[Comedy][Romance][Yandere]Pervert and Yandere-New endings!

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[Comedy][Romance][Yandere]Pervert and Yandere-New endings!

#1 Post by Mammon » Sun Oct 16, 2016 4:08 pm

Hi there, my name is Mammonn and this is my first game. If you like it, dislike it, love it or hate it, please let me know below. And if you want to use any of the sprites used in this VN, check out my Creative Commons thread here(may contain spoilers!). In fact, everything in this game is either free, CC or made by me so feel free to use anything in this game for a project of your own. Anyway, the story:


Yandere stories are always the same. Girl stalks boy. Boy meets girl. Boy dates girl. Girl turns out to be a sociopath. Boy freaks out. Girl's heart is broken. Boy dies.

Rarely does your average yandere story divert from this format. But what if it would? What if the boy wouldn’t freak out and break the girl's heart? What if he was too distracted by her awesome cleavage to be terrified by her cold yandere gaze? Pervert&Yandere


This story is about Richard, a pervert who takes pride in what he does. And what he does is panty shots, boob-grab collisions and unrelenting, shameless flirting. But then, one day, his perverted ways unintentionally catch the attention of a yandere and a stereotypical yandere story seems to unfold. Will it end in death and misery, or can Richard talk his way out of his troubles once again?


This story features 9 endings brought to life in roughly 120.000 words that will grant you about eight hours worth of play time. This VN contains scenes with sexual themes and profanities(, but no eroge): 16+. Reader digression is advised.


You can download the game here for all, windows,mac and linux


Finally! After a year and a half I finally finished this project, Pervert and Yandere is now ready for release! And that's why I humbly ask you, the lemmasoft community, to pass your judgement upon my work. The honest critique label below is not for show, if you have any feedback, tips, comments or even rants about my work, feel free to post or PM them to me. I would love to hear all of it.
Have a rating for this game and a VNDB account? Why not be the first to judge P&Y on the visual novel database?

Walkthrough:
I actually doubt you'll need a walkthrough except for two moments, this game is very easy in general. There is no endless string of trying combinations of choices to get that last elusive ending, every choice you make will lead you to a completely new route. Nonetheless:

-Start the game.
-The first choice shouldn't appear until day 5.

-After choosing 'Stick to the plan' followed by 'Second option', you unlock a new choice during day 4 and pessimistic me 's text should change in color and message. The option of the new choice 'Get the hell out of this predicament' will lead you to the story you already read before, 'Stay with her' will lead you to a new route.

-Choose 'Stay with her' followed by 'Let things unfold'. This is where things may get tricky-ish. To progress the story, play this ending again for different results.

-After seeing the ???-end, go back to the choice at Joseph's house ('Get help'), a third option should appear now.

-To unlock the teaser in the bonus section, play the deleted scene (also in the bonus section).
And that's all the content that needs to be unlocked.

P.S. I know that the 'art' part of this VN isn't exactly breath-taking. I had absolutely no experience with digital drawing prior to this project and drew everything by mouse, so I'm afraid that I can't comply with any feedback about improving the visuals. I already did the best I could considering.
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Last edited by Mammon on Fri Aug 04, 2017 5:52 am, edited 9 times in total.
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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#2 Post by Taleweaver » Mon Oct 17, 2016 2:13 am

O_O

This looks like you made a huge effort for your first game, and I'm really thrilled to see how it turned out. Will be back with some opinion on it once I've played it.
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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#3 Post by Rainbow Colors » Mon Oct 17, 2016 6:42 am

+1 for yandere (they're my thing ok)

I'm still downloading it(that is a large file by the way - have you compressed some of the images and stuff?), and I don't think I can play it anytime soon, but I can say a few things based on your post. I think the art looks nice, actually. For someone who has no prior experience with digital I think it looks great? (look i tried drawing using by mouse once and it was a disaster so maybe comparing myself to you might not be the best scale there is - but tbh your art looks better than when I draw traditional so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

Next, I think it's cool you managed to finish making a game(many don't get past this stage despite starting)! Not to mention the fact that you managed to write 120,000 words is an achievement in its own right. Like Taleweaver, even I could see the effort you poured into making this and that's some awesome dedication there.

I'll play it when my workload in real life has lessened and hopefully I have something constructive to offer by then. (Kudos, man~)

~targetting every otome game at the speed of sound
(because if I did it at the speed of light, I'd be time travelling)

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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#4 Post by Zelan » Mon Oct 17, 2016 5:41 pm

I actually noticed your thread in the Beta Testing section way back when, but I had so much on my plate at the time that I didn't really have any time to devote to your game. (I didn't even leave a comment there - apologies for that.) I'll put this on my list and get around to it eventually, but I can't promise that'll be anytime soon; I've just been getting busier as the school year goes on.

(By the way, the CG in the last screenshot is quite good - very simple, but very effective.)

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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#5 Post by Taleweaver » Tue Oct 18, 2016 5:13 am

Started playing this. Not even close to finishing, but a few first impressions.

First of all, you're mixing NVL and ADV style. That's quite a dare - I did it once for The Dreaming, and I got a bit of flak for it. The way you do it works - most of the time. There are a few lines that should be NVL that are strangely formatted as ADV. I don't know if that was a conscious design choice or if those instances are just programming goofups. I suspect the latter, since your game isn't quite typo-free.

The typos aren't bad ones, though, and sparse enough to overlook. And the flow of your writing definitely helps overlook them. You have a very good grasp of dramaturgy; your story is built up nicely, and with enough twists to keep it interesting. The fourth-wall-breakers every now and then are used well for comic relief, and you understand the tropes of anime and VNs to the extent that you can easily play with and lampshade them. Honestly, your writing is very good already, even not taking into account this is your first VN. (I daresay this isn't your first attempt at writing a longer story.)

The art, of course, isn't quite up to that level, but that's to be expected if you made all of it with your mouse. You should invest in a pen tablet, or a tablet computer suitable for drawing (like the Microsoft Surface Pro) so that you can make full use of your skills. (Personally, I couldn't match what you did with your mouse using pen and paper, so yes, you do have art skills). I'd love to see what you can do with the right tools at hand.

Your choice of music is okay if maybe a little generic and repetetive- and in your case, that's a little worrying because over 400 MB of MP3s shouldn't sound repetetive. Honestly, you could have dropped half the pieces and still achieved the same result. Not that your game suffers from having those extra tracks, but the eventual file size gets extremely large for no good reason. In any case, your choice of music supports the mood quite well in almost all situations.

So much from me until now. I will drop you a few more lines once I'm done with it.
Scriptwriter and producer of Metropolitan Blues
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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#6 Post by Mammon » Tue Oct 18, 2016 8:20 am

Hurray! This is already going much better than the beta. Might be because that sub-forum doesn't have a lot of activity or I posted around a time no-one really checked it, but who cares! Activity!
Zelan wrote:I actually noticed your thread in the Beta Testing section way back when, but I had so much on my plate at the time that I didn't really have any time to devote to your game.
Don't worry about it, it is a 120.000 words visual novel after all, I'd be wary to try it too when I have a busy shedule.
Rainbow Colors wrote:+1 for yandere (they're my thing ok)

I'm still downloading it(that is a large file by the way - have you compressed some of the images and stuff?)
+1 for Yandere being your thing. Hope my sort-of deconstructive yandere story still meets your preferences.

I'm not sure if I compressed the files, I think I have. I checked the box when building distributions but the coding mechanics of that whole ordeal are way beyond me.
Taleweaver wrote:Started playing this. Not even close to finishing, but a few first impressions.

First of all, you're mixing NVL and ADV style. That's quite a dare - I did it once for The Dreaming, and I got a bit of flak for it. The way you do it works - most of the time. There are a few lines that should be NVL that are strangely formatted as ADV. I don't know if that was a conscious design choice or if those instances are just programming goofups. I suspect the latter, since your game isn't quite typo-free.
After the rediculous amount of alpha-testing I did, there shouldn't be any goof-ups like that. The typo's are probably due to my native language being Dutch rather than English, even with the help of Word there are still some errors bound to slip through the cracks. The NVL is a conscious design: text in NVL is Richard's thoughts and nothing but his thoughts. Considering the amount of internal monologuing he does and the
false narrative aspects and eventual internal dialogue
I thought it to be better to make it like that, to make sure the reader can tell when he is and isn't overthinking things any more. So yes, unfortunately that will put some NVL-type text in the ADV box.
Your choice of music is okay if maybe a little generic and repetetive- and in your case, that's a little worrying because over 400 MB of MP3s shouldn't sound repetetive. Honestly, you could have dropped half the pieces and still achieved the same result. Not that your game suffers from having those extra tracks, but the eventual file size gets extremely large for no good reason.
My apologies for that. The same neurotic compulsion that drove me to finish this project compelled me to pick a song with the right intensity and subtlety for each scene. I couldn't place the most intense and best songs under some scenes without feeling like a youtuber using 'Sad violin' for a meme video and felt like it would take all the seriousness from the scene. Not to mention, I forced myself to see if the build-up and peaks of the music roughly synched with the events of the scene. So yes, unfortunately that resulted in the amount of songs there are now. I'll try avoiding it in future projects.
Last edited by Mammon on Wed Feb 08, 2017 5:58 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#7 Post by Mammon » Tue Oct 25, 2016 4:03 am

Alright, this is a review that has been PM'd to me by Ras Alaghe. After asking him if I could post it here and removing the elements that made it a personal message, here's the first review that finished a few endings of my game:


Hi there, Mammmon. I'm Ras Alaghe, and I'm also an amateur VN creator wandering the whereabouts of lemma. I just finished playing a couple of routes of your game, and I simply had to write this to you. Man, you have a GIFT for this, trust me. I'm a writer myself, as well as a VN designer. And I think I can tell that your work falls into the awesome category without a doubt, more so when you used pretty basic resources to produce it.

First of all, the concept of your story is undoubtedly original, and you manage it with utmost brilliance as the events unfold themselves. As you state in your "writing" section of the bonus, you have the talent to develop simple ideas into great stories, and I think I definitely could learn one thing or two from your display. Just by exploring the idea of "what would happen if the paths of a pervert and a yandere crossed", you put together an awesome story. Your writing style is downright top-notch, and shows along the whole plot. Not just in terms of narration, but also in planning and placing events in an interesting and hooking fashion. Maybe sometimes there are too much words to digest at once, but while others could find this a bit too much heavy, I definitely sat down to enjoy a great story; and in my opinion, that only goes to show how careful you are when you're narrating a story in detail. In that respect, I think I can tell I'm the same. Also, the touch, the feel you give off at the right moments, the twists... all of them show off. Your quality is way above most others I've seen out there, and I saw a whole bunch this far, trust me.
I'm not exactly into the yandere thing, but hell, your story was good enough to almost make me fall for Vanessa. I think that speaks by itself. (In fact, I ended in her route). I sure love how you know the ways of otaku and anime world. I found myself smiling in delight when I saw your reference to "School Days"... and man, I sure laughed hard with the "Chibi field" and its nature! I didn't play your whole game yet, but I'm guessing there's even more revealing content to discover.

And all of this WITHOUT taking into account the other resources a VN has that plain narrations don't have: music and illustrations. Contrary to what others mentioned, I don't feel there are too much background music tracks, just the right amount and well chosen to back the appropriate scenes. Sure, the final size of your file could be lighter, but I don't think the music tracks are the problem. Probably you could do the trick by compressing most of the images, CGs and background mostly, which I see are in .png format. They could be put in .jpg, and with the amount of images you use, the result would be clearly apparent in the final size of the archive. Even the sprites could be compressed with tools that are accessible via the Ren'Py cookbook page.

And as if your skills as a writer weren't enough, your artist side is also undoubtedly great (something I can't say about myself in the least). Sure, with more sophisticated tools the art could be improved, but taking into account that you did it with little more than your mouse, it's simply AWESOME. And totally worth of being in a quality game. Don't let anyone else say less to you.

In summary, dude, your work is GREAT. In a simple word. I really enjoyed it so far, even when I didn't unlock all the routes yet. A few more tricks with transitions and Ren'Py coding would make a piece of art out of this, but bit by bit you'll learn about those, just as I'm doing.

Seeing how you're kindly willing to share your art (which I sure like), I'll browse through it, and maybe I'll ask for something in the future. And I also feel like giving something in return, mind you. Just as you, I'm not a native English speaker (I'm Spanish, and Catalan at that), and one of the tasks I'm devoting to, aside from making (or trying to make) visual novels, is translating them into other languages. I'm already doing so with a few ones, more "official" so to speak, but after watching your work, I tell you, I felt a sudden urge to translate it into Spanish or even Catalan to make it accessible for more people. If I had your permission to do that, I think I wouldn't hesitate. Of course, the final say in the matter is yours, as the author. (~scrapped personal information)

Keep up the good work, and I hope to see you around!



My response:

Hi Ras Alaghe, thank you so much for your review! As far as I know, you're the first person to complete any of the routes of this game and I'm so glad you liked it!

Important things first:
-If you would be willing to translate the game into Spanish, I wouldn't decline you. The opposite even, I would be delighted and eternally grateful! If you would be willing to take up such a massive task of translating >120.000 words (and I translated Dutch to English before, I know it's not as easy as copying notes), I'd gladly help and support you with things like adding the translation to the VN or anything else you'd might need help with.
About that, I was actually browsing through the Lemmasoft Forum looking for anything like what I was thinking of, to make my entire game Creative Commons: not only the art would be CC but also the game itself, the premise, the story universe etc. I'm not sure how I would phrase something like that in the thread, but essentially that anyone would be allowed to do anything with my game from translating it to making their own stories with my characters or even copying scenes for their own story. (added to opening post now)
-And about this PM, would it be okay for me to post it in the Pervert&Yandere thread? If the Lemmasoft community is anything like me, there are probably quite a few people hesitant to play this game until they see some positive reviews from pioneers like you.
-So .jpg is a lot lighter than .png? This goes to show that I know little to nothing about encoding... I'll keep that in mind and add it to my to-do list for when there's enough feed-back to improve upon the game. I'll look up how to compress files properly next time.


I'm very glad you liked my story and writing, I wasn't too sure if people would like it. I'm incapable of objectively judging my own work, after all. And I already expected the 'too much to digest at times' comment, probably refering to Richard's inner monologues when he's planning something. I have a habit of overthinking things from all angles, and Richard inherited this trait.
Combining this with how you need to explain everything carefully enough for everyone to get it, I too thought it to be a bit too much but preferred it over the audience not following the story. I know how annoying yet apparently neccesary something like that can be from animes that overexplain everything that just happened. (And, as you can probably tell from the length of my message here, my writing can be rather long-winded as well.) Now imagine that problem in the first draft, before I cropped the dialogue twice.

P.S., if you haven't played all the routes yet, you most likely haven't seen the Saviour route yet. Once you do, could you tell me if it was any good? It's the only route I wasn't quite satisfied with and it's a real hit-or-miss situation that hopefully ends the game on a positive campy note, but which could also ruin one's opinion of it instead. But after four massive rewrites, I had to accept it lest this game would never see the light of day.
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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#8 Post by Zelan » Tue Oct 25, 2016 5:04 pm

Mammon wrote:And all of this WITHOUT taking into account the other resources a VN has that plain narrations don't have: music and illustrations. Contrary to what others mentioned, I don't feel there are too much background music tracks, just the right amount and well chosen to back the appropriate scenes. Sure, the final size of your file could be lighter, but I don't think the music tracks are the problem. Probably you could do the trick by compressing most of the images, CGs and background mostly, which I see are in .png format. They could be put in .jpg, and with the amount of images you use, the result would be clearly apparent in the final size of the archive. Even the sprites could be compressed with tools that are accessible via the Ren'Py cookbook page.
About this bit - I am by no means an expert in Ren'Py or coding or anything, but I've learned from this forum that music does take up a lot of space in a file, so that likely is what makes it so large.

Using .jpg does create a smaller file, I believe, but it can also reduce the quality of the art, so be careful with that. There was a thread somewhere (I think in Creator Discussion) that explained WebMP, which is supposed to compress your images while losing as little quality as possible. I didn't understand any of the technical part of it, though. (I'll come back and edit this post if I can find the link for you.)

EDIT: Found it. (And it's actually WEBP, not WebMP.)

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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#9 Post by rasalhague » Tue Oct 25, 2016 8:44 pm

Zelan wrote:About this bit - I am by no means an expert in Ren'Py or coding or anything, but I've learned from this forum that music does take up a lot of space in a file, so that likely is what makes it so large.

Using .jpg does create a smaller file, I believe, but it can also reduce the quality of the art, so be careful with that. There was a thread somewhere (I think in Creator Discussion) that explained WebMP, which is supposed to compress your images while losing as little quality as possible. I didn't understand any of the technical part of it, though. (I'll come back and edit this post if I can find the link for you.)

EDIT: Found it. (And it's actually WEBP, not WebMP.)
That's certainly true, sound files eat up a lot of space themselves, though I personally liked the selection. Maybe one or two could be removed, but many more than that wouldn't do good in my opinion. It's, as always, a matter of compromise and/or tastes. And yes, .jpg format can have less resolution as image, but generally, if they're correctly optimized, this shouldn't be a problem for backgrounds and can save quite some space especially when compared to .png (which are mostly used for sprites). It all depends on the level of excellence the author wants for his images. Didn't know about WEBP, it seems like a good option too and could be a plus.
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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#10 Post by Zelan » Tue Oct 25, 2016 8:50 pm

rasalhague wrote:
Zelan wrote:About this bit - I am by no means an expert in Ren'Py or coding or anything, but I've learned from this forum that music does take up a lot of space in a file, so that likely is what makes it so large.

Using .jpg does create a smaller file, I believe, but it can also reduce the quality of the art, so be careful with that. There was a thread somewhere (I think in Creator Discussion) that explained WebMP, which is supposed to compress your images while losing as little quality as possible. I didn't understand any of the technical part of it, though. (I'll come back and edit this post if I can find the link for you.)

EDIT: Found it. (And it's actually WEBP, not WebMP.)
That's certainly true, sound files eat up a lot of space themselves, though I personally liked the selection. Maybe one or two could be removed, but many more than that wouldn't do good in my opinion. And yes, .jpg format can have less resolution as image, but generally, if they're correctly optimized, this shouldn't be a problem for backgrounds and can save quite some space especially when compared to .png (which are mostly used for sprites). It all depends on the level of excellence the author wants for his images. Didn't know about WEBP, it seems like a good option too and could be a plus.
Oops, forgot to add that I wasn't necessarily saying that having more music tracks is bad, just that it takes a lot of space. If that space is worthwhile, it really doesn't matter. c:

Now that you mention backgrounds, I think I do remember reading something about .jpeg being good for backgrounds. It does all depend on what the creator decides is and isn't acceptable in terms of quality.

Like I said, I really don't know all of the ins and outs of file size and image quality, so all that I can really do is parrot some of the information that I've read here and hope that I'm not spreading inaccuracies. It's probably a good idea to take anything that I say about this with a grain of salt.

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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#11 Post by Mammon » Wed Oct 26, 2016 3:26 am

Thanks for the link @Zelan, I'll definately look into it!
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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#12 Post by Taranee » Wed Oct 26, 2016 3:58 am

I read the whole vn except some of the extras. Your writing is very good and also funny in many scenes, for example the pool scene with the queen bee rival. I liked the large amount of internal monologues that Richard had. The narration only rarely seemed to go on for a bit too long. I liked the commentary on anime cliches and having the characters practise doing them, such as running with a piece of toast in your mouth and bumping into your crush.

I liked all the characters. You made a good choice, deciding that Richard shouldn't cheat on anyone he's currently dating. I think that redeemed him a lot. Also his really dedicated and ambitious attitude at being a successful pervert made him likable. If he was just an average pervert who didn't put so much effort, I wouldn't have liked him.

At first I wasn't a big fan of Vanessa, because I was rooting for Richard, but I started to like her probably more than Richard did for a large part of the vn. The options for trying to get rid of her were good, because they made the romance seem more natural and not forced by the plot, but I wish there had been more options for being nice to Vanessa and actively advancing the relationship, even if the nice actions were faked just to keep Vanessa mentally stable.

Alex:
Alex was a really new and refreshing character. I've never seen a perverted lesbian tomboy character before. Her backstory was also very sad. However, I guessed from the first hint (the conversation about the G-spot) that she must be a reverse trap. It was a little annoying when Richard was so oblivious to it for a very long time.
The final route:
I thought the final/true route had too much fourth-wall breaking. I would have preferred if Vanessa killed Kim, Richard helped her hide the body, and they lived happily ever after as anime Bonnie and Clyde (or at least until the police catch them). The ending doesn't seem to wrap up the story and the other routes into a good conclusion, because it has that "promise of a sequel" feel.
The art might not be polished and shiny moe stuff, but I like it. You have a sprite for every important character, a lot of expressions, many outfits, multiple poses, and CGs at the moments that need them to keep the reader immersed. I think this is better than having commercial quality level sprites for Richard and Vanessa and making everyone else just a black silhouette or leaving the side characters off-screen. Also the anatomy and shading of the sprites look correct to me.

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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#13 Post by Mammon » Wed Oct 26, 2016 7:30 am

Taranee wrote:I read the whole vn except some of the extras. Your writing is very good and also funny in many scenes, for example the pool scene with the queen bee rival. I liked the large amount of internal monologues that Richard had. The narration only rarely seemed to go on for a bit too long. I liked the commentary on anime cliches and having the characters practise doing them, such as running with a piece of toast in your mouth and bumping into your crush.
I'm glad you liked it!

I actually did expect people to dislike Richard, and in the first draft of my story Richard was actually the kind of pervert like you described him as. A pervert who flirted shamelessly with multiple girls without actually caring for them, and who even groped Vanessa at one point (if you don't like that, don't check out the demo!). Problem was that he wasn't just unlikeable, his behaviour combined with the yandere situation actually made him rather psychopathic.
This is what the part in the Saviour route about playing with people's lives without caring about the ethical consequences referred to, thought that isn't as relevant in this version any more.
But I'm actually really glad about your opinion about Vanessa, it's exactly the reaction I was aiming for! I intentionally
prevented it to be possible to go to the happy end on your first playthrough to ensure people would want to get it more. In my opinion, a happy end means more when you've seen how bad the bad ending gets.
And about Alex, was it predictable what the secret was? I made it rather obvious after the second Bunny scene, but hopefully you didn't see it coming before that(?).

And holy cow, Taranee, I hadn't even thought of that angle for the final ending yet! I've rewritten it four times already to
be the sequel-hook scene as you saw but serious, have Joseph appear alone and blackmail Kim, and make Keima bribe Kim without the fourth wall breaking stuff, but I simply hadn't considered the partners in crime thing at all.
I'm actually going to let this idea of yours stir in the old noggin' for a few days and see if it works, maybe it will actually become the final version for that ending.
The saviour route isn't a true route however, more than any other it's a route fabricated by Richard's imagination. While the others endings can be considered valid of their own, only the Guilt+??? end is the real 'true' route. However, if there is ever going to be a sequel, that won't be the case. The final ending was in no way supposed to be an actual sequel hook contrary to the 'teaser' in the bonus room, and even that one will most likely never be written.
P.S. If anyone thought up some funnier jokes for Cloe's (the queen bee's) endless namecalling, let me know. There are some awfully unoriginal ones I added that I would like to change.
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Sonomi
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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#14 Post by Sonomi » Fri Nov 04, 2016 3:53 pm

Hi Mammon. I finished your game a few days ago and just thought I'd leave a short review here.

While the yandere archetype is not really one that tend to I seek out, the overall quality of your work is undeniable. The writing flows well and easily grabbed my attention from the opening scenes. I feel the selection of music complemented the atmosphere of the narrative. As far as the art goes, it's a style that eventually grew on me.

P&Y is filled with interesting characters and a few plot twists that I hadn't anticipated.
Alex...wow, didn't see it coming. You captured the emotion of her revelation in a way that was both brief and impacting. This touches upon the theme of accepting people for who they are, and I admire you for doing that in your story.
When I played through the story again, I realized there were indeed hints that I'd missed the first time around. In each route, I was able to learn more about each character, see them in a different light, and feel satisfied after piecing everything together.

As far as things to improve upon go...it has already been mentioned that there were a few typos, so no worries there. The thing I'm actually curious about involves an aspect of the plot.
It made sense for the endings to result in jail time and therapy for Vanessa (good call there), but I wonder why the extent of Alex and Richard's punishment is detention. I mean, this might not be entirely relevant so forgive me, but isn't harassment of that sort serious enough to warrant the attention of the police as well? Especially when there's physical contact. It's just something I was thinking about :)
Sidenote: My favorite character was probably Charles (I think that's his name, sorry), and I would not have minded more scenes with him!
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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#15 Post by Mammon » Fri Nov 04, 2016 7:08 pm

Hi Sonomi, thank you so much for reading my work and leaving a review! I'm so glad you liked it!
As far as things to improve upon go...it has already been mentioned that there were a few typos, so no worries there + why the extent of Alex and Richard's punishment is detention.
I already expected the typo's, English isn't my native tongue and it simply can't be helped at this scale. Though I should try to get proofreaders for my next projects to prevent it before publishing.
And the thing with the detention is that Alex is treading into a lot of different grey areas that urge the school board to keep it indoors. Being just 14 years old is already enough to keep the police out of things, and the *spoiler* you mentioned as well could make for a journalistic nightmare if the police would intervene. If Richard were the one looking though p13, things would've been worse indeed. But Richard is well aware of his limits with girls and the laws around sexual harassment, and how these are still a bit loose for a 17-year old like him as long as there is no... concrete evidence. And his respect for girls helps a bit, I guess.
Sidenote: My favorite character was probably Charles, and I would not have minded more scenes with him!
Really? That's... unexpected. To be perfectly honest with you I kinda hated Charles for a large part of the development phase because he was keeping Vanessa from being happy. (She kinda grew into my waifu after a while.) But hearing this makes me glad that I redid his sprite and gave him some scenes of growth.
Last edited by Mammon on Fri Aug 04, 2017 5:59 am, edited 2 times in total.
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