Colours;Said[NaNoRenO 2016]

[Qazhax]

Woosh! Finished 4 days early!

The extremely confusing but short story is spread into 5 branches. With about two thousand words, the game takes around 5-10 minutes to play all branches.

I experimented with art style, animations, panning, story, etc. trying to make this a game that, like an artwork, could be interpreted in completely different ways. I feel I might have fallen somewhere in the middle and ended up with a vn that can't be interpreted or understood in any way but I'm still really proud of the game.

Contains strong language, gore(?), body horror(?) and anything else might be implied. Spinning scenes might cause motion sickness

Download from itch.io

[BrightWings]

Hello! I wish to give some constructive criticism that I hope will help you. Overall, the game left me with a positive feeling...yet confused.

The good parts:
*I've really enjoyed the scenery and the overall feeling. Fantastic job there!
*The ideas are there, I can sense them, and they are good!

The not-so-good parts (don't worry, it's really big only because I'm offering some suggestions):
*The writing (hear me out). At first, I was really excited to be in this "unreal imaginary world with gorgeous scenery", but then, the writing confused me and I was 'pushed' out of the story (which was a shame). How you can fix this:
a) Put a period at the end of each sentence. Is a signal to the reader to read, breathe, move on. Since they are missing I'm left with '...but why?'
b)You're jumping too quickly from one thing to another (maybe google the 'Old Spice' commercial, it somehow exemplifies my point). You have two options (to other readers: the awful prose ahead is my fault and does not resemble the tone of the story at all):
i) Merge descriptions into one paragraph: " The sun is caressing my skin in a loving manner. The mountains behind me stand guard, impenetrably guarding the area. One misstep and I could end up devoured alive by the quicksand pits. I trip on a rusty bucket." (The reader realizes it's all a description, takes it all in)
ii) Turn each sentence into a paragraph describing one and one thing: "The rusty bucket leans against a tree, it's surface eaten away by time. There is nothing left of its original metal glint, its surface rugged to the touch. I think, briefly, that I might perhaps reuse it somehow on one of my trips, but the metal crumbles to dust in my hands. It's useless - I move on."
iii) Maybe there is even option three - keep it surreal, but make the transitions somewhat logical:

"In front of me stretches the vast white sea. Its swirly waves take me back to my wedding gown, and I can still remember it's silk-like quality, its delicate touch on my skin. Suddenly, I see a myriad of spiders spinning their webs, about to trap me inside."

The connections being white - wedding dress/silk/texture - spiders/web. Also note the use of the word "suddenly". Consider using "connector words" to link your sentences/ break the structure "Therefore/On one(other) hand/Immediately..."

Maybe I'm being too logical/analytical and the writing is fine as is (see what other players have to say). Regardless of style, I still maintain that periods will help.

*Elise's sprite. Well, this one is a matter of personal taste, but it personally creeped me out. If you were aiming for uncanny valley/slightly disturbing/nightmarish, then congratulations, you succeeded. You could also argue that it fits the dream-like quality of the game, and that's fine. However, I cannot give you any feedback with regards to drawing as it's not my area at all.

To summarize: very nice dream-like world feel to the game, splendid backgrounds, maybe the writing could be changed a little so that you can transmit your vision without confusing the reader completely (say, using option i) ).

[SeaOtter]

I have to agree with BrightWings completely on the art. Very surreal. I don't think I'm enough of a fan of the style to say "splendid" but it was very unique (which always is refreshing). And Elise's sprite was very unsettling. I mean, I was taken back when she appeared on screen ... but then following that was a focus on her face which was... well, I got spooked. o~o

I'm not an excellent writer but I do agree that the writing is unorthodox. I can't say that it's wrong ... I feel more inclined to say that it was written that way for a specific reason. For what reason-- I cannot grasp. It is certainly unique, though (and that, again, is always cool).

The story was by far the most confusing. I feel strongly that the game was meant to be interpreted differently among different people (like all good novels) so I'll just give a brief mention of what I felt. I felt an unusual amount of empathy for the character I was. Which is strange, because I know nothing of who this character is. All I am given is a few sensory details and a description of the scene. Added onto that, (and this may be a spoiler) the character doesn't seem to have a single, set "story". In fact, the more I think about this, the less I feel that any of the characters across the branches are the same. They are only held together by the brief epilogue. It is so bold. So clear. The force in which it shoves the character into reality (reality?) is enormous. It all felt like a bit of pretend. And that's somewhat unsettling.

Also, I peeked at the script (sorry~) and aside from being amused, I have to agree, the epilogue is sort of forced onto the reader. And the more endings I garnered, the more I had to think about it. This meta-thinking about the character was what drove me to finish the game. It was interesting. Very interesting.

Anyways, thank you for the game. I'm not a big fan of the art but I found the narration soothing and the way the story branched very creative. I can see myself digging a story with the same format as this but with a more coherent theme.

[YossarianIII]

I saw the cool cover and downloaded this one on a whim from itch.io.

I like the concept and the style! The art and animation were good at creating a dreamlike atmosphere, and there was just enough sound to make the game feel quiet but not empty.

As for writing, I kind of agree with the previous posters. I don't mind writing that's ambiguous or difficult to understand, but I think it's cool when incomprehensible weirdness is also directed toward a purpose, if that makes sense? Like, if you've seen anything by David Lynch?

Anyway, congrats on finishing and hope you keep making more VNs!