Starlit Flowers [GxG] [Slice of Life | Fantasy] [NaNo16]

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Mandy
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Re: Starlit Flowers [GxG] [Slice of Life | Fantasy] [NaNo16]

#16 Post by Mandy » Wed Apr 06, 2016 1:22 am

MimirollCookie wrote:Okay! So I finished playing and I'd like to give my thoughts..
At first, I thought this was a boring and a long kinetic novel but I continued to play it, in the middle, I laughed with them while reading. It's really cute, the story was simple but very effective, I touched my heart and it was so warm, my body heated because of the fluffiness. But seriously, those CGs were pretty and cute! (Which CG did I loved? All of the CGs! :wink:)
Cerilis was so cute! Her dress was like the Princess of Color's dress! (But who knows if there's a color princess?) It was so colorful! Her attitude is so cute! Ailis' kindness and Cerise's Cuteness!
The story is very heartwarming! I'd give you a thumbs up for the story! :D
(P.S. The art was so cute!! The GUI fits the theme!)
EDIT:
I read the commentary! That was really funny and cute! But Mandy is right. Momo's art is cute hehehe. :)
Thank you! We're really glad you enjoyed it hehe. Even though you found it boring in the beginning. :P
Ahhh! I'm so happy you liked Cerilis, yes that's exactly right! She has Ailis' kindness and Cerise's teasing nature, hehe. I'm really glad you pick up on that as I don't think many people did. So I'm super happy! I also think Cerilis is really beautiful! :D
Whaaa, so many nice comments. >///<
Thanks so much for playing! <3

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Re: Starlit Flowers [GxG] [Slice of Life | Fantasy] [NaNo16]

#17 Post by Mandy » Wed Apr 06, 2016 1:23 am

MimirollCookie wrote:
I came to give you a crappy fanart!
sketch-1459914281883.jpg
OH MY GOSH! This is the first and the cutest Cerise fanart I have ever seen! Hehe! :D
I love it! Thanks so much~! <3

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Re: Starlit Flowers [GxG] [Slice of Life | Fantasy] [NaNo16]

#18 Post by MimirollCookie » Wed Apr 06, 2016 1:28 am

Mandy wrote:
MimirollCookie wrote:
I came to give you a crappy fanart!
sketch-1459914281883.jpg
OH MY GOSH! This is the first and the cutest Cerise fanart I have ever seen! Hehe! :D
I love it! Thanks so much~! <3
I'm glad you liked it!! <3
Image
"If they can do it, you can do it too! make them do it. They can do it, right?" :lol:
Getting a new laptop. Hopefully going back to VN making! (BWAHAHA)

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Re: Starlit Flowers [GxG] [Slice of Life | Fantasy] [NaNo16]

#19 Post by Mandy » Wed Apr 06, 2016 1:49 am

ebi-hime wrote:Aw, this was such a cute VN. I loved the character artwork (Cerise's pouty face was especially adowable), and the backgrounds were all so pretty. The sprites of the girls with flowers in their hair was also lovely - and the CGs for it. Ailis' flower braid was adorable - it reminded me of Rapunzel from Tangled XD;

The GUI was seriously super pretty, too. I liked how it was consistent with the starry night theme. The unlockable extras, with the concept art and author/artist's notes, were also super fancy. I liked the scrolling text box XD

I think the story was constructed pretty well. The characters were all distinct, and I liked the back and forth conversation between the characters - particularly Cerise and Ailis. I like that Cerise and Ailis were created to contrast with each other, in both their designs and their personalities; it made their interactions a lot of fun to read. Also, it was cute Cerise really did love Ailis, even though she teased her all the time XD; Einar (I really liked her name) was a nice balance between the two of them, and some of her wry narrations were fun.
Since I liked Cerise and Ailis so much,
I was actually kind of sad about the ending... Like, I know they were originally one whole being, but after merging together, what happened to the Cerise and Ailis personalities? Did they 'die'? I guess you would say they were returned to their original state, but... If they were two separate beings for a while, they had their own memories and thoughts and feelings, didn't they? T_T
But the ending was done nicely, and it wrapped up all the plot points.
The pacing was also pretty nicely done, I think. It moved between some sadder scenes to cheerful ones, the tone was nice and balanced, and I don't think it moved too quickly or too slowly.

One note about the writing, though. You have a habit of using commas in places where full stops would be better, and some of the sentences are pretty clunky/awkward because of it. It's apparent throughout the whole VN, but more so in the narration. It doesn't happen as much in the dialogue.

Even so, it was a really nice story, and I enjoyed it a lot. Good job!
First of all, thank you so much for giving me a helpful critique regarding my writing! Others have pointed out to me that it reads pretty awkwardly in some places but I didn't know what I was doing wrong and they couldn't pin point it either. So thanks so much! I'll try and use less commas and more full stops in future projects. I find that I'm pretty good at coming up with stories, characters and plots. But the actual writing part is something I struggle with a lot... I think me having written this VN in the first place is a massive milestone for me haha, but practise makes perfect I guess! So thanks, it means a lot to me. Especially since you're my favourite EVN writer! ^w^

Thanks for all the nice comments. >///<

Ahhhh! I'm so happy that someone really enjoyed Ailis and Cerise as characters. I was afraid that maybe I concentrated on Einar too much and not enough on the two of them, because most people tend to pick Einar as their favourite hehe.
As for the ending...
I didn't think about it like that, wow that is pretty sad... But I guess Cerilis would have all their memories, thoughts and feelings stashed away within her somewhere. Since Cerilis does remember the times she spent with Einar when she was split in two as Ailis and Cerise. I wish I had more time to explore all this stuff! I just knew from the first word that Ailis and Cerise were eventually going to become Cerilis but maybe I didn't execute it as well as I would have liked too because most people seem kinda disappointed(?) with the ending. Momo and I are massive fans of Einar and Cerilis as a couple though haha, we love the ending. So maybe it was self indulgent...xD
(Whaa I'm rambling, sorry. ;w;)

Thank you so much for playing Starlit Flowers! We're both really happy that you took the time to read it on your own accord and that you enjoyed it too. <3
You were a massive inspiration for the both of us while we were working on this VN so we appreciate it a lot.

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Re: Starlit Flowers [GxG] [Slice of Life | Fantasy] [NaNo16]

#20 Post by Green Glasses Girl » Fri Apr 08, 2016 1:49 pm

I finished it! This was a beautifully written and drawn visual novel and I greatly enjoyed it!
Music and GUI were fantastic too. And the characters are so precious! I wanted to pinch their cheeks the entire time. Must...draw...fanart...

I loved Ailis and Cerise!
I was kind of sad to see them go, but it made sense in the long run when they combined? It felt bittersweet :'D
PLEASE make more visual novels! Starlit Flowers is going up as one of my favorites and I'd love to see more like this!
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Re: Starlit Flowers [GxG] [Slice of Life | Fantasy] [NaNo16]

#21 Post by Mandy » Sat Apr 09, 2016 9:51 am

Green Glasses Girl wrote:I finished it! This was a beautifully written and drawn visual novel and I greatly enjoyed it!
Music and GUI were fantastic too. And the characters are so precious! I wanted to pinch their cheeks the entire time. Must...draw...fanart...

I loved Ailis and Cerise!
I was kind of sad to see them go, but it made sense in the long run when they combined? It felt bittersweet :'D
PLEASE make more visual novels! Starlit Flowers is going up as one of my favorites and I'd love to see more like this!
A'www! Thank you so much~! <3

We're both really happy that you enjoyed Starlit Flowers! I'm also happy to hear you think it was beautifully written; as I had a lot of trouble with writing it haha. ;w;
And yes, Momo's art is certainly beautiful! Her art motivated me a lot as I was writing haha. :D

Yay! Another Ailis and Cerise fan hehe~
Yeah, I know what you mean. It is sad to say goodbye to them as individuals. But who doesn't want two cute girls in one? Haha...I know, it's a lame joke... I'm sorry. xD
I think this is the nicest comment we have received so far! It's so nice to know that someone wants to see more visual novels from us! I'm really glad that there are other people out there who enjoy these kinds of stories as there definitely needs to be more of them!

And don't worry, we do have plans to make more visual novels. So watch out! ^w^

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Re: Starlit Flowers [GxG] [Slice of Life | Fantasy] [NaNo16]

#22 Post by Mandy » Sun Apr 24, 2016 5:07 am

You can now play a HTML version of Starlit Flowers at: http://sandbox-adventure.com/starlit-flowers.html

Thanks to DrSchizo! :)

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Re: Starlit Flowers [GxG] [Slice of Life | Fantasy] [NaNo16]

#23 Post by YossarianIII » Sat Apr 30, 2016 6:23 pm

Just finished!

This is one VN that I missed in the WIP threads, but when I saw the cover art on itch.io, I decided to download it. It was a good choice!

I really like the art style--all the lines look very "soft" and the colors are great. I also liked the fairytale, Stardust-esque vibe to the writing. And as some previous posters have mentioned, I particularly liked the Ailis and Cerise contrast throughout the story. (I think Cerise was my favorite.)

I do think it probably could've been edited to be a little shorter and still accomplished the same thing (although I know NaNo must've really limited your time for editing!).

But overall, I enjoyed it and am glad to see that you're planning on making more VNs!


Finally, after seeing the gift art thread, I decided to start leaving my own gift art with NaNo comments.

So here is Einar wearing a bandage because it's right after the scene where her arm gets burned (I took some artistic license and decided to make it a massive mummy-style bandage.)
Image


Image Image Image

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Re: Starlit Flowers [GxG] [Slice of Life | Fantasy] [NaNo16]

#24 Post by Mandy » Sun May 01, 2016 11:48 am

YossarianIII wrote:Just finished!

This is one VN that I missed in the WIP threads, but when I saw the cover art on itch.io, I decided to download it. It was a good choice!

I really like the art style--all the lines look very "soft" and the colors are great. I also liked the fairytale, Stardust-esque vibe to the writing. And as some previous posters have mentioned, I particularly liked the Ailis and Cerise contrast throughout the story. (I think Cerise was my favorite.)

I do think it probably could've been edited to be a little shorter and still accomplished the same thing (although I know NaNo must've really limited your time for editing!).

But overall, I enjoyed it and am glad to see that you're planning on making more VNs!


Finally, after seeing the gift art thread, I decided to start leaving my own gift art with NaNo comments.

So here is Einar wearing a bandage because it's right after the scene where her arm gets burned (I took some artistic license and decided to make it a massive mummy-style bandage.)
Image
Thank you so much! :DD

We're both glad you enjoyed it! Yes, Momo's art is beauitful! She's so amazing! All hail Momo! TTwTT
I'm glad you enjoyed my writing too haha, as well as Ailis and Cerise. <3

Ah yeah, I think I may have tried too hard to make it long haha. I guess it could have been shorter, I'll keep that in mind for next time. ;o;

Oh my gosh, your Einar fanart is on point hahaha. What a cute little cynic and I'm loving the mummy arm. xD
Thanks! Fanart is always appreciated! ^w^

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Re: Starlit Flowers [GxG] [Slice of Life | Fantasy] [NaNo16]

#25 Post by LydianChord » Mon May 30, 2016 2:07 am

I don't know why I didn't play this sooner, seeing as this is a short yuri VN with fantasy elements like Nami's Her Tears Were My Light, but I finally decided to after hearing the title theme on Chizurisan's Soundcloud! Overall, I really like the game! The soundtrack is pleasant to listen to and always fits the mood of the scene, the art style is unique and sets it apart from a lot of other EVNs, and it was fun getting to know the characters. I guess I'm a sucker for snarky protagonists, but I especially enjoyed Einar's directness.

If there's one thing I would do to improve the narrative, it would be to make some technical revisions to the text. In addition to what ebi-hime said about commas vs. full stops, I noticed a few minor typos, such as "scold" instead of "scald" and some unnecessary apostrophes. Also, I think there were a couple of lines
labeled as Einar's that should have been spoken by Cerilis?
I'd have to read that scene again to make sure. Actually, if you're planning on releasing an updated version with fixes at some point, I'd be willing to serve as another pair of eyes.

But in any case, this is a really great game! I'm glad I finally set aside time to play it!
Things I've worked on:
- KAIMA Soundtrack (dark RPG with multiple endings, game by NomnomNami here)
- Her Tears Were My Light Soundtrack (NaNoRenO 2016, yuri game with time travel and cute artwork, game by NomnomNami here)
- Abandoned Building Quest (NaNoRenO 2016, weird adventure game with battles and chiptune music)

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