Lemma Soft Forums

Nice job finishing a nanoreno VN! I don't think I could handle that. It looks very pretty and polished from your screenshots, and your character descriptions are really funny. And I'm also a TA, so it should be cool to read a story where the protagonist shares my job! Looking forward to checking this out later.

Edit: Really enjoyed it! The voice acting was especially good. It was so short though! I can picture it just being the opening scenes of a much longer story about Lucas and Thalia's adventures. Which is something I would totally read.

This was a nicely made VN!

The GUI was really really nice and the voice acting was good - like, super good. I'm impressed at how much quality there is in this, considering it was a NaNo VN and done on a short time period o:

The story is pretty short, and seems more like an introduction to something long than a standalone story in and of itself, and the writing also seemed a little staid, though. There was a lot of 'X did this', 'X did that' in the writing, so maybe it would have been more interesting if the sentence structured was varied a bit more. Also, I think the dialogue between the characters could have flowed a bit better if there was less narration breaking it up. The use of 3rd person present is also a bit strange, as 1st person present or 3rd person past are more common, but the tenses were all correct throughout (I think) and this isn't really an issue, just a narration style that is rather rare.

Overall, I think it was pretty good u///u

parttimestorier wrote:Edit: Really enjoyed it! The voice acting was especially good. It was so short though! I can picture it just being the opening scenes of a much longer story about Lucas and Thalia's adventures. Which is something I would totally read.

Thank you! I wanted to keep it short because it was a NaNo project and I was convinced I'd never finish in time otherwise. I really enjoy these characters, though, so maybe I'll write more about them in the future.

ebi-hime wrote:The GUI was really really nice and the voice acting was good - like, super good. I'm impressed at how much quality there is in this, considering it was a NaNo VN and done on a short time period o:

Ahhh, thanks. Fortunately, I was able to find plenty of beautiful free assets to use (which required little to no tweaking.)

ebi-hime wrote:The story is pretty short, and seems more like an introduction to something long than a standalone story in and of itself, and the writing also seemed a little staid, though. There was a lot of 'X did this', 'X did that' in the writing, so maybe it would have been more interesting if the sentence structured was varied a bit more. Also, I think the dialogue between the characters could have flowed a bit better if there was less narration breaking it up.

Thank you so much for the detailed critique of the writing. I now know what to keep an eye out for in the future. :]

ebi-hime wrote:The use of 3rd person present is also a bit strange, as 1st person present or 3rd person past are more common, but the tenses were all correct throughout (I think) and this isn't really an issue, just a narration style that is rather rare.

Eheh... The other VNs I've written have been 1st person present, but I adapted an old short story I wrote in college (which was 3rd person past) for Insatiable Creatures. I knew I didn't want to make the game 1st person, but, for whatever reason, I had it in my head that most visual novels were written in the present tense. So, that was my reasoning for the 3rd person present. Oops. ^^'