[Comedy][Romance][Yandere]Pervert and Yandere-New endings!

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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#16 Post by Katta » Sun Nov 06, 2016 9:17 pm

A great game, very nice writing, the internal monologues made it a bit slow at times for me, especially in the very beginning and in the end, when I got tired already, but I still checked all the choices available on the first playthrough and I rarely do that. The new choices on the second playthrough are lost on me though because I save and load, so no way to find out they were there. I guess Alex is my favourite, so cute)

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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#17 Post by Mammon » Mon Nov 07, 2016 4:56 am

Katta wrote:A great game, very nice writing, the internal monologues made it a bit slow at times for me, especially in the very beginning and in the end, when I got tired already, but I still checked all the choices available on the first playthrough and I rarely do that. The new choices on the second playthrough are lost on me though because I save and load, so no way to find out they were there. I guess Alex is my favourite, so cute)
Thank you for reading my VN, Katta! I'm sorry about the eternal monologue feeling, Richard unfortunately inherited my trait of overthinking things from all angles. Even after cropping those monologues twice they were still long indeed. And for the second playthrough choices, you just need to
Go back to day 4, and after getting the three new endings go back to the choice in Joseph's house. Just scrolling back and forth should make the last ending appear.
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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#18 Post by Mammon » Thu Nov 10, 2016 9:55 am

Alright, a little update on P&Y: There is going to be one final update of the game to implement the following changes:
-Add a CG gallery. It's one of those thing I as a reader consider a must in every VN, but I forgot to do it with my own game...
-Change the final route. It's just... no. The new route is kind of a cop-out as well, but it will be a little better.
-Implement three new endings, because I've seen that people prefer some choices mid-game. Don't like them? Feel free to give feedback to improve them or prevent them from being in the game ever!
-Adding any new (practically doable) feedback that might come up in the meantime.
-Turned the backgrounds from .png to .jpeg.
-Replaced the 'off course' with 'of course', because of course that's not the way you're supposed to write it. Thanks to Nekobara for calling that to my attention! Removed 49 Off course 's and 26 O's that should've been Oh's.

Writing 100%, Coding 100%, Art 100%. Yes, I'm finished! Woo!

Do you have some suggestions, feedback or corrections for this game? You have until the new release to voice them, and considering how little time I have to make the art assets you'll probably have a few weeks still. Especially writing-related feedback has a good chance of becoming part of the final release.
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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#19 Post by kistnerelizabeth » Fri Nov 11, 2016 6:27 pm

Currently downloading your game to give it a try. Nice to see others attempting long visual novels. I'm currently in the process of making one myself, but have been stopping and taking breaks to play other people's games in order to have fun and just relax my brain from going crazy while making my game. Looking forward to checking out your game. I'll definitely leave feedback when I can. Congrats on releasing your game! :)

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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#20 Post by txqina » Mon Nov 14, 2016 7:56 am

Hi Mammon,

I wanted to say thanks for creating this game. My play time was roughly 6-8 hours I think, with lots of skipping once later routes were unlocked.

I laughed out loud several times (which is rare for me these days) at the humor, and overall it is an enjoyable and memorable visual novel.

The music added to the suspenseful atmosphere at times and I did enjoy one particular tune.
Otherwise, I would say the music was OK. For me it was mostly there in the background so to speak.

I understand the limitations you had on constructing the graphics, but please accept kudos for the way they reinforce the narrative. It's obvious that quite a lot of thought and work went into them.
In a more vanilla (and boring) romance I would definitely want super-aesthetic sprites, but your story was strong enough to work well with what you have now graphically.

Thanks for providing a basic walkthrough of how to unlock the additional routes. For people like me, it is often not really clear in visual novels how to navigate this stuff. Some of the subtleties of fourth-wall breaking and anime memes may have passed me by, but I appreciate that you put the work in to create 9 different endings and I did find them all with the guidance you provided.

Apart from entertainment, this work actually made me think. About what the different endings meant, whether I understood correctly that the happy ending was revisionist history and why the human condition would normally make the pervert/yandere romance a doomed one.

So for all of the above, thanks. Best wishes on any future undertakings.
And would I pay money for this? Yes.

PS There is one major plot hole. Richard could concentrate on texting, with Bunny inches away trying her kawaii best to seduce him? No way! :) Cheers!

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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#21 Post by Mammon » Mon Nov 14, 2016 8:07 am

@Elisabeth, thanks for playing my game and good luck with your own project!

@txqina, I'm glad you liked my story and humor, and I'm glad the walkthrough helped. I'm not a big fan of having to replay the game over and over again to find the last endings myself so I made them all very simple with only some know-how tips for the endings you can't get right away.
Apart from entertainment, this work actually made me think. About what the different endings meant, whether I understood correctly that the happy ending was revisionist history and why the human condition would normally make the pervert/yandere romance a doomed one.

So for all of the above, thanks. Best wishes on any future undertakings.
And would I pay money for this? Yes.
I'm not sure if I understand your idea of the endings, but if you mean that
Richard changed the course of events that actually happened in his head, the real ending happened as seen in the Guilt and ??? ending. The rest were his desire for a different outcome imagined in a comatosed state where he wasn't consciously in control of the story and considered it to be reality, and the Happy end was his wish fulfilment for a happy ending with her,
then yes. That's what the endings were. Sort of. I wouldn't say the Pervert&Yandere romance is a doomed one per se, but it probably is in most cases. In this case, it was more because of the situation that was already there (because of Charles) caused some mayor problems that forced the story to a bad end.

About the paying money part, well too bad. I've got no patreon. :twisted:
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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#22 Post by kistnerelizabeth » Sun Nov 27, 2016 12:52 am

Thank you! I'm starting to put it all together, but the choice/branch system with points is kinda tough cause of indentation and whatnot.

I'm currently at
the part with Vanessa at her house and Charles.
Your game is awesome, so far. The character art with all their emotions and clothing changes is really awesome. The MC is hilarious and kinda gives off Miroku from Inuyasha vibes, which makes the game fun. Vanessa
is creepy as heck! You're doing a good job with the Yandere thing, so far.
I've been having to play your game off and on, thanks to work and my project, but I'm enjoying it a lot, so far. Keep up the awesome work with updates! I'll definitely continue enjoying this game. :)

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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#23 Post by Mammon » Sun Nov 27, 2016 5:01 am

kistnerelizabeth wrote:I'm currently at
the part with Vanessa at her house and Charles.
Your game is awesome, so far. The character art with all their emotions and clothing changes is really awesome. The MC is hilarious and kinda gives off Miroku from Inuyasha vibes, which makes the game fun. Vanessa
is creepy as heck! You're doing a good job with the Yandere thing, so far.
I've been having to play your game off and on, thanks to work and my project, but I'm enjoying it a lot, so far. Keep up the awesome work with updates! I'll definitely continue enjoying this game. :)
So glad you're liking it thus far! I'm not sure what you meant with the choice system being tough because you seem to be at day 3 from what you described and there shouldn't have been any choices thus far, but if there's anything complicated or confusing just ask. I can always help you there and edit the OP to resolve this problem for future players.
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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#24 Post by kistnerelizabeth » Mon Nov 28, 2016 12:17 am

Not quite sure if it's a Ren'py issue or what, but with the "choices" thing, there were two times where these invisible boxes popped up around dialogue and I could pick them as choices. I'm not sure if it was an error or what, but I'm going to reinstall Ren'py and see if that fixes it.

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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#25 Post by Dreamgazer » Mon Nov 28, 2016 2:08 am

Ah, Mammon. Where do I begin?

Truth be told, yanderes are one of my favorite character types, and Pervert and Yandere has far more depth than I would have expected from the title.
You've made wonderful use of the unreliable narrator (something I've used in one of my games before, much to the psychological distress of everyone involved). It's a fun device that caught me sweetly off guard. But it's what I feel turns this narrative on its head and really gives it substance.
The first ending I reached was the Pervect Ending, followed by the Lucky one.

Now, before I continue, there's something that must be said. This is very important to note. I am not equipped for what goes on in Richard's mind. I was aware of the premise and I read your warning, but somehow, I wasn't ready. You know, when I read books, visual novels, or anything at all, I'm usually silent and straight-faced. It doesn't mean that I don't enjoy it, but I'm just not usually that expressive. I'm someone who would never be chosen for a live studio audience. But with Richard, I think I was aghast half of the time. I'm a writer by passion, but I can't even think of the words to describe it.

Like, "D:" explains what my face was almost literally doing. Just -

D:

This isn't by any means a criticism. Rather, I would say you did a very good job capturing what goes on in a pervert's head. (At least, I assume so. I've never actually asked one what they were thinking, and I have no plans on doing that any time soon. Also, it probably wouldn't be polite to label someone outright as a pervert.) I kept volleying between finding this man likable (like when he didn't want to see a young woman in tears) to...to...killing me. Just killing me. His whole plan with Vanessa... D: x100
I-It felt almost like watching a trainwreck, where you want to look away but somehow never did...


But...but anyway, as I was saying...when I went through the first two endings, I wasn't very satisfied with them. It didn't feel quite like a Good Ending, even though, by all rights, they should have been more or less.
When I discovered brand new choices that opened up brand new paths, my interest was piqued.
There was more to this story, and you didn't disappoint. All the pieces began to fit together, and the characters were starting to become better and better fleshed out. I was determined to find out what was going on, and I loved how each ending revealed a part of the puzzle.
The main menu screen ended up fitting the narrative so well.
The characters were all nicely done, each having their own role in the story. I was particularly fond of Vanessa, Kim, and yes, Ms. Aberdeen! Vanessa is a nice yandere who still feels like a real person, while Kim's determination and cleverness makes her likable.
(And the fact that Richard thought the latter up makes this character even more intriguing.)
As for Ms. Aberdeen, I honestly like how much she really seems to care about her students. Other than these three, I found Daniella interesting and I do wish the librarian girl could have made an appearance. Her relationship with Charles sounded cute.

While Richard's brain makes me uncomfortable, I don't actually dislike him or anyone else in the cast. Though, I have known women who act like Cloe. Ah, and the part about jocks and popular girls having to get together like a loveless business arrangement? My dad was the basketball captain in high school, so I can tell you that's definitely true.

The part about wiggling the big toe was a Kill Bill reference, right? Ah, and I also caught the references to anime such as Princess Tutu and Clannad. (And I'm not sorry to say that School Days is one of my favorite anime. But after my experience with Richard, I think I can see I don't want to know what goes through Makoto's head. Ever.)

I can tell you really put a lot of effort and love into this story. After looking over all the bonuses, it's clear an incredible amount of forethought went into planning, extending all the way to the detailed aftermath you wrote in the profiles. You've even gone through scrapped sequels and concepts, which tells me your creativity's constantly sparked and flying.

You've spent over a year and a half with these characters, and you've built your own world. From one writer to another, it makes me think it'd be fun to write, like, a crossover fic with you.

Really, as your first game, you've done a great job. It'll surely be a stepping stone for even better things. I'm already curious with what you showed in the teaser section.
It was both chilling and fascinating. One of my uncles actually had schizophrenia, so this will be interesting to see. Oh, and I loved Simon's schtick of "Simon says." It's creepy in a good way. (Just please tell me that Frank's thoughts won't be like Richard's. I'm only kidding, of course. Sort of...just how much do you want to kill me, Mammon?)
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Re: Pervert and Yandere

#26 Post by Mammon » Mon Nov 28, 2016 5:27 am

@kistnerelizabeth Invisible boxes? I hope that's not an issue with the different versions of ren'py or something. At which points specifically did you see these text boxes pop up? What topic, scene or other point can you remember around these suddenly occuring choices. If they happened:
During day 4 while you were looking at the CG of Vanessa sleeping, you may have seen the choice pop up that you're not supposed to see before you got one of the endings.
If it happened during your date with Vanessa, around the time that Richard mentions 'pessimistic me', there may be a bug with the red dialogue that isn't supposed to appear until you saw a certain end.
Otherwise, I wouldn't know what the problem might be. You shouldn't be seeing any choices pop up until you tell Alex about the yandere problem during day 5.
@Dreamgazer I don't think anyone was expecting more depth than what the title and OP suggested, myself included. ;)

D: is actually a good description of what I was going for. I'm not a big fan of the dime a dozen male protagonist that everyone is supposed to relate to, and I wanted to establish Richard as not another one of these protags as much as possible for plot reasons as well. (This being the whole idea of a pervert not being yet another protagonist getting tangled up with a yandere.) Making characters like Madam Aberdeen likeable while Richard doesn't like them and such were all to solidate this difference between Richard and the reader. The Lucky and Pervect end, while deemed good endings in Richard's mind, were indeed actually bad endings from my (and hopefully the reader's) perspective. So your opinion of Richard is exactly what I was hoping to hear.

About the sequel hook, I hope it wasn't insulting to people with this condition? I was really dabbling with the title there. I was first thinking of
Split personality&Yandere, but I didn't feel like two words before the & would work. And bipolar&yandere was also a bit dubious as this is more related to depression than malvolent personality splits I believe? However, while Frank will be a normal protag, I think Simon will be a lot more alike Richard in some ways. Making deviant to almost unlikeable protagonists will probably be a trend of mine in future stories.
Sorry, Dreamgazer. Seems that I am killing you. But on the bright side, I didn't really dislike School Days either. Richard does though, for the reasons you described.
From one writer to another, it makes me think it'd be fun to write, like, a crossover fic with you.
Oh, interesting. I'm totally on board for something like that. Note that P&Y is open source, so you're allowed to use my story, characters and sprites even without asking me. But I'm of course all in for helping such a crossover happen, so feel free to contact me when you have such a project.
Edit: I just saw your Nanoreno contest (I became active on this forum a week or two after that pretty much ended), you mean something like that? Sounds fun, and I'll need to sit down and read that saga some time.
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Re: [Comedy][Romance][Yandere]Pervert and Yandere-New ending

#27 Post by Mammon » Fri Dec 30, 2016 5:53 pm

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! The new version of Pervert and Yandere has been released!
Featuring as promised:
-A CG gallery. Kind of.
-A new final route.
-Three new endings.
-Turned the backgrounds from .png to .jpeg.

Have you already read Pervert and Yandere and don't feel like playing it all over again for those new endings? Well, you're in luck because you can also see them separated from the rest of the game in this mini-VN without having to skip through the entire game all over again!

Happy new year everyone!
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Re: [Comedy][Romance][Yandere]Pervert and Yandere-New ending

#28 Post by txqina » Mon Jan 02, 2017 7:56 am

Wow Mammon!

Getting some new endings is nice (thank you) but to provide a mini-game to past players just to speed through the new endings is outstanding!

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Re: [Comedy][Romance][Yandere]Pervert and Yandere-New ending

#29 Post by Banya » Sat Jan 14, 2017 4:36 pm

Hi Mammon!

I played your game and it was really fun :lol:
Since I understand a lot how hard working a project all by oneself is, leaving a comment here is the minimum I can do: playing the game you can clearly see all the effort and I think you had fun writing the VN too! It was really entertaining and made my day (turning a quite bad day too)

The thing I liked the most is that, even if the name is "Pervert & Yandere" your characters are not monodimensional stereotypes.
Richard was so sincere to himself that in the end I started liking him, he's such a lovely b****rd :lol:
And I liked this especially because in anime in general when the perverted guy becomes the protagonist, they show he has a heart of gold or something that doesn't go well with perverted personality. Richard instead, being heartless and so calculated, is perfect the way he is! Same for
Vanessa: when you hear "yandere" in anime you expect a mono-dimensional character always smiling and then becoming a sociopath, but you took care in writing Vanessa and so, other than being a dangerous psycho, she has a personality too. A likeable personality.
Same for the other characters: it's clear from the way you presented them that they were meant for a larger game or thatyou wanted to make a bigger game at the beginning. So my suggestion is: the game is good the way it is, some of the endings sound rushed but the other repay for this, you could expand it. I see you're adding more content, so other than the endings you could add other scene between the characters, especially the ones in the school (since they don't have any important roles later)

My favourite scene was
the one in which Vanessa spots her "enemy", the tsundere girl! In that moment I was like "I'm f***ed!" and started worrying about which wrong choice would lead to her death. Well, tsundere-chan was lucky! I had no choice after all XD
while my favourite ending was
the murderer one for the content, while the ultimate one for the art of Vanessa falling to the railway.
P.S. I know that the 'art' part of this VN isn't exactly breath-taking. I had absolutely no experience with digital drawing prior to this project and drew everything by mouse, so I'm afraid that I can't comply with any feedback about improving the visuals. I already did the best I could considering.
About the art, I know you didn't ask for suggestions since you did everything you could, but you have the Honest Critique in the signature and so I wanted to point out something I hope might help. It doesn't have to do with re-doing the art, don't worry!
I agree with the users who told you that your art, even if done with paint, suits the game a lot better than polished sprites, and I think that they are expressive the way they are. My favourite one is Alex, btw!
But I think you can slightly improve the looks by changing the palette colours of the clothes and sometimes the hair. You used very strong colours for the clothes, some of them are clearly the basic paint ones - which is an error that graphics generally discourage to make.
For the clothes in particular, strong blue and strong red are not a pleasant combination - it's extremely rare seeing someone dressed in those clothes. I thought, just not to critique, to send you a link via PM I found helpful for coloring sprites... and a proposal: that is, if you allow me to, making me recolour one sprite to show you.
I have problems with the tablet and I can't do shading atm, so I was thinking of just adjusting the colours of the sprites the way they are: what do you think?
(I enjoyed the game so, since you entertained me for a day, I wanted to do something for you)

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Re: [Comedy][Romance][Yandere]Pervert and Yandere-New ending

#30 Post by Mammon » Sat Jan 14, 2017 6:23 pm

txqina wrote:Wow Mammon!
Getting some new endings is nice (thank you) but to provide a mini-game to past players just to speed through the new endings is outstanding!
Of course, having to download the entire +500MB game (srry) a second time and having to skip through the scenes searching for all the endings would be a nuisance. Glad you liked it!

Oh... I ended up making a reply about as long as the review itself. Sorry.
Banya wrote:I played your game and it was really fun :lol:
Since I understand a lot how hard working a project all by oneself is, leaving a comment here is the minimum I can do: playing the game you can clearly see all the effort and I think you had fun writing the VN too! It was really entertaining and made my day (turning a quite bad day too)
I'm so glad to hear that! It was really fun and rewarding to make and it brings me joy to hear that others enjoy it too. I'm glad I made your day a little bit better.
Banya wrote:The thing I liked the most is that, even if the name is "Pervert & Yandere" your characters are not monodimensional stereotypes. Richard was so sincere to himself that in the end I started liking him, he's such a lovely b****rd :lol: And I liked this especially because in anime in general when the perverted guy becomes the protagonist, they show he has a heart of gold or something that doesn't go well with perverted personality. Richard instead, being heartless and so calculated, is perfect the way he is!
I love hearing that I succeeded my grand ideal of making Richard both likeable and a jerk at the same time worked, it was one of my biggest goals to reach and greatest challenge to overcome. And of course Vanessa wasn't a 2D yandere, I can't say no to a cute girl smiling and she kept asking me to give her a happy end with her sempai.
Banya wrote:Same for the other characters: it's clear from the way you presented them that they were meant for a larger game or that you wanted to make a bigger game at the beginning. So my suggestion is: the game is good the way it is, some of the endings sound rushed but the other repay for this, you could expand it. I see you're adding more content, so other than the endings you could add other scene between the characters, especially the ones in the school (since they don't have any important roles later)
The case is actually the reversed; I wanted to make a smaller game in the beginning and kept adding things. Drawer Me can't say no to writer Me. Most girls were added to underline the fact that Richard flirts with any girl in sight (except Rachel) and to flesh out his character. There are plenty of one-scene girls that were scrapped to prevent turning this into an artist's nightmare. And after day 3 these scenes weren't really possible no more, as Richard wasn't going to risk their lives by being near them when a yandere might be watching.
There are some characters that may appear in a sequel, especially the small roles that came by, but I actually hadn't had any plans to expand upon them here. Though I'm not opposed to it, and I started to have a itch to write it after I read your comment. Please don't do that, this story might double in size.

Feel free to expand upon which endings felt rushed and why, I'm most curious.
Banya wrote:My favourite scene was while my favourite ending was
Would you have liked the option to screw it up? Another bad end there might work.
And I'm glad you liked that ending, really showed the dark side of having a calculated MC in such a situation.
Banya wrote:About the art, I know you didn't ask for suggestions since you did everything you could, but you have the Honest Critique in the signature and so I wanted to point out something I hope might help. It doesn't have to do with re-doing the art, don't worry! My favourite one is Alex, btw!
I might have to remove that comment of mine, it's hypocritical to wear the honest critique while saying 'no art critique!', and I've since figured out a few new ways to improve upon my art despite the restrictions. (Edit: actually not, I tried it with Richard and it looks a bit more bland than before.) Though I fear the workload, which takes about three times as long per sprite as before.
Alex is a fan favorite it seems. Either their sprite just works for most people or I really nailed the revelation scene better than I though. Either way I do like this result.
Banya wrote:I agree with the users who told you that your art, even if done with paint, suits the game a lot better than polished sprites, and I think that they are expressive the way they are. But I think you can slightly improve the looks by changing the palette colours of the clothes and sometimes the hair. You used very strong colours for the clothes, some of them are clearly the basic paint ones - which is an error that graphics generally discourage to make.
For the clothes in particular, strong blue and strong red are not a pleasant combination - it's extremely rare seeing someone dressed in those clothes. I thought, just not to critique, to send you a link via PM I found helpful for coloring sprites... and a proposal: that is, if you allow me to, making me recolour one sprite to show you.
I have problems with the tablet and I can't do shading atm, so I was thinking of just adjusting the colours of the sprites the way they are: what do you think?
The art was done with Krita rather than Paint, the first (aweful, aweful) sprite I made with Paint and then I realised there's no way to remove the white box around the sprite with it. No opacity feature. But I do agree that my choice of color is too vibrant (by lack of a better word), I tried picking more bleak colors but keep ending up using too basic colored ones. The colors just look so much different in the color selection and in zoomed-in sprites, I only see their *Pow!* after I zoom out to see the final result. Apparently I even ended up using the exact colors from Paint's suggested picks... I'm genuinly horrified and ashamed.

Looking forward to that PM, changing the colors is not out of the question even if I don't end up redoing the sprites completely. I hope I don't do the latter though, I'm motivated to improve my project but I really don't like making digital art (with my resources). It's conflicting.
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