Encanto [Fairytale][Fantasy][NaNoRenO 2017]

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Catlip Candy
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Encanto [Fairytale][Fantasy][NaNoRenO 2017]

#1 Post by Catlip Candy » Tue Mar 28, 2017 3:52 pm

(FINALLY! Goodbye, sleepless nights!)
Encanto (NaNoRenO 2017)

"A boy named Luke secretly sneaked out of the house to play in the woods, but stumbled upon a lake. There he meets a mysterious girl who asks him to play with her. As a child, Luke knows it's bad to lie and he's been told by his parents not to talk to strangers. His fate depends on what he chooses, if he'll abide by his parents rules, or if he'll bend the rules, just a bit."


[attachment=1]Main page.png[/attachment]
[attachment=0]Should I play with her.png[/attachment]


- The game has 6 endings.
- 5 CGs
- An Author's Notes





This visual novel is made for this year's NaNoRenO. It's my very first participation and I feel it was very rushed! Nonetheless, I enjoyed making this one. When I released my very first visual novel, I felt really happy because of the achievement I made. But soon enough, my urge to make visual novels died, but because of this NaNoRenO event, I was able to bring it back!

I know it's very rushed and the art is crappy and it's a very simple visual novel, but I hope the readers will like it. For faster unlocking of Author's Notes, here's the walkthrough.

Share your opinions and critiques below! It is very much appreciated, and it would help me which part I should improve more!
Attachments
Should I play with her.png
Main page.png
All I ask from the readers is to give feedback on what they think I should improve more.
Even the harshest comments are welcomed and greatly appreciated, as long as it is your truthful opinion!
Please help me become a better visual novel creator!

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~~~~~~ Catlip Candy ~~~~~~~



Zelan
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Re: Encanto [Fairytale][Fantasy][NaNoRenO 2017]

#2 Post by Zelan » Tue Mar 28, 2017 3:56 pm

Oh, wow, it's done already! :o Congratulations!

I'll be too busy to play through it anytime soon, but I'm downloading this now to be played as soon as I've got free time. c:

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Re: Encanto [Fairytale][Fantasy][NaNoRenO 2017]

#3 Post by Catlip Candy » Tue Mar 28, 2017 4:25 pm

Zelan wrote:Oh, wow, it's done already! :o Congratulations!

I'll be too busy to play through it anytime soon, but I'm downloading this now to be played as soon as I've got free time. c:

Thank you very much for the support :D It's okay, no rush~ I do hope you can endure reading it :lol: jk! Partly kidding XD
All I ask from the readers is to give feedback on what they think I should improve more.
Even the harshest comments are welcomed and greatly appreciated, as long as it is your truthful opinion!
Please help me become a better visual novel creator!

Image
~~~~~~ Catlip Candy ~~~~~~~



Zelan
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Re: Encanto [Fairytale][Fantasy][NaNoRenO 2017]

#4 Post by Zelan » Fri Mar 31, 2017 5:20 pm

I finished all of the endings! ^_^
It was scarier than I thought it would be! The first ending I got was the one with the car crash, and I almost jumped off the couch because I was so startled.

My favorite ending was Once Upon A Time - it was the happiest, in my opinion. Luke met Maquiling and got her message of protecting nature, but he still went home to live his life and have his own children. ^_^

I thought it was amazing how you left litter hints to tie each ending together! Like how the car crash ending mentions the resort, and the mountain looking like Maquiling, and the Once Upon A Time ending mentioned that "grandma" had met Maquiling while the mother says so in another route. Seriously, I'm so impressed by how you did that! It's not easy to do it well, but I felt like I was putting together pieces of a puzzle while I played each ending.

The CGs were so pretty as well! I think my favorite was the one that went with the With the Fairy ending.

I loved learning about the mythology that it was based on in the Author's Notes! I don't know anything about Filipino traditions or mythology, but I know there are a lot of people from the Philippines on this forum and I think it's so cool to see them all talk about their culture. (I haven't actually seen Moana yet... I probably should.)
After all of that gushing, I do have a couple of criticisms:
-There were some parts where there was no music for a long time. It's usually a good idea to have background music as often as you can in visual novels, and save silence for parts where the silence emphasizes the situation. However, the places that you did include music were great choices! owo
-There were a lot of grammar mistakes, but that is understandable since English isn't your first language. New languages are hard. >.< I've tried to write stories in Spanish before and they're... kind of a mess, haha. I can find all of them for you if you want to fix them, or if you'd rather leave them be that's fine too. c: I would suggest finding people who are willing to proofread for your future projects so that you can eliminate most of those errors. Even though the grammar was off, though, the story itself was fantastic! I think if you put out a version in your native language, it would show off your skills even more.
-In the With the Fairy ending, the perspective switching can get kind of confusing. I think it was a good idea to use it because it gives all of those points of view, but it would make it easier to follow to have a label for who's narrating. ^_^
I really enjoyed your VN! ^_^ I hope to play more from you someday.

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Re: Encanto [Fairytale][Fantasy][NaNoRenO 2017]

#5 Post by Catlip Candy » Sat Apr 01, 2017 1:56 pm

Zelan wrote:I finished all of the endings! ^_^
It was scarier than I thought it would be! The first ending I got was the one with the car crash, and I almost jumped off the couch because I was so startled.

My favorite ending was Once Upon A Time - it was the happiest, in my opinion. Luke met Maquiling and got her message of protecting nature, but he still went home to live his life and have his own children. ^_^

I thought it was amazing how you left litter hints to tie each ending together! Like how the car crash ending mentions the resort, and the mountain looking like Maquiling, and the Once Upon A Time ending mentioned that "grandma" had met Maquiling while the mother says so in another route. Seriously, I'm so impressed by how you did that! It's not easy to do it well, but I felt like I was putting together pieces of a puzzle while I played each ending.

The CGs were so pretty as well! I think my favorite was the one that went with the With the Fairy ending.

I loved learning about the mythology that it was based on in the Author's Notes! I don't know anything about Filipino traditions or mythology, but I know there are a lot of people from the Philippines on this forum and I think it's so cool to see them all talk about their culture. (I haven't actually seen Moana yet... I probably should.)
After all of that gushing, I do have a couple of criticisms:
-There were some parts where there was no music for a long time. It's usually a good idea to have background music as often as you can in visual novels, and save silence for parts where the silence emphasizes the situation. However, the places that you did include music were great choices! owo
-There were a lot of grammar mistakes, but that is understandable since English isn't your first language. New languages are hard. >.< I've tried to write stories in Spanish before and they're... kind of a mess, haha. I can find all of them for you if you want to fix them, or if you'd rather leave them be that's fine too. c: I would suggest finding people who are willing to proofread for your future projects so that you can eliminate most of those errors. Even though the grammar was off, though, the story itself was fantastic! I think if you put out a version in your native language, it would show off your skills even more.
-In the With the Fairy ending, the perspective switching can get kind of confusing. I think it was a good idea to use it because it gives all of those points of view, but it would make it easier to follow to have a label for who's narrating. ^_^
I really enjoyed your VN! ^_^ I hope to play more from you someday.

Very much thanks for the thorough critique! I appreciate it so much!

Replying to the criticism:
- The parts where there wasn't music, I thought it'd be fine if I leave them without music. It was actually because I didn't know what music to put them :cry: I couldn't find music that'd suit the scene but now I know it could be awkward if there are scenes without music! Thank you for pointing that out!
- Grammaaaaar T_T I admit I'm not so good with it XD I have a friend who played it and told me some of my English was kinda off XD And she said it was those parts where some words should've been in the past tense when I made it in present tense. Could you remember some parts where the grammar was wrong? I don't know if I'll be able to correct them or if I'll do a Filipino translated version of this VN and re-upload again cos... internet issues :cry: Yes, I think I should have someone proofread it. I think I read some threads about people volunteering to be proofreaders! They're so kind *^* Thanks so much for pointing my grammar out, I'll be extra careful with it from now on!~
- Thanks so much for also mentioning the switching of point of views! I'll follow that advice of yours, giving some labels in the future if I'm to use switching PoVs again!~

Honestly, I thought one critic I'll get is about the art, cos, I just think that they're really ugly XD So I'm trying to improve it more, and along with your criticism, I'll improve my grammar and will definitely have my next VN proofread, will be more careful in using POV switching and will try to search harder for suitable music to put in the VNs!

I'm really really really glad you enjoyed the VN! It encourages me very much to make another visual novel in the future and because of your critiques, the next VN will be much better! Again, thank you very much, Zelan!~
All I ask from the readers is to give feedback on what they think I should improve more.
Even the harshest comments are welcomed and greatly appreciated, as long as it is your truthful opinion!
Please help me become a better visual novel creator!

Image
~~~~~~ Catlip Candy ~~~~~~~



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Re: Encanto [Fairytale][Fantasy][NaNoRenO 2017]

#6 Post by J-Ray » Tue Sep 12, 2017 12:07 am

Hi,

I was looking through the forum, curious how many Fantasy, Fairytale novels are actually were ctreated lately and eventually found your story.

I like it! The story has its pros and cons, but more important that it has an interesting idea and it is created by a good heart.

I only would wish this story to be less strightforward, more layered, intriguing... some dialogs less controversal with the whole story... but again - it's all might be just a result of lack of time.
Oh, music and sound - fantasy story REALLY needs good music and good sound.

Anyway, it was your first VN and it was interesting to play, and of course, I wish you a good luck with your next project :)

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Re: Encanto [Fairytale][Fantasy][NaNoRenO 2017]

#7 Post by Catlip Candy » Thu Oct 05, 2017 5:06 am

J-Ray wrote:
Tue Sep 12, 2017 12:07 am
Hi,

I was looking through the forum, curious how many Fantasy, Fairytale novels are actually were ctreated lately and eventually found your story.

I like it! The story has its pros and cons, but more important that it has an interesting idea and it is created by a good heart.

I only would wish this story to be less strightforward, more layered, intriguing... some dialogs less controversal with the whole story... but again - it's all might be just a result of lack of time.
Oh, music and sound - fantasy story REALLY needs good music and good sound.

Anyway, it was your first VN and it was interesting to play, and of course, I wish you a good luck with your next project :)

Thanks! I didn't really pay much attention to the script tho, and yes, it's really made in a rush. Thanks for playing my game and for your good wishes! :D
All I ask from the readers is to give feedback on what they think I should improve more.
Even the harshest comments are welcomed and greatly appreciated, as long as it is your truthful opinion!
Please help me become a better visual novel creator!

Image
~~~~~~ Catlip Candy ~~~~~~~



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