Adult content should not be posted in this forum.
'If you don't live your life to the fullest, you don't deserve to live at all.'
A short, 5-minute VN I came up with. More story than interaction.
I'd love to know what people think about it, and how I can improve. Constructive criticism appreciated.
- Eileen-Class Veteran
- Posts: 1406
- Joined: Fri Feb 17, 2006 12:47 pm
- Completed: http://rd2k2-games.blogspot.com
Also, the main character seems to be only experiencing a series of events rather than being directly affected by them. The divorce at the beginning didn't really have any significance than to sort of make a character profile for the protagonist and it didn't seem to have anything to do with his relationship to
Technical Issues: The free graphics don't really work very well, in my opinion, since there's no consistency to them. The art style varies too greatly in both the backgrounds and the character sprites that in the end, this VN could have done better by leaving out the graphics altogether or going with just consistently filtered backgrounds.
- Posts: 338
- Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2006 2:27 am
- Completed: see sig below
- Projects: always; never not
- Organization: Team BG
- Location: PA, USA
This is where I have to completely disagree. Sure, there IS a disharmony amongst the sprites, and one can easily argue the appropriateness of the mother sprite... a little too much perhaps, for such an innocent story... but this is in fact the piece's most endearing aspect.lordcloudx wrote:Technical Issues: The free graphics don't really work very well, in my opinion, since there's no consistency to them. The art style varies too greatly in both the backgrounds and the character sprites that in the end, this VN could have done better by leaving out the graphics altogether or going with just consistently filtered backgrounds.
In a culture now so focused on custom this and original that, the drive to actually complete something, disharmony and cohesiveness be damned, is really refreshing, thanks to its now uncommonness... Other creators might bark at you for this, but you have my admiration at least... pushing something out the door is a huge improvement over those bragging about the infinite polishing their works undergo while all they really do is sand down their monument into a pebble...
You do have a lot of room for improvement, but that's hardly a negative. And you've already taken two huge first steps --- Getting that all-important first game done and showing the proper "get done" spirit. Congrats on your first, and good luck with your future endeavors!
The Compendium of Drake:
Starlit Sky ~ Songs of Araiah ~ Mirai Imouto ~ Temple Glen ~ Fuyu no Tabi
DrakeNavarone: Thank you for your comments.
If you don't mind answering, could you point out what else I need to improve?You do have a lot of room for improvement, but that's hardly a negative.
The inconsistent art style annoyed me.
The bad ending annoyed me more. Peter sinks into depression because he misses the one chance to talk to the one person who can rescue him? How pathetic can you get? Why can't he find or make his own happiness?
Overall the story really failed to connect with me emotionally. Partly because it is so short, but mostly because the emotional impact of the events isn't shown. For example, why does Peter even care that his parents are getting divorced? Or rather, shouldn't he be glad that the fighting is going to stop?
But most of all, what annoyed was the horrible clichéd pun referenced by the title.
- Posts: 188
- Joined: Thu Oct 25, 2007 3:25 pm
- Projects: Speed Dater Evolution, The Magistrate
Yeaaaah, why ?For example, why does Peter even care that his parents are getting divorced?
Because... because... it's Chronic's story, not yours... You can imagine different endings and not necessarily think it's a flaw if they're not in the game...Why can't he find or make his own happiness?
I think it's a great appropriate and meaningful title.But most of all, what annoyed was the horrible clichéd pun referenced by the title.
http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewto ... =11&t=4916
- Posts: 342
- Joined: Wed Aug 13, 2008 4:55 pm
- Completed: That Cheap and Sacred Thing
- Location: California
Users browsing this forum: No registered users