Centicerise wrote: ↑
Mon Nov 05, 2018 6:39 pm
It's good you bring that up, because tenses were indeed a great point of contention when it came to finalizing the script. Fallstreak shifts quite a bit between tenses and writing style depending on the scene, since there are a wide variety of scenes that need to be approached differently. There are components where past tense is used exclusively, such as the more traditional storytelling sections (e.g. the doll story section at the beginning). Then there are components where present tense is used exclusively such as dynamic action scenes in order to facilitate a sense of engagement and immediacy.
I think it would be totally fine if sections of the story were written exclusively in past tense, and other sections exclusively in present tense. This would be very easy to read, and using different writing styles would help distinguish the different 'types' of scenes this story has (e.g. the doll story, the scenes in the 'Golden World', and scenes in the main character's daily life).
However, this isn't really the case.
In the scenes depicting the main character's daily life, the tense changes a lot, often for no reason (that I can see, at least).
I noticed that descriptions of characters' personalities/appearances are generally written in past tense, while most of their actions are in present tense... but this rule doesn't always hold true, and even if it did, it would be unnecessary.
It's perfectly possible to write descriptions of physical appearances/personalities in present tense, and doing this wouldn't affect the 'nuance' of the narrator's voice. It would only make everything feel more consistent.
This changing of tense also muddles the narrator's status. Having her describe everybody's appearances in the past tense, but their actions in present, makes it seem like she's constantly jumping backwards and forwards in time, which might not be the 'feeling' you want to communicate?
Because the tense of the story keeps switching, you even end up with several very awkward sentences that switch between tenses, which look like mistakes:
https://66.media.tumblr.com/d6ccf4ceb33 ... 2_1280.png
https://66.media.tumblr.com/0c0b9a35f2d ... 1_1280.png
https://66.media.tumblr.com/001599b20f7 ... 3_1280.png
https://66.media.tumblr.com/417d834310b ... 1_1280.png
I'm sorry if it seems I'm being pedantic about this, but I can be pretty picky when it comes to grammar.
I've read a lot of visual novels, and though several of them switch between different tenses/narrators/writing styles to convey their stories, they're usually easier to follow than this, with more logic behind them.