Between the Lines [GxB][Otome][Fantasy][NaNoRenO 2016]

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Between the Lines [GxB][Otome][Fantasy][NaNoRenO 2016]

#1 Post by missxtake » Thu Mar 31, 2016 9:47 am

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Get it here!

About
Bianca is living with her parents and halfheartedly studying to try to get into college. She doesn't really know what she'd want to do there, to be honest, but her parents want her to be there -- and they make it very clear that she's to start doing something about it, very soon.
Deciding to take a break and try to focus on something else, Bianca picks up a novel (with a pretty ribbon attached to its spine) titled "Sage of the Sea" at a vintage bookstore. While she's reading, though, she suddenly feels a bad headache coming on, and decides to sleep through the pain...
When she wakes up, she's somewhere completely different.


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Bianca
Protagonist. Not in Education, Employment, or Training. Doesn't really want to study for exams anymore, but does so to satisfy her parents. Spends time on the internet when she isn't studying. The type not to get a lot of exercise. Thinks to herself a lot, so she tends to get quiet at times. Curious and interested in other people by nature.

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Ettore
An astronomer living alone, self-studying magic and doing alchemy on the side. It's in his nature to be cynical, but tries to see the best in people, and focus on the brighter side of things. In his spare time, he likes to go stargazing. One of his favorite things is his telescope. Kind at heart.

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Cecil
A wolf. He passes through human towns and civilization with his pack every now and then, and looks upon those memories fondly. Has only ever been around wolves, so isn't used to being around humans. He has an abundance of physical strength, as all wolves do, but doesn't like the idea of fighting, and tries to avoid it. Is very interested in how pastries are made, and thinks fondly about being a baker one day.

Screenshots

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---
Wow!! We managed to finish it!! Thanks for checking out our NaNoRenO entry! For all of us, this was our first time working on a game, but I'm really happy to have made it with my great friends, and I'm really, really happy to be able to share it with all of you! I hope you have fun with it, and see you around! By the way, other than on here, I (Joey) am on twitter, if you'd like to swing by and chat.
I'd like to thank our lovely artists, Seroft (They hope you enjoy the game) and Toots! (She's glad it's over). Also, our super great editor and co-writer, Fell! (He has a lot of cute dogs on his page.)

The BGM, BGs, and SFX were all taken from other sites (hoo), and proper credit will be given.

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Re: Between the Lines [GxB][Otome][Fantasy][NaNoRenO 2016]

#2 Post by Qeedy » Sat Apr 02, 2016 7:38 pm

congratulation on finishing your NaNoReno :D
the story seems interesting and i'll wait untill i have spare time to play your game.
again, Congrats ! ^^

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Re: Between the Lines [GxB][Otome][Fantasy][NaNoRenO 2016]

#3 Post by missxtake » Sun Apr 03, 2016 2:06 am

Qeedy wrote:congratulation on finishing your NaNoReno :D
the story seems interesting and i'll wait untill i have spare time to play your game.
again, Congrats ! ^^
Oh! Thank you! I'm glad you think the story is interesting; and when you get around to playing it, I hope you like it.

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Re: Between the Lines [GxB][Otome][Fantasy][NaNoRenO 2016]

#4 Post by Ran08 » Sun Apr 10, 2016 5:52 am

Congratulations on the release! :) Tried it out because I found it quite interesting!
Hmm, I think it's pretty good for your first VN! The writing is okay, the art is okay (though quite unclean, haha, but I personally like the coloring!), and the story is okay as well. Well, actually, the premise is really good. Hahaha. I was quite intrigued by the "transporting to the bookverse" kind of thing. XD Throughout the game, I felt like you guys did a pretty good job at handling that theme. However, I felt sort of let down by the endings? They felt so... um, sudden. I don't know what exactly I was expecting, but it wasn't that. The writing, and also the characters, felt a little bit flat to me at times. It's not that there's something wrong with the writing itself, it's just that... um, the narrator was too straightforward! I felt like she was just describing everything to me while maintaining a poker face. Maybe you could try to put more emotion in the words themselves? It's kinda hard to explain, but... like, if this was a school paper, I'd say make it a feature article, and not a news article. :D

Ah, and the mismatched backgrounds are kind of a pet peeve of mine. XD But don't worry! I use free resources too so I definitely understand!

Overall, it was pretty decent! Once again, congratulations for finishing the NaNoRenO! Not bad for your first game. :D Aside from the obvious things like the GUI and background art (which is understandable because they're standard and stock, respectively, haha), I think one thing that you guys can still improve on is the writing! It's not bad, like I said, but having line after line of just dialogue and then plain descriptions was sort of... dull. :( I'm not a perfect writer myself, and I'm still working on a lot of things, but... yeah, haha, let's improve together!! :")

You made good work of that premise, though the game did fall a little short in the endings. Still, congrats! Looking forward to more projects from you guys. Keep it up! <3

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Re: Between the Lines [GxB][Otome][Fantasy][NaNoRenO 2016]

#5 Post by missxtake » Sun Apr 10, 2016 1:22 pm

Ran08 wrote:Congratulations on the release! :) Tried it out because I found it quite interesting!
Hmm, I think it's pretty good for your first VN! The writing is okay, the art is okay (though quite unclean, haha, but I personally like the coloring!), and the story is okay as well. Well, actually, the premise is really good. Hahaha. I was quite intrigued by the "transporting to the bookverse" kind of thing. XD Throughout the game, I felt like you guys did a pretty good job at handling that theme. However, I felt sort of let down by the endings? They felt so... um, sudden. I don't know what exactly I was expecting, but it wasn't that. The writing, and also the characters, felt a little bit flat to me at times. It's not that there's something wrong with the writing itself, it's just that... um, the narrator was too straightforward! I felt like she was just describing everything to me while maintaining a poker face. Maybe you could try to put more emotion in the words themselves? It's kinda hard to explain, but... like, if this was a school paper, I'd say make it a feature article, and not a news article. :D

Ah, and the mismatched backgrounds are kind of a pet peeve of mine. XD But don't worry! I use free resources too so I definitely understand!

Overall, it was pretty decent! Once again, congratulations for finishing the NaNoRenO! Not bad for your first game. :D Aside from the obvious things like the GUI and background art (which is understandable because they're standard and stock, respectively, haha), I think one thing that you guys can still improve on is the writing! It's not bad, like I said, but having line after line of just dialogue and then plain descriptions was sort of... dull. :( I'm not a perfect writer myself, and I'm still working on a lot of things, but... yeah, haha, let's improve together!! :")

You made good work of that premise, though the game did fall a little short in the endings. Still, congrats! Looking forward to more projects from you guys. Keep it up! <3
AAAAAAAHHHH thank you so much for playing our game!!!! I'm glad you found it interesting!
Looking over the script now that everything's done with, I can definitely see what you mean when you talked about flat writing. It was my first game, so I was a little lost as to how to go about writing it... but next time, I think I can do a lot better with the script. Since I've learned to be more relaxed with the writing and all. The art... our sprite artist says she'll do better on those next time, too. We're super happy you like the colors, though -we like them, too :'). And the backgrounds!! I really wish we could have used ones that clashed with each other less, but I did my best. The backgrounds for the Observatory are the only ones that came from our team.

The endings felt a little abrupt to me, too! Truth be told, There were actually a whole bunch of scrapped scenes after Bianca gets plopped into the bookverse. Stuff wherein Cecil and Ettore become better friends, Ettore opens up a little slower, and Ettore, Bianca and Cecil talk about Bianca's world. All throughout production, I thought about a scene wherein Bianca jokes about furries out loud on accident, and Cecil and Ettore turn to her, confused. and they talk about that and swears and pop culture from her world and all. Not writing these scenes is one of my only regrets. They were scrapped because life got in the way and we didn't have time to write and edit them all... but maybe, someday, I can come back to them.

For our next game, I'd like it if I could produce a more vivid, lively script. With less narration - maybe I'll try a different POV for that. Better sprite art and CGs, more consistent looking backgrounds... we'll try our best.
Again, thank you so much for playing our game! To tell you the truth, Seroft and I have been talking about making another game (a spinoff?), spawned from a certain side character and a joke. We'll take our time with it, though.
It means a lot that you would write up some good constructive criticism, so really, thank you. And see you around!
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Re: Between the Lines [GxB][Otome][Fantasy][NaNoRenO 2016]

#6 Post by Virelai » Thu Apr 21, 2016 1:06 am

Congratulations! This game actually looked really cute and nice, so I went ahead and downloaded it.
Honestly, it's a pretty great VN for your very first one.
The storyline was quite unique, and honestly the plot was quite riveting. Only a few points I'd like to make out--as Ran08 said, the ending was very abrupt for me, so much that it lowkey surprised me LOL. Obviously, this is your guys' first VN, so there is expected to be some more things that can be learned. Additionally, I feel like more dialogue would be a huge thing. Because I know generally VN's have descriptions in the person's POV, (there's rarely any 3rd pov obviously so you can't really make the descriptions too special yanno) and then it moves on towards dialogue or something like that. I just feel like everything flowed together, but flowed together too well, like you were playing it safe? I'm not sure if I'm making any sense, but there weren't any scenes that I was super duper excited about, or any scenes that really stood out to me. But ofc, that's just me. Tbh, I suggest to have one or two other beta readers/someone to read the script? I'm not entirely sure if you did that, (hopefully you didn't because that was be really embarassing for me to say.) but I do know that Fell was the editor and a huge writer for this project. But ofc, having a few other people read scripts and give tips etc would be great. (I wouldn't mind being a beta reader for your future works! xD)
Also, the art is a little inconsistent! LOL I feel though, as Ran already said, free art. But ofc, that should be something to keep in mind of in the future. And you can always edit previously done art by altering the lighting/colors or mirroring the image, small things that like make a huge difference in how the background looks. And personally, I love the art. It's a little different, granted, that it's not your typical perfect blending looking sprite. But to me, it's super unique and adds a really nice flair to the storyline. I have a soft spot for things like that
That's it! Other than that, congratulations !! I'm super glad you managed to finish this and I hope to see more from you folks in the future ^-^ Have a great day. xo
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Re: Between the Lines [GxB][Otome][Fantasy][NaNoRenO 2016]

#7 Post by mysticichigo » Wed May 25, 2016 8:59 pm

After having had this in my downloads for a while, I finally got around to playing it. For the most part it was pretty good.

Do you want a longer response with a review/feedback if it's not 100% positive, though? I figured I'd check before posting one just in case, because I'd rather not offend anyone if I can.

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Re: Between the Lines [GxB][Otome][Fantasy][NaNoRenO 2016]

#8 Post by missxtake » Sat Jun 11, 2016 2:31 am

mysticichigo wrote:After having had this in my downloads for a while, I finally got around to playing it. For the most part it was pretty good.

Do you want a longer response with a review/feedback if it's not 100% positive, though? I figured I'd check before posting one just in case, because I'd rather not offend anyone if I can.
Hi, and thank you for playing our game! A longer response with feedback, in my book, is always pretty great to get, whether or not it's 100% positive. If you're still up for posting one, we would appreciate it if you did.
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Re: Between the Lines [GxB][Otome][Fantasy][NaNoRenO 2016]

#9 Post by missxtake » Sat Jun 11, 2016 2:39 am

Virelai wrote:Congratulations! This game actually looked really cute and nice, so I went ahead and downloaded it.
Honestly, it's a pretty great VN for your very first one.
The storyline was quite unique, and honestly the plot was quite riveting. Only a few points I'd like to make out--as Ran08 said, the ending was very abrupt for me, so much that it lowkey surprised me LOL. Obviously, this is your guys' first VN, so there is expected to be some more things that can be learned. Additionally, I feel like more dialogue would be a huge thing. Because I know generally VN's have descriptions in the person's POV, (there's rarely any 3rd pov obviously so you can't really make the descriptions too special yanno) and then it moves on towards dialogue or something like that. I just feel like everything flowed together, but flowed together too well, like you were playing it safe? I'm not sure if I'm making any sense, but there weren't any scenes that I was super duper excited about, or any scenes that really stood out to me. But ofc, that's just me. Tbh, I suggest to have one or two other beta readers/someone to read the script? I'm not entirely sure if you did that, (hopefully you didn't because that was be really embarassing for me to say.) but I do know that Fell was the editor and a huge writer for this project. But ofc, having a few other people read scripts and give tips etc would be great. (I wouldn't mind being a beta reader for your future works! xD)
Also, the art is a little inconsistent! LOL I feel though, as Ran already said, free art. But ofc, that should be something to keep in mind of in the future. And you can always edit previously done art by altering the lighting/colors or mirroring the image, small things that like make a huge difference in how the background looks. And personally, I love the art. It's a little different, granted, that it's not your typical perfect blending looking sprite. But to me, it's super unique and adds a really nice flair to the storyline. I have a soft spot for things like that
That's it! Other than that, congratulations !! I'm super glad you managed to finish this and I hope to see more from you folks in the future ^-^ Have a great day. xo
Ghhhah sorry I can finally reply to this now :'')
First of all, you're right to say we were playing it kinda safe - none of us were sure what we could pull off in a game, so we thought it'd be best this way. Also, I honestly kinda regret how I did the POV stuff u_u;; but now I know how I can do it better, at least! Your review and everyone else's makes making this game a great learning experience for all of us, so I'll be sure to take what you said into account and move forward. Also, if you say you wouldn't mind beta-ing, I'll keep that in mind too; thank you!
...Also, yeah, I know we've got consistent art;; I kinda wish we could have done better on that front too, but other than editing the bgs we used (which we couldn't due to time constraints on the parts of our artists) there isn't much we think we could have done with two people in a stressful situation. This, too, is something to keep in mind, I think.
At any rate, we're glad you enjoyed our game!! Thank you for writing this up.
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Re: Between the Lines [GxB][Otome][Fantasy][NaNoRenO 2016]

#10 Post by Zelan » Wed Jun 15, 2016 12:31 pm

Hello! I finally got around to playing this game after having it downloaded for about two months. cx

I'll admit that I wasn't expecting all that much, so I was surprised by how invested I got in the characters and their well-being. I actually tensed up when
the hunter kidnapped Cecil the second time
; I wasn't sure if everyone would come out okay after that.

The romance was paced very well, I thought - the characters developed feelings for one another, but they didn't immediately start kissing left and right, which would have been a little jarring and not all that realistic. I liked both paths a lot, but I think Cecil's has to be my favorite. He's just too precious oh my gosshh <3 He's the kind of character who makes me wish that I could draw so that I could make you fanart.

Speaking of paths, I appreciated the option in the beginning to skip to route selection once I got to my second playthrough. It was a little confusing the first time, though, so I would recommend not having it pop up until after at least one playthrough. I'm not sure exactly how to code that, but I think you would need persistent data.

I absolutely adored the little hints of world-building/lore that we were given when
Ettore and Bianca went stargazing! Those two constellations that he named for her were super interesting to read about, and I'd love to see them expanded on, in another game, perhaps? :3 I especially thought that the concept of a goddess of clarity was interesting, since that's not one that I've seen used as a concept for a major god or goddess.
Just a couple minor complaints that I had: Ettore's speech seemed too casual sometimes; based on his characterization, I would think that he would be kind of formal. Not necessarily stuffy or anything, but I wouldn't think that he would use words like "geez." Just a thought for when you're writing your characters.

The endings were very abrupt - I actually thought that I had missed something. There should probably be some sort of fade out to the main menu, maybe a "Thanks for playing!" if you'd like. Plus, there were no credits! How are we supposed to find you guys with no credits? c:

Lastly, typos! Nothing major - I could still understand the story perfectly fine - but it's usually a good idea to correct them and put out a new build, since it doesn't take too long to do. The first three are from the common route, the next two are from Cecil's route, and the last five are from Ettore's. Link here!

Also, question - how do you pronounce Ettore's name?

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Re: Between the Lines [GxB][Otome][Fantasy][NaNoRenO 2016]

#11 Post by missxtake » Thu Oct 27, 2016 12:41 pm

Zelan wrote:Hello! I finally got around to playing this game after having it downloaded for about two months. cx

I'll admit that I wasn't expecting all that much, so I was surprised by how invested I got in the characters and their well-being. I actually tensed up when
the hunter kidnapped Cecil the second time
; I wasn't sure if everyone would come out okay after that.

The romance was paced very well, I thought - the characters developed feelings for one another, but they didn't immediately start kissing left and right, which would have been a little jarring and not all that realistic. I liked both paths a lot, but I think Cecil's has to be my favorite. He's just too precious oh my gosshh <3 He's the kind of character who makes me wish that I could draw so that I could make you fanart.

Speaking of paths, I appreciated the option in the beginning to skip to route selection once I got to my second playthrough. It was a little confusing the first time, though, so I would recommend not having it pop up until after at least one playthrough. I'm not sure exactly how to code that, but I think you would need persistent data.

I absolutely adored the little hints of world-building/lore that we were given when
Ettore and Bianca went stargazing! Those two constellations that he named for her were super interesting to read about, and I'd love to see them expanded on, in another game, perhaps? :3 I especially thought that the concept of a goddess of clarity was interesting, since that's not one that I've seen used as a concept for a major god or goddess.
Just a couple minor complaints that I had: Ettore's speech seemed too casual sometimes; based on his characterization, I would think that he would be kind of formal. Not necessarily stuffy or anything, but I wouldn't think that he would use words like "geez." Just a thought for when you're writing your characters.

The endings were very abrupt - I actually thought that I had missed something. There should probably be some sort of fade out to the main menu, maybe a "Thanks for playing!" if you'd like. Plus, there were no credits! How are we supposed to find you guys with no credits? c:

Lastly, typos! Nothing major - I could still understand the story perfectly fine - but it's usually a good idea to correct them and put out a new build, since it doesn't take too long to do. The first three are from the common route, the next two are from Cecil's route, and the last five are from Ettore's. Link here!

Also, question - how do you pronounce Ettore's name?
sobs i'm so sorry i'm replying so late ;;
But thank you so, so much for playing our game!!

For starters, I'm really glad to hear you like the characters, haha.
I'm also glad to hear you felt that way when Cecil got taken a second time; I wanted to add some sort of twist or shock to that scene rather than just have them walk safely back through the forest, so it's good to hear I pulled it off somewhat. :')
I'm really happy to hear you thought the romance was well paced, too! My editor/co-writer and I play these kinds of games, but it was our first time writing for one. I, myself, was a little scared I was still laying it on too thick... I'm planning on revisiting the script when I have free time so I can smooth the romance bits (and all the other bits ofc) out a little more.
Also, I'm glad you like Cecil!! I kinda wrote him to be a pure, precious boy, despite being a werewolf-kind of thing and all that. (I wish I could have made the contrast a bit bigger though.)
Ahhhh also the stargazing scene/// I was thinking it might be a bit too much lore, there, too, but I'm really glad you liked it! It's been a while since I've seen the credits I put into the file, but I got all that from a fantasy generator, and tried to work it in as best as I could. I thought a goddess of clarity might be pretty fitting, keeping in mind the other stuff I had planned for this world.
Reading back at the script, and at my logs with the co-writer during development, yeah; the ending was pretty abrupt. I've mentioned it before, I think, but I really wish I could have put more build-up into it. Maybe I can rewrite that too, but also, that might be too much.

Thank you for the typos and the comments on Ettore's speech sobs/// the next time I work on the game I'll correct them. I'm sorry for not catching them earlier!!;;

On one last note, Ettore's name is pronounced like this.
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Re: Between the Lines [GxB][Otome][Fantasy][NaNoRenO 2016]

#12 Post by Zelan » Sat Oct 29, 2016 10:22 am

missxtake wrote:Thank you for the typos and the comments on Ettore's speech sobs/// the next time I work on the game I'll correct them. I'm sorry for not catching them earlier!!;;
It's alright! ^_^ Almost every VN has some mistakes, especially ones made for a game jam. It's hard to catch everything!

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Re: Between the Lines [GxB][Otome][Fantasy][NaNoRenO 2016]

#13 Post by procutemeister » Thu Dec 08, 2016 2:29 am

This looks really cute! Downloading it rn. I'll come back once I've finished :3 Also both of the boys look like darlings aww

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Re: Between the Lines [GxB][Otome][Fantasy][NaNoRenO 2016]

#14 Post by Zelan » Thu Dec 08, 2016 4:24 pm

procutemeister wrote:This looks really cute! Downloading it rn. I'll come back once I've finished :3 Also both of the boys look like darlings aww
You will not regret it <3 They are absolutely both darlings.

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Re: Between the Lines [GxB][Otome][Fantasy][NaNoRenO 2016]

#15 Post by procutemeister » Thu Dec 08, 2016 9:13 pm

@Zelan, you were right :D I just played through both routes. Cecil and Ettore are my sons now they're so adorable <3

Also I did a little sketch of Ettore:

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I'll probably draw Cecil once I have more free time (his pink scarf is cuuute)

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