Right in Two

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Freelancer
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Right in Two

#1 Post by Freelancer » Sun Dec 05, 2010 7:00 pm

Alright! This is my first release.
Just a quick (Maybe 2-5 minutes at most) KN just to see if I could release something, and just to release something.
It's apparently 703 words long, and was made in 2 hours. (The Character art was giving me trouble)
It's an idea I've had for awhile.

The story is based on the song "Right in Two" by Tool.
The story is basically about three angels contemplating humans and their existence.

It is entirely based on the song and is not meant to have a religious message.

The art is all supplied free, by various third parties, all of which are credited at the end.

I apologize for the characters overlapping, and for the art in general. I shall fix it when I get proper art for it.

That being said, I hope I've done this right, and I hope you enjoy this short KN.

I have tested the Windows release, but as I only have access to windows computers, I am just placing my faith in the compiler.

If you have any problems, just tell me, I want to hear about them.
Attachments
Right in Two 1.0-mac.zip
The Bowling Pin release
(9.31 MiB) Downloaded 43 times
Right in Two 1.0-linux-x86.tar.bz2
The Straight Razor release
(5.78 MiB) Downloaded 28 times
Right in Two 1.0.zip
The Expensive Electric Razor release
(6.3 MiB) Downloaded 142 times
[WIP] Alex's Problem
It's my first VN so I'm excited. :D
Character, BG, and CG artists are filled
Right in Two has been released. Download it today!

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pkt
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Re: Right in Two

#2 Post by pkt » Sun Dec 05, 2010 7:08 pm

Woot for cross platform and a small DL...still yet to review though.

Edit...This was okay. The ending confused me though.
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gundestiny
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Re: Right in Two

#3 Post by gundestiny » Mon Dec 06, 2010 11:03 am

Hey, just played your KN and I'm happy to say I enjoyed it ^^
Good job for a short first release.

I only came across a couple of problems that you could work on for your next game:
1) Grammar - Some of the words were spelled incorrectly
2) Sentence structuring - I think some of the dialogue could flow better if commas and fullstops are positioned better

Also (this may just be my MAC) but for some reason the rollback was spazzing xD
Anyway, it only contained minor errors which can be easily fixed through thorough checking :D
Keep up the good work!

Edit: I was confused with the ending too until I read the credits xD
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Freelancer
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Posts: 137
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Completed: Right in Two
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Re: Right in Two

#4 Post by Freelancer » Mon Dec 06, 2010 4:25 pm

Yay! I'm really happy you enjoyed it.

My spelling always deteriorates when I'm excited, and my grammar was always poor. I will work on it, and will fix these issues when I update it with new artwork (And maybe music)

Ehh, I don't know why the rollback would be spazzing but, if any other mac user has this problem surely report it, and hopefully someone would know what it is and I could fix it.

Anyway, thank you again for giving my release a chance, and I'm overjoyed you enjoyed it.

EDIT: I've already fixed the spelling, and worked on the placement of commas and periods, but I won't release a new version till new art is made. (Kill 2 birds with one stone)
[WIP] Alex's Problem
It's my first VN so I'm excited. :D
Character, BG, and CG artists are filled
Right in Two has been released. Download it today!

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gundestiny
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Re: Right in Two

#5 Post by gundestiny » Mon Dec 06, 2010 8:34 pm

Great to hear :D
Goodluck with your next release!
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Esphirisa
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Re: Right in Two

#6 Post by Esphirisa » Tue Dec 07, 2010 10:52 pm

Well, pretty good job for your first KN. Good luck for the second version! The blend of different art styles did distract me a little, so I hope that you can solve that. The ending did confuse me, though. Perhaps I need to listen to the song to understand it...

Freelancer
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Re: Right in Two

#7 Post by Freelancer » Wed Dec 08, 2010 1:17 am

Thank you!
I plan to use 1 artist to make all three characters, so that should solve it.
Actually the end is part of a different song, 10,000 Days(Wings pt2) from the same album. I suppose it can be considered fan service...
Hmm...Maybe instead of just an update I should make a full remake fixing several things and clarifying several things.
Anyway, Thank you for giving my short story a chance!

EDIT:I decided not to do a full remake, and just update the art and fix the spelling and grammar.
[WIP] Alex's Problem
It's my first VN so I'm excited. :D
Character, BG, and CG artists are filled
Right in Two has been released. Download it today!

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