The Sad Story of Emmeline Burns [YuriJam, Free, Eng/Rus]

Finished games are posted here, once they've been tested and are ready for wide release.
Message
Author
User avatar
ebi-hime
Veteran
Posts: 347
Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2013 8:18 pm
Completed: The Way We All Go, Asphyxia, Strawberry Vinegar, etc
Tumblr: ebi-hime
Location: UK~
Contact:

The Sad Story of Emmeline Burns [YuriJam, Free, Eng/Rus]

#1 Post by ebi-hime » Wed Oct 14, 2015 4:38 pm

Image

Plot synopsis:

As the saying goes, dead men tell no tales. They only leave tales behind.

Toma Andrews, aged 14, has always felt like an outsider. She enjoys spending time in graveyards, and feels more comfortable among the dead than the living.
That is, until Toma meets a strange girl in her local graveyard who might be a real ghost.
The girl asks Toma if she will stay for a while and listen to a story. A story about a girl called Emmeline Burns, who died a tragic death back in 1851.
Toma is compelled to listen, but at the same time, she feels uneasy. After all, what can she do? How could she ever hope to help somebody who has already died?

Characters:

Image
Toma Andrews:
The heroine. Toma's mother intended to call her Amelia, but this plan was scuppered after Aunt Kathryn 'stole' that name for her own daughter. As such, Toma was named after her Grandfather, Thomas.
Toma dislikes her name, and is jealous of her cousin, Amelia, for taking her 'real' name. She seems to believe that her ill-fitting name is the reason for her introverted nature, and often wonders how different her life would be if she had been called Amelia instead.
Toma enjoys spending time in graveyards, perhaps because of her mother's obsession with family history, and seems to instinctively 'know' where to find specific graves.
This skill made her very useful during her mother's search for the final resting places of their long-dead relatives.

Image
???:
A strange girl Toma meets at the local graveyard.
She speaks in an ornate manner that would befit a person from another time period, and her dress sense is much the same.
Though she seems rather quiet and pensive, she has a more playful side, and likes to give people cute nicknames.

Screenshots:

Image

Image

Image

Image

Credits:

Writing/Programming: Ebi-hime
Sprite art/BG art/GUI: Sillyselly
Music: TyberAlex

Notes:

This is a kinetic VN (it has no choices), and is about 18k words.
Since it's a YuriJam VN, there are yuri elements in it, too.
Also, despite the title, it's a lot more cheerful than some of the other VNs I've written, haha...

Download:
The VN can be downloaded here on itch.io here, and it's completely free! Enjoy! : >
It can also be downloaded on Steam here, similarly for free.
And you can now play it online, through the web browser of your choice, here. Thank you to DrSchizo for offering to convert it!

And you can also play it in Russian, if you want, thanks to the help of ToxicBunny!
The Russian patch, and the information to install it, can be found here!

If you have any feedback, comments, or questions, feel free to leave it! n_n;
Last edited by ebi-hime on Wed May 04, 2016 3:20 pm, edited 7 times in total.
I have a lot of commercial VNs available on Steam here if you wanna check! u///u
With a yandere dating sim, a moemoe moege about cute grills and food, a sad GxG story, a sad GxB story, there should be something for everyone <3

/ shameless plugging

User avatar
Tracy Bullet
Regular
Posts: 84
Joined: Wed Aug 20, 2014 7:16 pm
Contact:

Re: The Sad Story of Emmeline Burns [YuriJam]

#2 Post by Tracy Bullet » Thu Oct 15, 2015 12:40 am

Ahh! The art! It's gorgeous! Ok, to be fair, I think like all art is impressive since I'm so bad at it, but seriously this art is so SO pretty. You go, Sillyselly.

User avatar
philip
Veteran
Posts: 434
Joined: Tue Feb 12, 2013 10:44 pm
Location: southeastern PA
Contact:

Re: The Sad Story of Emmeline Burns [YuriJam]

#3 Post by philip » Thu Oct 15, 2015 1:35 pm

@ebi-hime-

I know that whenever I see your name attached to a story, that it will be outstanding, and this was no exception! Very professionally done; the story was well told and engaging (no typos at all), and the art was marvelous! Even though I'm a guy (you know, macho, and all that manly stuff), I did feel a tear or two welling up at several points in the story.

Thank you for another job well done . . . I think I'm gonna go back through it right now!

philip
"One who has never made a mistake has never attempted anything!"
-
and
-
"Finish what you start"

User avatar
Steamgirl
Veteran
Posts: 290
Joined: Sat Jul 28, 2012 4:39 am
Completed: My Cup of Coffee, Queen at Arms (co-wrote a battle scene)
Projects: Stranded Hearts, Emma: A Lady's Maid
Deviantart: steamgirlgame
Contact:

Re: The Sad Story of Emmeline Burns [YuriJam]

#4 Post by Steamgirl » Thu Oct 15, 2015 1:55 pm

The art is soooo beautiful. Wish it was VN rather than a KN. T_T

User avatar
ebi-hime
Veteran
Posts: 347
Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2013 8:18 pm
Completed: The Way We All Go, Asphyxia, Strawberry Vinegar, etc
Tumblr: ebi-hime
Location: UK~
Contact:

Re: The Sad Story of Emmeline Burns [YuriJam]

#5 Post by ebi-hime » Thu Oct 15, 2015 2:25 pm

@ Tracy Bullet
Thank you! Selly's art is really pretty, I'm also a huge fan o:

@ Phillip
Thank you! Ah, I'm glad there are no spelling errors - I combed through it carefully trying to find them (and read the whole thing out loud to myself to see if the sentences all flowed decently, haha)
Making people cry is my favourite thing : D

@ Steamgirl
Thank you! And, KNs are still VNs. Some of the most popular VNs (like Planetarian or Umineko) are KNs. I also don't think this story would work with choices,
given a lot of it takes place in a flashback, and giving the reader the option to change the past would feel really jarring. I think choices would probably harm the story, rather than enhance it.
That was my reasoning for not including choices, anyway.
I have a lot of commercial VNs available on Steam here if you wanna check! u///u
With a yandere dating sim, a moemoe moege about cute grills and food, a sad GxG story, a sad GxB story, there should be something for everyone <3

/ shameless plugging

User avatar
Steamgirl
Veteran
Posts: 290
Joined: Sat Jul 28, 2012 4:39 am
Completed: My Cup of Coffee, Queen at Arms (co-wrote a battle scene)
Projects: Stranded Hearts, Emma: A Lady's Maid
Deviantart: steamgirlgame
Contact:

Re: The Sad Story of Emmeline Burns [YuriJam]

#6 Post by Steamgirl » Fri Oct 16, 2015 6:04 am

Oops! I thought the distinction between a KN and a VN is that one is kinetic and the other is with choices! What's the name for a VN with choices?
KN or not, I'm sure this will be one fine piece of reading that a lot of people will enjoy. ^_^

User avatar
ebi-hime
Veteran
Posts: 347
Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2013 8:18 pm
Completed: The Way We All Go, Asphyxia, Strawberry Vinegar, etc
Tumblr: ebi-hime
Location: UK~
Contact:

Re: The Sad Story of Emmeline Burns [YuriJam]

#7 Post by ebi-hime » Fri Oct 16, 2015 10:37 am

@ Steamgirl

I don't think there is another name for VNs with choices, they're just VNs. But KNs are also VNs, they're just a variation of VNs. I'm not too sure about all the technical language around VNs, it doesn't always make a lot of sense XD
I have a lot of commercial VNs available on Steam here if you wanna check! u///u
With a yandere dating sim, a moemoe moege about cute grills and food, a sad GxG story, a sad GxB story, there should be something for everyone <3

/ shameless plugging

Carrogath
Regular
Posts: 106
Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2012 12:08 pm
Completed: Basiliska, Green Eyed Monster
Tumblr: carrogath
Location: United States
Contact:

Re: The Sad Story of Emmeline Burns [YuriJam]

#8 Post by Carrogath » Fri Oct 23, 2015 7:11 pm

I am probably too excited over the fact that Enid Blyton's name cropped up in a yuri VN lmao, being that stuff like St. Clare's was what inspired Oyuki Konno to write Maria-sama ga Miteru and launched the entire genre into the mainstream (thanks to really nerdy otaku but alas). I think Japan has a real fascination with European literature that not a lot of people seem to realize?

Your writing style is very... English, and I think it would be even without the mentions of London and Leicestershire and Agatha Christie; it very much has a sense of time and place. Toma mentioning that she feels a connection to her ancestors (including, of course, Cornelia) feels really appropriate for something that's basically a brief trip through a 14-year-old girl's genealogy, with a pit stop featuring Emmeline's and Cornelia's idyllic teenage romance (and Emmy's horrific death jeez).

This doesn't even resemble a review lol just a comment about how much your writing stands out, I guess? Especially when it comes to VNs. I love the anecdotes and details and overall how... cozy it is. The dry humor did make me laugh on occasion, also. :'D It's definitely yuri (Lesbian ghosts are timely considering certain announcements this year lmao), but it still manages to feel unique despite the sappiness, ahaha. Cute art, too! Sillyselly's sprites are gorgeous as usual.
My games:

Basiliska - a fantasy/drama KN
Green Eyed Monster - a VN about ex-magical girls

User avatar
iibexie
Newbie
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 3:27 pm
IRC Nick: Kira
Contact:

Re: The Sad Story of Emmeline Burns [YuriJam]

#9 Post by iibexie » Sat Oct 24, 2015 5:04 am

The art is GORGEOUS pls continue making it in VNs/KNs ahh!

User avatar
ebi-hime
Veteran
Posts: 347
Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2013 8:18 pm
Completed: The Way We All Go, Asphyxia, Strawberry Vinegar, etc
Tumblr: ebi-hime
Location: UK~
Contact:

Re: The Sad Story of Emmeline Burns [YuriJam]

#10 Post by ebi-hime » Sat Oct 24, 2015 11:03 am

@ Carrogath
I read a lot of Enid Blyton when I was younger, haha XD;
And yes, I think some European lit is very popular in Japan (like Alice in Wonderland in particular but that's popular everywhere...) I know there was an anime adaptation of one of Enid Blyton's stories too.

It's very British! I think I was writing with a more staid and serious writing style for this VN, kind of like Asphyxia (more so in the 3rd person flashback segment), but a bit less flowery. Actually, I think it reads more like a novel than a VN, since there's a lot of info-dumping at the start without any images to accompany it. Also, I feel it's kind of light on dialogue compared to some of my other stuff...
I wanted it to feel pretty firmly set in the UK so I refed a lot of real places and was very specific with where the charas lived. And I wanted it to feel like the story was part of a bigger universe, even though there aren't many charas with sprites, so there are lots and lots of character names floating around in it as well.

It's also pretty sappy haha XD; When I wrote it, I was like 'this is too sappy, it's sickly...' But I guess it's ok?
Thank you >_<

@ iibexie
Thank you. The art is done by SillySelly, she's very talented!
Asphyxia uses her art too, but the writing style is pretty mannered and ornate so idk, it's probably not for everyone (it's also commercial n_n;)
And Strawberry Vinegar, which a cute and more VN-y VN, is being done with Selly's art too.
I have a lot of commercial VNs available on Steam here if you wanna check! u///u
With a yandere dating sim, a moemoe moege about cute grills and food, a sad GxG story, a sad GxB story, there should be something for everyone <3

/ shameless plugging

YaminoOkami
Newbie
Posts: 14
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2015 6:49 pm
Contact:

Re: The Sad Story of Emmeline Burns [YuriJam]

#11 Post by YaminoOkami » Fri Nov 13, 2015 11:40 pm

This is a second VN written by you that I read and I loved it every bit as much as I did Asphyxia and it had just as much emotional impact on me, true I guess Asphyxia made me depressed for few days afterword and I just finished this one so emotions are still fresh. I liked how while the VN in general had
sad atmosphere around it it still head some very sweet moments and I like how the ending is more on a happy side, it made my emotions after finishing it rather mixed up. I felt sad because story is rather sad but at a same time a bit happy that in the end everything worked out fine and because Cornelia and Emily are such a sweet couple but still not quite that happy because Cornelia was forced to marry some guy and it is still a sad story....I guess the closes term of my emotions would be a bittersweet.
Also I already said this when I talked about my opinion on Asphyxia but this is a really nice art, and it seems as if it has improved even more since then (I guess it's improvement with experience), I especially like the change with style of mouth. Also great character design, all girls are so pretty, but especially Toma she is just so cute.

I am looking forward to you next VN Strawberry Vinegar, I can't w8 to see how you do with more happy Shoujo-AI theme.
ebi-hime wrote:@ Steamgirl

I don't think there is another name for VNs with choices, they're just VNs. But KNs are also VNs, they're just a variation of VNs. I'm not too sure about all the technical language around VNs, it doesn't always make a lot of sense XD
If you want to use terms the way they are mainly used then it is alright to think of everything as VNs and things like KNs as genre of VNs.
If you want to get really precise of technical terms then the term VN is already wrongly used and it gets really complicated witch is why nobody really uses them that way.

User avatar
ebi-hime
Veteran
Posts: 347
Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2013 8:18 pm
Completed: The Way We All Go, Asphyxia, Strawberry Vinegar, etc
Tumblr: ebi-hime
Location: UK~
Contact:

Re: The Sad Story of Emmeline Burns [YuriJam]

#12 Post by ebi-hime » Sun Nov 15, 2015 7:44 am

@ YaminoOkami

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Yes, this story was meant to be
kind of sad, but it has mostly a happy ending! And there are some cute/light-hearted moments in here, too, and the romance isn't one-sided, like Asphyxia. Maybe it has a more hopeful feeling...
Selly's art is really good. And in this VN, the characters actually have 2 different arm movements o: Hopefully that makes it feel a bit more dynamic.

I hope Strawberry Vinegar will meet your expectations! Well, it is shoujo-ai, but it's very light, and only in one particular ending... I feel like some people might say it doesn't 'count', but since the main characters are so young, there's not much I can do other than hand-holding and hugging and kisses on the cheek XD
I have a lot of commercial VNs available on Steam here if you wanna check! u///u
With a yandere dating sim, a moemoe moege about cute grills and food, a sad GxG story, a sad GxB story, there should be something for everyone <3

/ shameless plugging

User avatar
ebi-hime
Veteran
Posts: 347
Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2013 8:18 pm
Completed: The Way We All Go, Asphyxia, Strawberry Vinegar, etc
Tumblr: ebi-hime
Location: UK~
Contact:

Re: The Sad Story of Emmeline Burns [YuriJam]

#13 Post by ebi-hime » Fri Nov 27, 2015 3:50 am

Bumping with an announcement.
The Sad Story of Emmeline Burns is now on Steam Greenlight! If you want to see it on Steam, please vote here!
The Steam version of the VN will still be free to play. It should also have a fixed script, with improved spelling/sentence construction, and an entirely new scene, with new art by the talented SillySelly!
Are you interested? I'm interested!
I have a lot of commercial VNs available on Steam here if you wanna check! u///u
With a yandere dating sim, a moemoe moege about cute grills and food, a sad GxG story, a sad GxB story, there should be something for everyone <3

/ shameless plugging

User avatar
Mahri
Newbie
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Dec 13, 2015 1:05 pm
Skype: sydaen
Location: Switzerland
Contact:

Re: The Sad Story of Emmeline Burns [YuriJam, Steam Greenlig

#14 Post by Mahri » Mon Dec 14, 2015 5:58 am

it's a cute story, lovely artwork and I really enjoyed it *_*
so Greenlight +1
I'd give +10 if I could haha

User avatar
ebi-hime
Veteran
Posts: 347
Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2013 8:18 pm
Completed: The Way We All Go, Asphyxia, Strawberry Vinegar, etc
Tumblr: ebi-hime
Location: UK~
Contact:

Re: The Sad Story of Emmeline Burns [YuriJam, Steam Greenlig

#15 Post by ebi-hime » Mon Dec 14, 2015 12:34 pm

@ Mahri

Aw, thank you! I'm glad you liked it! >w<
And Selly's artwork really is pretty... I feel so lucky I was able to work with her for so many projects ///
I have a lot of commercial VNs available on Steam here if you wanna check! u///u
With a yandere dating sim, a moemoe moege about cute grills and food, a sad GxG story, a sad GxB story, there should be something for everyone <3

/ shameless plugging

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: storykween, Taleweaver