Dreams of the Skies [2011 Anniversary Edition]

Finished games are posted here, once they've been tested and are ready for wide release.
Forum rules
Adult content should not be posted in this forum.
Message
Author
User avatar
KomiTsuku
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1023
Joined: Mon Sep 22, 2008 11:32 pm
Completed: Dreams of the Skies, Anton's Vacation, Luka, The Halberd and The Tiger, Rising Angels, Pyrite Heart, Rising Angels: Reborn, The Halberd and The Fox, VN Tycoon, RA: Hope
Projects: Rising Angels
Organization: IDHAS Studios
IRC Nick: Komi
itch: idhas
Location: Somewhere
Contact:

Re: Dreams of the Skies

#16 Post by KomiTsuku » Tue Sep 28, 2010 9:06 am

Esphirisa wrote:The story is simplistic and predictable, but also rather sweet. However, due to it being so short, I didn't get to know enough about the characters and the world they live in to feel sorry, happy, or any kind of strong emotions for them. I love the backgrounds, and the art was okay, but as usual, there can be improvements!

Well, good luck with your sequel! I'm embarrassed to say that I had only recently found this thread... well, I'm glad it got bumped up.
Better late than never. ^_^ You might not have noticed it because it is 2 years old and never exactly hit it big. The only reason it got bumped up was my celebrating its 2-year anniversary.

Yeah, it was shorter than it was originally intended to be. I've been working on a revised version with better graphics, but it got stalled out... twice. The backgrounds were shots I took at a local park.

User avatar
KomiTsuku
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1023
Joined: Mon Sep 22, 2008 11:32 pm
Completed: Dreams of the Skies, Anton's Vacation, Luka, The Halberd and The Tiger, Rising Angels, Pyrite Heart, Rising Angels: Reborn, The Halberd and The Fox, VN Tycoon, RA: Hope
Projects: Rising Angels
Organization: IDHAS Studios
IRC Nick: Komi
itch: idhas
Location: Somewhere
Contact:

Re: Dreams of the Skies

#17 Post by KomiTsuku » Tue Oct 04, 2011 12:33 am

It might seem like I am raising this thread from the dead, but I'm doing it for a reason. In under twenty four hours, the legendary v5.0 will be released! ~Dun dun duuuuuuuh~ We haz gud artz and soriez!

User avatar
KomiTsuku
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1023
Joined: Mon Sep 22, 2008 11:32 pm
Completed: Dreams of the Skies, Anton's Vacation, Luka, The Halberd and The Tiger, Rising Angels, Pyrite Heart, Rising Angels: Reborn, The Halberd and The Fox, VN Tycoon, RA: Hope
Projects: Rising Angels
Organization: IDHAS Studios
IRC Nick: Komi
itch: idhas
Location: Somewhere
Contact:

Re: Dreams of the Skies

#18 Post by KomiTsuku » Wed Oct 05, 2011 11:59 am

ANNIVERSARY REMAKE POSTED! CHECK THE FIRST PAGE!

komicer
Regular
Posts: 40
Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2011 1:58 am
Contact:

Re: Dreams of the Skies

#19 Post by komicer » Thu Oct 06, 2011 4:57 am

Thanks for hiring us! It has been a pleasure working with you and I look forward to more opportunities like that in the future. Going to hunker down and start reading the story all over again.

Will you, by chance, ever consider porting this over to Android?
Collateral Damage Studios
Website / Facebook / Twitter

User avatar
KomiTsuku
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1023
Joined: Mon Sep 22, 2008 11:32 pm
Completed: Dreams of the Skies, Anton's Vacation, Luka, The Halberd and The Tiger, Rising Angels, Pyrite Heart, Rising Angels: Reborn, The Halberd and The Fox, VN Tycoon, RA: Hope
Projects: Rising Angels
Organization: IDHAS Studios
IRC Nick: Komi
itch: idhas
Location: Somewhere
Contact:

Re: Dreams of the Skies

#20 Post by KomiTsuku » Thu Oct 06, 2011 12:38 pm

komicer wrote:Thanks for hiring us! It has been a pleasure working with you and I look forward to more opportunities like that in the future. Going to hunker down and start reading the story all over again.

Will you, by chance, ever consider porting this over to Android?
It was my pleasure. ^_^ Thank you very much!

I have considered it. I'm currently trying to understand how to make it into the proper file, but once I get past that, it is highly likely I will make the port.

User avatar
Auro-Cyanide
ssǝʇunoƆ ʇɹ∀
Posts: 3059
Joined: Sun Jul 25, 2010 9:02 am
Completed: http://auro-cyanide.tumblr.com/visualnovels
Projects: Athena
Organization: Cyanide Tea
Tumblr: auro-cyanide
Deviantart: Auro-Cyanide
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Contact:

Re: Dreams of the Skies [2011 Anniversary Edition]

#21 Post by Auro-Cyanide » Wed Oct 12, 2011 9:43 am

I played through it, so I'll give my thought on it sometime tomorrow :)

Sophie
Newbie
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Oct 11, 2011 11:45 pm
Contact:

Re: Dreams of the Skies [2011 Anniversary Edition]

#22 Post by Sophie » Wed Oct 12, 2011 8:51 pm

I still have the old version of this game.
After I download the new version and play through it, I will edit this reply!

.:EDIT:.
Here are my thoughts on the new version & the old version of the game:

Old Version:
I like how the background for the game are real life photos while the characters are drawn. However, in my point of view, the characters still need a bit of work. When the game ended, I can still think about what happens next-I mean, the ending makes you think...
New Version:
My first thought was that the art was different. There were new scenes, and a new Character! (Kat)
I liked the fighting part, when their blades clashed together. And yes, my mouth was open when I found out that Tobias doesn't wear underwear to bed... ... ... Anyways, I think the New Version improved a lot-the story, and the pictures. My favourite characters are Winy and Tobias... Great work!
Last edited by Sophie on Thu Oct 13, 2011 1:19 am, edited 3 times in total.

User avatar
KomiTsuku
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1023
Joined: Mon Sep 22, 2008 11:32 pm
Completed: Dreams of the Skies, Anton's Vacation, Luka, The Halberd and The Tiger, Rising Angels, Pyrite Heart, Rising Angels: Reborn, The Halberd and The Fox, VN Tycoon, RA: Hope
Projects: Rising Angels
Organization: IDHAS Studios
IRC Nick: Komi
itch: idhas
Location: Somewhere
Contact:

Re: Dreams of the Skies [2011 Anniversary Edition]

#23 Post by KomiTsuku » Wed Oct 12, 2011 8:56 pm

Sophie wrote:I still have the old version of this game.
After I download the new version and play through it, I will edit this reply!
I think you will be surprised at the many changes and updates. ^_^ Well, happily surprised anyway. I hope.

User avatar
Auro-Cyanide
ssǝʇunoƆ ʇɹ∀
Posts: 3059
Joined: Sun Jul 25, 2010 9:02 am
Completed: http://auro-cyanide.tumblr.com/visualnovels
Projects: Athena
Organization: Cyanide Tea
Tumblr: auro-cyanide
Deviantart: Auro-Cyanide
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Contact:

Re: Dreams of the Skies [2011 Anniversary Edition]

#24 Post by Auro-Cyanide » Thu Oct 13, 2011 9:30 am

Okay, feedback time. Forgive me, I'm probably going to ramble. A lot.

First, I have to congratulate you for keeping this story alive for 3 long years. That is pretty impressive. It is also nice to see someone reworking a story even after it is completed. It shows you care about it a lot. I think the story has a lot of potential and I do like the overarching theme.

However, there are a couple things that bothered me and it all pretty much boiled down to the tone of voice being confusing. I'll go into detail about what I mean and which parts made me feel this way. Overall this hampered me being able to connect to the story and the characters. My favourite part was the ending because I felt that the tone of voice suited the message, where as in other parts of the story they seemed more in conflict.

I also usually encourage people not to overdo descriptions in their writing, especially for things like visual novels, but I think you could benefit from it. Hearing a bit more about the character's reaction to the world, sensations and sounds, feelings and emotions, these types of things would have been nice with a bit of elaboration.
I had issues empathising with Tobias. I didn't feel his reactions suited who he was, what his goals where and his beliefs. I am assuming that he isn't sociopathic, so he should be capable to empathising with other people. However, he was able to hang out with Winy while still plotting her murder. The inner turmoil that he should have been having was not as clearly portrayed as it should have been. Murder is quite a big deal. I was expecting to see more stress symptoms.

Which leads me to my next point. I don't really get why he was so driven to kill Winy. I do get what your point was, but I don't think it was driven home enough. It was mentioned that Tobias was tormented because he lacked one wing, but it wasn't mentioned in what way, to what degree, what effect it had or in what circumstance he lost his wing. Winy's story was more touching because we got a little bit of background information. With Tobias I didn't have enough information to see it warranting murder. i think the importance of flight to their species needed to be underlined more and there should have been more exploration and explanation on Tobias emotions in order for the audience to empathise to the point where they could see his rationale.

A case in point is one of my favourite series. In it there is a winged race called Eyrien. One of the main characters is one and the importance of his wings and flight are very well developed in his character and his story. His mother was Eyrien but she was either was born without wings or had them removed. When he was born his father knew what he was and how important his wings would be to him. His mother wanted to cut off his wings so he could be brought up pretending to be one of the more privileged races. His father forbade it, threatening to kill the baby if she cut off his wings. He knew that if the child grew up without his wings he would always be longing for the sky and wondering why. Later, when he is grown up, he says that he would rather lose his balls then his wings. In a part of the story his wings are destroyed by mould and it is a pretty touching part of the books. In this series it is understood how serious the wings are to this particular race. I accepted his father's threat to kill him as an act of kindness rather than cruelty because of that. it would have been very different if the importance of the wings was not understood.

In your story I think I would have understood it more if I had a better understanding of how important his wings were to Tobias. His emotions were very important in determining his actions.I think some added description would have helped me to empathise with the characters, gave me a better understanding of the story and would have slowed down the pacing nicely. As it stands I felt the story wavered from being a serious story that involved plots of murder to a light hearted comedy. Light moments are good, but in this case, especially told from Tobias's perspective, they should have been tinged with more negative emotions (anger, regret, jealousy, guilt, hate, sadness), even if they were just privy to the reader. I think the tone of voice need to be more consistent throughout the story.
Apart from that, most of the technical aspects seemed good (from what I know ^^'). I didn't really like the whole screen blinking when character appeared, but that might just be me.
There were one or two inconsistencies and typos, but nothing major (I'm pretty sure Tobias mentions being 22 right at the beginning and then a couple moments later changes to 23, as well as 'heeding' being spelt 'heading')

Anyway, wonderful job, I did like the story and it is obvious you care very much for these characters. That is always a good sign :)
Last edited by Auro-Cyanide on Thu Oct 13, 2011 6:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
Camille
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1227
Joined: Sat Apr 23, 2011 2:43 pm
Completed: Please see http://trash.moe
Projects: the head well lost
Organization: L3
Tumblr: narihira
Deviantart: crownwaltz
itch: lore
Contact:

Re: Dreams of the Skies [2011 Anniversary Edition]

#25 Post by Camille » Thu Oct 13, 2011 11:10 am

Ok, I had time to play this a couple days ago and since you've been saying you really want people to reply (especially on Twitter) I thought I'd try. Granted, I haven't been on LSF that long (relatively speaking) so I'm not as familiar with your work. I have to commend you for being able to release an updated work, though. I have yet to be able to revamp any of my old writings. XD; I'm always toying with the idea, but you went and did it! It looks like this game improved a lot since your first release of it, which is awesome. The art was really nice. The sprites and CGs were all great to look at. The technical aspects of your writing are great. As far as I can remember, there weren't any like, GLARING GRAMMATICAL MISTAKES or awful typos or anything like that. I feel like your work has a lot of potential, because I did like the core meaning of the work. However, I had some issues with it.
While a lot of people tend to look down on heavy introductions, I feel like some exposition is necessary in any work. I feel like in this story, we're just thrust into the middle of things without any explanation as to why we should care or why we should sympathize with the characters. Like, honestly, I could not stand Tobias. It's never really explained why he needs another wing so badly. Just so he can fly? Well, he's gotten through 20+ years of life without it, so I fail to see why he'd suddenly be obsessed with the idea now, especially after learning that he has to kill someone for it. (also, where did he even learn about that from and why wouldn't he question it? as an ANGEL, it doesn't make sense that he'd have to kill an innocent in order to regain his other wing.)

Later on, like in the middle of the story, it's said that angels are supposed to be the protectors of humanity or something, but it's only mentioned the one time. I guess in general, that main plot point--that he has to kill someone so he can get his wing back--isn't explained enough and I didn't sympathize enough with Tobias before that came into play, so that whole plot point just irked me in how it was conveyed. It was especially weird that he was relatively normal when hanging out with Winy, but then was able to put all that aside and seriously try to kill her. It just felt hollow to me because that's not how normal humans behave. Speaking of normal human behavior, I feel like there were a couple of points where the dialogue felt kind of stiff... Like I couldn't imagine people saying things like that normally in real life, but I can't think of any specific examples at the moment.

Though honestly the thing that bothered me most was the GUI... Just from a purely aesthetic point of view. The names were off-centered in the top box, and the whole UI just looked very unprofessional and hastily thrown together. It really clashed with the nice art assets. D: Oh and the music! It got better later on, but in the beginning, there wasn't much of it. I remember there was this one upbeat song that played for like the first 20 minutes of the game, even during this one really serious scene. It was a little off-putting reading through a serious, heavy scene with this bright, sunny music playing in the background. XD; Just something to consider.
From what I've seen on Twitter, you seem to be kind of negative about your own work, so I hope you don't take my crit the wrong way because like I said, I did like the core idea of it very much. I like VNs that have a meaning to the story and yours definitely did have a good lesson at its core. Like Auro said, it's really obvious you care a lot about these characters and for your work. That's obvious. :3 The reason we're giving crit is because we think you have potential and can improve, so take this as you will. /o/ I certainly hope to see more from you in the near future.

User avatar
KomiTsuku
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1023
Joined: Mon Sep 22, 2008 11:32 pm
Completed: Dreams of the Skies, Anton's Vacation, Luka, The Halberd and The Tiger, Rising Angels, Pyrite Heart, Rising Angels: Reborn, The Halberd and The Fox, VN Tycoon, RA: Hope
Projects: Rising Angels
Organization: IDHAS Studios
IRC Nick: Komi
itch: idhas
Location: Somewhere
Contact:

Re: Dreams of the Skies [2011 Anniversary Edition]

#26 Post by KomiTsuku » Fri Oct 14, 2011 10:17 am

I also usually encourage people not to overdo descriptions in their writing, especially for things like visual novels, but I think you could benefit from it. Hearing a bit more about the character's reaction to the world, sensations and sounds, feelings and emotions, these types of things would have been nice with a bit of elaboration.
While a lot of people tend to look down on heavy introductions, I feel like some exposition is necessary in any work. I feel like in this story, we're just thrust into the middle of things without any explanation as to why we should care or why we should sympathize with the characters. Like, honestly, I could not stand Tobias. It's never really explained why he needs another wing so badly. Just so he can fly? Well, he's gotten through 20+ years of life without it, so I fail to see why he'd suddenly be obsessed with the idea now, especially after learning that he has to kill someone for it. (also, where did he even learn about that from and why wouldn't he question it? as an ANGEL, it doesn't make sense that he'd have to kill an innocent in order to regain his other wing.)
Sadly, that isn't the first time I've heard this in recent times. Lately, I have been getting too light on the descriptions, focusing more on dialog. Time to change up my practice.

One thing that I'm looking back on with severe anger at myself with is the first day of the story. Honestly, I got lazy. Everything past the scene with Tobias telling Kat is original content to v5.0. However, everything before that is either cut and pasted from v3.0 or v4.2. What that means to the general audience is that the focus changed heavily after those two. The backstory was never fleshed, which runs completely against what I wanted to do in v5.0. I tried to build it up later, but I was highly worried that his motivation and reasoning wouldn't be clear if I didn't add redo the beginning. I decided not to in the end because of time constraints, and it clearly shows in the story. I'm sorry. v.v
It just felt hollow to me because that's not how normal humans behave.
-He's not a normal human, is he? XD
Though honestly the thing that bothered me most was the GUI... Just from a purely aesthetic point of view. The names were off-centered in the top box, and the whole UI just looked very unprofessional and hastily thrown together. It really clashed with the nice art assets. D: Oh and the music! It got better later on, but in the beginning, there wasn't much of it. I remember there was this one upbeat song that played for like the first 20 minutes of the game, even during this one really serious scene. It was a little off-putting reading through a serious, heavy scene with this bright, sunny music playing in the background. XD; Just something to consider.
The names were intended to be off-centered in the top box. They were aligned left.
As for the design of the UI vs the art assets, that's the difference between having a professional artist and me, a man who has claimed on every occasion to lack art skills. I was going for something very plain and basic in the interface.

As for the music, I blame Starcraft 2 on that one. >.>; We were coding in the music on the last night while playing SC. Proper attention was not paid and we ended up only inserting one of the "ambient group themes" and recycling it instead of using the three we had originally planned. I'm sorry. ;_;
I want to thank you both for commenting. It really helped confirm a lot of questions and worries I've had lately.

User avatar
Camille
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1227
Joined: Sat Apr 23, 2011 2:43 pm
Completed: Please see http://trash.moe
Projects: the head well lost
Organization: L3
Tumblr: narihira
Deviantart: crownwaltz
itch: lore
Contact:

Re: Dreams of the Skies [2011 Anniversary Edition]

#27 Post by Camille » Fri Oct 14, 2011 11:24 am

Quick clarification: When I said the names were off-centered, I was talking about vertically. XD Obviously I could tell the names were meant to be left-aligned. There's slightly more space above the names than below. I can understand not having artistic skills, haha, and think it probably would've been better if you just left the default textbox. Then again, I have a personal dislike of thick-bordered boxes, so this could just be my own preferences talking. As always, take any crit with a grain of salt. ^~

User avatar
Esphirisa
Regular
Posts: 68
Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2010 4:07 am
Contact:

Re: Dreams of the Skies [2011 Anniversary Edition]

#28 Post by Esphirisa » Wed Jan 04, 2012 1:02 pm

I'm sorry that I can't remember enough of the original version to comment on the changes, but good job for continuing to improve your work. I think that's really commendable. I reaaaaaaaaaally like the art this time round :D The only real problem was probably the aforementioned emotional aspects. I also really like Kat and her spunky character. I think her dialogue was done really well.

Some really minor typos I found:
'It likely be a kick'
'her mind not heading'
'Resting in my hands is a spookly'
'I though you would have known me better'
'She's refusing to let my out of sight'

User avatar
KomiTsuku
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1023
Joined: Mon Sep 22, 2008 11:32 pm
Completed: Dreams of the Skies, Anton's Vacation, Luka, The Halberd and The Tiger, Rising Angels, Pyrite Heart, Rising Angels: Reborn, The Halberd and The Fox, VN Tycoon, RA: Hope
Projects: Rising Angels
Organization: IDHAS Studios
IRC Nick: Komi
itch: idhas
Location: Somewhere
Contact:

Re: Dreams of the Skies [2011 Anniversary Edition]

#29 Post by KomiTsuku » Wed Jan 04, 2012 10:38 pm

Esphirisa wrote:I'm sorry that I can't remember enough of the original version to comment on the changes, but good job for continuing to improve your work. I think that's really commendable. I reaaaaaaaaaally like the art this time round :D The only real problem was probably the aforementioned emotional aspects. I also really like Kat and her spunky character. I think her dialogue was done really well.
That's okay, it is probably better if you don't try to remember much of the original version. >.>; The original art is not something worth remembering, seeing as I was the one who did it, as opposed to this time.

Alas, it is with much regret that the beginning part of the plot not... well, being there continues to cause problems. When (or if) I return to this work again, I fear I will have to tear apart the entire plot and redo that bit. You did like her dialog? I'm starting to worry that the only thing I CAN write well (based off of self-reflection and various feedback) is dialog. Hmmmmmmm...

Thanks for the feedback. ^_^

User avatar
psyduck
Regular
Posts: 62
Joined: Thu Jan 19, 2012 7:45 pm
Contact:

Re: Dreams of the Skies [2011 Anniversary Edition]

#30 Post by psyduck » Wed Mar 14, 2012 7:02 pm

I don't really remember the old version. if I'm not mistaken, the new version has better art, better character development, better story line, and new character. my favorite character is Kat and really love her dialogue.

did you do the art yourself? if not, where did you get it?

thanks

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users