Umm.. I've played the game for bit.. :/
Okay first things first. This is my opinion and the experience I personally went through.
The writing, I kinda like it. The style, the way it was written was digestible. But the changes in the way the characters speak.. Sometimes they speak like millennials. Sometimes they try to speak like their century which I'm guessing is Victorian era? It's very odd and uncomfortable to me. Especially when
Linda said something like "We f***ed."
It does not fit the era they are in and it's just very very uncomfortable for me. There are better ways to word it. It's not elegant.
Also I don't understand why
Linda had to be a homewrecker? Very toxic, cringy, sounds like she need a therapist. Big time. At least, at the very least if she is that kind of person, at least make her seductive self actually attractive, elegantly attractive instead of sounding like a 15 year old in heat.
But that's just my opinion.
Boy oh boy..
Why? I don't understand the need. It sounds like you're trying hard to make the story as twisted as possible. Like a soap drama from tv. You can make the plot that way for sure and be good but the idea wasn't translated well.. It feels forced.. Like the story didn't run it's chaotic course by itself smoothly but instead the drama was put there just for the sake of being different or interesting? It's just.. Not good. To me it's just annoying like it was plastered there instead of the drama building up, and actually feel legits. It doesn't.
..what? There was no indication he was this type of person since the beginning at all. At least not that I know of. He could work but I thinm the writing didn't do the idea justice. Also I thinm Liz would be ae to sniff his lies from a miles away. I surely did when he tried ro apologize to her.
Oh boy.. Another "iM nOt LiKe tHe oThEr gIrLs" type.
She's not entirely unlikeable. Her character was consistent I think and that's good. You should always be consistent with the characters, don't make them act out of character just for the plot. Although her having that snappy, sassy, butchy attitude transition into the softer? Smart, strong girl was a bit wonky. This character could work tbh.
Bill or derby guy.. Seems to have lost his initial character. Completely. What happened to "everything bores me but this girl who's bitchy for no reason interests me." Completely lost and forgotten. His character is hella different now. That's not good. Inconsistent characters.
that's not to say his current character is unlikeable but I think he needed a better transition from an ass to mister nice guy. Because the initial character set a really different tone.
Dude.. Did I miss a week or something? They all just suddenly fall for other people all of a sudden. If they actually had chemistry within their few encounters, I can accept it but there's literally nothing much to make them suddenly fall for each other.
the more I read the story.. The more I feel like "sigh I'm so tired of this" I think the premise wasn't placed well.
Edit: near the end, or the time when derby showed the girls around his house is pleasant though. I quite like it.
I think a lot of other things could work if not for the sudden try-hard twists and drama. I'm not saying you can't write drama like soap drama or something, heck I would like to see that but the transition between dramas, between character changes weren't good.
That said, I love the art style, the -ahem- naughty CGs were pretty good. Especially making it to look attractive and errotic. I love how their hair look, soft and natural strokes of their hair. They kinda look chibi-like which I really like. Especially Liz and the blonde dude, Bill was it? Yeah.
I would like to see more from you tho. With improvements of course. Because the wording, how you write is good.