The Ghost on The Shore[Nanoreno 2016] [Horror]

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maryeliezka
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The Ghost on The Shore[Nanoreno 2016] [Horror]

#1 Post by maryeliezka » Sun Mar 13, 2016 3:13 pm

A Simple game for nanoreno entry, dunno if this is can be called nanoreno game lol. The one who make this VN is only me alone, but the resources are from inet and i had put the credit in the true ending one.

https://maryeliezka.itch.io/the-ghost-on-the-shore

Just a simple story about two boys who went stargazing from the shore, but they found something surprising. Available in both english and indonesian.

Probably need some improvement, i upload this immediately because i'm ill and afraid if i can't finish this.

Four ending : 2 bad, 1 true, 1 normal.

This is the first time i make the game by myself, so pls forgive the bad quality >w<
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Re: The Ghost on The Shore[Nanoreno 2016] [Horror]

#2 Post by MimirollCookie » Sun Mar 13, 2016 8:50 pm

Congrats on finishing NaNo! :)
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Getting a new laptop. Hopefully going back to VN making! (BWAHAHA)

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Re: The Ghost on The Shore[Nanoreno 2016] [Horror]

#3 Post by maryeliezka » Mon Mar 14, 2016 2:35 am

Thank you very much, but i'm kinda afraid it looks super bad etc. I'll be waiting for any comment for some improvement in the future >w<

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Re: The Ghost on The Shore[Nanoreno 2016] [Horror]

#4 Post by vociferocity » Tue Mar 15, 2016 1:46 am

I liked it! Short and sweet and a little bit spooky, just the way I like my horror games. I really liked the friendship between the two boys, & the storyline. I got almost all the endings, but I couldn't get the second Bad End.
The Bad End I got was the one where you run away when the ghost first appears on the shore. I also got the neutral end, and the true end, which gave me a shiver! It's a classic horror trope, but it's a classic for a reason. I feel like the True End could've used a little more development time - why did the ghost go to the effort of returning the hankie? Was it even the player's hankie? In some of the text it seemed like he'd forgotten he'd even brought it, so maybe it was a ghost hankie?
The only real negative comment I have is about the english - it's pretty good, but it could definitely use an edit. It's a little choppy in places, and there are a few missing punctuation marks/minor grammar errors. If you'd like, I could give the script a quick edit. :)

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Re: The Ghost on The Shore[Nanoreno 2016] [Horror]

#5 Post by maryeliezka » Fri Mar 18, 2016 3:36 am

vociferocity wrote:I liked it! Short and sweet and a little bit spooky, just the way I like my horror games. I really liked the friendship between the two boys, & the storyline. I got almost all the endings, but I couldn't get the second Bad End.
The Bad End I got was the one where you run away when the ghost first appears on the shore. I also got the neutral end, and the true end, which gave me a shiver! It's a classic horror trope, but it's a classic for a reason. I feel like the True End could've used a little more development time - why did the ghost go to the effort of returning the hankie? Was it even the player's hankie? In some of the text it seemed like he'd forgotten he'd even brought it, so maybe it was a ghost hankie?
The only real negative comment I have is about the english - it's pretty good, but it could definitely use an edit. It's a little choppy in places, and there are a few missing punctuation marks/minor grammar errors. If you'd like, I could give the script a quick edit. :)
The second bad end is really simple actually. The friendship is good? dun expect that lol, i thought it's too simple. But the game itself is short so i dun explain too many things about them.
To get another bad end, You need to visit certain location for x times. About the hanky actually i planned something else (adding new bad end or giving some backstory about the ghost, but i wasn't in good condition and maybe i am still in not good shape now. I wanted to give impression in the true end that those kids shouldn't get close or try to look for any hint about the ghost. That's why the ending title was like that. But it's seems like it gives different impression eh? whether it's player hanky or not, i'll leave it to player's imagination lol
Thanks for giving some advice. Really? maybe i'll ask later after improving it :D english is not my primary language so sorry it's not good >w<
thank you very much

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Re: The Ghost on The Shore[Nanoreno 2016] [Horror]

#6 Post by vociferocity » Fri Mar 18, 2016 7:50 am

maryeliezka wrote:
To get another bad end, You need to visit certain location for x times.
Oh, I see!
I actually thought it might be that, but I just hadn't visited the location enough times. I think x might be too high? I think having to visit it two or three times would get more people.

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Re: The Ghost on The Shore[Nanoreno 2016] [Horror]

#7 Post by maryeliezka » Fri Mar 18, 2016 9:12 am

Oh, I see!
I actually thought it might be that, but I just hadn't visited the location enough times. I think x might be too high? I think having to visit it two or three times would get more people.
It's more than 10 times actually, but i won't tell the exact number lol, even i who programmed it was surprised when clicking the location many times. The number had special meaning actually. Or maybe i should consider reducing to another number which had special meaning.

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Re: The Ghost on The Shore[Nanoreno 2016] [Horror]

#8 Post by Soramaro » Fri Mar 18, 2016 5:16 pm

Hello (and sorry for my maybe bad english),

That was short and simple but I liked it. I’ve had all the ending (two bad, one normal and the true one).

Also, there’s my interpretation about the true ending:
Spoilers!
In my point of view, there is more than friendship between the two boys. The ghost observed the link between the two boys and became a little jealous. When Hamid was alone, the ghost takes on the appearance of his friend and offered him a handkerchief (a bit like when a man picks up the handkerchief of a woman to seduce her). This allows the ghost to take the place of Musa few moments and get some love from Hamid.

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Re: The Ghost on The Shore[Nanoreno 2016] [Horror]

#9 Post by FonaCall » Sat Mar 19, 2016 5:24 am

Oh cool! A NaNo finisher! Congrats man! Downloading it too.

Hm, I have a question... Is the word laut from Hantu Laut pronounced syllabically, like la-ut? I'm thinking about something...

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Re: The Ghost on The Shore[Nanoreno 2016] [Horror]

#10 Post by maryeliezka » Sat Mar 19, 2016 10:53 pm

Soramaro wrote:Hello (and sorry for my maybe bad english),

That was short and simple but I liked it. I’ve had all the ending (two bad, one normal and the true one).

Also, there’s my interpretation about the true ending:
Spoilers!
In my point of view, there is more than friendship between the two boys. The ghost observed the link between the two boys and became a little jealous. When Hamid was alone, the ghost takes on the appearance of his friend and offered him a handkerchief (a bit like when a man picks up the handkerchief of a woman to seduce her). This allows the ghost to take the place of Musa few moments and get some love from Hamid.
Glad you like, btw i didn't realize it can be interpreted that way lol. But thanks it gives me some kind of idea later: D
FonaCall wrote:Oh cool! A NaNo finisher! Congrats man! Downloading it too.

Hm, I have a question... Is the word laut from Hantu Laut pronounced syllabically, like la-ut? I'm thinking about something...

- Piet
Thank you, it's short though >w< i wonder if it's acceptable. Hope that you'll like the game: D

Yes, because it's from Indonesian language, it's pronounced Han-tu La-ut which means Sea ghost. It looks weird, so i translated it as The Ghost on The Shore instead.

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Re: The Ghost on The Shore[Nanoreno 2016] [Horror]

#11 Post by FonaCall » Thu Mar 31, 2016 5:24 pm

maryeliezka wrote:
FonaCall wrote:Oh cool! A NaNo finisher! Congrats man! Downloading it too.

Hm, I have a question... Is the word laut from Hantu Laut pronounced syllabically, like la-ut? I'm thinking about something...

- Piet
Thank you, it's short though >w< i wonder if it's acceptable. Hope that you'll like the game: D

Yes, because it's from Indonesian language, it's pronounced Han-tu La-ut which means Sea ghost. It looks weird, so i translated it as The Ghost on The Shore instead.
Ah... I just figured there was a word in Filipino/Tagalog (laot) that can mean sea. We may have gotten it from Bahasa.

Also, currently doing a review on your game for our review series. I'll link it here when it's up.

EDIT: Here is the review.

- Piet
SO MANY GAMES, SO LITTLE TIME!!!

For those who are freelance VN staff and also for those who are VN team leaders, please read this. Inform yourselves. Thank you.

Status: More or less busy with IRL work and finishing a game in time for Halloween Jam in itch.io

Brainstorming for the following:
My Seven Deadly Friends | the rest of the ideas

maryeliezka
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Re: The Ghost on The Shore[Nanoreno 2016] [Horror]

#12 Post by maryeliezka » Tue Apr 05, 2016 11:33 pm

FonaCall wrote:
maryeliezka wrote:
FonaCall wrote:Oh cool! A NaNo finisher! Congrats man! Downloading it too.

Hm, I have a question... Is the word laut from Hantu Laut pronounced syllabically, like la-ut? I'm thinking about something...

- Piet
Thank you, it's short though >w< i wonder if it's acceptable. Hope that you'll like the game: D

Yes, because it's from Indonesian language, it's pronounced Han-tu La-ut which means Sea ghost. It looks weird, so i translated it as The Ghost on The Shore instead.
Ah... I just figured there was a word in Filipino/Tagalog (laot) that can mean sea. We may have gotten it from Bahasa.

Also, currently doing a review on your game for our review series. I'll link it here when it's up.

EDIT: Here is the review.

- Piet
Interesting, so Indonesian language/Bahasa had similar word like that. Maybe there's another similar word, but it will be OOT if we discuss it here lol.

Also thanks for the review. i'm planning to make the extended version of it, maybe it's a sequel or something like that. So people review really help especially yours :D currently reading other reviews you made too

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