Hey everyone and happy new year!
I made a little conversation game celebrating New Year's!
It's a short game, few choices, about you opening up to your date at the end of the world.
You saw the girl of your dreams on a dating app. You've agreed to watch the fireworks on a park bench.
It's my second story game and I feel like the writing could be improved. Can anybody help me with some critique?
Writing dialogue was super difficult, so that was a very important lesson learnt.
I'd love to learn how to make a good story, but with this one I just feel there's something wrong... And I didn't feel that with my last game, Kinsale Horror. :'o
I was aiming to make something weird looking but sweet and nice. I hope I managed to do that.
Last year was very bad for me and this is what came out of my feelings for 2016...
Last edited by Rarykos on Sat Jan 07, 2017 4:52 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Wow, the awkwardness is real. But so was the sweetness~
Anyway, it was such a comfortable game to end the year with! Cute graphics, and the message of the story seems to present itself very well! It's quite a realistic depiction of how natural conversations work: the tension. And nice touch on making 'telling the truth' option a harder choice to make. This game was so real, hah.. ///
Well I'm not a writer myself so I'm not sure if I can give any advice on writing, I'm not sure if it was intentional but the mood of the game was really different in the beginning (light comedy) compared to the end.
Hope you'll have a brighter year ahead, good luck with challenges that will approach you in the future!
Haha yeah the awkwardness I learnt first hand... Thank you for the kind words! Maybe I am a bit too hard on myself.
Yes, the shift in the mood was planned on the first day! I'm not sure if that's good or not, but I thought that's the way it should be -_-;
Thanks a lot, I think I needed that. You too have a good year!
Last edited by Rarykos on Mon Jan 02, 2017 7:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
I really, really liked this game!! The art style and presentation are absolutely adorable, and I love the way everything moves around, it just adds more life to it as a whole.
As for your writing, I really do think it was well-done! Dialogue is difficult enough to write as it is, but when you have to write a whole story using it and manage to make it realistic, that's on a whole new level. I felt like the conversations in your game were realistic, especially considering the fact that they were strangers; most people don't just click immediately, unfortunately. As for the shift in mood, I think it would pretty hard for that not to happen, it is the end of the world, after all. I actually think that was the best part, writing-wise, and it tied the whole thing together for me. In the end, they were just two lonely no-bodies and for some odd reason I found that to be very sweet.
As I said, wonderful game! I'll probably try out your others as well, I like your writing style! ^^
Good job! Certainly not the "terrible" you were worrying it might be.
Yes, I agree that it might take the end of the world before some people would lose their inhibitions about really relating with other humans.
Oh my... Thank you so much everyone!
I'm super happy it all makes sense and works out somehow in the end *(^_^)*
Still, I always leave the room when any of my friends want to play it, it's so embarrassing!
Completed: Flights of Fancy, Limbokin, Loveless on Lockdown, Aria at the Funeraria, Pusoy Dos, Jester Under Pressure, Dabbling in Drama, Iridescent Descent, Spirits of Limbo, Serial Killers Anonymous, Ferris Feels
And in amazing news, my little visual novel is frontpaged on Newgrounds! Weird. Apparently people like that kind of games there...
It's a dream come true, what's happening with this game!
