Her List [NaNoRenO 2018]

Finished games are posted here, once they've been tested and are ready for wide release.
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Catlip Candy
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Her List [NaNoRenO 2018]

#1 Post by Catlip Candy » Fri Mar 30, 2018 8:25 pm

Hello! This is my second NaNoRenO!

Story: "A boy wanted to end his life, but his views about life change when he met a mysterious girl one night at the park."
Download Link: CLICK ME!

It has:
- Two Endings (*cri)
- Four Cringeworthy CG Art
- 8k words
- A 30 minute gameplay (probably)

Genre/Theme could be: Dark, Introspective, Bullying, Suicidal thoughts
I hope no one feels too down with the script. But I'm not a good writer, so I know you guys will be fine *-*)b

Walkthrough:
Choose School>Arcade>Beach
This VN is really rushed. There are only two sprites. My CGs look so bad >.> and the sprites' emotions are really limited... My sister also played it and she said my stories get worse as time goes by XD This is already my third VN. I guess I'll just have to do better next time *-*)b

I don't have any author's note in the game because I want to end my misery asap ;-;) still no sleep.

Here's the Author's Note then:
So, I did this Visual Novel mainly because I want to participate in this year's NaNoRenO, but the reason how I came up with this story is due to the inspiration I've found from my depressed friends. I have four people with whom I chat with, and they were all depressed and suicidal. I have never experienced depression at all, and I have never even tried cutting myself. Due to this lack of experience, it probably explains the poor writing skill when it comes to this kind of genre (orrrr! I'm just making that as an excuse lol).

And another thing. The other sprite used in this game, the guy from the park. That character was introduced in my very first Visual Novel, so some people may not be able to relate to him, or some people may get confused. I plan to make a visual novel entirely for him, but I have to hone my skills for that day in the future.
I was thinking of dropping this project, but still, people's comments encouraged me not to do so. Thanks for all the support!
All I ask from the readers is to give feedback on what they think I should improve more.
Even the harshest comments are welcomed and greatly appreciated, as long as it is your truthful opinion!
Please help me become a better visual novel creator!

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~~~~~~ Catlip Candy ~~~~~~~



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Donmai
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Posts: 1754
Joined: Sun Jun 10, 2012 1:45 am
Completed: Toire No Hanako, Li'l Red [NaNoRenO 2013], The One in LOVE [NaNoRenO 2014], Running Blade [NaNoRenO 2016], The Other Question
Projects: Slumberland
Location: Brazil
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Re: Her List [NaNoRenO 2018]

#2 Post by Donmai » Sat Mar 31, 2018 3:07 pm

Congratulations on concluding you NaNo entry! :D

Err... finally, a "slice of life" which really means slicing (sorry, couldn't resist). Not really a problem with your game, but with the impatient player here: I smashed my nose against a sequence of bad endings when I started playing, which annoyed me a bit. The story introduction made clear to me what the story was all about, and so I was anxious to find the right path through the rest of that interesting and captivating story.
Catlip Candy wrote:This VN is really rushed. There are only two sprites. My CGs look so bad >.> and the sprites' emotions are really limited...
That just means yours is a perfectly normal NaNo game. Don't worry, you can always revisit it if you want and make a new version if you feel like it. I've made revisions to nearly all of my past NaNo entries. I only would think twice about using some of those overused Kevin MacLeod tunes.
Maybe it's just me, but the music really distracted me a lot. I kept thinking "oh, I heard this song in x, y and z game" (that included one of my own games :oops: ).
I think that's it. I really enjoyed your game (after finding the right path, yeah :lol: ). Thank you for creating it.
Last edited by Donmai on Sun Apr 01, 2018 1:52 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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No, sorry! You must be mistaking me for someone else.
TOIRE NO HANAKO (A Story About Fear)

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Kokoro Hane
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Completed: 30 Kilowatt Hours Left, The Only One Girl { First Quarter }, Crystal Captor: Memory Chronicle Finale, Journey of The Scroll
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Re: Her List [NaNoRenO 2018]

#3 Post by Kokoro Hane » Sun Apr 01, 2018 12:10 pm

Just finished playing your game! And I must say, I absolutely LOVED IT. I like the flow of your writing, there were a few grammar mistakes but they were seldom and in no way distracting.

Rest of my thoughts in spoilers;
I love the hope that this gave. A dying girl inspires a boy who wants to end it all to live. One thing I really liked about it is it brought up how isolation can be a killer. Not telling your feelings could make life worse when the fix is simple. While I've never been suicidal myself, I've suffered deep depression recently and wanted to give up... by give up, I meant throw away my passions and dreams and just sit and waste away doing nothing but binge watch music videos and sleep all day. But I knew this wasn't right. Keeping myself isolated made things worse and when I finally opened up about it with friends, they were so worried and gave me words of encouragement, some even know how I felt. So yes, being isolated isn't good, sometimes opening up is the answer too. You can't get help if you don't ask. I had a friend a few years back who was a member of my game dev team and most of the time I knew him, he was in the hospital. He even recorded a lot of his lines for me whilst in the hospital. The day came when he knew he was going to pass away, I remember that final day he not only told his feelings for me but also told me to keep writing and making VNs because "what you make is really good, you might help someone someday". Remembering the promise I made to him, I have to keep living life to the fullest. He meant a lot to me, so this VN had me bawling. While different from my story, it still had a lot of relateable elements for me that tugged at my heart strings and keep reminding and inspiring me never to give up, to live, to be happy, and to help others. I loved how at the end when 10 years later, he decides to have a chat with the kid that reminds him of himself, indicating that the spark of hope will be spread. It reminds me of an old VN I was working on, which is near finished and I should release someday lol.

Also. knowing the truth about the girl, it makes the bad ends even MORE heartbreaking because not only does it indicate our main gave up, but that girl's final wish was probably left unfulfilled.
But yeah, your story meant a lot to me. It was beautiful, so don't think your writing is terrible. Keep at it! You managed to make me literally cry and reminded me of why I love to do what I do, and why I need to keep at it.

Congrats on finishing NaNoRenO. It is a beast I have yet to defeat myself xD
PROJECTS:
Journey of The Scroll [COMPLETE][RPG]IGMC'17]
False Hope [Demo][WiP][SuNoFes'17]
Crystal Captor: Memory Chronicle Finale [COMPLETE][RPG][#1 in So Bad It's Good jam '17]
The Only One Girl [WiP][Up.5/20/2017][1stQ ver. released]
30 Kilowatt Hours Left [COMPLETE][GameJolt GDC Jam2016]

But dear God, You're the only North Star I would follow this far
Owl City "Galaxies"

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Catlip Candy
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Posts: 140
Joined: Tue Nov 25, 2014 5:03 am
Completed: Raven // Encanto
Projects: My Twisted Love Story (title susceptible to change)
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Re: Her List [NaNoRenO 2018]

#4 Post by Catlip Candy » Mon Apr 02, 2018 9:00 am

Donmai wrote:
Sat Mar 31, 2018 3:07 pm
Congratulations on concluding you NaNo entry! :D

Err... finally, a "slice of life" which really means slicing (sorry, couldn't resist). Not really a problem with your game, but with the impatient player here: I smashed my nose against a sequence of bad endings when I started playing, which annoyed me a bit. The story introduction made clear to me what the story was all about, and so I was anxious to find the right path through the rest of that interesting and captivating story.
Catlip Candy wrote:This VN is really rushed. There are only two sprites. My CGs look so bad >.> and the sprites' emotions are really limited...
That just means yours is a perfectly normal NaNo game. Don't worry, you can always revisit it if you want and make a new version if you feel like it. I've made revisions to nearly all of my past NaNo entries. I only would think twice about using some of those overused Kevin MacLeod tunes.
Maybe it's just me, but the music really distracted me a lot. I kept thinking "oh, I heard this song in x, y and z game" (that included one of my own games :oops: ).
I think that's it. I really enjoyed your game (after finding the right path, yeah :lol: ). Thank you for creating it.
Thanks so much for playing! I didn't know this could actually be a Slice of Life XD I'm going to edit the post and include that in the themes. And thanks for pointing the music out. I was actually a bit hesitant to use MacLeod's music, but I didn't have time to search through the forums of more music @-@ It was also difficult choosing which music is good for what scene, and I'll try downloading more music! Thanks again!
Kokoro Hane wrote:
Sun Apr 01, 2018 12:10 pm
Just finished playing your game! And I must say, I absolutely LOVED IT. I like the flow of your writing, there were a few grammar mistakes but they were seldom and in no way distracting.

Rest of my thoughts in spoilers;
I love the hope that this gave. A dying girl inspires a boy who wants to end it all to live. One thing I really liked about it is it brought up how isolation can be a killer. Not telling your feelings could make life worse when the fix is simple. While I've never been suicidal myself, I've suffered deep depression recently and wanted to give up... by give up, I meant throw away my passions and dreams and just sit and waste away doing nothing but binge watch music videos and sleep all day. But I knew this wasn't right. Keeping myself isolated made things worse and when I finally opened up about it with friends, they were so worried and gave me words of encouragement, some even know how I felt. So yes, being isolated isn't good, sometimes opening up is the answer too. You can't get help if you don't ask. I had a friend a few years back who was a member of my game dev team and most of the time I knew him, he was in the hospital. He even recorded a lot of his lines for me whilst in the hospital. The day came when he knew he was going to pass away, I remember that final day he not only told his feelings for me but also told me to keep writing and making VNs because "what you make is really good, you might help someone someday". Remembering the promise I made to him, I have to keep living life to the fullest. He meant a lot to me, so this VN had me bawling. While different from my story, it still had a lot of relateable elements for me that tugged at my heart strings and keep reminding and inspiring me never to give up, to live, to be happy, and to help others. I loved how at the end when 10 years later, he decides to have a chat with the kid that reminds him of himself, indicating that the spark of hope will be spread. It reminds me of an old VN I was working on, which is near finished and I should release someday lol.

Also. knowing the truth about the girl, it makes the bad ends even MORE heartbreaking because not only does it indicate our main gave up, but that girl's final wish was probably left unfulfilled.
But yeah, your story meant a lot to me. It was beautiful, so don't think your writing is terrible. Keep at it! You managed to make me literally cry and reminded me of why I love to do what I do, and why I need to keep at it.

Congrats on finishing NaNoRenO. It is a beast I have yet to defeat myself xD
Thanks for playing and sharing your thoughts! Your comment made me cry T~T I .. actually kept on telling that it's a crappy VN @-@ I wasn't satisfied with the results of my VN... However, I'm just glad that I was able to make readers relate, or somehow inspire them with this story. The thing is, I don't really know how people with depression really feel, and it's difficult to make a story because it feels like speaking in behalf of them as I make the script when I'm not really in my right place to do it because I didn't experience what they did.

Thanks again for playing and your comments inspired me to keep on making VNs! T~T
All I ask from the readers is to give feedback on what they think I should improve more.
Even the harshest comments are welcomed and greatly appreciated, as long as it is your truthful opinion!
Please help me become a better visual novel creator!

Image
~~~~~~ Catlip Candy ~~~~~~~



User avatar
Kokoro Hane
Miko-Class Veteran
Posts: 922
Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2011 6:51 pm
Completed: 30 Kilowatt Hours Left, The Only One Girl { First Quarter }, Crystal Captor: Memory Chronicle Finale, Journey of The Scroll
Projects: False Hope, An Encounter ~In The Rain~, The Only One Girl
Organization: Tofu Sheets Visual
Deviantart: kokoro-hane
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Re: Her List [NaNoRenO 2018]

#5 Post by Kokoro Hane » Mon Apr 09, 2018 11:06 pm

Catlip Candy wrote:
Mon Apr 02, 2018 9:00 am
Thanks for playing and sharing your thoughts! Your comment made me cry T~T I .. actually kept on telling that it's a crappy VN @-@ I wasn't satisfied with the results of my VN... However, I'm just glad that I was able to make readers relate, or somehow inspire them with this story. The thing is, I don't really know how people with depression really feel, and it's difficult to make a story because it feels like speaking in behalf of them as I make the script when I'm not really in my right place to do it because I didn't experience what they did.

Thanks again for playing and your comments inspired me to keep on making VNs! T~T
It\s understandable, but I feel you made a really relateable story and portrayed things well. Sure, things felt a little rushed in some places due to the time limit, but is normal for NaNoRenO or any jam~ Overall, it was lovely and touched me and I look forward to what you make next. I feel writing is a good way to sort of explore other feelings in a way, you know?
I feel the girl is a perfect example, as despite her ailment, she was always optimistic and probably never knew depression in the way he did, so knowng him helped her to understand. However, knowing her helped him know optimism since she was a person ill most of her life and he was healthy, so he probably felt guilty for being pathetic and depressed over things with an easy fix. That is just my interpretation, anyway. I know I sometimes feel that way, I feel inspired when I see someone so optimistic despite their condition, conditions worse than my own and I start to feel ashamed for complaining when I have it easier than them, so it inspires me to be more optimistic too, which I feel you portrayed in this story greatly.
PROJECTS:
Journey of The Scroll [COMPLETE][RPG]IGMC'17]
False Hope [Demo][WiP][SuNoFes'17]
Crystal Captor: Memory Chronicle Finale [COMPLETE][RPG][#1 in So Bad It's Good jam '17]
The Only One Girl [WiP][Up.5/20/2017][1stQ ver. released]
30 Kilowatt Hours Left [COMPLETE][GameJolt GDC Jam2016]

But dear God, You're the only North Star I would follow this far
Owl City "Galaxies"

Zelan
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Re: Her List [NaNoRenO 2018]

#6 Post by Zelan » Thu May 24, 2018 3:04 pm

can't believe you had the nerve to make me cry

And it's NOT CRAPPY, you've done an amazing job for the second year in a row!! I really loved this story. I don't really have anything extra to add besides what Kokoro Hane said, but this was a really beautiful story. I'm really proud of you for finishing it :D

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Catlip Candy
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Joined: Tue Nov 25, 2014 5:03 am
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Location: Philippines
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Re: Her List [NaNoRenO 2018]

#7 Post by Catlip Candy » Thu May 31, 2018 8:05 am

Thanks so much, Zelan! :D I'm just glad people are playing the visual novels I make and that they can relate to it somehow. Thanks for sharing your comments! I get encouragement from all your comments to make another NaNoRenO VN (I think I can't make other VNs nowadays, but I'll keep on making VNs in March!)
All I ask from the readers is to give feedback on what they think I should improve more.
Even the harshest comments are welcomed and greatly appreciated, as long as it is your truthful opinion!
Please help me become a better visual novel creator!

Image
~~~~~~ Catlip Candy ~~~~~~~



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