A Blue Horizon - Prologue

[Mobeeuz]

The Prologue for my novel Ashrealm: Book I - A Blue Horizon in SN format. I decided to output to YouTube instead so anyone could watch without downloading. There is no interactivity to it anyway, it's a sit and watch. Please tell me what you think...

Synopsis:
A plague strikes a city, slowly turning everything to ash. Orchid, a covert military organization with governmental ties, is called in to investigate. Two destroyed trains and missing passengers point towards a terrorist attack and a new biological weapon but a lone survivor knows the truth.

Disclaimer:
All images and sound effects licensed under Creative Commons. All music used under Commercial License. All text is under copyright and may not be duplicated or used without permission.

[gekiganwing]

A plague strikes a city, slowly turning everything to ash. Orchid, a covert military organization with governmental ties, is called in to investigate. Two destroyed trains and missing passengers point towards a terrorist attack and a new biological weapon but a lone survivor knows the truth.

Your premise hints at an external conflict, as well as characters who have goals which they're trying to achieve. That's a good start. I've enjoyed external conflicts and motivated characters in all sorts of fiction.

One concern which I've expressed here a few times: if a fictional world seems beyond repair, and if the characters aren't sympathetic, then it's difficult to care about a story. I am not asking for a happy ending or tacked-on comedy. Likewise, I don't think your story will benefit from an obligatory romance subplot, combat scenes just for spectacle, or multiple characters with depressing backstories. However, I believe it should seem plausible that the main characters can improve their situation. Likewise, I believe that the cast should be reasonably flawed: they should not be too perfect, but not hopeless / irredeemable.

[Mobeeuz]

Thank you for your insight... In the case of the world I have created, it is not beyond repair. In fact, most of the struggle for its resolution comes from within - mirroring the problem of the greenhouse effect. We could solve things as a species, but profits win out. The story is in fact all about redemption, and each character reflects this over the course of the novel.

The prologue is just that; Meant to whet your appetite, but only scratches the surface... If you would like to read more, the first seven chapters are available for free at Smashwords. Also, I am open to distributing an electronic copy for an honest review.