[Nanoreno2010] Penpals

Finished games are posted here, once they've been tested and are ready for wide release.
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NeumanProductions
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Posts: 46
Joined: Sun Feb 28, 2010 12:21 am
Completed: Penpals
Projects: Raven Falls; Zero no Tsukaima: A Familiar's Dilemma (Lost in Production))
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[Nanoreno2010] Penpals

#1 Post by NeumanProductions » Mon Apr 05, 2010 10:39 pm

*Edit*
I have finished with editing the original version of grammer and spelling mistakes that I found and by suggestion, I have removed the ** portions of this version for those who think they get in the way of the story. I might have to side with them on some of the ** comments but others I think make some of the humor possible. Anyways it is up now as (Penpals Version 1.1) but if you have already downloaded the Version 1.0 then I suggest you needn't bother redownloading as there is nothing new added. Just mistakes cleaned up.
Thank You for your cooperation.



I guess I am a few days late but better late then never I always say.

I originally came up with this idea in the early parts of March but didn’t get started with it until about the 12th. I ended up having planned on a March 31st release but with classes, tests, and labs I ended up losing about 10 days of work so most of the story was written in increments rather than spending a large amount of time per day to think.
This is officially my first realease and am happy on how it turned out. I used a premade character set made by Tsuine @ http://tomoko.denpa.org/ and the BGs were taken from various photographers and the music are all credited in the game. I would like thank those who created the material that made this VN possible and hope to work on more extensive projects in the future.
The music is not the best in terms of with the game but I did the best with what I had. I think the game could have done without it but some suggested otherwise.

About the game:

I don’t want to give away anything as it would immediately give away the surprise but I can say a few things on my background for the game.
  • A) Simple Facts- Approx. 11,000 words going the longest possible path, with 3 endings.

    B) Several of the statements that are made in the game actually have to do with events in my real life. So, this gave me an outlet to express those feeling and stories that I normally don’t express.

    C) Anything enclosed in ** are comments I make in-game to a situation at hand. It’s my own personal twist on VN almost like when there is a narrator who interacts with the story; kind of something like that. You’ll understand how it works after playing it. (only in original version, Warning: original has multiple errors)

    D) I have enjoyed the VN Katawa Shoujo and was actually the first one I played. I have been active on their forums and have started trying to get the word out by forming a facebook group and attempting work in other mediums by authority of 4LS. This game is no acceptation as I have included references to several of the Act 1 characters; see if you can find them all.
    • 1) Hanako
      2) Rin
      3) Emi
      4) Shizune
      5) Misha
      6) Lilly
      7) Hisao
      8) And yes, even Kenji
    Other references are made in the game as well so it will be more fun if you find those without a clue.
Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy what I have to offer now if you excuse me, it's back to the Katawa Shoujo forums for me.
Attachments
Penpals 1.1-linux-x86.tar.bz2
Version 1.1 for Linux
(33.27 MiB) Downloaded 350 times
Penpals 1.1-mac.zip
Version 1.1 for Mac
(37.11 MiB) Downloaded 392 times
Penpals 1.1-win32.zip
Version 1.1 for Windows
(33.98 MiB) Downloaded 7503 times
penpals-linux-x86.tar.bz2
Version 1.0 for Linux
(33.27 MiB) Downloaded 293 times
penpals-mac.zip
Version 1.0 for Mac
(37.1 MiB) Downloaded 209 times
penpals-win32.zip
Version 1.0 for Windows
(33.98 MiB) Downloaded 1313 times
Last edited by NeumanProductions on Sun Apr 11, 2010 7:40 pm, edited 2 times in total.
"Sometimes...when there's no one around...I only step on the darker ones..." ~Hanako (Katawa Shoujo by 4Leaf Studios)
You know, I sometimes still do that. :)
This Act 1 portion is what hooked me on VNs, so I like to promote them.
Anything I write I post here Deviant Art

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Ellume
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Re: [Nanoreno2010] Penpals

#2 Post by Ellume » Tue Apr 06, 2010 3:31 am

Thanks for making a VN, I enjoyed it :mrgreen:

I would recommend not having any text jump around. At the beginning where the text jumps up to offset the new text I found I reread it the first time thinking it was something new, then when it happened again I was cautiously looking to see if it was new or old, after a few times I recognized the pattern being used. All in all I prefer if the text I've read either stays in the same place, or it disappears. Otherwise it can be confusing. Likewise mid story when there was lots of text, it would shift the text up to make room. This isn't as much an issue in my mind, but I still like when the text isn't moving around, it's easier to read.

It was your comment at the end to give suggestions that influenced me to come post this here, first post on this forum.

I hope you continue to enjoy making VN, us invisible people that never post enjoy each one you guys make :)

gekiganwing
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Re: [Nanoreno2010] Penpals

#3 Post by gekiganwing » Thu Apr 08, 2010 7:25 pm

Welcome to the forum, Ellume. Hopefully you'll enjoy the Lemma Soft forum.

Now as for Penpals, I have positive and negative thoughts. Here are the positive ones:
I liked the portrayal of the main character as someone who'd drifted away from his friends and family. He didn't angst about it, but it was quite believable.

Overall, this was a sweet story. Not too long, not too short. The choices weren't obtuse or too obvious.
Some criticism:
First, the story would benefit from correcting spelling errors. If you need someone to review it for typos, then be sure to ask for assistance.

Second, I thought much of the humor fell flat. I think some of the jokes were too obvious... but at the moment, I'm not sure how I'd recommend fixing this.

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NeumanProductions
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Posts: 46
Joined: Sun Feb 28, 2010 12:21 am
Completed: Penpals
Projects: Raven Falls; Zero no Tsukaima: A Familiar's Dilemma (Lost in Production))
Organization: Justice Brothers
Location: Wisconsin
Contact:

Re: [Nanoreno2010] Penpals

#4 Post by NeumanProductions » Thu Apr 08, 2010 7:38 pm

gekiganwing wrote: Now as for Penpals, I have positive and negative thoughts.
Thanks for the input.
As I said before, several aspects of the story were to convey some actually aspects of my life. Not the main story but tidbits. So secretly you discovered a little about my life.
Also, I did rush the final project and didn't ask anyone read it over, I mostly wanted to get it done and move on to other things I have to deal with. More than likely, not my best idea but live and learn. On that note I also shortened the original length because I thought it was getting to drawn out so that might be why it seems rushed at times.
Plus, if you noticed my Katawa Shoujo references then I applaud you, that was one of my main focuses was incorporating those after having gotten 4LS's permission.

Anyway, thanks for the input. It really helps to make things better in the future. :wink:
"Sometimes...when there's no one around...I only step on the darker ones..." ~Hanako (Katawa Shoujo by 4Leaf Studios)
You know, I sometimes still do that. :)
This Act 1 portion is what hooked me on VNs, so I like to promote them.
Anything I write I post here Deviant Art

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