Iris Dream [NaNo 2016] [GxB][Romance][Otome][Slice of Life]

Finished games are posted here, once they've been tested and are ready for wide release.
Message
Author
User avatar
Miyuu
Regular
Posts: 49
Joined: Tue Oct 13, 2015 11:01 pm
Completed: Iris Dream
Contact:

Iris Dream [NaNo 2016] [GxB][Romance][Otome][Slice of Life]

#1 Post by Miyuu » Thu Apr 07, 2016 8:57 pm

Image
Synopsis:

This is a story of hopes, dreams and clutching them tightly, never wanting to let them go. However, some things aren't as easy as they sound.

Regina is a talented, semi-famous singer with her own fan base. She's very passionate about singing on stage, and nobody can deny that she has an amazing voice. To her, singing is about conveying messages and her emotions through music.

However, she discovers that she's losing her voice. Every day, her voice gets hoarser and lower in volume. At first, it was just a mild case of laryngitis, but it eventually proves to be much more. She may permanently lose her voice. She becomes more and more depressed.

Meanwhile, the people around Regina are encouraging her by telling her that there's a chance of recovery, or that there are other, new ways she has yet to discover which she can use to express her feelings.

Will she be able to recover? Will she find another medium wherein she can freely express her feelings? Will she find romance and happiness? Or will she fall into the pit of despair?
Character Profile:

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image
Hello, we made it in time, I think, for itch.io submission at least. :'D However, this is a beta version. We're planning on expanding the game, and adding one route in the future. This is still a little bit unpolished given the time and delays (mostly from me, writing my route :'D). We will upload the polished and final version soon. Thank you for all of the support we have received. :D Do let us know if you encounter any bugs, thank you!
Our team:

Miyuu: Writer
Attlebridge: Sprite/CG artist
Anne: GUI artist + programming GUI / idea bouncer
Sefir: Programmer
VioletCancer: Composer
gamerbum: Co-writer / editor
Zelan: Idea bouncer / proofreader
EXMED1C: CG artist / BG artist

Download link:
https://irisdream.itch.io/iris-dream

Since we want to improve more, feel free to comment on the following:
- Which character do you like the most and the least?
- Which character would you be interested in knowing more about?
- Do you have any criticism regarding the writing/premise of the story/art/music, etc?
- What do you feel that we can improve more on?

Kikaharu
Regular
Posts: 170
Joined: Sun Aug 25, 2013 5:17 am
Projects: "Love" Therapy
Contact:

Re: Iris Dream [NaNo 2016] [GxB][Romance][Otome][Slice of Li

#2 Post by Kikaharu » Fri Apr 08, 2016 5:13 am

I'm going to play this sounds really cool and can't wait for the more updated version of it. :)

User avatar
MimirollCookie
Miko-Class Veteran
Posts: 725
Joined: Sat May 23, 2015 5:05 am
Completed: Best Friends (DRAMA), Sweet and Spices (NaNo16)
Projects: Cupid's Wish, Best Friends Deux
Organization: Pastelle Studios
Deviantart: MimirollCookie
Location: A place where rainbows and unicorns collide. ^0^
Contact:

Re: Iris Dream [NaNo 2016] [GxB][Romance][Otome][Slice of Li

#3 Post by MimirollCookie » Fri Apr 08, 2016 10:23 am

Currently downloading!~
Image
"If they can do it, you can do it too! make them do it. They can do it, right?" :lol:
Getting a new laptop. Hopefully going back to VN making! (BWAHAHA)

User avatar
minyan
Veteran
Posts: 427
Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2015 3:59 pm
Completed: Trial By Fire, Heartbaked, Ellaria, Plain, This My Soul
Projects: Arena Circus
itch: minyan
Contact:

Re: Iris Dream [NaNo 2016] [GxB][Romance][Otome][Slice of Li

#4 Post by minyan » Fri Apr 08, 2016 10:25 am

- Which character do you like the most and the least?
- Which character would you be interested in knowing more about?
- Do you have any criticism regarding the writing/premise of the story/art/music, etc?
- What do you feel that we can improve more on?

What I liked:
The sprites. The sprites are gorgeous. It's not my typical style, but I really enjoyed them. Especially Walker in particular, his pose and the color palette and the shadows and just AHHHH *cough* yes, I liked him. The backgrounds were really nice too.

Regina definitely had her own personality and was a strongly defined character. I only did Walker's route, but he was definitely a dimensional character as well. I enjoyed their interactions even if sometimes I felt bad for him because of her 'jokes' xD

I'd be interested in knowing more about Leila, since she was only there for a split second at the end of Walker's route. She might show up in the other ones though xD

Um.... since I haven't played all the routes I can't say accurately who was my least favorite but, I didn't like Layne in Walker's route. : x

Comments on Walker's route:
WHY. I FELT SO BAD FOR HIM.
Walker: I want to help you. -gives number-
Me: Okay a little creepy but I guess he has good intentions-
Regina: HOW DARE HE I MUST GET MY REVENGE
Me: D:

Also... I'm not sure if it was a glitch or what, but Sieg like bumped into me once and Regina didn't know who he was, but then the next time I saw him (a little bit after drinking coffee with Walker) she greeted him by name and he was like long time no see

Also there were so many parts where she was calling him weird and saying he needed lessons in normal people stuff and I was like: omg Walker, bby, no, you're not that bad ; ;

A lot of their interactions would start out sweet and then Regina would get sort of mean spirited

...And... I feel like I'm missing something...

At one point Regina wonders if she should ask Walker out to the mall. I clicked 'ask him' and then he said he didn't want to because he was still scared after that last incident. Is there a scene missing? Because the last thing they did was play a video game together...

Afterwards it mentions that they didn't want to go out in public because of fan hysteria, but... I don't know it seemed all serious and like he was actually upset and I'm worried I totally missed a scene ; ;

Her losing her voice seemed a bit anti-climatic but just because I think I was expecting it to tie in to the plot more. I know it's slice of life, and reminding myself of that it's not necessarily a bad thing xD
What could improve/constructive criticism:

(pretty much all of this is just nit-picking)

I'm not a fan of the font, but it's the only thing about the GUI I didn't enjoy <3

This happened in my nano VN too- because the sprites were so narrow in comparison with the screen when they were on the left and right they ended up looking really far apart and awkward. There ware some places where I feel like they could be a bit more centered rather than the edge of the screen.

I think the names in the text box could be a bit smaller- sometimes the text was pushed really far down on the text box and was overlapping the quick menu, and they'd still be plenty readable with a smaller font size. (:

The transition into her becoming sick(er) seemed a bit fast

Sometimes the writing would like, assign more importance to events than necessary and I would end up confused wondering if I had missed something. I think I mentioned something about one of the scenes earlier.
The other one that really stood out was her saving him from the cans, and then he gave her his number and like... she was so dead-set on getting revenge and I just could not fathom why.
The melody of the music was pleasant, but the tones of the instruments themselves- or maybe it was one in particular- didn't quite sound polished enough in comparison with the other assets involved.
Image ImageImage Image

User avatar
Anne
Veteran
Posts: 321
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 8:19 pm
Completed: Fae
Contact:

Re: Iris Dream [NaNo 2016] [GxB][Romance][Otome][Slice of Li

#5 Post by Anne » Fri Apr 08, 2016 10:48 am

I think the names in the text box could be a bit smaller- sometimes the text was pushed really far down on the text box and was overlapping the quick menu, and they'd still be plenty readable with a smaller font size. (:
This actually was not supposed to be like that and will be fixed.

User avatar
gamerbum
Regular
Posts: 100
Joined: Fri Sep 18, 2015 4:40 pm
Projects: Reflections ~Dreams and Reality~
Organization: Reine Works
Tumblr: reineworks
Skype: reineworks@gmail.com
Location: Canada
Contact:

Re: Iris Dream [NaNo 2016] [GxB][Romance][Otome][Slice of Li

#6 Post by gamerbum » Fri Apr 08, 2016 10:58 am

@minyan
WHY. I FELT SO BAD FOR HIM.
Walker: I want to help you. -gives number-
Me: Okay a little creepy but I guess he has good intentions-
Regina: HOW DARE HE I MUST GET MY REVENGE
Me: D:

gamerbum: Not sure if it was clear enough, but she wasn't actually angry, haha! She was embarrassed and wanted to get closer to him.

Also... I'm not sure if it was a glitch or what, but Sieg like bumped into me once and Regina didn't know who he was, but then the next time I saw him (a little bit after drinking coffee with Walker) she greeted him by name and he was like long time no see

gamerbum: They exchanged names when they met. They don't really know each other, no, but Regina remembers him because he was weird. Also, I actually wrote the scene where they bump into each other before the Sieg scenes in the intro were written, lol.

A lot of their interactions would start out sweet and then Regina would get sort of mean spirited

gamerbum: Regina should address it at some point, but she has little to no experience in dating because she had no time for it when she was working. What may seem kind of mean spirited is more her being awkward and thinking she's being cute, but failing. Keep in mind that although Regina keeps calling Walker weird and such, she's basically as inexperienced with real word interactions as he is; for the past few years, she's only had time to talk to her fans and her manager, really. She's had more interactions with people than Walker has, but she's incorrect in believing that she's any better at it than he is. The story is from her perspective, so you won't see her admit that herself, that's more for the reader to figure out.

...And... I feel like I'm missing something...

At one point Regina wonders if she should ask Walker out to the mall. I clicked 'ask him' and then he said he didn't want to because he was still scared after that last incident. Is there a scene missing? Because the last thing they did was play a video game together...

gamerbum: He's referring to pretty much all of the incidents that happened during the time Regina was at his school. The students kept harassing and teasing him, and chased him around a few times (hence mentioning safety below). He mentions those things within the scenes. Regina also acknowledges that herself in the scene in question when she says "Then again, maybe I could ask him to go somewhere with me? Would… would he agree to that? It’s a lot to ask of him, to further risk his sanity and safety." She's specifically asking him to go out in public with her, but after the string of school incidents, they've only been hanging out at Walker's apartment. It's also possible that you missed one of the first school scenes due to a certain choice, but it's there in the other school scenes.

Afterwards it mentions that they didn't want to go out in public because of fan hysteria, but... I don't know it seemed all serious and like he was actually upset and I'm worried I totally missed a scene ; ;

gamerbum: Walker doesn't usually socialize well or deal well with people. Like I said above, it's possible that you missed one of the school scenes, but at one point he's kind of freaking out at the other students by insulting them and then he yells at them when he thinks Regina can't hear. So when they start harassing him and chasing him around (he's not sporty either, lol) it's really annoying. It's not dangerous in that anyone's going to stab him, but Walker doesn't want to deal with it, which is why he'll give in and go to the mall with you if you keep asking him, and also why he eventually asks you out later.

Her losing her voice seemed a bit anti-climatic but just because I think I was expecting it to tie in to the plot more. I know it's slice of life, and reminding myself of that it's not necessarily a bad thing xD

gamerbum: Yeah, the voice isn't the focus of Walker's route. The fourth route will be focusing more on it than any of these three did.
Okay... I think I covered everything? Haha. But yes, there are several scenes you may miss out on due to choices or which end you're getting. Generally, to view all the scenes minus the other endings, you need to be on the best end path.

Also, we patched up the names for the text! That apparently wasn't supposed to happen, but no one caught it 'til today.

User avatar
minyan
Veteran
Posts: 427
Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2015 3:59 pm
Completed: Trial By Fire, Heartbaked, Ellaria, Plain, This My Soul
Projects: Arena Circus
itch: minyan
Contact:

Re: Iris Dream [NaNo 2016] [GxB][Romance][Otome][Slice of Li

#7 Post by minyan » Fri Apr 08, 2016 11:53 am

gamerbum wrote:
Okay... I think I covered everything? Haha. But yes, there are several scenes you may miss out on due to choices or which end you're getting. Generally, to view all the scenes minus the other endings, you need to be on the best end path.

Also, we patched up the names for the text! That apparently wasn't supposed to happen, but no one caught it 'til today.
Ahh, honestly, I really couldn't tell when she was joking or when she was being serious xD Now that you mention that, it does make sense with her being more detached from an average person's social life. I'm not sure if it could be addressed better or if that kind of just flew over my head, but that does put things in a different perspective.

I went back and played through with the other choices (and got the bad ending), and it did make that (Walker being reluctant to go out in public) a little less out of nowhere to me. While I like the idea of the reader not getting the 'whole story' unless they do all the choices, in this case the gap between what you missed in the other choice was a bit too present for my tastes.

(About Sieg) The writing things out of order would explain it, because her last thought was like what a weird guy or something, then she was so friendly when they met back up I got confused xD

Anyway, thanks for answering my questions :D Looking forward to the final version!
Image ImageImage Image

User avatar
MimirollCookie
Miko-Class Veteran
Posts: 725
Joined: Sat May 23, 2015 5:05 am
Completed: Best Friends (DRAMA), Sweet and Spices (NaNo16)
Projects: Cupid's Wish, Best Friends Deux
Organization: Pastelle Studios
Deviantart: MimirollCookie
Location: A place where rainbows and unicorns collide. ^0^
Contact:

Re: Iris Dream [NaNo 2016] [GxB][Romance][Otome][Slice of Li

#8 Post by MimirollCookie » Sun Apr 10, 2016 9:00 am

I played it.
The GUI is gorgeous! I love those CGs!

Walker's route was SO heartbreaking. :( Overall, I like it. :)
Image
"If they can do it, you can do it too! make them do it. They can do it, right?" :lol:
Getting a new laptop. Hopefully going back to VN making! (BWAHAHA)

User avatar
Laera-chan
Regular
Posts: 93
Joined: Wed Apr 16, 2014 1:39 am
Projects: HeART Thief; Beauty and the Brothers: The Beginning; For Better or Worse; An Otaku's Guide to Santa's Reindeer
Organization: Moonlight Avenue, Inc.; Anomalis
Contact:

Re: Iris Dream [NaNo 2016] [GxB][Romance][Otome][Slice of Li

#9 Post by Laera-chan » Sun Apr 10, 2016 5:53 pm

Hey, so I just got this and tried it, and so far I like it! Walker's route is adorable, Sieg's is alright, but I can't seem to get Layne's route to work. Is there just the one ending?
You know, with the crazy stalker gf, and then completely ignoring Layne?
Because no matter what choice combo I try (and I'm pretty sure I've tried them all), I can't seem to get anything other than that ending. It's quite obvious that although he's a jerk, Layne quite likes Regina, but he never does anything, or says anything. So is it just the one route, or am I missing something really obvious here?

Zelan
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1565
Joined: Tue Mar 01, 2016 7:23 pm
Completed: The Dark
Projects: bookSLEEPer, Stalker & Yandere
Tumblr: evns
itch: Zelan
Contact:

Re: Iris Dream [NaNo 2016] [GxB][Romance][Otome][Slice of Li

#10 Post by Zelan » Sun Apr 10, 2016 7:04 pm

Laera-chan wrote:Hey, so I just got this and tried it, and so far I like it! Walker's route is adorable, Sieg's is alright, but I can't seem to get Layne's route to work. Is there just the one ending?
You know, with the crazy stalker gf, and then completely ignoring Layne?
Because no matter what choice combo I try (and I'm pretty sure I've tried them all), I can't seem to get anything other than that ending. It's quite obvious that although he's a jerk, Layne quite likes Regina, but he never does anything, or says anything. So is it just the one route, or am I missing something really obvious here?
The game is not yet finished and Layne's route is the least finished one. I'm not sure exactly how much was and wasn't finished since I didn't do any of the programming, but I'm 90% sure that this is not a bug and his route should be fully finished when the game is next updated.

User avatar
gamerbum
Regular
Posts: 100
Joined: Fri Sep 18, 2015 4:40 pm
Projects: Reflections ~Dreams and Reality~
Organization: Reine Works
Tumblr: reineworks
Skype: reineworks@gmail.com
Location: Canada
Contact:

Re: Iris Dream [NaNo 2016] [GxB][Romance][Otome][Slice of Li

#11 Post by gamerbum » Sun Apr 10, 2016 8:25 pm

Laera-chan wrote:Hey, so I just got this and tried it, and so far I like it! Walker's route is adorable, Sieg's is alright, but I can't seem to get Layne's route to work. Is there just the one ending?
You know, with the crazy stalker gf, and then completely ignoring Layne?
Because no matter what choice combo I try (and I'm pretty sure I've tried them all), I can't seem to get anything other than that ending. It's quite obvious that although he's a jerk, Layne quite likes Regina, but he never does anything, or says anything. So is it just the one route, or am I missing something really obvious here?
Glad to hear that you liked Walker's route :)

It was actually a glitch. There were a few misplaced variables. Thank you for letting us know!

I fixed them & I'll upload an updated client soon.

Edit: Uploaded. Should work now.

User avatar
Laera-chan
Regular
Posts: 93
Joined: Wed Apr 16, 2014 1:39 am
Projects: HeART Thief; Beauty and the Brothers: The Beginning; For Better or Worse; An Otaku's Guide to Santa's Reindeer
Organization: Moonlight Avenue, Inc.; Anomalis
Contact:

Re: Iris Dream [NaNo 2016] [GxB][Romance][Otome][Slice of Li

#12 Post by Laera-chan » Tue Apr 12, 2016 2:14 pm

gamerbum wrote:
Laera-chan wrote:Hey, so I just got this and tried it, and so far I like it! Walker's route is adorable, Sieg's is alright, but I can't seem to get Layne's route to work. Is there just the one ending?
You know, with the crazy stalker gf, and then completely ignoring Layne?
Because no matter what choice combo I try (and I'm pretty sure I've tried them all), I can't seem to get anything other than that ending. It's quite obvious that although he's a jerk, Layne quite likes Regina, but he never does anything, or says anything. So is it just the one route, or am I missing something really obvious here?
Glad to hear that you liked Walker's route :)

It was actually a glitch. There were a few misplaced variables. Thank you for letting us know!

I fixed them & I'll upload an updated client soon.

Edit: Uploaded. Should work now.
Ah, thanks so much! I'll try it now!

Spellforce1993
Newbie
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Apr 15, 2016 2:37 pm
Contact:

Re: Iris Dream [NaNo 2016] [GxB][Romance][Otome][Slice of Li

#13 Post by Spellforce1993 » Fri Apr 15, 2016 2:40 pm

I can't get Layne's CG :( Are there any?

Spellforce1993
Newbie
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Apr 15, 2016 2:37 pm
Contact:

Re: Iris Dream [NaNo 2016] [GxB][Romance][Otome][Slice of Li

#14 Post by Spellforce1993 » Fri Apr 15, 2016 3:38 pm

Maybe I can't get Layne's CG because I have an error in his route : Image 'e' not found, Image 'studiohall' not found and etc. :( I don't know what to do :(

Zelan
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1565
Joined: Tue Mar 01, 2016 7:23 pm
Completed: The Dark
Projects: bookSLEEPer, Stalker & Yandere
Tumblr: evns
itch: Zelan
Contact:

Re: Iris Dream [NaNo 2016] [GxB][Romance][Otome][Slice of Li

#15 Post by Zelan » Sun Apr 17, 2016 5:40 pm

Spellforce1993 wrote:Maybe I can't get Layne's CG because I have an error in his route : Image 'e' not found, Image 'studiohall' not found and etc. :( I don't know what to do :(
Sounds to me like some images are missing from the game. I'll bring this to the attention of the rest of the team and see what we can do about it (I'm not a programmer so I can't fix it myself).

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users