The Doll and the Spider (NaNoRenO 2016, Horror, KN)

[Sunlit-Dreamer]

the promised fanart. Hopefully it shows up. I drew bernie and herc as humans. Bernie would be childlike and proper, while herc would be an old punk.

if it doesn't, you can view it here.

http://amiralo.deviantart.com/art/Fanar ... 1459377408

Hope you like it! and thank you for such an awesome visual novel!

*O* I love it! They're absolutely perfect! *squealing with delight*

And I just adore the look on Bernie's face while Herc is freaking out~ XDDDD

Huge thankies! OvO

[LeonDaydreamer]

Really neat concept, and the atmosphere and music are great!
Also, the dialogue is really cute (at first). :) It kind of threw me when things got more creepy and intense.
The suspense was pretty impressive.

Only thing I might mention is a visual composition issue. There is a lot of empty space above and around the characters while they sit at the bottom of the screen, overlapped by the dialogue bar. I know it's a convention to have the characters talk opposite each other at the bottom with the dialogue over them, but if you have the full images drawn out like you do, I might move them higher. It should have more impact that way and it just feels like some of the artwork is lost.

The minimal BGs actually work really well, you do a great job of filling in the gaps with your writing to form an image in the reader's mind.

Really cool, Sunlit-Dreamer! :)

[Sunlit-Dreamer]

Really neat concept, and the atmosphere and music are great!
Also, the dialogue is really cute (at first). It kind of threw me when things got more creepy and intense.
The suspense was pretty impressive.

Only thing I might mention is a visual composition issue. There is a lot of empty space above and around the characters while they sit at the bottom of the screen, overlapped by the dialogue bar. I know it's a convention to have the characters talk opposite each other at the bottom with the dialogue over them, but if you have the full images drawn out like you do, I might move them higher. It should have more impact that way and it just feels like some of the artwork is lost.

The minimal BGs actually work really well, you do a great job of filling in the gaps with your writing to form an image in the reader's mind.

Really cool, Sunlit-Dreamer!

Thanks for giving my kn a try! (And yes another victory~)

Regarding the sprites, I did try to move them up at first, but it looked very awkward with Herc, as if he was floating on air. (It's those backlegs of his, even in the bathroom his sprite looks slightly off the floor. And looked even worse in the kitchen, so didn't show the sprite in there at all.) Their sprites were also originally much tinier so I had to resize them too. (I don't know why I keep making such tiny sprites.) So I ended up keeping them low and small. Plus, with keeping them small, I would be able to show just how big the environment around them is. But I will keep your advice in mind for future kns and vns!

Again, thank you! ^w^

[FonaCall]

Hi! =^_^=

We did a review of The Doll and the Spider for our NaNoRenO 2016 review series! You can find it here.

[Sunlit-Dreamer]

Hi! =^_^=

We did a review of The Doll and the Spider for our NaNoRenO 2016 review series! You can find it here.

=o Certainly wasn't expecting this when I logged on today! Thank you for the review!

Seeing that intro made me laugh so much.

Another victory thanks to the sacred sound effects!

[Fuseblower]

That was a great VN! It was creepy, had some shocks and I genuinely wondered if they would make it.

I've always wondered why abandoned buildings deteriorate so fast...

Now I know...

Well, I've learned a lot. About spiders and about ghosts.

[Sunlit-Dreamer]

That was a great VN! It was creepy, had some shocks and I genuinely wondered if they would make it.

I've always wondered why abandoned buildings deteriorate so fast...

Now I know...

Well, I've learned a lot. About spiders and about ghosts.

Aww, thank you! It always fills my twisted and distorted (okay not really it's completely normal) heart when I hear/read people enjoying my stories!

And now you know why. *insert dramatic hamster plz*

Yes, yes, tarantulas are our friiiieeeends. They may seem scary with how big and fuzzy they are, but underneath, they're just an eight legged and eyed teddy bear. Their venom isn't even that dangerous to us humans compared to brown recluse spiders. *shakes fist*

As for ghosts...well some are friendly, others not so friendly.

*LOVES YOUR DRAWING*

[minyan]

Parts I liked:

Can I just say, I love how the doll was concerned about being ladylike xD

spider: I am no cannibal
yessss xD

spider: post ha- why are you trying to speak all fancy?
That made me smile x3

The spider telling her she's cuckoo oh my gosh

The first reveal of the creatures, so creepy. I love the descriptions.

I'm getting bossed around by an inanimate object that kids play with - xD poor thing

Oh my gosh her eating the leg. ._.

I think them climbing the stairs away from the hand was my favorite part.

Parts that confused me:

When talking about the vampires, the doll says: No, I was just using them as an excuse. Did you mean example?

Overall thoughts:

Wow, I really enjoyed that. The sound effects, the music, the writing, the images, they all created an atmosphere that just dragged me in. My heart seriously pounded at certain parts- and the ending was just heartrending, yet perfect. Really fantastic job.

Edit
And I just have to stress how much I loved the world you created, the idea was a really cool one. You brought in and described the lore very well, and I will never take my stuffed animals for granted again. xD

[Sunlit-Dreamer]

Parts I liked:

Can I just say, I love how the doll was concerned about being ladylike xD

spider: I am no cannibal
yessss xD

spider: post ha- why are you trying to speak all fancy?
That made me smile x3

The spider telling her she's cuckoo oh my gosh

The first reveal of the creatures, so creepy. I love the descriptions.

I'm getting bossed around by an inanimate object that kids play with - xD poor thing

Oh my gosh her eating the leg. ._.

I think them climbing the stairs away from the hand was my favorite part.

Parts that confused me:

When talking about the vampires, the doll says: No, I was just using them as an excuse. Did you mean example?

Overall thoughts:

Wow, I really enjoyed that. The sound effects, the music, the writing, the images, they all created an atmosphere that just dragged me in. My heart seriously pounded at certain parts- and the ending was just heartrending, yet perfect. Really fantastic job.

Edit
And I just have to stress how much I loved the world you created, the idea was a really cool one. You brought in and described the lore very well, and I will never take my stuffed animals for granted again. xD

You guys are all really making me blush, daww~

So very glad I haven't gotten rusty. I was getting worried that my characters would be flat, and my descriptions would either be too much, or too little depending on the scenes. I was debating whether or not to have either of them get injured. Then decided it would be too boring if nothing happened because, after all, this is a horror. SOMEONE ALWAYS gets hurt. And dies.

How did I not catch that!? Brain you have failed me once again! I'm going to fix that right away, but going to keep the build number the same since it's one tiny fix, and slightly changing the credits scrolling speed so the song won't repeat.

It took me about 3 weeks to find the right kind of music and sound effects, so many of the horror themed songs sounded basically the same. ESPECIALLY on a certain popular site. I had originally ignored audionautix because there wasn't any "Horror" genre/theme in the list. But once music and sound effects were all that was left, I gave it a chance. That site is a gem. I only wish I had given it a chance sooner.

And I'm pretty sure I know which one scene in particular that gets most people.

Really glad you loved it so much! Truly makes me smile in real life.
And yes, let your beloved stuffed animals protect you from the creatures of the night! Give them your looooove~ *hugs my three fox plushies*

[Lodratio]

Very cute! I think you did a great job with making this game with a reasonable amount of resources and keeping it manageable. In terms of pacing, maybe a segment in the middle where spider and doll are hiding from the monsters would have been good, rather than having the story be one, long, uninterrupted journey, but it still worked well enough.

[Sunlit-Dreamer]

Very cute! I think you did a great job with making this game with a reasonable amount of resources and keeping it manageable. In terms of pacing, maybe a segment in the middle where spider and doll are hiding from the monsters would have been good, rather than having the story be one, long, uninterrupted journey, but it still worked well enough.

With my short story, it wouldn't work. The point of it is to get to Carolyn as soon as possible, because they had a time limit. Besides, the doll already knows how they operate, where they come from, what they can do, and how long they can "safely" travel. Hiding would've been a complete waste of time.

On the very first day of writing, I had to delete about 2k because nothing was happening. I cannot label a story horror if nothing's happening.

So thus the floating head saying "Hello" and the hand attack.
If they were ever cornered by monsters, Bernie would have devoured Herc right then and there, eaten the monsters, then quickly make her way to Carolyn's room. Not much of a story is it?

And then the ending. I ended up rewriting that 3 times (even though I had already released it to the world, oh the shame!) because my friend Fenrir felt it was "meh" and "could be better". (I trust his writing advice 100%) So rewrite I did even though I had already released the nano!

The first rewrite didn't feel good enough, so I didn't show him that. The second rewrite was better, but only "okay and still could be better". The third, is the one that can be read in the current build. I had never felt so proud of the reaction he gave me. "BUT IT STILL COULD BE BETTAH" MAMA ROSA YOU SO HARD TO PLEASE! (Oh yes, Fenrir = Mama Rosa.)

But yes, I'm well aware that there are areas I can still improve.

Still, thank you for giving my story a read and for the advice.

[maryeliezka]

Good job on the game. i had just finished playing the game. I can say it's amazing. The ending is really good, a bit sad though.
About the art, did you draw it yourself? it's quite good especially those ghosts and the doll.

[Sunlit-Dreamer]

Good job on the game. i had just finished playing the game. I can say it's amazing. The ending is really good, a bit sad though.
About the art, did you draw it yourself? it's quite good especially those ghosts and the doll.

Thank you, glad you enjoyed it! (Mwuahahahaha)

And that's correct, all of the art along with the story was done by me. Hopefully next time I make a kn/vn, my drawing ability will improve even further.

[Kaina Blue]

I'm not a big fan of horror stuff in general (although I've seen dozens of horror movies, and read couple of horror comics, and, obviously, read a horror VN ) but, for some reason, I wanted to experience The Doll and the Spider.
And I wasn't disappointed
Had two jumpscares (stupid head!) and a constant feeling of hibbie jibbies, but it wasn't too terrifying. I actually wanted to know what is going to happen. Nice short story. Good job!

[Sunlit-Dreamer]

I'm not a big fan of horror stuff in general (although I've seen dozens of horror movies, and read couple of horror comics, and, obviously, read a horror VN ) but, for some reason, I wanted to experience The Doll and the Spider.
And I wasn't disappointed
Had two jumpscares (stupid head!) and a constant feeling of hibbie jibbies, but it wasn't too terrifying. I actually wanted to know what is going to happen. Nice short story. Good job!

I know what you mean, considering that I can't stand watching horror films. However, I enjoy reading horror books and manga along with watching anime with the genre. (As long as it has a good story of course, which can be tricky.)

Glad it lived up to your expectations! (I think, since idk what they were hahaha.)
Good, good, the heeby jeebies (how do we spell that anyway ) were all I was after. I may have had my evil laughter here and there with the replies, but my true goal wasn't scaring the pants off of everyone with over the top scares.

I quite enjoy short, subtle horror stories that make you look at something you see everyday, and then shiver.

In the end, I'm happy that you were pulled in enough to keep reading the whole way through.