Bounce

[Samu-kun]

I would just remove the pauses all together and just have the player click to continue the sentence.

[Ashen-tan]

I would just remove the pauses all together and just have the player click to continue the sentence.

Even with pauses after commas? The intent of the pauses was to emulate speech, as I'm sure everyone's aware of... <.<;;

[Dusty]

If you click during a pause, doesn't it break the pause anyways?

[yummy]

I guess that's just a matter of personal opinions about storytelling.
Some would put pauses to emphase the drama, others wouldn't.
I mean, if there's a kind of scenario in storytelling, like pausing at some moments, it's meant for something.
I remember in the game Symphonic Rain, the beginning is in NVL mode and there are pauses at some moments, for this kind of purpose.
To show hesitation, or some kind of "sentimental seizure".

[Ashen-tan]

/me agrees with yummy.

Also, v1.1 is now uploaded. I've re-enabled saving, changed a few of the words to make it flow better, as well as fixed some of the grammar errors, and quickened up some of the waits. But, as yummy said, it is personal opinion as to make it speech-like.

[Saori]

I-I got goosebumps when the teacher was telling his speech. That was a really amazing read ; u ;

[Twar3Draconis]

Ashe, you must simply post this on healberry. (lol, Rai btw)

I'm downloading it now, I'll get back to you later.

EDIT: Didn't notice it was on the Games page.

[Nebi]

I liked the music too. I did not mind the pauses so much, for I would have probably tried using them to emulate certain types of speech. Actually, I feel that's probably what made the script more engaging. However, what I would have liked to see in the end was a visual symbol - a background or a drawing - to glue the significance and/or intimacy of the teacher's impact on the narrator. The story expressed that well in words, but a screen of a painting, or even a close up of the painting -the fruit and flower vase- in the original classroom shot or a paint brush, would have made a more powerful, memorable statement; an ode to the art teacher.

It is fine as it is, though. :)

[monele]

Lovely! Small, but it's just how it should be. Bigger wouldn't work in my opinion .

What I enjoyed the most was the simplicity of it all, the nice message, and how you managed to make me care within a few minutes.

I'll also note that it's neat how the narrator, who I pictured as a girl btw (were there even hints to that?), was actually not the focus of the story, yet was mandatory to the mood : the same story with an impersonal narration probably wouldn't have worked.

Onto more technical details. The pauses didn't bother me much but I was expecting them, having read the thread first. I did click too quickly at one point, and hesitated a few times at others (waiting for it to continue when I actually had to click). Were the short pauses always after commas? Were we supposed to always click after periods? I'm wondering because at times I knew I had to wait, and sometimes I was confused.

Other than this, music was perfect and, maybe I was lucky, but it seemed well timed too (the first tune ended *just* as the scene ended o_o). You also used music fades which avoided a dreaded music cut that I somehow feared to witness in the final scene . But no, really, it's all perfect ^_^

Looking forward to future projects

[Ashen-tan]

Good to hear more people enjoyed it. A nice little up-lifter after a couple days of crazy college classes. ._.;

Saori: Thanks! I was aiming for something that made the reader think, since that's what he was trying to get the students to do. It was really a short emulation of something my high school art teacher did at my graduation.

Rai: I still have to make the game page for it. ._.;; I haven't had time to get around to it.

Nebi: If I could've found one, I would've used it. Kind of like an easel with a spotlight shining on it. Glad you liked it, though!

monele: That's really what a short story has to do - make you care about the characters in a very small amount of time.

As for who the narrator was... I was actually aiming for a male character, but I've been told I do write very much like a girl, so... xD I think the real meat of the story was the interaction between the teacher and his students, which is why it was paramount to have a student narrating the story. If it was an impartial narrator, it would've been about the character of the teacher, not the abstract concept of the interaction.

I usually had pauses after commas and sentences that flowed together in subject, and clicks after periods and ends of major sentences. I prefer music fades to cuts because cuts just seem so abrupt. It completely ruins any mood that the music is supposed to be creating. I mean, it works if it's a dramatic scene and you cut it off for dramatic effect, but otherwise, it should ALWAYS fade.

And thanks! I'm still trying to cook one up, other than AKTMNN, since that's going to be an insanely long project. Most all of my creative energies have been devoted to my classes as of late (since I'm in a music composition major track).

[N0UGHTS]

I think it's good that the narrator was "androgynous." That way, anyone of any gender can connect to the story.