[text] - A Summer Tale (Old Version)

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sake-bento
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[text] - A Summer Tale (Old Version)

#1 Post by sake-bento »

EDIT: This is the old version of [text]. The complete remake (with better...everything) is here.
(But this thread remains for anyone interested in seeing the original.)

It's my NaNo game! Well...technically it's not...I started it last month, but then stopped. In the end, I did 75% of the writing, 25% of the art, and all the other stuff in the past three days. So it's like a month, just broken up into pieces. This is also my first visual novel, as it actually has choices and a branching storyline.
(So I guess it's IntRen, but it's the same idea...)

Summary:
You're visiting your Uncle in the countryside for a week when a mysterious guy texts you on your phone. The two of you quickly develop a friendship...but perhaps your relationship could become more. There's not much time, so do your best. ^-^

I experimented with the storytelling a bit in this game, but hopefully that makes it more interesting. ^_^;; Three endings - try to get the best one. ^-^
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Last edited by sake-bento on Sun Apr 19, 2009 7:27 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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Re: [text] - A Summer Tale

#2 Post by F.I.A »

I assume the endings include:
- End with camping.
- Kicked out of house.
- Death.

Unless there are some good ending that I don't know the combination to. If yes, perhaps a tips or so would be appreciated.

A rather intriguing piece. Though some might complain if there is no justice for Andrew.
A little typo:
When you chose not to go to the bakery, the second text(Which should belongs to Andrew) has a "To: Andrew" tab instead.
「通りすがりのメーカだ。覚えとけ。」

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Re: [text] - A Summer Tale

#3 Post by sake-bento »

F.I.A wrote:
I assume the endings include:
- End with camping.
- Kicked out of house.
- Death.

Unless there are some good ending that I don't know the combination to. If yes, perhaps a tips or so would be appreciated.

A rather intriguing piece. Though some might complain if there is no justice for Andrew.
A little typo:
When you chose not to go to the bakery, the second text(Which should belongs to Andrew) has a "To: Andrew" tab instead.
Those are, in fact, all the endings. When I conceived it, I never intended a "happy" ending, as the initial inspiration was Edgar Allan Poe's "The Fall of the House of Usher." Hopefully people don't mind too much. >_<
And typo fixed. Thank you.

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Re: [text] - A Summer Tale

#4 Post by Aashtarsrain »

Downloaded ! Can't wait playing yours ! :D

Played ! :D
Found and loved the three endings. Nothing better than a good old mystery tale ! I enjoyed the very clever multi-screen-context effect (NVL text/phone and bg/text on the phone) and of course the branching story (I loooove menus and choices !)
Thank you for this nice piece !

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Re: [text] - A Summer Tale

#5 Post by Taleweaver »

Not bad at all! Love the unusual design of the screen with text to the right and the phone to the left; and the voice acting is a definite plus for the mood. Took me two tries to get to the best (true) ending, but that was an ending where everything clicked together - so good work, if maybe a little short.
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Re: [text] - A Summer Tale

#6 Post by victorita9 »

i don't know how this game can only get 4 responses. It's so good and scary.

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Re: [text] - A Summer Tale

#7 Post by Taleweaver »

Well - a little constructive critcizm might be due, having played it yet again.

A few of the plot points seemed weird, in retrospect:
First of all, if Andrew wants to be found, why doesn't he just tell the protagonist where he is? I mean - it sure wouldn't be a scary story, then, but if he neither has problems communicating nor thinks he's still alive, there should be no reason for him to keep quiet.
Secondly - a very minor plot - if our protagonist didn't recharge her phone the first time, it's either dead or not with her in the evening. Strangely, if that's the case, she never gets the text message that causes her to check out the lake. Shouldn't she have just received the message later, then? Text messages aren't lost when the power on a phone dies.
Then there's the "murderous uncle" thing. While I understand he might get away with Andrew disappearing (he only worked there and could have moved on), the disappearance of his own niece will certainly raise more questions than he can handle. Unless he's a total psychopath (which he doesn't look to our protagonist), the second murder just doesn't make sense.
Don't get me wrong - "text" is a beautiful game, but the plot, in retrospect, was a little hard to swallow.
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Re: [text] - A Summer Tale

#8 Post by sake-bento »

victorita9 wrote:i don't know how this game can only get 4 responses. It's so good and scary.
Everyone's still trying to figure out pXt. XD Or maybe they're just afraid that the game will be nothing but text. For those of you who do fear such a thing - yeah, you're mostly right.
Taleweaver wrote:Well - a little constructive critcizm might be due, having played it yet again.

A few of the plot points seemed weird, in retrospect:
First of all, if Andrew wants to be found, why doesn't he just tell the protagonist where he is? I mean - it sure wouldn't be a scary story, then, but if he neither has problems communicating nor thinks he's still alive, there should be no reason for him to keep quiet.
Secondly - a very minor plot - if our protagonist didn't recharge her phone the first time, it's either dead or not with her in the evening. Strangely, if that's the case, she never gets the text message that causes her to check out the lake. Shouldn't she have just received the message later, then? Text messages aren't lost when the power on a phone dies.
Then there's the "murderous uncle" thing. While I understand he might get away with Andrew disappearing (he only worked there and could have moved on), the disappearance of his own niece will certainly raise more questions than he can handle. Unless he's a total psychopath (which he doesn't look to our protagonist), the second murder just doesn't make sense.
Don't get me wrong - "text" is a beautiful game, but the plot, in retrospect, was a little hard to swallow.
The first issue has no decent reasoning. I just figured "getting texts from a ghost!" would be interesting.

The second one is probably based on my own quirks. I always turn my phone off when I charge it, so I wrote it assuming the phone would be off the entire time (and she would thus not get her Uncle's message until the next morning when she turned it on). I have since learned that many people do not turn their phones off for such charging practices.

And the third was something I just wrote poorly. Her Uncle's deteriorating health was meant to be mental as well, from the strain of having killed someone. Thus, his reasoning facilities are lacking.
Thank you very much for the critiques. It's always an honor when someone takes the time to offer advice.

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Re: [text] - A Summer Tale

#9 Post by Lestat »

Super Game!!!
May i ask your(i don't know how to say better)...may i translate your game??? - many russian gamers will love your game :) and one more question(how to translate it?)

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Re: [text] - A Summer Tale

#10 Post by Shinrei_Reheiner »

It was a very nice game.
The voice was great and added to the feel of the game.:3
Putting the dialogue on the right and the left was awesome!
Thank you for posting it!>w<
Got the end with camping in my first try.^^
"...I'll keep on going.No matter how tough things get, I will overcome it."(...I hope...)

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Re: [text] - A Summer Tale

#11 Post by tigerkidde »

I really liked the presentation, the ambience, and the audio of the VA.
Got kicked out first, then camping ending. I was both deprived of sleep and wearing good headphones when I discovered the darker ending. The description combined with the horrified reaction was excellent. My heart is still pounding as I type this. I was also afraid Mara would do a terrifying scream, so that may have put extra pressure on me as I was reading it.
On the critiquing side of things, when I go through as is, I enjoy the presentation. When I try to make sense of the story's ghost element, I get myself in a mental bind. Then I begin to wonder if I'm throwing some kind of Zen spin such as Andrew actually wanting Mara to not only find him, somehow accept him in all forms, and possibly join him. Although that thought slipped when he said 'Run!', but if he had the...

And you see where I'm going, I'm overthinking what's happening in that scene, but when we're dealing with fictional elements, there is a myriad of things that could be going, a myriad of perceptions and

whoops, I'm overthinking again, ha!
I enjoyed it! Gonna show this to some others.
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Re: [text] - A Summer Tale

#12 Post by MaiMai »

I really enjoyed this game! I got so scared during the night scene ;A; This VN has me inspired to try to make my own! I'm a total first timer. XD
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Re: [text] - A Summer Tale

#13 Post by sake-bento »

Thank you very much for your kind comments. I'm glad that in the end the game brought out the emotions I was aiming for. It's not a genre I write very often, so this was an experiment for me in a lot of ways. I am happy that you were able to enjoy it~

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Re: [text] - A Summer Tale

#14 Post by Wintermoon »

Interesting story.

All of the endings seem somewhat abrupt, which made me feel like I missed the "true" ending. Especially since
the only ending that actually explains anything is the worst one. It seems somewhat contrived that, despite spending a lot of time alone in the house, the protagonist cannot visit the pond without her uncle finding out.
However, that's not necessarily a bad thing in this case. Adding an ending where
you discover Andrew and escape
could have taken away from the simple charm of the story. Sometimes it's best to leave the "true" ending to the reader's imagination.

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Re: [text] - A Summer Tale

#15 Post by Guest »

well, this surprised me.
From the description, I clicked on it thinking it would be a light little romance/slice-of-life thingy, but what do I get? A dead kid texting me from my murderous uncle's pond; I love it.
I do agree with Taleweaver on some of the plot points though. One thing that seemed really weird to me was how readily Mara responded to Andrew-I know that if I got some random text from a person I didn't know, I wouldn't just tell them my name and address as soon as they ask. : P
Overall it was very well done though, and even though there were no portraits to show facial expression I think the voicing filled that roll pretty well. Good stuff.

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