to Deeplake for a while, I guess.

[PyTom]

Of course, it'd be nice if I knew there was an audience for this kind of thing out there first...

Honestly, while the battle scenes weren't my thing, I was really interested in the scenario you set up. In my estimation, the game abruptly ended right as it was getting good... I would be interested in seeing an extension of this about life with the "Little God".

[Samu-kun]

Mmm... Surprisingly good! I like what there is so far. Looks like the perfect set up for a Shakugan no Shana-esque anime. *nodnod*

Can I also mirror this on Renai.us?

[Septimus]

Sure, I don't mind at all. Personally, I haven't seen Shakugan no Shana; but I have a friend who's a fan of it. Thanks for your interest!

[renkenjutsu]

I just played it and I must say I enjoyed it very much! Though I wish there was more. The thing sticking out is the term 'Tool' in my opinion.... There should be a cooler name for those tiny little things

[Samu-kun]

Mmm... Maybe they'll sound better if you pronounce it with a Japanese accent. All English words sound cooler with Japanese accents! :3

[vnr4]

Little God reviewed at VNR4.

[Mistik]

I beat it and got the good ending, So we get to see a new character then you end the game, Ahh. Is there a sequel in the works.

It felt kind of like reading a chapter to a novel. I deffinatly like your theme. Its interesting with all the different type of weapons. the types with numbers remind me of the bullets in outlaw star.

[Watercolorheart]

(double posted, delete me)

[Watercolorheart]

Had to mute it on the fiftieth repetition of the heartbeat sound ... there's a typographical error with 'Stop!,'—there is no comma behind the exclamation point. The same goes for other typos along those lines. Example:

"No," she said.
"No!" she shouted.
"No?" she quavered uncertainly.

I agree, there is a very "Shakugan no Shana" vibe between the Lieutenant and the Private. I also like the

can't rise by bribes or rank alone but by survival

sentiment.

I chose the wrong option on purpose after rollback to see the outcome ... ... aw, I was hoping for

a realization of love for the Lieutenant

... (rolls back) ...

That chandelier is impressive and easily dominates the image ... is it going to fall on me? ... nope, whinge, whinge, whinge, usual passive protagonist ... that was a nice puzzle with the carvings, that sheds some nice insight on an invisible villain.

(peer) Is that a web mummy? LOL. Just what is he supposed to be? He looks like a D&D monster. I think he'd look better as just a dark shape, let the player/reader fill in the details.

Typo at "The warlocks voice loses some of it's composure" needs to be reversed to "The warlock's voice loses some of its composure." Honestly, sometimes I feel like more VN writers need to take College-level English ...

The tools are pretty cool. Do you have a separate list of what all the types are, or is this something you made up on the fly?

The "I'm staring into the eyes of a God" line is really interesting. I feel like I'm now getting to know the characters, and it's already the end of the story. Although, for a moment when she pins him, I was afraid she was going to bite him like the anemic vampire Yuki Nagato on Mikuru ...

Nice cinematic ending ... you BETTER make a chapter two! Better yet, bundle it with this as an optional prologue. If not, I'm going to have to hurt you without any sequel.

[Watercolorheart]

I just looked back at this and realized that the NVL was perfect. Are there any blank, example NVL scripts out there? I tried to implement it just an hour ago and it looked like crap. ._.; Must be more to it than meets the eye ...

[Septimus]

Wow... I spend a little time away and come back to find some well-thought and insightful feedback. Thanks, it really means a lot to me that people are still reading this old work of mine. Seriously, I just quickly threw it together in a single night and didn't expect much for it. Still, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about carrying it on. In fact, I've already gathered some backgrounds for a part 2. So now that I know there's actually a demand for this... Maybe I'll do it one day.

But before that, there's just a few things I'd like to know. Firstly, do you think it'd be worth me redoing the first part? It seems that the general consensus is that showing the warlock was a bad idea, shall I remove him and avoid showing anymore characters in the future? Leaving the characters to the reader's imagination is probably a better idea now that I look back. Would releasing this in short parts or 'episodes' be wise? Or should I spend longer to write a more complete story?

And now for some individual responses. VNR4, I read your review and am glad that I surprised you a little. I've already mentioned the removal of the warlock image, but when it comes to the rest I can only say that it's all personal preference.

I must admit that I smiled at your mention of 'special blood' though. Perhaps when I reveal what is really so 'special' about it I'll surprise you once again.

BCS, in general I agree with all your points. Those grammatical errors really stung me though... I'm usually the one who points out all his friend's mistakes... Don't worry, I've mastered the apostrophe now and no, I didn't take College-level English, though I could have. A decision I've come to regret slightly, if only for that string of humiliating comments... I'm digressing... I'd really like to hear from you about the points I've described above. I'd value your input greatly, as well as anyone else who wants to contribute. Thanks for the feedback, you've reignited my interest in an old and forgotten project.

EDIT: BCS, as to your question about NVL mode; you need to declare your characters as a NVL-type character by adding 'kind=nvl' at the end of their declaration. More info can be found here, http://www.renpy.org/wiki/renpy/doc/reference/NVL_Mode it's what I used when I wrote this.