Adult content should not be posted in this forum.
Personally I don't think The Crossroads is worse, it's just different. And people like different things, for me both settings are working just fine, for others The Crossroads is not their cup of tea and that's ok. It doesn't mean you failed or something, Harliqueen
And let me tell you that when I learned last night about your project The Wayhaven Chronicles, it was almost my bedtime and I just thought - ok, I'll just check it out for 5 min and I'm going to bed. Guess what - I didn't go to bed until I've finished it. And I want more, it's incredible and has entirely different setting and style.
So in short I'll just say you've become one of my favorite writers and I'm stalking your future projects
Now off to replay The Wayhaven Chronicles with less sarcastic MC...
Funny enough, I liked these guys more than the ones in your previous games. Everyone has different preferences, I guess, but I really enjoyed the romance. The only thing that made me sad was leaving one of the guys behind in the end, but that's only because I connected so much with them. You did a fantastic job with this game.
I loved the character sprites and the backgrounds, though few, were pleasant to look at. I especially liked the character customization, it was a nice touch, though it's a shame only one option appears in the gallery. I also liked how many options there were to personalize the player character in dialogue; despite the game having (by design) very similar paths. I liked how there was enough wiggle room to end up with a character with a different personality, (and that it was commented on by one of the boys!)
Oh, I also liked that the player character could actually flirt; in a lot of other visual novels I've played, it seems like the love-interests do all the work, so I was glad it went both ways (though I wish Lucan could have... delivered on more of those steamy promises!). I liked the personality differences between both boys.
You are to be commended for accomplishing this for NaNo17!
As to things I wish had been done differently...
When it comes to the writing, I feel there was a little too much of "and then time passed" throughout the story. Having established early on that there was basically no TV or internet or anything for the main character to pass the time, (a bit of a plot point) it really did make me question how the main character was passing all that time. Sleeping? Lamenting the state of their life? Stalking the boys around? All those answers are fine, and leaving it up to the player to decide what their character would do is good, but I think there was a missed opportunity here to expand on the mystery of the house.
While the player character is kept in the dark by necessity of the story, I feel as though the house itself could have been a mysterious character that she explores during all that time, giving her something to do, and that the final revelation by the boys would be the piece that puts it all together. Rooms that vanish and reappear! Stairwells that go on forever! Rooms that move around and have different eras of furnishing in them! Ghosts of previous spirits that never managed to leave, faded to whispers and little mischief like moving small objects around or making the curtains sway... Okay, maybe that wasn't the tone you wanted for this, but its where my mind went. Maybe even smaller things would suffice to add little hints of "wrongness", like the main character noticing that the flowers Tristan put in the kitchen never withering, or there's no dust in any of the rooms despite the fact that no one else is seen cleaning, stuff like that.
I also thought some of the conversations between the player character and the boys could have been a bit more exploratory on the boys part. So far as the reader can tell, the only experiences the boys have of the outside world have been through her, so having played through the game the first time and found out the secret of The Crossroads, I was expecting a little more awkwardness or eagerness to learn on the part of both boys. It could have lead to some awkward conversations, where the boys misunderstood or struggled to understand relatively simple modern concepts or stories from the player character's life. It would have been a challenge, I think, but it also would have added to the mystery of the place and people in it up to the big reveal.
The ending raised a lot of questions that weren't really addressed. I understand leaving things open to interpretation and letting the player decide what ultimately became of the characters going forward. With that said, (in no particular order):
Who was the lawyer? God? Lord Xenu?
How did Tristan order pizza if people in town didn't know where the house was (because it's a pocket dimension, or the crossroads of space/time (insert Fringe description here)?. Did the lawyer order pizza, and have food brought to the house? Also, can I snag that job please?
What kind of spirits were Tristan and Lucan? I feel like the tell-all conversation should have had a few more questions (and answers!) in that vein. Were they punished for a past deed to wait within that limbo? Did they choose their own (beautiful) bodies? Not that I'm complaining: if my character has no job/apartment or prospects after The Crossroads, at least she'll have a beautiful man to cuddle with (even if they're only cuddling under a cardboard box in an alleyway somewhere) but the moment spirits get introduced, I start having all sorts of questions.
Hmm, I had a few more questions and comments but I lost track of my thoughts. I'm going to go play again and see what else comes up!
Please keep up the great work (after a nice long rest!). I can't wait to see how your next projects turn out!
- Flowers from Nowhere
- Posts: 138
- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2013 8:16 am
- Completed: The Crystal Castle
- Projects: My Ninja Life
I can't judge that one myself being as I just tend to like route-based games better in general because I feel like they're more able to focus.Harliqueen wrote:I think I'm probably better at route-based things because I can focus on story with only 1 love interest, something I will definitely think more about for next year if I participate again.
I'm certainly in the crowd that liked Lady's Choice better but this is insane for a NaNo game. Writing is good. Paths are fair sized. Characters are distinct and likeable. Customizable protagonist! I never even considered having a black mc with freckles before! The best! Thank you so much for this wonderful game!
- The romance is so CUTE! Simple yet impressive, nothing like anything I've seen before.
- The writing was good and light, I never felt bored playing.
- The characters had uniqueness to them and were lovable. Especially Lucan here who easily caught my heart, ahh. :p The way she notices and describes how Lucan is always intense and sometimes is relaxed or his elegant movement etc. they are simple and subtle things maybe in the body language or other but they make me as a reader live the situation in nicer way, it adds alot to the image. If that made sense? ""n_n It's hard for me to explain hehehe. When she said he fainted and he asked if she could use another word I laughed, it was funny considering the seriousness of the situation yet adorable at the same time and suited his character. And he PURRS her name *melts*Unlike other stories, where I tend to find the characters flirty of nature more rude and shallow as if the repeated flirting values nothing, I find meaningfulness here.
- The story was not very eventful (house-sitting in a mansion), nevertheless it still was entertaining. And realistic. Plus, this made the focus on the romance and getting to know the other person--which I really liked. Sometimes, a story can have many events but lacks the in the areas I mentioned. So, there was a good balance here.
- I lean towards longer stories, but the length and progress here are fine, befitting the story and also putting in mind the small amount of time you had to create this game. However, I wished the ending was longer........... or you could just make us a sequel! maybe they could make the other person human, that would be nice. I felt bad leaving Tristan alone. Also, I didn't understand the thing about the ownership case? How did the lawyer know about it? This was confusing me, but then again maybe it's just me unfocused yesterday because of my tiredness. ""n_nLastly, the beginning is fine as it is, but spicing it up would be even better, making it more catching is an aspect alot of writers usually ignore it's importance.